Well. This is interesting. I'm actually updating fairly quickly.
Hope you like it?
P.S. Emmettbitmejelousemuch my heart goes out to you. If this story, IN ANY WAY, is just too offensive or you don't like something, TELL ME AT ONCE. I will respect you and your opinion. You get to be the driver on that bus.
and a special thanks to all you funny reviewers. I'm glad I can make you laugh because you make me laugh just as hard.
Disclaimer: I don't own any Edward Cullens or Bella Swans. But I do own all the songs talked about in this story and I sing to them naked...a lot. :P
I cleaned up the bathroom and turned out the lights. I lay in bed for awhile, thinking about what I was going to do when I got back home.
Home?
Whatever.
I should start writing my next column.
About what?
I started to drift off to sleep when I heard thumping on my door. I shot up and could feel my heart racing, the adrenaline pumping through me. I opened the door quickly and sighed delightfully.
Edward Cullen.
"Miss me that much?" I teased.
"More than you know," Edward said as he pressed me into the door, his lips finding mine once more for the day. His hands were on my breasts, squeezing and pressing, making me feel beautiful like he always did. His tongue slid over my lip and I opened my lips to allow him entrance. He moaned in pleasure as my body hummed in enjoyment.
"You came all this way for a kiss?" I said breaking away.
"I couldn't stop thinking about you," he breathed into my neck, still clutching me to him.
"Mmm," I moaned as he kissed the sensitive flesh.
"How was your appointment?"
"A month to a year," I mumbled.
"We can work with that."
We?
Pitter-patter. Pitter-patter. Pitter fucking patter.
"What are you doing here?"
"I'm inviting you to dinner at my house."
"With the esteemed father?"
"I need someone to go into battle with."
"I'm in pajamas."
"I honestly don't care what you wear, just as long as you come."
"I'm not going in my pajamas."
"Then go change, I'll wait." I opened the door and let him come inside as I went to my bag and pulled out a few extra clothes I brought. Edward didn't seem too dressed up and so I followed his dress code.
I was glad the lights were off so he couldn't see anything. I dressed quickly as he sat on the bed, tapping his foot nervously and running his hands through his hair.
"Okay, I'm ready." Edward shot up and grabbed my hand. He quickly walked out of the hotel with my hand still clasped in his.
How different we were.
My cold hand in his warm hand.
How similar we were.
Both flushed from kissing.
"Where are we going to dinner exactly?" I asked as he hailed a cab.
"Our house," he said.
"Are you nervous?" I asked.
"No."
"Are you sweating?"
"No."
"Yes you are."
He didn't say anything, just ushered me into the cab.
"You okay?" I asked after a few minutes of silence.
"I'm fine," Edward replied.
But I knew different.
I grabbed his hand and kissed his palm.
"It'll be okay."
He seemed to relax and calm down.
We stayed silent until we reached a building, looking something like apartments.
"An apartment?"
"A hotel suite."
"Top floor?"
"Only the best for the esteemed father."
"Where do they think you went?"
"I haven't been here yet today."
"Where have you been?"
"Thinking."
"About?"
"You."
Me?
ME!
I smirked, it was the only thing I could manage to do.
We walked the stairs, hand in hand, and stayed silent.
The top floor was just as it should be: extravagant, perfection, and rich.
"We couldn't have taken the elevator?"
"I wanted more time with you."
I stopped.
"Why are you being so nice?"
Edward frowned at me.
"Because I'm trying to make up for the mess that we're about to walk into."
Suddenly, I was nervous.
Edward shouted hello and we waited.
It was like waiting for a lion to come out of his den and ravish upon you.
An elegant-looking woman showed up. She wore pearls, her hair in a tight bun, with a martini.
How proper.
She smiled tightly at Edward and hugged him.
When I say hugged, I mean she put two arms around him, patted him on the back, all while trying not to get too close.
I stifled laughter.
I never tried to stay away from Edward.
"Mother," Edward announced. "This is Isabella Swan. The writer I told you about."
"Aw yes," his mother nodded.
"Isabella Swan, this is my mother, Esme Cullen."
"It's nice to meet you," I extended my hand.
She looked at it with disdain.
Before the moment could turn more awkward, a man came in.
"Father, this is Isabella Swan. Isabella Swan, this is Carlisle Cullen."
I offered my hand to him, he took it cautiously.
Did Edward tell them I have cancer? They do know that you can't catch it, right?
"It's good to see you, son."
Edward nodded in return and they led us into the living room. I didn't even look at the furniture for I knew I'd be jealous and feel poor.
Esme sat down and Carlisle joined her, just after topping off her martini and fixing him a drink.
