Author's Note: Oh my God, I really can't believe how many reviews this story has gotten... Damn, now I actually have to work on it. XD Thank you all so much!

Disclaimer: I don't own The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. Wish I did, so I could write fun stuff like this and make it canon...


Koizumi was just waiting for me to let my guard down. That was it. That was why he hadn't made his move already. The vulnerable uke first had to leave himself open. Then the seme would swoop in to take advantage of him!

I have to make it quite clear that I only knew this because Haruhi refused to turn off the yaoi. I was just in the room often enough to pick up on the terms and the basic plotline that all of it seemed to use.

Maybe I was just being paranoid. But no! If I dismissed it as paranoia, it would be just the opportunity for Koizumi to pull something. No, Koizumi was definitely up to something, undoubtedly under the influence of Haruhi's sick little mind.

Still, I had to be thankful that I wasn't directly affected. Asahina-san was as cute as ever, and I still wanted to slap that perfect smile off of Koizumi's face. Maybe it was because I was Haruhi's "chosen" or whatever everyone was trying to tell me before. I had never felt that the affections of a hyperactive psychopath were a blessing before, but now… Oh, come on, Haruhi would never turn me gay. And even if she did, she would soon go mad with jealously, lose her love of yaoi, add Koizumi to her hit list, and we would all be back to our usual abnormality.

I shared the last of my observations with Koizumi at lunch.

"I see…" he mused.

For the love of God, none of this "I see" business! It's starting to get really irritating…

"It's just that I don't think there's a real problem to solve. If it was going to affect us, it probably already would have… Now if you'll excuse me." He was more animated than I had probably ever seen him, making all sorts of meaningless gestures. His voice trembled a little. Even his glorious smile seemed tainted somehow. Either he was really even more worried about this than I was or my fears had been realized.

He got up to throw his soda can away, but tripped… over what? His fall just happened to be timed so that the entire weight of his body crashed into me, knocking me out of my chair. I found myself sprawled out on the ground with Koizumi on top me, staring passionately into my eyes.

"Oops, clumsy me…" He smirked. He stood and offered to help me up, an offer I kindly refused. He walked away without another word, although he was looking back at me as he left. Longingly? Then I noticed just where he was looking. He was staring at my ass.

That settled it for me. My fears had been realized.