Dr A Murakami: (Click, tape recording, day 21) "Why did you choose not to find out about the Death Note and how it works?"

Sayu Yagami: Well firstly it was classified information. But secondly and most importantly, at that time I didn't want to deal with the truth of it all. I'd convinced myself that if I didn't think about any of it, then I could go on pretending that it wasn't real. It kept me going for a while until a certain incident where I found out some gruesome information surfaced, and that's when I realised that it couldn't be ignored anymore.

Chapter 4: Looking Glass

Matsuda and I were both unable to stop ourselves from looking her up and down in mild surprise. She had short black hair with blue extensions that were two inches longer than her heal hair. Every few seconds she kept popping the bubblegum she furiously chewed on in quick bursts. Her outfit consisted of metallic leggings with a black belt and a gaudy gold buckle, a white sporty crop top and a PVC jacket in neon pink. She was quite a sight, not only because of her loud appearance, but also and more disconcerting was the restless baby she bounced on her side hip.

"Yeah what is it? Landlord gave me another two weeks to pay" she said popping her gum.

"Erm, no we're not here for any payment. Actually," I said looking at Matsuda who nodded his head at me, "We're here to see you. Are you Miss Akina Soo-Kim?"

"How do you know my name? Who are you people?" she said shaking her head confusedly.

"Erm, I don't know if you, erm, erm remember but-

"You signed up for financial help for families of Kira's victims from the Never Again Campaign's group," Matsuda chimed in seeing me hesitate.

"Well we, both of us, are that help. May we come in and speak to you?" he finished grabbing me by the shoulder and pulling me closer to make us look more like a credible team. I took his hint and smiled along with him. She gave us what look like a look of scepticism while taking a good while to make up her mind. But she looked at me the longest and although I had the instinct to look away, she nodded her head.

"Come inside" she said pointing inside with her head.

"Aww hello there, boy," cooed Matsuda in a high pitched voice at the baby boy on her hip, "Can I hold him?"

I exchanged bemused looks with the woman as she handed the little boy to a gleeful Matsuda as I smiled back awkwardly when we walked inside; I'd never been witness to Matsuda's nurturing side but I was well aware of his weirdo complex.

"So, that particular campaign was actually legit? I just thought it was some government prop to make the world believe that they're actually helping us. Just like all the hundred other ones." Dismissed the woman.

"So do you mind telling us which one of your loved ones was killed by Kira?" I asked.

She took a breath and threw herself onto the couch with Matsuda sitting beside her and bouncing the baby on his lap.

"Shinseki," she said staring out the window. I noticed her face lost its original spark. "He was a ruthless gangster, the type who'd been hardened by the streets. We both grew up one flight of stairs away from each other in this building housing immigrant families. Shinseki was born to foreign parents with few working rights, at least my parents were able to apply for my education funding because my mother's Japanese. Eventually Shinseki was recruited by the mob; they needed his outside contacts to South Asia. He joined the division of the Yakuza that dealt specifically with smuggling guns, traditional weapons and human trafficking," she said looking down, "he also roped me into it eventually using this place as a safe house."

She took a breath to swallow the lump in her throat. Matsuda stopped playing with her son to listen carefully to her.

"Then things took a turn for the worst when the Kira massacres began. I was there in Tokyo square that day all those years ago when the international police used a live news broadcast to trap and trick the new serial killer 'Kira' into revealing his location, which was in Kanto region no less, and used that death row criminal to find out that Kira can kill people without being close to them."

"Lind, L Taylor" whispered Matsuda shaking his head. I looked at him unknowing and afraid of what he was remembering and how it probably affected him.

"It was so scary; we didn't know what we were dealing with, someone with godlike powers of killing people in whatever manner without close contact in some voodoo book." she whispered. I could see her shuddering in fear and vulnerability. Matsuda curled his lip.

"After that, it was just pure hell. I begged him to leave the mob but he couldn't leave willingly, still then he was so unafraid of Kira like he was untouchable. I was done with him then, I told him that I wanted to leave him because-

"You thought Kira would kill you for being the accomplice of a criminal?" asked Matsuda in his police mindset.

