A cool wind traverses the unfamiliar destination of an empty room making the feeling of desolation complete. Perhaps the room was once home to a pair of geniuses seeking outlets for their limitless creativity. Alas, not only is this unlikely, the room seems to have been abandoned for eons.
Latte: We're back!
Tapioca: We didn't update for like, days, does anyone still remember us?
Latte: Uh oh...what if they don't care anymore? How can we prove the we still-
Kanaya: Would Someone Care To Remind Me Why We Are Currently Engaged In The Purchasing Of Movies Revolving Around A Specific Actor So As To Deduct Fees From Our Comrades
John: it's the game Kanaya, that's how you play. don't you guys have some sort of monopoly on your troll planet or whatever?
Aradia: we refer t0 this activity as 'subtly implemented tyranny'. usually.
Feferi: Aww Rose I wanted to buy CITY OF ANG-ELS!
Rose: My sincerest apologies. It just went so nicely with the theme I've been collecting.
Sollux: why are we even playiing thii2 alchmiized ver2iion of the game anyway?
Eridan: i wwas wwonderin that too, this vversion is just culling me.
Jake: This is bloody preposterous the game is twice what it was once can't you see?
John: yeah, I think Vriska's idea to alchemize the monopoly game with her nic cage poster was one of the best combinations yet!
Jade: i think you guys watch too many movies... :(
Terezi: H3H3H3! T1M3 TO P4Y UP D4V3!
Dave: shit how do i always land on ghost rider
Terezi: 1 BOUGHT 1T KNOW1NG 1T'D B3 1R1S1T4BL3 TO YOU :]
Tavros: oK, i, uH THINK i GOT YOU THIS TIME, }:) tHAT WILL COME TO 500 BOONDOLLARS,,,
Vriska: Reeeeeeeeally? Oh noooooooo...Except w8. The movie theater you built fell on my unsuspecting piece! Don't you think that's just a hoooooooorible offence?
Tavros: uH, WHAT? bUT THE THEATER DIDN'T EVEN ACTUALLY MOVE YOU JUST,,,
Vriska: What an awful thing to do! I think I'll have to take compens8tion!
Tavros: wAIT, BUT, uH,,,
Too late, her dusky fingertips have already grasped 1000 boondollars from the troll boy's savings. Your heart dies a little as you watch the injustice...again.
Nepeta: oh nooo! i'm afurraid i have to go to jail...
Equius: No, don't be f001ish, you have merely misplaced yourself by entering the visitor's area. Simply % through you'll be fine.
Nepeta: oh...i s33! well, as long as i'm here, hi karkitty! :33
Karkat: WHY THE RAGING FUCK AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO WENT TO JAIL?
General commotion ensues. It sort of reminds of what would happen if the Homestuck cast started playing a domination game that was alchemized to be more fun and less boring.
Almost.
Tapioca: Alright, alright alright, enough of you guys! This is OUR time!
Latte: Exactly, who even said you could do anything while we were gone.
Andrew Hussie: *raises hand*
Tapioca: …
Latte: In that case...good one.
Tapioca: But now we gotta get down to business! Let us announce the sacred dare!
Latte: Indeed, it's from our very own Mattie Williams!
Tapioca: Don'tsaywhodon'tsaywhodon'tsaywhodon'tsaywho
Latte: Wait sorry, it's from Millennial Shatterstream.
Tapioca: MATTHIEU WHY DID YOU BETRAY ME?
Oh, I've been waiting for something like this *evil chuckle*
Beautiful day for ships, is it not?
I'm assuming you took ALL of the HS characters out, so...
Jack: Show Vriska your stabs! hard!
Vriska: Get stabbed by an all-to-willing Jack
Tavros: Slap bleeding Vriska. Hard.
Gamzee: go Sober! for the rest of the chapter, but by the powers of fangirls you cannot maim/seriously injure/kill anyone
Vriska: Kiss Aradia (because this wouldn't be good without hot makeouts)
Roxy: Be sober with Gamzee. Same rules apply
I HAVE FLUSH FOR YOU BOTH, AUTHORS, FOR DOING THIS. MAY DOC SCRATCH BLESS YOU BOTH.
peace off.
Latte: While Tapioca dematerializes in the corner, lets just get started. (She'll be back in a second, trust me.) Jack?
Jack Noir: *Appears behind her with a knife/sword at her throat*
Latte: Yeah that's nice, we'll get you anger management classes when hell freezes over and in the mean time you're actually allowed to go stab people. Especially Vriska, apparently.
Jack Noir: *Eagarly bounds away*
Latte: No killing anyone!
Tapioca: *Claps hand on Latte's shoulder* Great job, I think he really took the no killing people thing to heart.
Latte: Yes well, glad to see your sarcasm's still intact. When all else fails at least you can rely on lying ironically to get everyone's goats.
Tapioca: But that's just the thing. I already have. Them, I mean. The goats. Which reminds me, Dave weren't you gonna bleat like a goat ironically?
