Okay so thanks for bearing with me and here is the prize for it. FYI, I had a great time on my holiday, thanks for the well-wishes. Also thanks for the reviews.

shax616, I'll do what I can, but I can't guarentee anything. alexandranyc01, hope this settles your withdrawals.

Just a quick explanation of this chapter. Every now and then, there will be a chapter in the POV of a different character to try and explain the story through their eyes. Other than that, every other chapter will be from third person POV. In this chapter, there are several flashbacks written in italics, so just be aware of that. Hopefully, it's not too hard to understand and it flows well.


JJ's POV


I was desperate to get home. My car keys had been in my hand since I locked my office door. I thanked my years of training and motherhood to be able to juggle files, a travel mug, my bag and my coat on the elevator ride down to the garage, and all the while thinking about something that had nothing to do with what I was carrying. The doors 'ding' as they open, and it's like my mind is instantly transported back to this morning, when I left the house.

"I'm not going to come home to a three year old who has been left home alone all day because I'm having hallucinations about my girlfriend, right?" I asked, one hand on my hip and the other holding a travel mug.

"I will be here. We will both be here. Now, go to work." Emily pressed her lips to mine and basically pushed me out the door with Henry in her arms.

As I quicken my pace up the slight ramp to my car, my car key digs into my hand painfully and I can't help but smile as the memory repeats through my mind. It helps to relieve some of the stress, but not much. With one hand, I aimlessly search for the unlock button on my set of keys. When the alarm beeps, it knocks the images of Emily and Henry waving goodbye from my mind, and all of the stress is back again. Impatiently, I screech out of the parking lot, stopping only to show my ID to the gate personnel. Within minutes I was speeding away from the FBI and towards home.

The day had been too long and the drive home was only making it longer. Traffic was backed up on the highway and I couldn't help but let my mind wander back to the events of my hectic time at work. As I finally reached the exit I needed, I began to sift through my thoughts, dividing them into categories; what I would need to talk to Emily about, the important stuff; and the normal day-to-day stuff, like a chat in the break room, a chance for a coffee. Garcia had pretty much cornered me in my office and asked why I was glowing. I was so close to slipping up.

I got out of the elevator on the BAU floor with the six other people. Apparently the fourth floor was popular this morning. After adjusting the shoulder strap of my bag, I took a right down the hallway instead of going straight for the bullpen for a refill. I could see Morgan already there, getting his own. Even though nothing could break my spirit this morning, I didn't want to have to face him and his accusations. Seems like I should have come in earlier this morning, because Garcia was heading my way with her usual chirpy expression. Besides my three year old, she was the only person I knew who could be this cheery, this early.

"Hey Jayje."

"Morning, Garcia," I said, trying to keep my voice neutral. I kept walking, hoping she didn't notice. But no one can fool the all-knowing, all-seeing omniscient one.

"Stop right there, Gumdrop!" She doubled back, and I paused in unlocking my office door. In typical Garcia fashion, she took one look at my face. "Why are you glowing?"

Instantly my back straightened and I knew she had already busted me. "I'm not glowing." Finally, the lock gave and I pushed my way into my office.

"You are. My girl is glowing. Plus she looks exhausted. Did you get some last night?"

Thankfully my back was turned and she couldn't see me blushing, because I had immediately thought of Emily and everything we had done the night before. "I didn't get any. Henry came home. It was nice to spend some time with him."

"You are so lying." There was a grin on her face.

I had to force myself to steel over and become the State Department JJ they had all come to know and not so much like. I hated lying to them. Especially Garcia. I faced her as I took my seat. "No I'm not."

"Jayje, you can't hide anything from me?" she smiled.

"I-," I paused. I had been about to say 'I hid Emily from you for over nine months.' I caved. "You're right, I can't hide anything."

"I knew it! So give me details." Garcia sat down and I felt so guilty. "This is a big step in moving on from Emily."

"And this conversation is now over. I have work to do. There is an unusually large pile of folders sitting on my desk."

She looked dejected and realised her mistake of mentioning my 'dead' girlfriend. "Jayje-"

"Garcia. Please," I was practically begging her to leave. My bubbly friend nodded and took my travel mug, offering to get me a refill. As soon as she was gone, my head was in my shaking hands. I spoke quietly to myself. "Please let this be over soon."

Office buildings and University lecture halls melted away, turning into large houses with white picket fences and mini-vans in the driveway. Front yards and gardens were covered in snow, and footpaths and garden walkways had been shovelled by teenagers looking for some money over the weekend. Now I was on autopilot as I entered my neighbourhood, navigating the roads easily. My mind drifted away from the simple task of my familiar route.