"Yes but he...he just said no because he loved me, that I was nothing without him and he was my only source of income. During the first month of Kira, twelve of his fellow mob crew were killed by heart attacks, including one right here in this house. He'd broken out of jail and it was reported on the news that night, Shinseki forced me to hide him here in our apartment when he had the heart attack. I watched a man die right in front of my eyes and Shinseki did nothing. He would come over to the house with his maniacal friends to hide themselves, their sins and sometimes other people and I would completely refuse, but he would just beat me to keep me quiet. I couldn't stop him." she cried looking powerless.

"Why didn't you go to the police?" I asked exchanging regretful looks with Matsuda.

She looked insulted when darting her eyes at both of us. "The police? Are you joking? What would the Japanese police do for the penniless girlfriend of a foreign national mobster whose Korean father was still awaiting his status?"

Matsuda kept quiet. He didn't look away from her but couldn't look back at me.

"It was a miracle that Shinseki was able to stay off of Kira's radar for so long. But eventually he was caught and arrested. That was two years ago when I found out I was having his child. I was devastated that I had to bring up a child in that kind of environment."

"So how did it all end? How did you eventually find out about his death?" asked Matsuda.

"The police called his parents and then me. They'd told me that the prisons had started using aliases to prevent the unknown Kira from hacking into their files again to steal their information but somehow, the other Kira was able to find out the real names of every one of the new prisoners who came in that day. He was one of the first people killed by the other Kira, the original's proxy, the one with the glasses, we found out."

"Mikami Teru" said Matsuda supressing a shiver. He clenched his fists tight together and bowed his head. His whole body was shaking but the woman was looking away from us and rubbing her nose in her baby's cheek.

"How have you been able to support yourself since?" I asked.

"I have a job working at a hair salon in Shinjuku. My mother watches my son Yura here during the day; luckily my boss gives me weekends off to be with him but of course it means less income," she joked sarcastically.

"And one more question that I'd personally like to ask. Do you believe Kira is justice?" I asked nervously.

She thought about this for a second when she took her baby back into her arms and looked into his innocent eyes then turned back to look at Matsuda and I.

"Yes, I do." she responded with a definitive resolve.

Matsuda and I both looked at each other surprised; it wasn't the answer we were expecting.

"I've seen first-hand how the criminals on these streets run this city without any regard for others. Shinseki and his friends don't care about anyone as long as they get their way and jail wasn't any kind of punishment. He was a bully. It's better for me and Yura to be without a man who would only bring trouble to our doorstep. My child is safe and that's all I care about. Honestly speaking, for me and Yura, Kira may have done us a favour in the end."

I watched her cuddling the tiny boy lovingly in her arms. She really did seem content and relieved but I couldn't understand why. No way that the mass murders could've been a good thing.

"Well anyway, you signed that you'd like some financial help to pay for you son's schooling, that's all?"

"That's all I want." she said honestly.

"Okay. The Never Again Campaign will be in contact with you once we have a definitive amount of what they can give. Thanks for your time." I said while supervisor Matsuda filled in my mandatory hour's sheet.


Matsuda and I walked away from the area where Miss Akina lived and back downtown to Tokyo, and in the meantime, I couldn't help but mull over what she'd said. Matsuda must've noticed my pensive state because he broke my thoughts by taking my hand and steering me over to a corner shop barely noticeable in the quiet street. My eyes shot down at his hands in mine. How long had it been since my hand had been entwined with someone else's sweaty palms. The feeling was almost foreign to me. It felt comforting having someone else with me. Someone else who was finally in control.

"Let's get something to eat and distract us before you become the brooding antihero of your own story." he said giving a fake chuckle. I could see that he was still somehow affected by what was said today that conjured up memories of the investigation, and I knew that most people hid their pain by trying to make others laugh.

"Sorry for roping you into this Matsuda. I'm sure you just want to forget about all of it." I said sincerely.

"You didn't rope me into this; it's helping you anyway so I don't mind. I guess you and I are inextricably linked to our past and to each other. Just wait here." he said looking at me in fake indifference.

I regrettably untwined my fingers out of his grip as I waited for him outside a rather shady looking shop.

"Here's lunch" he said coming out and handing me a white box with two glass bottles. I peeped inside the box and looked back at him in surprise. "Doughnuts and beer?" I asked exasperated at the half dozen fried goods and alcohol.

Matsuda shrugged giving a smirk. "Wait, you've never had doughnuts and beer?" he asked looking outraged at my lack of living. I vehemently shook my head.

