Here I am going to claim wild things like, if you don't review I'll really quit writing this story. Yeah, I know how shocking that is to the lot of you because you like *ME* SOOOO much that you think of me when you wake up first thing in the morning and then when you go to sleep.
I could go into long spouts about how homosexuality is a sin against God and The Bible and preach and troll some religious intolerance to get attention while claiming to spread "the word of God." Because we should all dress like Puritans in the summer with the high collars and of course we need to dress in wool in the summer... but I thought I would talk about restaurant types that don't really exist in Japan from lack of research and maybe warn you that I want to nick name all the characters things like "Endy" complain about statutory rape and call it a story.

But I can console myself by saying I CAN WRITE TITLES IN CAPS!! Because I sooo want your attention RIGHT NOW. PLEASE. BECAUSE I SUCK AT SUMMARIES!! BUT I SWEAR MY STORY DOESN'T SUCK. Because I know you'll all believe that.


Sel Finsert stumbled but soon spotted a blonde brushing her legs and muttering something in Japanese. "C'mon, Pluto said it was this dimension."

Sel Finsert ran forward towards the girl. Pluto... Sailor Uranus... surely this was salvation. An Aqua-haired girl stopped her and stared her down. She held up a sign. "Do not touch us."

Sel Finsert yelled in Japanese, "Why...?"

It took the other girls a while to respond, but they held up a sign in Japanese, "You are contagious. We don't want to be straight."

Sel Finsert had to admit the idea of her being victim to either becoming gay herself, or her idols becoming straight--or even worse, Haruka near Michiru's birthday becoming a man to be terrifying reasoning enough. Sel kept her distance and signaled for them to proceed towards the door. The two Sailors nodded their heads and ran through the door of this alternate dimension Crystal Palace first. Sel waited and then ran through the door after them.

But it was too late. By the time that Sel got through the door... she saw two figures like her idols standing in the next doorway. Sel tried to run, but it was too late.

"You should declare each other COUSINS," Amara said.

Sel shivered as she backed towards the doorway, but found herself trapped inside.

Sailor Uranus asked her to translate. Sel's voice choked it out. Sailor Uranus said, "Eh?"

"Get out of here!" Sel shouted in Japanese. But it was too late. It was the ultimate of the dub attacks. The censor attack.

Two people in suits showed up and tisked at Sailor Uranus.

"Hmm... Short skirt... We will have to change that. Let's make it long and make sure it sweeps the ground, can't show ankles, and skin color on those legs... must have stockings."

Sel Finsert scrambled forward toward Sailor Uranus forgetting the rules of this universe to save her from the censors.

A gloved hand grabbed her arm. "You can't save her now..."

Sel looked up at the ocean soldier.

"How many meals do you eat in a day?" one of the suited people asked in broken Japanese.

Sel covered her head.

"Three..." Sailor Uranus said.

"You eat too much. You can't eat too much. You'll send a message to our children than child obesity is alright. We need to bring down those diabetes numbers and you're going to help."

Sailor Uranus looked at Sailor Neptune for help. Sailor Neptune looked away. Sel cringed.

"Race car driving? Too dangerous. That's not a real job. How will the children think of this? A real job is where you're miserable all day locked in an office working for a Boss you don't like."

"And you should convert to Christianity... Do you believe in the Shinta Mojo? We can't have that... nope, nope."

Sailor Uranus held the back of her head as the censors poked at her.

"The humanity..." Sel said sinking her knees to the floor. In English she shouted at Amara, "You bastard."

The censors looked at Sel. Sel edited, "You person who did a very bad thing to my friend, I dislike how you handled yourself."

"She just had to call that person over there her cousin. It is a sin against the Bible for homosexuality to exist. Thus I must represent it the best I can. Right, Cousin Michelle."

"Right, Cousin Amara."

The two cousins came close to each other.

In Japanese Sailor Neptune asked, "Aren't they Lesbians...?"

Sel shook her head. "Cousins."

"Which side of the family?" Sailor Neptune asked in disgust.

"Does it matter?" Sel asked.

"C'mon Cousin Amara, finish them off. I have to like paint my nails and stuff."

Amara raised her arms in the air and called out, "World Censor."

Sailor Neptune leapt out of the way, but Sel was forced to duck. The attack hit the wall.

"What did I ever do to deserve this?" Sel cried out.

Sel reached into dimensional space and pulled out a copy of the Bible as her only defense. Before the censors could start she shoved the copy into the nearest censor's face. "Have you actually read the Bible in plain translated English, non-King James I version?"

The censor poofed into thin air.

Sel pulled out additional facts and information out of her secret Dues ex Machina secret place and shoved it into the various censor's faces.

"Neptune!" Sel called out.

Neptune jumped up in her heels and threw an attack at Michelle.

"Cousin!!" Michelle cried out.

Neptune attacked the censors next who called out, "Magic and violence is not suitable for young chil--" before disappearing into a puff of smoke.

Sailor Uranus took off her boot and threw it at Amara who tried to catch the boot. She launched a World Shaking before Sel could shout a cheer.

Amara and Michelle reached to touch each other's hands as they faded into the plot holes they had left behind. But Amara took back her hand and said, her voice echoing, "It would be so wrong, Cousin."

Michelle answered before she faded, "But it felt so right, Cousin."

Sel cheered.

"You two are the BEST. Have I not told you that?" Sel asked in Japanese.

Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune looked down at Sel. "It is dangerous from here. You should go home."

Sailor Uranus narrowed her eyes and carried that cool expression that Sel knew was not a good sign.

"But then, how am I supposed to get home?"

The hardened frown softened.

"Haruka, we have a mission. You can't be soft."

"She may be able to translate for us," Sailor Uranus said.

They whispered something to each other after that and then Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune nodded. They looked at Sel. Sel got up. They moved forward.

"Do not give us skin to skin contact. That action here is dangerous," Sailor Neptune called to Sel as they ran through the cleared corridor. Sel sighed a breath of relief. Maybe she was going to make it out of this strange grainy dimension alive. Maybe she could go home and relax to Japanese dramas... maybe--but the next thought was cut off. Sel covered her eyes and screamed on the top of her lungs. Hotaru, age 8 was doing WHAT?


Yes, yes... I did base this on the troll fic of this week seen yesterday. Yes, I do expect the author if they aren't a self-centered attention--no reverse that. I doubt the author will find the fic. Because Bible Thumping is more important than actually reading it... And yes, I read the Bible, so it's not an anti-Christian fic. King James with all the inserted witches (twice) and "The Message" version through Leviticus. (Which is the straight translated version.)

And yes, this is gratuitous amount of ANing... and while the fictional author may not like real feedback, with real criticisms called critiques, I don't mind and actually revise based on them. *gasp* I know... the concept of that is baffling.