Garcia hadn't been my only reminder of the brunette. Morgan was still on my back about why I didn't talk about Emily and who I had gotten some with when I went for a coffee in the break room. Then Strauss walked in with a more pissed off expression than I had ever seen. Unexpected meeting after meeting with Strauss and Hotch, and officials from the State Department; piles upon piles of folders and forms and reports, most of which had been blacked out. Now there was a chance Hotch and I were going to be facing disciplinary action for treason. Emily was definitely going to be reprimanded.

It was moving on towards lunch and my back was starting to hurt from being hunched over all morning. I was getting rather hungry, having been shut in my office for most of the morning reading through file after file of horrific crime scenes, organising them in some kind of order for Hotch. I stood and stretched, and felt my back pop. I could see Garcia further down the hall, on the other side of the bullpen doors, staring at Emily's photograph yet again. I offered her a small smile and disappeared into the break room. Morgan followed me moments later.

"So a little birdie told me you got your groove on last night," he smirked wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

I couldn't help but smile. It felt so natural to be joking about sex with Morgan. I remembered him giving Emily quite a bit of crap over a hickey one time. "Sure it wasn't a little technical analyst?"

He scoffed at me. "So it is true?"

"Yeah it's true," I sighed, rubbing a hand over my face.

"So are you going to give me any details? What was her name? Wait, please don't tell me that it was Will."

'Emily,' I thought. "Hell no. Garcia didn't get any details, you are not getting any."

"Does this mean you're moving on from Emily?"

I scratched my head. He always had to be blunt with his questions. What was it with people thinking I was moving on? Oh yeah. They all think that she's dead. Fuck my life. "Nope."

"JJ, hanging on to her like this isn't healthy. Think about how this could affect Henry." His expression became one of worry. Mine became one of anger.

"So grieving for my dead girlfriend isn't healthy?" I had to whisper that first part. No one outside of the team knew and it wasn't exactly allowed within the FBI. "No, Derek, you know what's not healthy? Keeping a growing folder on the man who killed her in your desk. You think that none of us know about it. You're more obsessed than it about I am-"

"Agent Jareau!" I turned away from him, the anger in my eyes fading, turning to fear. Strauss was standing in the doorway, holding one heavy glass door open. She sounded pissed. The Dragon Lady had reared its ugly head. "You and Agent Hotchner. My. Office. Now."

The entire bullpen was watching me watch Strauss as she walked away. Rossi's head came out from his office. Garcia was watching from where she had been standing. Hotch's blinds were open, and his door was ajar. I could see his pen drop and his head hang. He had heard Strauss's outburst. Maybe my spirit will break before the day is through.

I could see the living room lights on as I pulled into the driveway. It was late, maybe Henry would be asleep. A hyper three-year old was not something I was ready for, especially considering the conversation I had to have with Emily. It had seemed that when she had come back, the weight was lifted. Turns out that it was only temporary, now all of the weight was back on my shoulders.

I sighed heavily before pushing open my front door. I could hear the TV playing one of Henry's Transformers DVD's, and the soft thudding dishes in a sink full of hot water. My usual pile of files and my bag dropped to the dining table, my coat landing next to them. After taking my shoes off and leaving them by the table, I headed for the kitchen and found Emily hunched over the sink, wrist deep in hot water

"Well, well, someone might think that I've domesticated you," I joked, folding my arms and leaning against the doorway. She jumped slightly, unaware that I had even entered the house. "Since when do you the dishes?"

She sighed softly and chuckled. "In the words of Jennifer Jareau, 'it can be therapeutic'." I smiled. "Well, that and Henry and I made a mess today when he helped me make spaghetti for dinner."

My smile dropped and an eyebrow rose as I walked over to kiss her hello. "How much of a mess?" Emily pointed towards the roof with one soapy hand. She let the water drain as I tilted my head back to look up. In the corner, there was a piece noodle covered in sauce stuck to the ceiling. "Do I want to know how he did that?"

"Probably, but I don't have an answer for you. How was work?"

She dried her hands and they landed on my hips, pulling me closer for a hug. I mumbled into her shoulder. "Don't get me started."

"That good, huh?"

"It was the best day ever," I remarked sarcastically. "Where's Henry?"

"Asleep on the couch. He wanted his kiss from his mama before bed. And if he doesn't get it, he'll be very mad. I told him he could sleep on the couch till you got home."

I sighed and nodded. Emily's hands drifted up and down my back, trying to calm me. I was too comfortable, I didn't want to move. She hadn't lost the touch to put Henry to sleep, and she most definitely hadn't lost her ability to calm me down instantaneously.

"We need to have a talk," I whispered. For a brief second, I felt Emily tense and then relax again. I pulled back slightly to try and read her expression, but I was stopped by a pair of lips on mine, Emily's tongue requesting entrance into my mouth to seek out my tongue. I had been caught off guard so it didn't take long of her tongue on mine to leave me breathless, forcing me to pull back. I rested my forehead against hers. "And kissing me like that, will not get you out of it."