"Wha...you don't know what you've been missing. The bitterness of the beer combined with the sweetness of the doughnut is sheer bliss. Let me take you on a journey. Sit and experience. Let me change your life."

He sat down on the sidewalk looking like a vagrant with his scraggly hair. Once again his randomness caught me by surprise.

"Sit down," he said patting the spotlessly clean pavement next to him. I didn't even know what to do. I just sat down without any question.

"So I'm the only one who thinks it's weird to have doughnuts and drink alcohol in the middle of the day while sitting on some street pavement even when it's illegal to drink in public especially considering you're a cop?"

"Shhh, Sayu, just eat and enjoy, my goodness! Besides what do you think the tall hedges are for? Not to mention this quiet street corner. It's like the unspoken tradition here at this little joint."

I tasted it; admittedly it was a unique blend of tastes but nothing to cheer about. I just went along with Matsuda's fervour and pretended it was an amazing sensation as he was totally waiting for it.

"Ahhh, see, its sooo good." he said in a mouthful. I stared at him chewing on the quickly dissolving dessert in my mouth from the drink. He was enjoying himself too much at the ridiculous meal to be taken seriously. I couldn't stifle my chortle any longer and let it go. I shook my head and laughed at him.

"This is just so weird, you're weird as always! I guess not everything about you has changed"

He ran his fingers through his dishevelled black hair, wiping the smile off his face in the process.

"Actually I have; I don't know what I'm fighting for anymore. It's why I left the mainstream police for a softer position. It used to be pretty easy telling who the bad guys were. But now lines are blurred. I realised that everybody has a story and that the good guys aren't always that good. I mean you heard that woman, no one believes we police can protect them anymore and they're probably correct. A serial killer with misconstrued ideas about retribution does a better job of making people feel secure than we do, ironically."

"That woman only considered it from the perspective of her baby's future. It might've been justice for her but not for other people." I campaigned. We went quiet for an awkward moment before I struck up some courage to ask him. "So then how have you been dealing with stuff since the end of January two years ago?"

"I did everything I could think of to forget what happened. I tried therapy and even hypnosis can you believe. But I can't, I'm not supposed to forget any of it. That's how it should be." he said softly. I could see it in his eyes; how he'd lost a sense of himself. He was trying to re-evaluate who he was. Everything that happened hit us all with a heavy blow.

"Don't worry Matsuda; you're a good guy, as far as demoralised cops go. Even my dad knew that"

He gave a dismissive chortle. "Anyway, never mind about me, what about you? You used to be such a happy kid, so energetic with light in your eyes." he said giving a lacklustre attempt to humour me, but growing up with my brother I'd already gotten used to all the puns.

A silence fell between us while I mustered the courage to say the painful truth. I sighed. It was my turn.

"I'm still trying to figure things out myself. I've been continuing my varsity education in criminal law at a private college her in Tokyo before taking leave. Mom's not doing too well either. I think she may be slowly giving up on me and everything in general. She basically stopped talking since two years ago. Also because I left home for a long time"

"Well, you can't afford to let that happen. You have to take care of her; it's what your father would've expected. Even when you're in your darkest hour, you've got to find it in yourself to be her anchor, her reason for living, to see you prosper."

"But how? How can I be there for her if I can't be there for myself?"

He stared at my shiny eyes with a genuine smile of sympathy and pulled my head onto his shoulder. His bottom lip brushed my forehead and it sent a sudden and surprising flame through my body, I didn't know where it came from. I lifted my head to look closely at his eyes and he looked back at mine. I guess we'd gotten too comfortable.

"Let me walk you home." he said quietly and getting up. But I didn't want to leave; it was too comforting to be with someone else who felt the same disillusionment as I did.

"No need, I live in Yokohama, Kanagawa Prefecture in West Kanto now. It takes about fifty minutes to get there by train. Mom's the only one working now so we can't afford to live here in Tokyo."

"Oh, I wasn't aware that you and your mother left your childhood home." He said.

"Yeah, we were told to move for our own safety as well, so we don't continue to get targeted by the anti-Kira groups."

"Oh yeah I forgot about that"

"Lucky you..." I whispered.

He stopped to look at me.

"Sayu, I-

"Forget it" I dismissed with a wave of my hand.

