A/N: This chapter was actually incredibly hard to write. I don't really know why because usually words come so easily to me, but I really struggled over this, and it probably sucks either way, but I hope you like it!
Perhaps we could get some reviews up in here?
Maybe?
Please! :)
-LetMeBeYourHero
Chapter Four
Castiel hated himself for putting that damn mark on Dean that hid him from angels. Even though Castiel felt like he didn't need his angelic abilities to find Dean because the feelings he had currently were strong enough to practically pinpoint him, the angel still wanted them to just...help.
Castiel would've taken any help at this point. It had felt like him and Sam had been searching for weeks looking for Dean, each place turning up empty and making the bad feeling originially in Castiel's stomach sink lower and lower. Sam was beside himself with worry, complaining about how every little thing bothered Dean and he should really learn to grow up, but Castiel was completely silent.
And lost.
They were stopped at a train crossing currently, Sam groaning about how it had to be the longest train in history, and Castiel stared at it slowly roll by.
He never liked trains; they were always smelly and noisy.
"Kinda like Sam, am I right?" Dean chuckled, hitting the steering wheel.
"Dean..." Castiel mumbled, seeing his face so clearly out the window, as if he was sitting just right there. Like the angel could reach out and feel his soft skin, run his fingers through the gentle locks...
"I'm not really here, Cas." Dean said, shrugging. "You're hallucinating pal."
"No...no you're right here, Dean." Cas croaked, his throat dangerously dry, scraping the pads of his fingers down the window pane in a desperate attempt to reach Dean.
"Cas...? Cas, you okay?" Sam asked hesitantly, but Castiel wasn't listening to him.
"Why'd you let me leave, Cas?" Dean asked softly, looking down. "Why'd you let me walk away? Are you even looking for me? Do you even care that I'm gone?"
"Of course I care!" Castiel cried, banging his fist against the window. "I care too much Dean! That's why I had to let you go!"
"Cas stop! You're going to break the window!" Sam's voice was getting louder, but it sounded muffled behind the sound of Castiel's blood pounding in his ears, straining to hear everything that Dean said.
"I don't believe you." Dean shook his head. "Why didn't you just tell me? Maybe I would've stayed...but it's too late now. I'm gone." His eyes met Castiel's. "Forever."
"No you're not!" Dean began to fade, and Castiel panicked. "I'm going to find you Dean!" Dean disappeared, but not before Castiel added a loud, "I love you!" and broke the car window.
Castiel burst out the car door and ran off into the night, leaving behind a bewildered Sam and a broken car. He was running parallel to the train, and he unfurled his wings, flying into the air.
"Can you take me flying one day?" Dean asked, his eyes sparkling.
Castiel looked down at Dean next to him on the bed. "I take you flying all the time when we go to Bobby's."
"I mean real flying, Cas. Like...slow flying. So I can really experience it."
Castiel looked down at his hands. "I...I don't know if I can."
Dean sat up, watching him. "Why?"
"Because you need to be very bonded with someone to experience something like that. It's a sensitive and unique part of being an angel; we can't just go around giving everyone free rides so they can just experience it." Castiel curled his fingers into a fist. "And...I've never done it before."
Dean raised an eyebrow. "You're not shy, are you?"
"Only around you, Dean."
There was a pause that made Castiel wonder if he said the wrong thing again. He did that a lot these days.
"Why's that?" Dean asked, his voice low.
Castiel shifted uncomfortably; he didn't like talking about the feelings he hardly understood. "I don't know, to be honest."
Dean nodded, laying his head on Castiel's lap. It was an odd touch, but it made warmth spread through the angel's body. A warmth he had been experiencing for a while now, where he wouldn't be able to look away from Dean, and get the itching desire to run his fingers through his hair and listen to the sound he makes.
Castiel did just that.
His breath drew in quickly.
Dean's hair was soft.
"What are you doing?" Dean asked, though he didn't seem that bothered by it.