"Damn it!" She joked. "Okay. How about you put him to bed, and I'll reheat your dinner. You look hungry."

"Okay," I agreed, moving from her arms to the lounge.

I peered over the back of the three seater couch to see Henry there, fast asleep and oblivious to the rest of the world. My little boy was sprawled out on the couch, half-covered by his worn security blanket and a teddy bear at his side. Coming around the piece of furniture, I paused his DVD and brushed some hair from his face. "Henry, wake up little man. Hi."

"Mama," he said, sluggishly. His eyes were full of sleep and I could see a slight glare, at the thought of being woken up. He was worse than Emily on a day off.

"Hey, buddy." I picked him up, cradling him in my arms. Instinctively, he snuggled into me. I could see Emily poking her head through the doorway and smiling at us. I smiled back. Standing up, I adjusted him in my arms and began the process of walking up stairs to his room. "Let's get you to bed. Did you have fun with Emmy today?"

He nodded into my shoulder. I was whispering at this point, and Henry was pretty much asleep again. His night light was already on when I walked into his room, his covers pulled back too. It was obvious that he had conned Emily into letting him stay up. I smiled at him when he asked for his kiss. A quick Eskimo kiss and one to his forehead, and Henry was out like a light.

I had to get out of my skirt, so I closed Henry's door halfway and ducked into my bedroom seeking out a pair of sweats and some socks. I didn't bother changing my shirt. It was Emily's; one of my favourite. The moment I was changed, I was heading back downstairs. I found Emily relaxing on the couch in place of Henry, a hot bowl of spaghetti and a glass of wine sitting on the coffee table next to a handful of crayons and paper. I had to get those files before I sat down or I wouldn't get up to get them later.

I took my time retrieving the files from the dining room, mentally preparing myself for the conversation I was about to have with Emily. When I re-entered the lounge, the files in my hands, I could feel her watching me. Before dropping onto the couch, I lift her feet and place them in my lap once I was comfortable. "Tough day huh?"

"Oh yeah."

"Spill it," she demanded, her hand finding mine over her thigh. I reached for the wine glass and swallowed most of it in one gulp.

I took a deep breath and jumped into the explanation of the conversations I had with Garcia and Morgan earlier. As I described the event, I could see Emily becoming emotion at the thought of Morgan giving me a hard time, and researching Doyle. It wasn't his fight, not to mention the guy was dead.

"They're gonna be so pissed when they find out," she said. I looked up from my spaghetti, the fork halfway on its trip to my mouth.

"They'll get over it." I thought hard as I chewed my last bite of my dinner.

"So what is this talk we need to have?" Emily looked grim.

"I have a nine am meeting with Hotch, Strauss, the FBI Director, the Deputy Director, the Attorney General, the US Marshall who was responsible for you when you were recovering and two representatives from the State Department including my former superior, most of whom want an explanation. Or more like the FBI wants an explanation for why you went rogue and why your death was faked. The State Department reps are only going to be there to keep a lid on all the details."

"Okay, so I just...stay home with Henry tomorrow and wait for your call?"

I smiled at her hopefulness. "No. You don't get to play hooky with the kid tomorrow. You have to be there because it also involves your possible reinstatement into the FBI. If that is granted, and you'll probably be faced with disciplinary actions for going rogue, not to mention the psych eval's, and the marksmanship test, the physicals. On top of that, the team still has to be told, and I have no idea how we're going to manage that."

"All of this is happening tomorrow?" Emily asked, suddenly panicked. I couldn't blame her. If I was in her position I would probably be freaking out too. I don't think she had expected the confrontation with the team to be so soon.

"Yeah. Blame the Dragon Lady. She was pushing for it all to happen so fast. She got onto the director and now he's very curious. The State Department contacted her for a meeting, and then Hotch and I got cornered. She demanded to know why they were asking about you."

I was sitting across from a very pissed off Erin Strauss, pretty close to pissing my pants. She could be scary when she wanted to be, especially since she had the power to fire us on the spot. Hotch was next to me with his usual stoic expression. We both knew what it was about. Emily's apparent death.

"I have just received a call from Agent Jareau's former superior at the State Department. He has requested a meeting regarding Emily Prentiss." We both remained silent. I had to admit that even Hotch seemed a little scared. "Why are they asking about a dead agent?"

Hotch simply turned to me. "Have you talked to anyone at the State Department at it?"

"Yeah, my superior gave me a call on Saturday. Said I could explain the very basics when asked, but there would be a meeting sometime this week."

"Then you can answer her question."

I nodded. Strauss yelled. "What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Emily Prentiss isn't dead."

She had been leaning over her desk, looming over the two of sitting there as we discussed the issue right in front of her. When I put the whole situation simply, she was taken aback at my sudden confidence and had to take her seat. "What do you mean? She was buried with honour from the FBI."