That's okay, I'm fine. Thanks for asking.
Maybe when they talk with Edward, I can sneak a shot of tequila.
"So when did you get in?" Esme asked.
"Earlier today," Edward answered. We sat on the couch opposite of them.
I studied them: their proper clothes, their straight faces, and perfect poses.
Dorothy, we are definitely not in Kansas anymore.
The silence was fun.
I moved my lips back and forth from side to side. I looked up at the ceiling. I even tried to start conversations with Mrs. Cullen about her pleasant-looking home.
Yes, I call her Mrs. Cullen because calling her Esme sounds like a lie. You call someone by their first name when you are friends, enemies, acquaintances with them. But she and I were none of those.
We were just connected by a man, her son.
She practically ignored me. Even when Edward tried to talk about me, about my work, she wouldn't even look at me. Instead she focused on the hem of her skirt, on the invisible dirt underneath her nails, and even eyed the box of cigars sitting on the end table near me.
Hell, even I eyed those.
"Oh, Edward, you'll never guess who I ran into today at Javier's'," Mrs. Cullen gushed.
"I'm sure it was no one I care about," Edward said under his breath.
"Speak up when you talk, dear."
"I'm sorry, Mom," Edward cleared his throat. "Who was it?"
"Paula and Rachel!" Mrs. Cullen's face smiled for the first time.
"Why would I care that you ran into them?" Edward asked quizzically.
"Well, you did date both of them," Mrs. Cullen responded as if he just asked the stupidest question.
"Mom, that was years ago. I was a teenager and I'm sure they are completely different now."
"Well, they really have grown into their looks," Mrs. Cullen replied with a devilish grin.
"I sure hope so," Edward replied. "Paula had frizzy hair and it stuck in her mouth all the time. Rachel had a missing tooth, right in the middle."
"Edward, don't be rude. I'm sure Becca (I'm assuming she's talking to me since she nodded in my direction) does not appreciate your rude behavior. Besides Rachel received a denture and Paula's hair was straight and blonde. You like blondes, remember that? You told me when you were sixteen."
I couldn't help but notice her emphasis on the word "blonde".
"No, I prefer brunettes," Edward replied easily.
"Rachel is a brunette," Mrs. Cullen replied, still smiling like Satan.
So that's where Edward got that Cheshire cat grin.
I would never see it the same way again.
"Mom, I don't care."
"Well why don't I give them your number and you guys can catch up?"
Let's keep pretending that I'm not here, K? Thanks.
"I don't want them having my number," Edward shook his head.
"Well why not? I thought you liked them. You must have since you dated them."
"I only dated them because they let me play with their tits and Rachel let me go to third base with her."
I bit my tongue as hard as I could to stop laughing. I'm sure I could taste blood.
"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen! That language is not tolerated in this house."
I looked to see Mr. Cullen reading the paper, completely ignoring the conversation at hand.
Edward said nothing, just looked at the clock.
I heard a knock at the door and Mrs. Cullen stood up, adjusted her skirt, and practically floated to the front door.
"Run while you have a chance," Edward whispered towards me.
"We still have to sneak past Big Daddy-o over there," I replied.
"Carlisle is too drunk to notice anything."
"He's drunk?"
"Over the years he's accomplished being able to be the 'silent drunk' type. After living with Esme Anne Platt Evenson for the majority of his life, he has achieved being able to get drunk at the perfect moments."
"The man is pro."
"Fo' sho."
In came Mrs. Cullen with a short-haired woman behind her and a blonde-haired man trailing behind her. The tiny-framed woman looked irritated and was pulling the man by then hand into the room; he looked uncomfortable and severely hoping to leave quickly.
I think I might make a new friend tonight.
The two sat down on the other love seat and instantly looked bored. Mrs. Cullen started chatting away to the woman and the woman stayed silent, looking everywhere but at Mrs. Cullen. She pulled the same tricks: picking at her clothes, filing her nails, and even looking at the cigar box to my side.
She's got to be her daughter.
"Alice, are you even listening?" Mrs. Cullen snapped.
"Now, who do we have here?" Alice said looking at me. Mrs. Cullen threw her hands in the hair at defeat and went into the kitchen to check on food. I heard some loud voices, no doubt Mrs. Cullen yelling at some poor maid, threatening to deport her.
"Alice, this is Bella Swan," Edward introduced.
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Alice said smiling.
Finally, a smile that I liked.
"The pleasure is mine, Edward has told me a lot about you."
"It's all true," she whispered as she hugged Edward. "This Jasper," she said motioning to the right.
