I'm so sorry its taken me forever to update this story. I knew this was going to be a hard chapter to write and it took me a while to get my thoughts together for it. Actually, its been done for a few days, but with my busy life, I didn't have a moment to proofread it again until today. Blame my friend Autumn and her husband Gene. They needed my truck to help them move from their apartment to their new house.
The Normal Stuff: The Twilight series and its characters are the property of Stephenie Meyers. Check out and support the stories and authors on my fave list, especially Stormy Bella and twilightgurl22. Review and let me know what you think.
To the Three Amigos. Love you guys. Mostly to everyone that reviewed the last chapter... Thank you and this chapter is for you guys.
EclipseoftheTwilightMoon
Chapter 4: Truly Heartbroken
When I woke up I turned to see that Edward was no longer with me. I actually found it rather odd since watching me wake up was one of his favorite things to do. Looking around the room, I saw no sign that he was actually there. That was when I heard the rustle of something against the quilt on my bed.
Looking down, I saw it. It was an envelope and it was clear that it was Edward's. Mostly I recognized it from it lying on his desk upstairs in his room. I turned it over to examine the front which only said my name and it was written in Edward's elegant script. I opened the let and let it slip into my hands. Standing I began to read the words that were written and it was then I started to feel my heart flutter, not in excitement, but fear.
Ms. Swan,
I am sorry, I can no longer lie to you. I have been using you. I never loved you. I craved the need for a woman at my side and you were the one that I chose to use. I wanted to see what the big deal was about having someone with me. My family told me that I needed another to make me complete, but after being around you I realized that I need no one, including my family. We all have left Forks. Do not look for us, for we want nothing more to do with you. Forget that we have ever existed.
Edward Cullen
I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. I read them again and again, hoping that I missed something. This couldn't be real. This had to be a joke. I kept looking at the writing on the page and I knew it was true. The writing was that of Edward because I long looked at it during school.
It was then it happened. I felt my body let out a blood curdling scream. I then stumbled to the floor. My body was trembling. It was then I realized the tears were streaming down my face and an uncontrollable rate. I couldn't move I couldn't feel anything besides my heart beating erratically in my chest. I wanted nothing more than to die in that moment. I felt as if everything in my world had come crashing down around me.
I didn't move from that spot. I didn't go to school. I just laid there against the floor and sobbed all day. When Charlie finally came home that evening, I could hear him calling for me from the living room, but I didn't even have enough energy to tell him where I was. It was when he pushed my bedroom door open and saw me curled up in a ball clutching a tear stained letter that he yelled and pulled me up into his arms.
I don't remember all the details of what happened, but vaguely I remember Charlie putting me in the cruiser and taking me to the emergency room to have me checked out. The doctor told him that physically I was fine, but handed Charlie the letter that Edward had left me. I knew they were trying to be secretive but I heard the doctor mention that the Cullens had left suddenly and that the hospital was now looking to replace Dr. Carlisle Cullen. It was true then, they really were gone.
I felt the tears start to tumble down again. The idea that I was never going to get to see any of them broke my heart all over again. Alice… I couldn't believe Alice would leave me and not tell me good bye. I would never hear the jokes of Emmett and Rosalie hitting him playfully when he said something that he shouldn't have said. I was going to miss the love and adoration of Carlisle and Esme. I was going to miss the calming nature of Jasper too. Mostly I was going to miss the stone-cold embrace of the god like creature that was Edward Cullen.
When Charlie came back into the room and saw me crying again, he pulled me into his lap like a child and whispered in my ear. He kept repeating that I was going to be okay. That he loved me and that Edward was cruel to do something like that to me. I couldn't do anything but cling to his shirt and cry though.
My heart couldn't believe that he didn't love me. The electricity that we shared when our lips met one another was too powerful. The looks adoration, the simple things that he did for me. It was too much. He had to have loved me at some point.
The last thing I remembered about that day specifically was Charlie putting me back in the cruiser and taking me back home. He carried me up the stairs and was going to put me back in my bed but when I started to scream he decided against it.
I felt like a child because he took me into his room and placed me in his bed and pulled the covers up over my shoulders. The tears were still running streams down my cheeks. Charlie said nothing to me except that he loved me and that he would see me in the morning. When he pulled the door to, I was truly alone, as alone as I felt from the inside. My body must have been worn out from all the tears that I had shed during the day because I slipped into slumber easily. My mind was hazy and my dreams were just the same.
"Bella…"
I looked around to see me standing in a clearing that was covered in a thick fog.
"Bella…"
It was a woman's voice. I started to walk toward the voice and it was when I saw her. I recognized her too, though I couldn't place her.
