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Uchiha Vs Haruno

The violin played a soft dreamy melody soothing for the ear. The atmosphere surreal as Japan's finest restaurant serves the best cuisine and numerous delicacies know to man kind even fitting those of exotic taste buds.

"I can't believe that Uchiha blown up my baby!!" Sakura forked her steak grudgingly with enough force to crook the fork before slicing it, all the while picturing Sasuke's head on the platter.

"Thanks for inviting me to dinner at this place" Temari chewed her lobster.

"It's nothing…piece of cake"

"Yeah a piece of extremely expensive cake" Temari nodded.

"How can he blow up my car after all I have done for him?!"

"You are right, he is a basta-"

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!! I MEAN I TOTALLY EMBARRASE HIM IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE SCHOOL!!"

"Okay…maybe that's why he-"

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT!! THAT CAR WORTH MORE THAN YOUR ENTIRE HOUSE PLUS YOUR PARENTS ACCOUNT PUT TOGETHER!!"

"Y-yeah he is a jerk for overreac-"

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT! I PROBABLY DESTROY HIS PRIDE!! AND PRIDE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN A MANS LIFE!!"

"Okay!! Whose side are you on again?"

"No idea…AHH!! I'm just so frustrated!!"

"That's obvious if not crazy" "Sakura…I'm pretty sure the steak's hack up enough already" Temari glance at Sakura's pile of shredded stuff.

"Hey isn't that Sasuke over there with Ino" Temari look pass Sakura's pink head.

"Where?!" Sakura eyed with rage.

"…"

"That damn jerk sure move on fast!

"…"

"How can Ino go out with him when she knows I've dumped him?"

"Isn't that the point?"

"NO!! Nobody date guys that I've dump!!"

"…"

"Guys that I've dumped must die alone for they are jerks!!"

"Scary…"

"Come on! I want to hear what he is saying"

"I don't th-" Sakura had already left the table leaving Temari to reluctantly catch up.


"God must be in a good mood when he made you, for you resembled nothing earth has ever laid eyes on" Sasuke cooed handing the menu back to the waiter clad in black and white.

"Thanks…This place is lovely"

Hiding behind some plantation Sakura and Temari could hear everything the demigod utter.

"Yeah you resemble nothing because you are so damn ugly!!" Sakura cursed

"Stop being absurd about this whole thing"

"Uh…What's absurd?"

"Ridiculous…"

"I'm NOT being abstain!"

"Absurd…"

"Whatever!"

"Anything for a cherub like you" Ino blush feverishly taking small sips of her juice. Sasuke's hand snaked up Ino's tight causing her to gasp in surprise spilling a little of her drink.

"What's a cherub?" Sakura look at Temari in wonder

"Seraph…"

"Uh…English?"

"Angel…"

"Oh…"

"…"

"That damn Uchiha…keep your hand to yourself bastard!" Sakura cursed under her breath.

Their date goes on as normal with Sasuke complimenting the entire time making Ino blush so bad she almost topple over her juice. Much to Sakura's dismay she didn't.

Temari finds it harder and harder to keep their hiding place a secret with Sakura's constant snide remarks and insults.

"I hope she chokes to death"


"Ino…"

"Y-yes?" Ino almost jump out of her skin as she did not realize Sasuke had moved so close to her.

His warm breath gentle brushes her face.

"You are indeed stunning"

Sasuke shut their distance and soon their lips lock in what started out as a soft passionate kiss to almost violent and erotic at the same time. Their tongue entangle in a battle for dominance as Ino twisted her slender finger tightly on Sasuke's obsidian locks. They broke apart panting, their breath mixed.

Temari have to literally pin Sakura down almost toppling the entire potted plant in the process which would be an improvement seeing as it will crash at least one of the kisser.

"Sasuke…you bastard"

"You are one hell of a kisser"

"I know"

"I love you"

"I know you do sweet"

Ino smile to herself. She has heard stories and knows what is to come next.

"Ino dear…Nothing ever happen tonight…This date never happen" Sasuke whisper only for her to hear.

"I know…So I've heard from others"

"Do you regret it?"

"…"

"For agreeing to this date"

"No…for a guy who blown up that stuck-up-pink- headed-brainless-trash car…you are okay"

"Ah…did I blow the car up now hmm?"

