Okay, I know, I didn't update as quickly as I said I would. From this point on, I will attempt to update this story weekly until I finish it, while also updating Not Alone, Never Alone and The Reason why every few weeks. Once I finish this I will move on to Unlikely Suspects, then Suddenly Fragile.

I have now learned my lesson about starting too many multichapters at the same time. Sorry about that. This is kind of inspired by the guys' interview on Ellen, but it gets more focused on the story towards the end.

There is no little Kendall in this chapter, and I apologize. This fit, and there will be more Kendall cuteness next chapter.

I am not Scott Fellows and therefore sadly do not own Big Time Rush.

Please review.


The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. -Erma Bombeck


"What is the hardest part about being a father?" the interviewer asked the three guys in front of him. "I'm speaking to Logan mostly, but James, you can answer too."

Carlos laughed. "Trust me, we could all answer that question." When the reporter gave him a befuddled look, he continued."Well, I don't have kids, and James's daughter is really young, but we all still help out with little Kendall. She isn't any of our daughters biologically, but we take care of her like Kendall senior would have done for any of our kids. Jo works a lot, so we do the best we can."

The interviewer's eyes grow wider. "It's been ten years since a guy you were in a band with for five years died, and you still take care of his kid?"

James shook his head at the reporter's ignorance. She looked young, which meant she had probably never covered a Big Time Rush story. It was kind of sad that she hadn't thought to at least look them up before interviewing them on a news show run by a major television network.

"We didn't just become his friends through the band. We've known Kendall for years. He was, is, our brother. We lived together in Los Angeles, and we may as well have lived together in Minnesota, as I don't think we went more than a few days without seeing each other since we joined the same PeeWee hockey team at the age of six."

Logan finally spoke, after thinking for a moment to gather his thoughts.

"We will never be Kendall's father. None of us will, because that honor belongs to our best friend, and he deserves it. We won't ever let her, or anyone else, forget that. But she is our niece, and not only do we owe it to our best friend, but we love her. She is amazingly kind and a good friend and leader, just like her father was."

The reporter quickly wiped her eyes before restating her question. "So, what's tough about being a father? Or an uncle?"

Logan chuckled. "As you know, Camille and I have four kids. Francis is nine, Emma is eight, and the twins, Harper and Jessica, are five. Kendall is ten, almost eleven. Sometimes, I think, I forget the age differences between the kids, and put them together in a movie theater to watch the twins' latest favorite, or I put them together to see whatever Kendall and Francis have been raving about. Generally, I either end up with a bored Francis and Kendall throwing popcorn at each other, or the twins scared out of their minds. So, it's always important to know what each kid likes and wants to do."

James and Carlos had seen this happen, and they nodded. "It gets kind of crazy around our houses sometimes."

Carlos chuckled. "Yeah… The Red Cross has a bring-your-child to work day. And since I'm pretty much married to my work, have no children, and probably won't be having any any time soon, I took Kendall. It was perfectly fine until she accidentally sent out a video of me singing to myself as I worked to the entire office. She's a lot like her father in that respect – she has a habit of doing really funny, yet difficult to undo things that make a lot of people laugh totally accidentally."

James butted in. "Of course, like Carlos said, these things are generally impossible to fix without help from her Aunt Katie, who we still view as a goddess when it comes to fixing messes we get ourselves into. It's great that she still spends a lot of time with us. We actually all live on the same street in L.A. most of the time. In the winter though, we spend a lot of time in Minnesota."

The reporter smiled. "Doesn't it normally go the other way around?"

Logan was the first to reply. "What? Winter in Los Angeles, summer in Minnesota, avoid freezing our butts off year round?"

Carlos sighed. "It just isn't the same, visiting Minnesota when it isn't so cold you can get frostbite."

James, who had been kind of zoned out and primping in the small pocket mirror he still carried, jolted to attention. "The weather's great for my hair, too."

Carlos facepalmed, and the two began to tussle, while the harried reporter turned to Logan. "You seem to be the most responsible one of the group? Do you find yourself being a leader, or helping fix the others' messes?

Logan thought for a second. "Not… really… Kendall was always our leader, and I was always our "lets-make-sure-none-of-us-die person." So I guess, in a way, I had to step up and be a leader after he died, just because I was more prepared than James or Carlos. As to getting the out of messes, well, yes, I do. A lot more than I would like to, but I do, because they're my best friends."

The reporter laughed as Logan struggled to pull James and Carlos apart. "I think that's it for today. Thank you for your time."

They all paused in their scuffle to turn towards the camera. "Anytime. Bye!"


Outside of the studio, James and Carlos joked and laughed, while Logan hurriedly texted Camille to see how things were at home.

"Why do I get the feeling that that reporter only knew who I was?" James asked.

"Because you're a famous popstar, and Big Tim Rush ended ten years ago, and she was younger than we are." Logan sighed. "Besides, we haven't exactly done many group interviews or official appearances since Kendall died."

Carlos nodded. "Logan and I appear on the news solo all the time, with charity or medical stuff, but someone doing interviews for the entertainment segment is probably less than likely to be watching Logie's improvements on the artificial heart, or the latest actions of the Red Cross, unless they're watching footage of the disaster at the latest gala. I still can't believe that Tyler knocked the entire banquet table over."