"Before you go, I want to take you somewhere else. A park near here" he said to soften the sharp air between us. He'd held my hand once again. I tried to keep my face blank as he steered me away, but my hands and face felt warm in the stingy winter air. We stopped at a popular kids' playground. We both took in the joyous kids playing about innocently.

"Here we are, even though this is a kid's park. Sayu, I want you to remember this feeling. Standing here, both of us feel pretty shitty about our lives right now, but one day we're going to come back here and when we do, we're going to be bursting with joy and laughter without a care in the world just like these kids and remember this very moment and how far we've come. Until that time, we're not allowed to come here. Got it?" he asked. I nodded my head in his full command.

"Look at us. We're pathetic. But I guess it is a good strategy for motivation. I do envy these kids and the simplicity and carefree lives." I admitted.

"Yeah I know...drugs would be a quicker method though." he said simply.

"What the-Matsuda!" I smiled slightly.

"What? We happen to do a lot of confiscating at the police force so...I'm just kidding" he smiled back and nudging me with his elbow.

"Thanks Matsuda, I haven't had a laugh in a long time."

"Call me Touta, and I wasn't actually trying to make you laugh," he said but changed his mind after seeing my smile grow, "But I'm glad I did. It's been a while since I've seen a genuine smile. See you tomorrow."

"Can't wait Touta." I slipped out.

I got onto the train feeling somehow jolly and springy when waving at Matsuda who gave me a two finger salute from his temple, I already knew that I couldn't wait to see him again the next day. I breathed a sigh as an unanticipated smile appeared on my face. Why was I smiling? Why was I thinking about counting the hours until I saw Matsu-or Touta rather?

Using his first name felt so liberating or perhaps, naughty since it was uncultured to refer to seniors by first name. No, it felt naughty because my stomach was fluttering as I couldn't stop thinking about a man who was over ten years older than me who was my father's colleague. But I couldn't help it; today was the first time in a million years that I had received any kind of affection from someone else-it was a basic human need that no one could live healthily without and it was addictive.

I curled my lips to stop myself from beaming. It's not like he was a bad catch, I mean if only he were younger like I'd said before, if only he were younger. Wouldn't it be totes awkward if I dated my dad's colleague? Wait, was I thinking about dating now?

I couldn't believe it; amidst everything happening to me, I couldn't believe that I was actually totally and inappropriately falling in love with crazy weird Matsuda.


Again I felt my heart palpitating when seeing his familiar unkempt hair and sweet smile when we met together for the next family registered on the Never Again Campaign's psychological support group roster. The house was located in the affluent estate in Ginza were larger properties were completed with large wooden doors, high hedges and traditional Japanese gardens.

After ringing the doorbell, a round woman wearing an expensive mint green coat answered for us and once we explained who we were, ushered us into her palatial home and introduced herself as Hiromi and her daughter Hitomi sitting on the imperial looking furniture.

"We lost my mom's foreign boyfriend and my half-brother Kazuya," said daughter Hitomi giving her mother a vicious side eye of pure spite. "He was my half-brother, see we were fathered by two different men. First mom left my father then hooked up with Kazuya father, before taking his divorce money then she got herself a foreign boyfriend. Two children three men." she spat out quickly.

Hitomi seemed to mistake our visit with a venting session to expunge all her frustrations of her mother out, and I realised, to embarrass and humiliate her mother Hiromi-san.

"Watch your manners!" snapped her mother Hiromi.

"What? It's not my fault you can't keep your legs closed."

There was no time for me to react to the sheer disrespect when a loud clap smacked the air as Hiromi-chan's hand smoothed across her daughters face.

"Anyway," said Hitomi clutching her burning cheek mouth slightly agape. "My half-brother was found guilty for money laundering and corruption with a few higher up politicians. Next thing he dies of a heart attack as a healthy twenty seven year old. Fell off the roof of a building too...he was the only one in this family who got me. He didn't deserve that."

"And Mr Jeremy Fitzpatrick, the American man you were seeing?" asked Matsuda to the mother. From the corner of my eye, I noticed the daughter shift uncomfortably.

Hiromi-san didn't look like she was ever going to speak but her loudmouthed daughter took the initiative.

"We don't know why he was killed actually. He was just a Californian teaching English at Tokyo International prep school. "

"Really? You think he was killed for nothing? Because he died of an undue heart attack on the same day as your half-brother. Is it possible that they could've been working together on the money laundering and corruption? Also, many people were killed for rallying against or opposing Kira's ideals."