"I can go home myself"

"Hn"

Ino stood up pecking Sasuke gentle on the forehead before leaving.

"Guess lies spoken by a lover are just as sweet…As again… Sasuke just boost up my popularity…Hell yeah now I am know as the girl who replace Sakura though I'm not the girlfriend…life is great!!"

Sasuke leans indolently waiting for the bill smirks in victory.

"For a second there I thought Sakura is really going to crash me with the damn plant"

Mental image of Frankenstein Sakura with messy unruly hair let down like his brother's except that it was pink, accompanied by bulky muscles all over and being 7 feet tall with male anatomy lifting a 30 ton potted plant over his head popped out. "DIE!! You little shit!!"

"Okay…now that's just plain creepy"

Sakura sat kneeling behind the potted plant with malice prominent in her blazing emerald orb.

"Ino!! You ruin my plan!! Sasuke isn't supposed to have a good time!! He is supposed to come to me with tail between both legs, begging me to take him in which I WON'T"

"Sakura…"

"Sakura…Sakura…you are so damn predictable" Sasuke smiling sardonically handed a stack of hundred to the waiter without looking at the bill.


Smirking Sasuke make his way to Konoha Bank.

"Uchiha Sasuke" he said slipping a fifty to the assistant.

"This way please…he is already here" she smiles showing the way. Reaching a barred gate she pulls out a key opening the lock to reveal a beautiful male in it's reside.

"You may use this room as long as you like" she shuts them both inside and left.

"Madara…"

"My share…"

"Yes…" Sasuke glides to his safe deposit box pulling out a key to release its inner content. Placing the safe on the table he takes out 3 rolls of hundred dollar bill.

"Your share…" Sasuke smile as Madara slips it into his ebony trench coat.

"This also includes the car bombing ne?"

"Yes… now where is the stuff I ask for?"

"Here…" Madara trust a white packet of heroin to Sasuke.

"…"

"You sure spend a lot for revenge"


Next Morning…

"Sakura… why are we in an empty class room?" Ino asked suspiciously.

"Well you see Ino… I happen to notice you with Sasuke" Sakura move closer her fist balled up.

"You must have mistaken than" Ino backed to the wall, panic rising. "Oh damn…this is bad"

"Really?"

"W- why do you care anyway? You are not with him anymore" Ino pointed out.

"Why? WHY! You crazy witch!" Sakura shriek striking Ino across the face.

"Sa…"

"You slut!" Sakura strike her again. She kneed Ino in the gut causing her to double over to the floor crashing into a few empty desks.

COUGH! COUGH!

"Die! Just die!" Sakura repeatedly kick Ino in the abdomen even when she curled up into a ball in pain.

Ino's hand clutches her abdomen attempting to reduce the injury. Bending down Sakura took a fist full of Ino's blond locks twisting them. She pulls it harshly so that Ino will be facing her.

"You are off the cheerleading squad" Sakura hissed slamming Ino's head to the ground one last time before leaving.

Tears cascade down Ino's cheek as she curls up into a ball on the floor. Her entire body hurts to no end. Blood trickle down her cracked lips, bruises starting to form on her battered form. She grips either side of her locks in anger.

"Bitch…"

"Okay class…here are your chicks" Asuma pat a large box on his desk.

"…"

Okay the girls please come forward to take them… for your partners…You will start by naming it, I want a report on its development by end of the month"

With Sasuke and Sakura

Chip…chip…chip…chip….

The little yellow fluff ball looked at Sasuke curiously.

"You name it"

"Why me?" Sakura glare daggers at Sasuke"

"Fine…Chicky than"

"That's horrible"

"I don't see you having a better idea"

"…"

"Clucky will do?"

"No"

"If you are so creative why you don't tell than"

"William Leonardo Picasso Kandinsky"

"What!"

"I want my baby to be proud of his name"

"It's a chick…"

"It's our baby!" "We are not even married!"

"Shut up!"

"You don't even know if it's a male"

Chip…chip…chip…chip….

SLAM!

Sakura stood up in anger. "How can you say that to our kid?"

"It's a chick!"

"It's our boy!"