"Hello," he spoke deeply. I smiled and Edward shook his hand in greeting.
"Jazz and Alice have been dating for a couple of years," Edward explained.
"Four to be counting," Alice said a little annoyed. "The man won't ask me to be his wife."
"Alice, not here," Jasper said rolling his eyes.
"And why not? Just because my mom won't let you ask me? I told you, I will elope," Alice said as she kissed his forehead.
"And I know the proper way to do this. My parents expect a big wedding just like yours do."
"Oh, pish-posh," Alice answered folding her arms. They went on arguing back and forth, fighting about how terrible each other's parents are.
"Jasper is perfect for her," Edward whispered. "Alice was always trying to get out of this house and run away to live a different life. Jasper is capable of living that different life, but maintaining a high-society life. He's a dream in Alice's eyes."
"Then why doesn't your mom let her marry him?"
"She's getting back at Alice for her teenage years."
"You're kidding me."
"My mother went through early menopause when Alice was going through puberty. It was like living with a cat and a dog who hated each other. When mom was stifling, Alice was freezing. When mom was crying about not being able to have any more kids, Alice was cheering that she was able to have them."
"I'm guessing that is around the time your father got good at being a silent-drunk, right?" I asked.
"Right," Edward chuckled. "Would you like something to drink?"
"I'm fine," I replied. Edward got up, fixed a drink and then handed it to me.
"I don't think that was the correct answer. When offered a drink in this house, you always take it."
"Because it's rude to decline?"
"No, because you are going to need to be a little bit drunk."
"How about a whole lot?" I replied.
"Alice, guess who I ran into today?" Mrs. Cullen was back. She was frowning at Jasper's hand atop of Alice's and was trying to retract her claws, I mean nails.
Alice didn't reply, just kept swirling her drink in her glass.
"Paula and Rachel," Mrs. Cullen ignored her daughter's silence. "They look lovely; do you remember when you were good friends with them?"
"Isn't Rachel the one who let you go to third base, Edward?" Alice looked at him.
"That's the one," Edward said raising his own drink and taking a large gulp. He elbowed me and I started to take a sip. I watched him to let me know when I could stop drinking but he never stopped tilting the glass through the silence.
"Alice," Mrs. Cullen warned. I finally got it.
Edward was saving me from having to talk.
"What, mother?" Alice said irritated.
"What's the matter, dear?" Mrs. Cullen said in a pout-like way. "Are you and Jasper having problems?"
Jasper chose that moment to get up and walk out of the room. Alice just watched him and sighed, then turned towards her mother.
"Jasper and I are getting married."
Mrs. Cullen's face turned green. She swallowed and straightened her back, and then placed her hands in her lap.
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
Edward nudged me again to take a sip and I started downing the last of the mixture.
"I don't think so, Mary Alice."
"You have no say," Alice replied.
"You want us to pay for the wedding, don't you?"
"I don't need to have a big wedding. Jasper and I were thinking about going to town hall, just the two of us and Edward. He can be our witness." Edward was still tilted back with his glass.
"Edward won't do that. He'll want us to help him with his wedding I'm sure. Though Rachel and Paula's parents could easily afford it."
"Mom, I'm sorry to break it to you, but you're not important in Jasper's and my relationship. We love each other and you are going to lose your daughter if you continue to act this way."
"Oh don't be silly," replied Mrs. Cullen. Alice rose silently and walked out of the room. Edward and I put the glasses on the table, no longer having anything to drink but crushed ice.
"Well, wasn't she the rude one," Mrs. Cullen exclaimed. "Carlisle, you might have to have a word with her on manners in front of her mother."
Mr. Cullen grunted.
"Madame, dinner is served," a stout maid came into the living to announce. We all shuffled to the dining room, Alice and Jasper walking in holding hands, both looking tired and worn.
"Let's eat," Mrs. Cullen waved to our seats. I sat down promptly and put the napkin on my lap. Soon wine and dinner was served and we were all shuffling food around on our plates as we listened to Mrs. Cullen.
"Now, Edward, back to what I was saying earlier. Rachel and Paula are still single and I think you should give them a call. Marriage should be in your future, dear."
Don't do it, Bella.
"I mean, you can't just hang out with trashy girls, no offense, Brandy."
It's Bella.
"It would be nice to have a spring wedding, the flowers will be in bloom and Reverend Tom can help us."
Be nice.
"Besides, I'm getting old; don't you want me to have grandchildren before I die?"
Keep silent.
"Edward, when are you going to get married to Rachel?"
Stop, Bella.
"Edward, when are you going to get married to Paula?"
And then…I said something I shouldn't have.