"No," she said sternly "He wouldn't do anything illegal or he'd risk revoking his working visa. Also he didn't know enough about Japan to get into any kind of anti-Kira political movements. He was just a humble teacher caught in the crossfire." she moaned sincerely speaking in his defence.

Her mother, Hiromi-chan was looking away, gazing hard and intently at the wall like I used to do. There was a moment's pause when Hiromi-chan began talking randomly.

"I have a friend," she began never taking her eyes off the opposite wall or blinking for that matter, "Who works at the biggest technology company here in Japan and one of the biggest and most well known in the world, so naturally she was a brilliant computer hacker."

The last line she'd said had stirred up a curious tension as to what she was going to say. I took a hard swallow as Matsuda stared her down. Her daughter Hitomi appeared to hold her breath.

"So, when my son Kazuya was taken away for his corporate crimes, I knew what would happen, I knew he would be killed by Kira," she said still never blinking and allowing a tear to slide down her cheek. Hitomi was stiff.

"Jeremy hadn't done any crimes of course but I gave his name and picture to my computer hacker friend to plant and forge his files in the prison records, making him look like he was a legitimate criminal. That way he would also be found by Kira..."

Hitomi gave an involuntary loud gasp and clapped her hands to cover her mouth in shock. Then the room when quieter than it was possible. We all stopped breathing. Hiromi-chan never looked up or at us but stared at the wall looking slightly dazed and teary eyed.

"You orchestrated his murder purposefully?" asked Matsuda in full cop mode and finally breaking the silence, after all it somewhat made her a criminal having placed a murderer in his path.

Hiromi-chan nodded her head.

"Why, if he did nothing wrong?" asked Matsuda.

"I never said he didn't do anything wrong," she said through clenched teeth finally looking up challengingly at Matsuda, eyes narrowed and staring from the brim of her eyes.

"I was vengeful when I gave him up to that psychopathic serial killer. What else was I supposed to do when I found out he, Jeremy, was sleeping with my daughter? What else was I supposed to do when checking the security footage and seeing Jeremy, my partner's head buried deep inside my slutty daughter's underwear-less skirt in my house. And that was only the first video. Your spoiled ass forgot that I had security cameras installed in the house Hitomi, and I know you made Kazuya promise never to tell me."

The choking atmosphere suddenly became unbreathable. Hitomi immediately stiffened and pushed her body back into the couch, she was shaking in embarrassment. Her mouth tried to move but a tear slipped through her eyelids never daring to look anyone's way. Matsuda and I exchanged wide eyed mouth agaped scandalised stares.

"He loved me and only me. He was the only one who ever loved me! Besides he was half your age!" Hitomi screamed at her mother.

"But he was still old enough to be your father!"

My mouth hung further open and I couldn't help but look over to Matsuda who clenched his mouth shut. I couldn't believe it; he was actually amused at all the drama unfolding.

"Yeah you would know, having gone through the gauntlet of men of all ages! Officer, she wilfully gave up an innocent man to a serial killer, shouldn't she be arrested?" asked daughter Hitomi.

"Not anymore, we can't arrest people for helping Kira anymore. The limitations date is past. If I'd found out about this when we were still making arrests after his exposure, then I would've done so"

"Pathetic! There is no such thing is justice! And you," she yelled pointing at her mother, "killing an innocent man out of jealousy and revenge, its' so like you!"

Hitomi stormed off into another area of the house leaving an awkward silence in her wake, made more awkward by Matsuda about to open the irreversible gates of shameless laughter. I didn't even know what the appropriate feeling was supposed to be.

"Hiromi-chan, erm, we will let you know about your evaluation and will make sure the Never Again Campaign provide you and your daughter with the appropriate counselling. Thank yo for your time" I said jumping up ready to leave.

The second we left all restraint of my community service supervisor burst out laughing.

"Matsuda! How can you laugh at them?"

"Both of those women are crazy narcissists. They both need to sort out their resentment for each other. And as for the unfortunate Jeremy fellow, he had it coming to him, messing with a gold digger and her bratty daughter. Ah man, what a laugh. This is one of the only times reality was better than TV."