"Go to sleep," Castiel replied in a hushed tone. Dean quickly obliged.
And watching Dean sleep, curled up into his side with his head so neatly set on his thigh, Castiel closed his eyes.
And he dreamed of Dean.
He dreamed of love.
Castiel would scour every point of the earth to find Dean, to wrap him in his arms and tell him what he should've told him back on the hood of the Impala.
That he, Castiel, the legendary angel, was in love with a human.
Was in love with Dean.
Castiel felt exhausted. Not just physically, but emotionally. He had pictured the entire time looking for Dean what Dean's reaction to Castiel's announcement would be, what his face would look like, what words he would utter out of those defined lips of his.
And not very many were a good reaction.
Even the good reactions weren't good reactions. They were more like, "Oh Cas, that's really sweet, but I don't want to ruin our friendship,", which was practically a knife in the chest as much as, "What the fuck?! Do I look gay or something?! You're such a fucking weirdo Cas. Just go."
That was the reaction Castiel expected the most.
The angel had a pretty good lead on Dean; he had interogated a sales clerk at a gas station and found that Dean had stopped there only to refuel, which was very odd of Dean. Usually he liked to pick up sweet treats for himself, Sam, and Castiel, though Castiel never ate his and Dean knew this, so he just ate extra for himself.
But the trail had run cold when apparently Dean seemed to just drive endlessly.
So now he was in a town, he didn't really care to know the name, and was dragging himself from motel to motel, using Dean's aliases to track him down along with the fake FBI badge Dean gave him, but no one recognized the names. Eventually, Castiel knew he had to pick a place to settle down or he was going to collapse.
Castiel never liked the motels the boys picked out. They were cheap and gross and uncomfortable. However, there was a nice hotel. It was a big unorthodox, but it would work for the night.
Castiel walked inside, to the woman behind the counter, and said tiredly, "One room for the night, please."
She stared at him, and it was then that Castiel realized he probably looked like a mess. He had been flying through blizzards and dingy motels that he more than likely looked like hell, as Dean always put it.
"Alright...what's the name of the room?"
Castiel had to think about the question; it was such an odd question. He knew she was asking his name, and ususally he would've made a remark, but he was just too drained to really care.
"Castiel," he said.
She typed into her computer and paused. "And a last name?"
Castiel hesitated. He knew the last names of all the different aliases that the boys used, but none came to mind right now. And if he used the name Winchester, Sam wouldn't be able to find him and Dean might see the name and run off again.
"Uh...Novak." It was the first name to pop into his head. He hoped Jimmy wouldn't mind.
She began typing again but paused once more. "There's a Novak already staying here. Are you two together?"
Castiel cocked his head to the side. Would Dean really use Jimmy's last name to hide so well from him and Sam? It was a clever idea...but why would he stay at a hotel? Questions kept popping into Castiel's mind, and suddenly he realized he had left the woman waiting impatiently.
"Yes," he blurted out, though his head was really screaming that the likelihood it was actually Dean was slim.
"Well, I'll let him know you're here," She said and picked up the phone.
"No!" Castiel yelled. Calling Dean would only alert to him that he was there, giving Dean plenty of time to escape. And calling a random person could raise suspicion and get him into trouble with the earth law. He needed a cover plan. "I...uh...I wanted to surprise...them. It's our...wedding night." Castiel hated lying, but it was the only good plan he could think of.
She stared at him, and for the longest time Castiel was certain she was going to call the room anyway, but instead she put down the phone and handed him a key, saying, "Please keep the antics down. Things tend to echo in this hotel."
Castiel nodded, confused as to what she was talking about, and took the key, going up to the room indicated on it via the stairs. He reached the door in what seemed like a matter of moments, and stood in front of it, staring at the wood, his hand raised to knock like normal humans do.
He knocked.
There was a shuffling of feet and the door opened.
The breath Castiel had been holding was released.
"Cas?"
A/N: I will seriously try to upload the next chapter as fast as possible! Maybe some reviews would help coax me?