"The body was a Jane Doe. A look-a-like. If you were to exhume the body, DNA wouldn't match."

"And exactly where has she been this entire time?" Strauss's eyes narrowed. I gulped.

"I'm afraid that neither of us can tell you, ma'am. I was her case handler up until the point where I returned to the BAU. Even when I was with the State Department, it was completely dark. No contact." My mind strayed to the phone calls I had received. "I was told there would be a meeting sometime this week."

Strauss glared at us. "Nine am tomorrow. I have been told to tell you that, Agent Jareau, you need to make sure that Miss Prentiss is there."

I sank in my seat momentarily. Hotch looked at me. He hadn't known that Emily had physically come back and was at my house. Apparently the State Department did, though.

"Now get out of my office!"

We hurried out of the office, and Hotch brushed me off the moment we got the bullpen doors, before turning around angrily. He had been in on the whole thing from the beginning, struggled with the secret almost as much as I had.

"Why did you tell me she was back? Did I not deserve to know?" he seethed. I had never seen Hotch this angry, not even when Haley had died.

"Was it too much to ask to just have a few days with her? Before the shit really hit the fan?" I snapped back. Several people were looking. "If you could have Haley back for just a few days before you had to face reality, wouldn't you take it?"

He looked stunned and stood there in silence. He was still hard to read. Surprisingly, Hotch crossed his arms and nodded before heading back to his office. I fetched my now cold coffee from the break room and hid away in my office. The last time I had been called directly into Strauss's office was just before I left for the State Department. Garcia shot me a worried look through my window. I shut my blinds.

"On top of that, I was in an out of meetings for the rest of the day State Department officials going over some details. If the team wasn't suspicious before, they definitely are now." Emily was pacing as I finished recounting the day to her. Habit had kicked in, and she was fiddling with her fingernails. When she walked by me again, my hand snapped out and grabbed hers. She refused to meet my eyes as I looked up at her. I could tell what she was thinking. "Everything is going to be fine. It's all going to work out. Emily."

Her head finally snapped up to meet my gaze. "I'm screwed, Jay! I'm probably only going to get reinstated so the disciplinary action will stick. They can't punish a dead woman, not to mention charges against an FBI agent won't stick if said agent is now a civilian."

"They will understand. You just need to explain your side of the story, starting from the beginning and they will understand. The most that will happen is probably a demotion. Baby. It's going to be fine." I wasn't doing anything to calm her down. If anything, I was just making it worse. I stood up from my seat to take her head in my hands. "Emily, look at me. You did what you had to do. And the Attorney General backed you up. The State Department backed you up. They will understand."

"In Strauss's eyes I'm a traitor."

"Yes, that's true but she doesn't know the whole story. You were given what you needed to complete the job. Ian Doyle is no longer a threat to anyone."

Emily sunk from my arms to the couch defeated, her eyes focussing on her hands and the carpet. "How's it all going to happen?"

I dropped to my knees in front of her, reclaiming her hands. "Meeting tomorrow. Basically you just need to explain what happened. Then the Director will make the decision about your reinstatement. When you are, you'll have to face a disciplinary hearing to determine the charges and the appropriate actions. If you don't get fired," I tried to joke. There was a small smile. "Then comes the psych eval's, the physical, marksmanship test."

"What about the team?"

"Let's just see what happens tomorrow."

"I can sense a 'but' there."

I was hesitant to continue, but the longer we waited, the worse the explosion was going to be when we told them. "But, it would be better to tell them sooner rather than later now that you're home."

Neither of us spoke for a few minutes. The tension between us grew and Emily refused to meet my gaze until I lowered myself to find her deep brown eyes. "Emily, I'm not going to push you to tell them, but their reactions are only gonna be worse the longer we wait. They deserve to know. Hell, we still have to tell your parents."

"Okay," Emily snapped. I couldn't blame her. Almost instantly, she recoiled. "Sorry. Tomorrow. If we don't tell tomorrow, I'm not going to be able to."

"It's okay. I'll make sure we have the briefing room tomorrow afternoon. I don't know how long these meetings are gonna go. Baby, it's all going to over soon."

Emily finally looked up on her own. She had tears in her eyes and her chin was trembling. I had only ever seen her cry twice. When her friend Matthew had died. It was just after midnight and snowing outside when she knocked on my door, dried blood under her nose. She broke that night and told me everything. The second time was when I had to say goodbye to her in the hospital. I think it might have had more to do with the pain she was in, but she was still crying.

"I'm scared, Jay," she whispered.

I didn't know what to say, how to respond. The only thing I could do was raise myself to the couch and pull her into a warm hug. I lost track of how long we were sitting there on the couch, with my arms wrapped around her. At first I couldn't help but cry with Emily. When she hurt, I hurt. When she was happy, so was I. Right now Emily was scared.

"Me too."


Be easy please. I'm out of practice. Enjoy