I shook my head at him begging myself not to laugh. Clearly he'd taken the hints from the previous week and took the initiative to wrap his arm around my waist. It didn't go unappreciated by me; I loved it, it was the way in which he touched me. Ever so gentle but with grip, with purpose. I knew he liked doing that.

"I guess the whole Kira massacre penetrated every society in Japan. Both rich and poor were affected. I also think it might do those two good to get out of their own selves and join the support group of other families of Kira victims." I said.

Me and my trusted loyal partner or rather supervising officer Touta had gone through most of the people who I'd been assigned to for the Never Again Campaign and Touta had been counting the hours. One Saturday though we found ourselves at the home of a woman and her two children, one teenage girl and a young bedridden ailing boy in his pyjamas and connected to a breathing tube through his nose and her story was the kind I had hoped to avoid.

"These weren't just nameless faceless bloodthirsty criminals. They were people too. He was my everything, Kenichi." the woman told.

"So how did this all start?" I had asked her.

"My son has a chronic medical condition which requires expensive and extensive medical care. The pressure finally made my husband snap when our medical aid couldn't keep up with his healthcare bills. He was such a great father; I told our son that he's away on work. It's been two years, how will I keep up this lie?" she cried. "How will I tell him that his loving, faithful, honest father was taken away?"

"I just wish I could've had even a minute with the serial killer Kira and pleaded his case, made Kira realise that no matter how big or small a crime is...we are all sinners. All of us." her eldest daughter stroked her back as she wept.

"Are you being compensated for loss of income?" I choked in guilt.

"No. There was no way to prove that he was made to kill himself by Kira, but I know he was, he would never do this to himself. He would never shoot himself when wanting to return the handbag he'd stolen"

"How has that affected you financially?"

"I'm a housewife so he was the only source of income. My daughter Akiko here had to drop out of university and as I've said before my youngest son has a chronic condition and needs constant medical care. I can't let him die like this. We have no support, nothing; even the council has outcast us because they think my husband was a criminal. The worst thing about this is all of this mess was because of a handbag, a small stupid handbag that my husband was going to return in guilt."

"Thank you for your time, we'll be in touch." said Matsuda.

The minute I escaped from the house of the woman I fast walked up the suburban street as fast as I could. Matsuda quickened his pace to catch up to me.

"Sayu, Sayu, wait," he tried as he caught up to me. But I didn't want to see or speak to anyone; I lowered my head trying to hold back my stinging eyes. He caught my arm and spun me around but I couldn't look at him. I shook my head blinking away tears when he wrapped his frozen hands around me and pulled my head into his chest. I cried softly in his embrace.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." he whispered in my ears.

I'd never felt so powerless. "We have to helpthem Touta, please."

"We will. I think I may have known who her husband was. It was around the time Kira shifted his focus on people doing petty crimes, but she'll be okay."


The next week, I noticed that Matsuda was being uncharacteristically quiet and jumpy when I walked into his office and told him of the next family to visit which I was surprised had signed on for the campaign's psychological support group. It was just what I had been hoping for.

"This is going to my most challenging situation yet but I'm so ready to make amends and understand why Yuko Takada hates me so much. I'm itching to know how she was affected by all this. Let's go" I said walking out of his office.

"Just wait" he said taking my arm and gently pulling me back.

"What is it Matsuda?" I asked. He looked above my head at the door of his office deep in thought. I could see from the disturbed look in his eyes that he knew something particularly important about this case. The secret to why Yuko hated me so.

"Matsuda-

"Listen Sayu, I don't think we should be approaching the Takada family" he said bluntly.

"Why? What is it that you know?"

He just shook his head at me and bit his bottom lip apprehensively. "It's complicated, very complicated in this case and I've been sworn to secrecy. It's no wonder you don't know, you said you stopped watching the news."

I walked straight up to him sitting on his desk and stared straight into his onyx eyes. Somewhere underneath my belly, a couple of butterflies were released being this close to him.

"In this situation, I can't be the naïve little girl who needs to be protected from detrimental information with this family. Yuko hates me too much for me to ignore her. " I whispered.

He tried to break away from my gaze but I kept his head fixated on me. Finally he caved.

"That girl Yuko, she had an older sister," he began to which I nodded in acknowledgement having heard her name mentioned by Yuko that day I'd assaulted her.

"Kiyomi or something like that?" I asked to which he nodded.