"We're married!" I screamed.
Edward choked on his wine and then turned to me, his eyebrows raised.
I glared.
He stared.
I glared harder.
And then it happened.
Edward, Alice, and Mr. Cullen all started laughing.
Like tears rolling down the face.
Like clenching their stomachs.
Like gasping for air in between laughs.
And then there was Mrs. Cullen.
I made the mistake of looking at her expression.
If looks could kill…
The laughter eventually died down and Edward leaned over and kissed me on the mouth.
"That's why I married you," Edward said.
"Edward, you know better than to lie," Mrs. Cullen said promptly.
"Excuse me, mother?" Edward stated smiling at me.
"You know that it is unacceptable to lie in this house. Carlisle, I think you best show Benny her way out, right now."
"Esme, she's going nowhere."
He speaks!
Mr. Cullen defended me. I'm sure my mouth was hanging open because I felt Edward's hand push it closed.
"Excuse me, Carlisle?" Mrs. Cullen asked, her whole body shaking. Her jaw was clenched and I'm pretty sure I saw her exhale smoke.
"She's not going anywhere," he said smiling. "I like her."
Mrs. Cullen dropped her fork on her plate and proceeded to get up.
"Well if everyone will enjoy their meal, since I'm obviously not appreciated for anything, I'll be in my room." She shuffled out of the room, all of us silent.
"That's never happened before," Jasper explained.
"Not even after I joked about me not wanting children," Alice said amazed.
"Or I told her I was gay," Carlisle spoke.
I howled with laughter.
If the only way a man can get away from Mrs. Cullen was to say he's gay…then I wasn't so bad after all.
You can suck it, Jake.
Suck it long.
Suck it hard.
"Bella, I'm impressed," Carlisle began. "I didn't think you'd make it."
"So this was a test?"
"Not exactly. I know Esme isn't very warm, but I had my doubts."
"Well thank you, sir."
"So whose idea was it to tell her you're married? That was classic," Carlisle laughed.
"Dad, it wasn't a joke," Edward explained.
Carlisle just stared at Edward and me.
"Oh dear," Carlisle said, getting up and walking after Mrs. Cullen.
"Drinks? Jasper said smiling.
I didn't say anything.
Edward didn't say anything.
I felt that heaviness in my heart.
The kind that makes you feel like you have a 300-pound weight in your chest.
The kind that makes you want to cry or puke or just go to bed for the remainder of the week.
I felt light-headed and had a shortness of breath.
"I think I'll be going," I spoke softly. Edward didn't say anything. I rose and left him at the table, his eyes still watching his plate, his body not wavering. I went to the door, hearing Esme crying from her bedroom and Carlisle trying to calm her. I saw Alice and Jasper feeding each other olives from the bar. I felt alone and no one here to comfort me.
"You're not going anywhere," I heard someone speak to behind me. I felt a tug on the wrist and was pivoted around, facing Edward.
"Its fine, Edward."
"No it's not. I shouldn't…I shouldn't have brought you here."
"Why did you?" I looked to see Alice and Jasper watching us.
Looks like we have an audience.
"Because I thought you could handle it."
"And now you don't?"
"Not if you are leaving."
"I just assumed it would be best if I left."
"And let her win?"
I didn't say anything.
"Now I know that's not the real you," he laughed angrily.
I didn't say anything.
He tugged on my hand again and he practically ran down a hallway, pulling me with him.
He opened a door and then whipped me in with him. It was dark and I could make nothing out, but I knew that my body was pressed against the door and Edward's lips were on my cheek.
"Thanks for saying that out there," he breathed into my ear.
"Next time, grow a pair and say it yourself," I argued.
"Where's the fun in that?"
"Seeing your mom's face was priceless. I think I'm winning the 'who can piss off Mrs. Cullen the most' game."
"Game on," Edward replied.
"Now what do we do?"
"Want to make a memory?"
"What'd you have in mind?"
"Well I thought we could kill two birds with one stone."
"Which is?"
"Have sex at my parents' house and a personal fantasy of mine."
"Which is?" I asked again.
"Have sex in my old bed."
"Did Rachel or Paula get in this bed?"
"Fuck no," Edward answered.
"You know, I'm an easy lay."
"But a damn good one."
"I wish I could say the same about you."
"Then why do you keep coming back?"
"I'm secretly attracted to your father."
"What if I said he was gay?"
"All the good ones are," I joked.
"Shut up," Edward spoke before he kissed me, hard.
Oh sweet God.
P.P.S. Carlisle is not gay...it was a joke. Esme is a mean girl in my story...it happens.
But...I love you? Does that make it better?