They all chuckled at the memory as they walked into their shared hotel room. Being rich and well known, they certainly could have afforded much nicer, private rooms. But rooming together reminded them of the old days, so they did, as always.

Each commenced his own routine, not knowing that they were all going to do the same thing. Logan went off to a desk in one of the hotel sitting rooms and Carlos went to sit on the balcony, while James opted for a poolside chair.

Logan held his tongue between his teeth in concentration as he began to write.

Dear Kendall,

James, Carlos and I did an interview today, one of the first that we've done without you that wasn't specifically about your death.

It was kind of difficult, for a couple of reasons.

First, obviously, you weren't there, and we talked about you a lot, and about Kendall.

Secondly, we had to leave our kids and families and fly to New York for a few days, which was also difficult. I know we did it all the time when we were teenagers, for even longer, and I know that James does it, but I don't understand how. I miss everyone too much. And I know that Kendall and my kids will have to learn to get by without me eventually, but I'd rather them need me for now. Is that wrong?

Life's been nice recently, bro. We've all been pretty successful – Camille has had more acting jobs recently than I think she ever had when we were teenagers, and I really enjoy being a doctor. And though I hate doing this without your help, I've been okay.

The reporter was right. Without you, I do feel like I have to take care of everybody. I understand what you went through. I also understand why you never minded, because, crazy and loud and accident prone as they may be, they're a pretty amazing group to take care of.

Love, Logan

Carlos hadn't gone far, but was instead sitting on the balcony, putting his thoughts to words. He knew that he wasn't the best writer, and that the chance that his best friend would ever read any of these letters was slim to none, but he tried anyway, because, for some reason, writing to Kendall really helped him think through his day and relax and calm down when things didn't go as planned.

He chuckled at the thought that his conversations with Kendall were probably just as long now as they had been before Kendall's death. Kendall had never been one for long conversations, unless they were pep talks. And since Kendall couldn't give Carlos a pep talk in person, Carlos would just have to write to him. Some days, he felt like, after writing, Kendall had given him a pep talk, because all of his worries would evaporate.

As he thought this to himself he smiled, because he knew that he was pretty idealistic.

He centered his thoughts back on the task at hand and began writing.

Dear Kendall,

It was an interesting day this morning. We had an interview, with a really weird reporter who I don't think had heard of Big Time Rush. She was nice, though.

I just talked to Kendall Jr. on the phone. She said to tell all the guys hi for her. And I know that, when she said that, she wasn't thinking of you, but just so you know, I'm sure she'd say hi to you too. After all, you're still one of the guys, no matter the distance.

A random thought popped into my head this morning, and it's probably one of those things that you would've laughed at me about when we were kids, and tell me that it was silly and couldn't happen, while Logie would have butted in and said that animals, especially turtles, didn't have souls, but I just thought I'd ask. Have you seen Sparky up there?

If you have, let him know that I'm sorry that I didn't notice he was sick. It's just kind of hard to tell with a cold blooded reptile during winter.

Do you think I should start a family, Kendall? I mean, I know I would have to find a girl and stuff, but I've kind of shied away from dates for a long time. Maybe I should start looking. Or maybe not, because I think Kendall Jr. needs an uncle who doesn't have any other kids to split his time with.

Sorry for asking you all of this stuff in one letter. I know that I don't normally do that.

Love, Carlos

Down at the pool, James relaxed in the sun, a pen in his hand for whenever he figured out what he was going to say. He didn't write to Kendall too much, unless you considered every day a lot. And while his letters were often brief, they often turned out to be therapeutic, and helped him make decisions.

He grabbed his notepad, and furiously began writing.

Dear Kendall,

It was a pretty neat day today. Logie and Carlos and I went to an interview, one of the first group interviews we've done in a long time.

This is actually the longest time that has passed without any of us at home. I know it's taking a toll on Logan, who misses his kids and yours. I miss my little girl too, but I guess I'm a little more used to the whole leaving thing, since I still go on tour. Kelly tries to make Gustavo play nice and let me home every few weeks though, and she normally succeeds.

Anyway, I know that our families aren't home alone. You wouldn't let that happen.

Love, James

James finished scrawling his brief letter, and walked to the hotel gift shop, surprised to see Logan and Carlos there as well, each with an envelope in hand. They stared each other down before Logan finally asked "What's in the envelope?"

James and Carlos were quick to reply. "A… letter…" They murmured simultaneously.

They all, to their surprise, grabbed balloons and string. Without speaking to each other, but by now knowing what the others were doing, they each made their way to the roof, where they released their balloons, envelope and all. After they had watched them drift into the sunset, they found themselves in each others' arms, crying for the friend they all had thought they were done mourning.

They weren't really sure whether the tears were those of sadness or joy.

Logan decided that they were bittersweet.

Sorry for the complete lack of little Kendall in this. I wanted to show the guys' emotions, and the plotline I had regarding Kendall didn't really fit at the end of this chapter.

More Kendall cuteness is to come, but the more you review, the faster I'll post…

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Just please, review. I think I speak for every author on the site when I say that every review I receive makes me smile, and makes me want to get out more writing quickly.