"Well, she erm, not only was she a Kira supporter but she was his spokesperson."

"What? Spokesperson? For what?" I gasped.

"Two years ago when she was still alive working as a news anchor, she decided to be the spokesperson for Kira. On one of our assignments she even acted as our go between to communicate with Kira's proxy because she was the only person who had access to him."

My mouth hung wide open the entire time he talked.

"The thing is, she was in cahoots with both Kira's and during our investigation we found out that she'd even killed someone using a piece of the Death Note. In the end she was both a victim and a perpetrator. Now don't tell anyone this, its highly classified information"

"But if she was on the news then shouldn't everyone know?" I asked.

"They know that she was a spokesperson for Kira but nothing else. Not even her family knows that she was involved too."

"I'm confused... why? Why would she do that?"

It took Matsuda a few seconds to think about his definitive answer.

"She was in love with him. Your brother. They'd dated in college and she must've found out about who he was and later decided to join him because she still had feelings for him, not to mention Takada had a strong conviction for Kira's ideals."

"Then how did she die if she was working with-them?"

Matsuda walked over to his shelf and took out a file of old newspaper clippings then took one out for me, slapping it on his desk. I read the headline.

'Beloved news anchor dies in fire after kidnapping'

I studied the picture of the woman on the left; she looked just like Yuko but with short dark pixie hair and dazzling eyes. But the picture to the right was absolutely horrifying. It showed a delivery truck nestled inside the corridor of what looked like an abandoned derelict church. Every exit of the broken building had plumes of fire raging out of it.

"My God, she was caught in this" I breathed.

Matsuda dared look me in the eyes. I could see the bubbling of something ominous in his lit up eyes. His fire was burning him inside.

"Our forensic investigation team along with the fire department found that the truck hadn't crashed and burst into flames as news media reported. It spontaneously combusted. Two bodies were found in the blaze, hers and a mobster who had kidnapped her-

-The same man who kidnapped me?"

He didn't answer.

"He'd died of a heart attack prior to the fire. Also before the fire, I remember your brother talking to kiyomi on the phone like he was having an everyday conversation while lying to us at the same time. He manipulated her, took advantage of her love for him! Bastard." he spat.

Matsuda pinched the bridge of his nose and scrunched up his eyes, shaking his head looking sickened and haunted. As for me, my filtering process was working overtime. I just couldn't believe that someone I had known my whole life as a role model and big brother could commit to the highest level of cruelty and torture. No, it was an accident; the truck had burst into flames on impact when it crashed into the church, that's it. It had to be.

"You're wrong. He couldn't've done this! He's not a demon. It wasn't him!" I continued shaking my head in denial of the damning accusations when Matsuda cupped my head to speak to me.

"Listen Sayu, I know what you're going through because I went through it too. But it only makes moving on more difficult. The sooner and the quicker you come to acceptance that your brother was a sick murderer; the easier it will be to move on-

"Shut up Matsuda, you don't know him; I've known him my whole life whereas you'd only known him for a few years. He's not like this, he is selfless, hardworking, has empathy for other people!" I yelled.

"But he was also a self-righteous, heartless, narcissist with an overwhelming superiority complex, he was just too good at hiding that side of himself from us, and he had the textbook symptoms of psychopathic behaviour!" he yelled back, "And who is he? That's another mechanism you're using to keep yourself in denial by not saying his name! You're refusing to acknowledge in your mind that Light Yagami was, is Kira-

My hands flew to my ears as I tried backing away and making a run for it but Matsuda pulled my arms away from my ears and stared me down holding me tightly.

"Sayu honey, I know what you're going through; it was identified by my therapist in me too. Cognitive dissonance. The reason you don't want to accept all this is because it conflicts with the happy and proud ideas of your brother and that somehow acceptance of him being psychopathic serial killer with no regard for human life will mean that you have to let go of all those good guy ideals you have of him." he cried with the dark circles under his eyes more pronounced.

"No, please let go of me!" I cried.

"You have to accept how evil he was! He mercilessly brought your father to his death, my mentor Souichiro his own father, your father." he hammered while shaking me with his eyes slightly bulging mad.

I screamed and screwed my eyes up under his attack.

When he let go of me, fearing that he might attract the attention of other officers, I seized the opportunity to escape from him and his truth.