Dave: yeah well-
Jane: It may have escaped your 'vigilant' watch, but that psychopath has kind of started going...psycho.
Indeed, Jack has finished lightly scaring just about everyone in the room. Except Dad. That guy is fucking untouchable. Except when he's on a date.
Latte: Guess we better go into hero mode.
Tapioca: Pretty much. Lets roll!
They jump into action using creative narration to evacuate most of the characters from the scene. It is very creative. You are in awe.
Vriska: Ugh...this guy is soooooooo annoying! *She clutches at her wounded leg*
Jack Noir: *Darts forward to attack her, it looks like he's going for the neck*
Latte: *Bulgeblock x3* Lights out boy.
Tapioca: Kay Tav, we be needing you.
Tavros: wHAT FOR?
Latte: Nothing. You just need to slap her.
Tapioca: Hard.
Tavros: aRE YOU, uH, sURE THIS IS ADVISABLE?
Latte: Hell no, but a dare is a dare.
Tapioca: Besides! Aren't you mad at her for all the cheating she pulled on you in that game?
Tavros: wELL, ACTUALLY i GUESS i KIND OF GOT ADJUSTED TO BEING WITHOUT THE USE OF MY LEGS SO,,,
Tapioca: Not that grubslime, the game today!
Tavros: oH, UH,,,
Tapioca: Little help?
Latte: Here. *Takes Tavros's hand, slaps it across Vriska's face. Hard. She seems relatively unfazed, perhaps a bit irritated.*
Tapioca: Alright, enough with the violence! A~ra~di~a!
Aradia: yes
Tapioca: Would you mind kissing the princess? *Gestures to Vriska*
Aradia: I guess n0t
She walks calmly over and lifts Vriska's head slightly with a firm grip. Then she lowers her head and their lips meet, a gesture resembling a warlike dance. As tongues flick neatly behind concealed walls of gray tissue.
And it is seriously hot.
Latte: Sweet. Next! Gamzee, it seems.
Gamzee: sHiT wHaT's AlL uP aNd HaPpEnInG?
Tapioca: Well, we're gonna have to get creative here. Mind leaning down so I can whisper a spell?
Gamzee: sUrE sIs I'm AlWaYs Up AnD rEaDy FoR nEw MiRiClEs *He leans down so Tapioca can whisper some phrases into his ear*
Tapioca finishes her words and steps back. Gamzee stands there, as if frozen for a minute. Then he looks up. A childish smile isn't gracing his face anymore. His eyes are orange with the rage of a subjugglator.
Gamzee. WHAT. did you. JUST SAY MOTHERFUCKER?
Tapioca: Yeah anyway, your turn.
Latte: What did you say?
Tapioca: What else, icp lyrics.
Latte: Ah. Well, I'll go awake this one. *She walks over to where Roxy is sleeping, and has been sleeping for the past day after passing out. Latte promptly locks away all the alcohol knowing Roxy will awake with a massive hangover going a bit beyond 'cranky'.*
Dirk: You sure about this.
Latte: Not really, no.
Tapioca: But what the fuck ever! *Jostles Roxy awake*
Roxy: *blinks an eye open lazily.* whaaaaaaat
Latte: *watches intently* Err, hey there Roxy? Feeling alright?
Roxy: not really actually...
Tapioca: She's not misspelling, this is bad.
Roxy: *Rummages around for alcohol.* where did you put it
Latte: What on earth are you talking about...
Roxy: my jack daniels...tell me...where. did. you. take him?
Tapioca: Uh, the story is, he's gone and you're going to be sober now.
Roxy: you wouldnt like me sober
Gamzee: that's really motherfucking funny. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I TOLD MOTHERFUCKING EVERYBODY ELSE.
Roxy: oh reeeeeeaaaalllyyyyy? hehehe
Gamzee: heheh. HEHEH. honk. HONK.
There is like a dark motherfucking aura around the two of them, it's swirling black tendrils catch you and suck you into the dark carnival for a taste of cotton candy. You are not put off by the author's inability to write.
Latte: Shall we take our leave about now? There's a bomb shelter somewhere near infinitely far away.
Tapioca: Yup, lets go kids, we're getting a new home!
Karkat: WHY IN TAINT CHAFING FUCK DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?
Tapioca: It's hard be an author. One day you'll never understand. Alright, better close up!
Latte: Right! Our love to the reviewers and readers!
Tapioca: We're collecting your flush in this endless box! Donations are greatly appreciated, thanks to Shatterstream for the generous red rom! We'll take kismesism and moirailgence als-
Latte: Wait, wait, wait, that sounds really selfish.
Feferi: AND COND-ESC-ENDING! 38(
Tapioca: But...*holds endless box dejectedly.*
Latte: Next time we don't mention the box, kay?
Tapioca: Right...
Latte: With that, see you next time! And trust me we're so flushed for you too! ;)
It's a happy ending with the cast fleeing from their insane comrades and discovering the meaning of friendship.
Never take away what they love.
Good luck and catch ya next time!
:o)