"Hello, Isabella."
She was sitting on a stone bench in the middle of nowhere and now I stood there just looking at her. She placed her hand on the bench and patted it, telling me that she wanted me to sit down.
I sat down on that bench and stared out into the nothingness that was the fog.
"Bella, I miss him too."
I looked up to meet her eyes. They were so much like my eyes, it surprised me.
"Miss who?"
"Edward."
When she mentioned his name, I felt a single tear stream down my face.
"Why did he leave me? How could he not love me?"
I felt her arms wrap around my body and it was then that I looked up to her to see her eyes too were flooded with tears.
"Isabella, do not be fooled by the words of Edward Cullen. He loves you more than anything. He is scared though. He needs time to realize what he needs to know."
"What is that…" I knew somewhere in my mind was her name, but I wasn't remembering what it was.
"Lady Valkyrie."
It was then that I remembered seeing her before. The last time I saw her was when I had been kidnapped by James and that she wanted me to call out to Edward because he would find me.
"What does he have to realize, Lady Valkyrie?"
"That his destiny is your destiny." Her voice was soft and very comforting, though I still felt my heart beating inconsistently at hearing those words.
I looked out into the fog and it was then that I saw it. It was the wolf from all my dreams. He was walking toward us. I gasped in fear, but Valkyrie chuckled at my fear.
"Fear him not, Isabella. For he is your destiny as well. He will never harm you."
The wolf slowly stepped closer to me and eventually nuzzled my hand that was resting in my lap. I slowly moved my hand to touch him and the creature leaned into my touch. Looking down I met a pair of eyes that were so human like in appearance. I couldn't help myself. I smiled. The wolf then curled up at my feet and just laid there.
I turned to Valkyrie and saw she too was smiling. Her hand touched my own. I felt another tear fall from my eyes, and she reached up and stroked them away with her thumbs.
"Bella, Edward will be back someday. You may not remember this after you wake, but never let your heart forget him. He needs your love and you need his."
The wolf looked up to Valkyrie as if to say something to her. She reached down to touch him and he had the same response to her as he did to me.
"Oh, you have your place in this too, young one. You share your destiny with her as well."
The wolf looked up at me again and moved close to me. It was strange, but I felt safe with this wolf that curled up at my feet.
"Isabella…"
I turned to look at the woman that had called my name to see her eyes flooded with tears.
"I am so sorry that I am the cause of your heart break. If it was not for me, you would have Edward with you now. He might not believe it now, but his destiny was always you. Even if you weren't who you are now. He was always meant for you. Now I wish that the enchantment was never placed on me and you would be free to be with Edward as he wants to be with you." Her voice echoed sorrow.
I looked out into the fog and saw an outline of a man in the distance.
"Edward…" My voice only a whisper.
"He is thinking about you, or you wouldn't be able to see that." I turned to see her smiling down at me.
She then stared out at the form of Edward in the distance and watched him as his figure walked deeper into the fog.
"Bella, soon you will be able to remember these talks. You are becoming more powerful and with that, you will have to be careful to keep your secret."
"What secret?" Her words confused me.
"That you are destined to destroy…"
I heard the alarm clock next to Charlie's bed and I turned it off and rolled over. I pushed my head down in the pillow and remained silent. Charlie then came in to see if I was alright and I just didn't move or say anything. I was still too sad over Edward to care at the moment. He asked me if I was going to school, and I shook my head no.
"You know you can't stay like this forever, Bells." His voice wasn't comforting, but I knew he was right. I couldn't hide away in my room forever.
Charlie left me alone and I thought all day about Edward. I was worried that I would never get past this. That I could never forget the feelings that I had for him and the feelings that I knew that he had for me. When Charlie got home, he noticed that I had not been out of bed all day and tried to get me to get up and at least eat something. I mumbled that I wasn't hungry and just wanted to be alone. I fell asleep and had no dream that I could recall when I awoke the following morning.
………………………………………………………………………………………………………
A Few Months Later…
"Bella, you going to finish that?"
I looked over to see Eric staring at me with confusion. I looked down at my plate to see the piece of pizza that had gone untouched the entire lunch.
"Go ahead. I'm not hungry," I mumbled as I pushed back a stray strand of my hair.
I was back sitting at a table with Mike, Jessica, Angela, and Eric. I would find myself looking across the room to the table that they sat at when they were here, but I always found it empty. No one seemed to want to sit there, even though the Cullens had been gone for months now.