"Oh yeah I can see its similarity with you…you re both annoying!"

With Naruto and Temari

"Hey Naruto…what do you want to name it?"

"Hmm…Ha! I know! I have a great idea!"

"Something that does not include Ramen I hope"

"Err…"

"Uh huh…"

"Okay I have another great idea than!"

"Please don't name it Naruto"

"Okay…err…I'm out of ideas"

"…"

"What say you?"

"How about we name it Itachi?"

"Hmm…okay"

Chip…chip…chip…chip…

"Hello Itachi" Temari pat the little fluff ball.

" Itachi..Itachi…do you want ramen dattebayo?"

"He doesn't eat ramen"

"Oh…well that sucks dattebayo"

"…"

"Hey Sasuke!" Naruto calls over to the fighting pair.

"What! I'm busy!"

"What did you name yours?"

"Apparently...Sakura named it something I can't remember"

"Its William Leonardo Picasso Kandinsky!" Sakura slams the table in annoyance.

"Yeah that…"

"Ours is named ITACHI!!"

Sasuke's heart skips a bit.

"Wh- what!" "They couldn't know right that that nerd in my brother? Why of all name that name?"

"Temari suggested it…cool yeah dattebayo"

"…"

"Hey Sasuke…you okay? You don't look so good"


Kisame walks down the hall with Itachi to their biology class.

"Itachi, I suggest you run now"

"Why?"

"Your brother is coming this way and he looks like he mean business" Itachi look up from his book to see a fuming Sasuke coming his way.

"Weasel!" Sasuke boomed.

"Shit…Kisame..."

"GO!" Kisame snatch the stack of books from Itachi.

Itachi bolted down the hall with Sasuke on his tail. Sasuke usually beats him worst when he comes after him alone.

"Weasel! You are just making things worst for yourself" Sasuke yell down the empty hall.

"Damn…Dead end" Itachi stared in disbelief.

"You are dead unless you answer me truthfully…do we understand each other?" Sasuke grabs Itachi's collar pinning him to the wall.

"Yes…"

"Good…"

"…"

"Now have you ever met a girl name Temari?"

"…"

"Answer it and don't lie"

"Yes"

"Next question" Sasuke's grip tighten as he tried to keep his voice from shaking. "What is your relationship with her?"

"Nothing, just friends I guess"

"Meaning?"

"She only talked to me once"

"Does she know we are related?"

"No…" Itachi looked away sadly. He now knows what this conversation is about. Sasuke is afraid that people will know they are related, a fact that hurts Itachi more than any beating Sasuke ever inflict on him.

"Otou…"

"Don't call me that" Sasuke threaten.

"Sorry…"

"Too late" Sasuke grab a fist full of those long obsidian locks twisting them.

"Sasuke…"

"Itachi, let me show you your favorite place" Sasuke smirk

"W-what?"

Sasuke turn Itachi around as he pulls open the door beside them.

"Enjoy…" Sasuke pushes Itachi into the dark narrow room and locks the door with a click.

"Sasuke! Don't do this! Sasuke" Itachi pulls the knob as hard as he could but to no avail.

Left and right the room is drape with old dusty metallic shelf. Cobwebs hung themselves from ceiling, walls and covering the old musty broken furniture.

"Let me out!! Let me OUT!!" Itachi bangs the door.

Cold sweat cascade down his temple as his heart race as though a marathon. Adrenaline pumps in his veins as tears cascade down his cheek. Why would Sasuke do this to him when he clearly knows that he have extreme case of claustrophobia?

Itachi slides down the door hugging his shaky body.

The memories of hell flooded in though try as he might to block it out.

FLASHBACK

A 6 year old Itachi sat quietly doing his homework in a hurry trying to finish it before his parents got home. If they saw him writing with his left hand again he would have hell to pay.

"Itachi!" shriek his mother from the hallway.

Timidly Itachi looked up from his book to the enrage women.

"Mom?"

"You demon child! You are a disgrace!"

She stomps up to him while he tried to make a break for it. He couldn't bare being whip again. His teachers have been asking him why he comes to school ribbon with so many slash marks and bruises. His excuse is running out.

"You ungrateful child!"

His mother caught him by the arm dragging him down the corridor.

"Please I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Itachi cried the harder.