The days were getting easier, but my thoughts were never far from Edward. I knew he was gone and that he wasn't going to likely come back to me, but I could not forget him. I still would get out the note that he left and read it to ensure my mind that he wasn't a figment of my imagination and that he was real. I couldn't do what he wished though, I couldn't forget him. It wasn't possible. Edward Cullen opened my eyes to what love was, even though he said it wasn't love for him. I knew that I loved him and deep in my heart I knew that he had to have felt at least something for me.
The bell rang and I was off to my afternoon classes. I knew Mr. Banner wanted to give me another partner in biology, but I begged him to leave me to do the lab work, I just couldn't bring myself to let anyone sit there with me. Even though he wasn't there, I could still swear that he was sitting there with me. At times, I could swear he was like a ghost that haunted my dreams and my life, though I was happy to have him there. I knew it wasn't healthy to want something like that, but I couldn't release my hold on that love I shared with him.
When school finally got out for the day, I climbed into my truck and drove home and like normal I would go upstairs and throw my stuff on my bed only to come back down and sit in the porch swing. I would stare out across the yard to the field and to the woods that sat beyond the field. It wasn't exciting, but it was something that kept my mind somewhat clear of my thoughts about Edward. Sometimes I would bring down my journal and write. I would spend hours writing down things that I remembered about Edward and how he made me feel. I wanted to be able to remember everything about him and prevent my memories of him from fading away.
Charlie would come home and I would cook dinner for us, and he would tell me about his day at work and I would just listen. I never had anything to say actually. My life had become completely routine and that meant that nothing ever really changed that I would have to tell him about, though he would always ask me.
On this day it was different, as soon as I said nothing happened to me he snapped.
"I can't take this anymore Bella. You are going to live with your mother. I am not going to sit here and watch you wither away and try to die because some stupid boy broke your heart."
I looked up to meet his eyes and they were filled with fury.
"No. I'm not leaving," I was screaming now. I wouldn't leave. This was the place that kept me close to him though he wasn't here with me.
"If you want to stay here, then things are going to have to change, young lady. No more of this moping around the house. You are going to have to get out and live life. Because a boy leaves you is not a reason to stop living your life."
I knew he was right, but it was just too hard to live without him. Edward gave me a reason to live life. I sat there for a moment and thought.
"What if I go and see Jake tomorrow? Would that be living life then?" I asked.
"That would be living, Bella. Jake asks about you all the time. He's been worried about you."
Jake has been worried about me? I had no idea. I mean, he was a sweet kid and I really enjoyed being around him, but… I'm over thinking stuff again. Jake is a cool guy and he is my friend. So I should want to spend time with him.
After the dinner discussion and my decision to go visit Jake, I climbed the stairs and pulled out my notebook. I started writing in this one book not long after Edward left. I started working on this story. A story about my life and relationship with Edward, and I found it as a way to record stuff about him without saying his name. It was nice to look at it and think.
When I wrote like this, I wondered if Edward thought about me at all. If he really meant all the things that he said in that note he wrote to me. That he didn't love me and that he was using me. Deep in my heart, I didn't think they were true, but he had never done anything yet to prove otherwise. I knew though, that I would stare out and at times I would swear that I would see him. My heart was making him appear in places and in the end, it would just hurt me all over again.
I climbed into bed not long after that, and slept. My dreams have not been dreams for a while, but more like nightmares. I would wake up screaming and crying at random times of the night. Charlie has just come to expect them now. I would just normally get up and sit on the window sill of my room and watch the night after that would happen. It was when the world was quiet that I felt close to him, for I knew he was out there doing something, though I had no idea what that might be.
Luckily, it was the weekend, and that meant that Charlie wasn't going to be around much and that I could go visit Jake in peace. I had removed most of my color from my wardrobe so I wore mostly black and white. I had no color in my world and my clothes showed it. I pulled on a black pair of jeans with a black hoodie with white writing on the front of it. Pulling up my hair into a loose ponytail, I grabbed my keys and phone and headed down stairs. I knew Charlie was already gone fishing with Harry, and actually it was a nice thing. I needed to compose myself before I went to La Push. I didn't want Jake to see my sadness.
I got into my truck and it rumbled to life. I drove slowly over to La Push. I didn't even turn on the radio. I wanted to think before I got there. I thought about everything that I figured he would ask about my life, and how I was dealing with this breaking feeling in my chest when I heard the name Edward mentioned.
It was when I crossed into the city limits of La Push that I was getting nervous. I don't know why, but I was. Maybe it was because I hadn't seen Jake in forever. While driving I saw many of the things that I saw on that day I came to First Beach. I remembered where the turn was to go toward Billy's and I gently pushed the brakes. As I drove I admired the houses along the road and finally pulled into the drive. As I turned off the truck I saw him. He was walking out of the house and toward me. I took a deep breath and finally got out of the truck and walked toward him.