His mother ignores all his pleas throwing him into a dark narrow store room and locks the door.

"Mom! I'm sorry!!"

Itachi was locked inside for almost three days without food or water. On the third night the door creak open slightly revealing his little brother.

"Otouto…?" Itachi said weakly; too weak to even lift his head.

"Aniki…I brought you something to eat…mommy and daddy are sleeping" Sasuke puts down a plate full of dango and a big glass of water.

End flashback

"Itachi…you in there?" came a familiar voice.

"Kisame?!" Itachi sobbed.

"Okay calm down…I'll get you out" Kisame said.

He had gone in search for Itachi when he saw Sasuke coming back in less than 5 minute without Itachi. It's too short of a time for Sasuke to beat Itachi up and get back.

"Hurry up…"

"Damn…Sasuke took the key for this door" "I'll go get someone to open it okay?"

NO!"

"Itachi…" "No! I don't care if you take hours just don't leave me!"


"I know I promise about dissecting roaches today but it seems my entire crate full of them has disappeared" Asuma explain.

"Yeah…I bet it mutated and sprouted legs un" Deidara rolled his eyes.

"Seriously this time I really did order your experiments"

"Now what was it that happen to our 32 experiment before this un?... OH YEAH!!...they were stolen by missing nins, they sprouted wings, a cat nin took it, a bird stole it, than…."

"OKAY!! SHUT UP GAY KID!! I CAN HEAR YOU"

"…"

"I like it better when you do something useful with that big mouth of yours other than talk!"

"Ummmm"

"OTHER THAN KISSING RED!!

I'm too sexy for my love, Too sexy for my love, Love's going to leave me, I'm too sexy for my shirt, Too sexy for my shirt, So sexy it hurts

"Opps sorry un" Deidara pulls out his Nokia 6282. "Yeah un?"

"Deidara get Sasori and come help me get Itachi out of the store room" came Kisame's voice.

"How did he…" "Just come!"


"You better be sure about this Sakura because girl… this thing isn't a few ounces" Temari pants heaves a large crate down flights of stairs with Karin, both struggling to keep up with the oh-so-pink-smart-beautiful-Miss because I say so-I am Goddess Venus-The Head of the Cheerleader-I just got my nails made-BASTARD.

HISS…HISS….

Just as predicted…everyone had gone leaving the hair fetish demigod alone in the locker room, showering after PE. Well not that they have PE…Gai is still out for SASUKE KNOWS WHAT REASON.

"Are there snakes in there?"

"Here we are...Wow I'm exhausted"

"Yeah… exhausted from walking down the stairs carrying a 250ml bottle and a video camera that must have weight a ton" Temari rolled her eyes as both Karin and her open the large crate ready to tip its heavy content.

"Where did you find whatever that's in there?"

HISS…HISS…

In The Guy's Locker Room…

CREAK…the opening of door

Tud…Tud…Tud….

HISS…HISS…

"Just go…I can take care of myself" Sasuke groped blindly for his conditioner.

Hair is the number one most important thing in his life. If someone was to threaten him with a knife to dye his hair or take his life he would be in the world greatest dilemma. NOBODY TOUCHES THE HAIR.

1 hour 45 minutes later…when his skin started pruning up…

Sasuke came out of the shower with a towel wrap around his waist. He wipes the steam off the titan mirror hanging in the room. Sasuke's eye widen to the size of a saucer plate if that was even possible.

"NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOO!!" Sasuke grip his now spiky bubble gum green locks.

Unfortunately for Sasuke that isn't all that's installed for him. Something is crawling up his bare leg. Higher and higher up his thigh… Looking down…

HISSS…HISSSS…

"HOLY SHIT!! WAH!! AHHHH!!"

Sasuke jumps 5 feet off the ground swapping aggressively at a dozen cockroaches clinging to his leg and discarding his infested towel in the process.

The entire room is infested with at least 10 thousand Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches.

"HOLY SHIT!! SHIT!! OHMIGOSH!!"

From the corner of his eyes he could perceive that even his garments lying on the bench were infested.

HISS…HISS…HISS….

So what do you do when you are in a nightmare that you can't get up? And to top it all with the cherry…your reputation is at stake.


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