Chapter Four: The Understanding

No one would understand… No one… No one would understand how she felt right now so she won't tell anyone. No one… She only needed him right now… only him, no one else.

She knocked on her head lightly and let a tiny smile spread her lips. She hasn't smiled a lot lately. How could she think that? She needs all her friends too… All those important people that she's fought to protect, and this planet… But one of those important people is no longer an important person.

The golden blonde slowly hid her face in her arms, holding the tears back but crying sadly in her heart. She's been like this for a lot of days now… When… When the breakup happened she was never this sad… but after her dream she felt so lonely… having it almost every night she would find herself crying and whispering his name…

No one to tell this anguished feeling… this hurt feeling… this loneliness… Iie… she just doesn't want to tell anyone… She wouldn't think anyone would understand. Ever since her breakup with Mamoru… things changed; not her friends or people's feelings towards her but things… Her life… it changed… without Mamoru. It didn't matter she had said to herself earlier, but it did… sort of… She had no prince to love her anymore... No warm, strong, manly Mamoru to hold her when she needed strong arms to comfort her. Her friends have been trying comfort her, telling her everything will be back to normal in a few days.

She didn't care about the breakup… She did but it wasn't the BIG thing… It was her dream; she's gone into depression because of it, it seemed so vivid… so horrible… She'd been turning down offers to eat out free with her friends… That was not normal behavior for a growing girl like her. She knew that but she doesn't want to go out and see couples hand in hand walking down the streets together, or see them sharing a float at a small ice cream parlor, or maybe coming out of the movies arm in arm. She didn't want to see all those couples and lovebirds because it made her heart ache… Ache really, really bad… Her friends, of course, didn't know anything about this… so they came over a few times to visit her because she's been refusing to go out lately.

Everyone thought she's in depression because she broke up with Mamoru but it's not that… It's because of her dream that only Luna knows very little about. She doesn't let Luna tell anyone that she has these continuous nightmares. She doesn't want people to know. So, maybe she doesn't want to worry people or she's just plain weird.

Either way she felt that she should keep these weird feelings inside. She's always debated with herself now, if she really loves Seiya or not. She would sit at the table in her room for hours playing tapes of the Three Lights' songs over and over. Most of the time it would help her debate to herself… of course Seiya's voice would draw her into saying "yes she does" but then she realizes that and begins the whole damn debate all over again!

One day she almost broke down into hysterical laughing and crying because she was debating over the same thing for six hours. Luna became increasingly worried about her but she promised her that she wouldn't tell anyone…

Luna would be with her every night when she woke up from the nightmare and they would stare at the night sky, at the stars because they comfort her after the nightmare. After almost a whole week of the same routine Luna could guess what or who she was dreaming about. Luna wanted to ask her if she was correct but she knew that maybe she'll just make her cry more so, Luna didn't.

After two more days of the same behavior the black cat decided it was time to alert her friends about Usagi's strange, strange condition. She planned on telling Rei first… first thing tomorrow morning…

"NANI!?!?!!?!??!?!" Rei exploded. It was almost loud enough for people to hear outside the temple. The Shinto Priestess was in great distress as she heard her grandpa come rushing into her room.

"What is it? What is it Rei?!" he practically screamed.

"Gomen Grandpa! I'm okay! I… uh… Oh, I'm just fine! You go back to work!" she tried to convince him.

"Rei… Are you feeling ok? Do you need to visit the doctor? I can go with you right away if you want," Grandpa Hino said with great concern. He started to reach for her forehead to see if she had a fever.

"I'm okay Grandpa… Really! I was… just… um… doing some voice training! Yeah! I was just doing some voice training! I'm fine! Now, you just go ahead on your own and do whatever you were doing…" she said with a smile.

"Well…" her grandpa said worriedly.

"Please Grandpa! I'm fine! Go now!" with that she pushed him out of her room and slid the door shut.

"Rei has become so weird lately… Maybe I really should get a doctor to come see her… Or maybe she's just lonely… She hasn't been dating much… I hope she's all right… Oh… Maybe it's because I'm not a good enough grandpa…" he says to himself, his voice fades off as the little man walks away.

"Phew… Luna!"

The black cat pops up from under the table, "Please Rei! Calm down and do be more careful!"

"Gomen nasai…" said Rei with pink cheeks. "I couldn't help myself… It was a really big shock… Usagi-chan has been dreaming about Seiya-kun lately?"

"Hai… not a good dream either… But I'm not really that sure if it's Seiya-kun… She's been having them since last Saturday and she wakes up every night crying her eyes out… She's changed her pillowcase at least four times this whole week. This is bad for her health… She doesn't get enough sleep and if you look close enough you can see she's trying to hide bags with thick make-up."

"But we all thought she was depressed because of Mamoru-san..."

"Even the breakup with Mamoru-san didn't crush her emotions this much… She was all right before the nightmares… But now…"

"Poor Usagi…"

"I don't know what to do to help her…"

"We have to tell the others!"

"But I'm not sure Rei… I promised Usagi that I wouldn't tell ANYONE."

Rei puts her hand up to her chin and looks down at the table in front of her thoughtfully.

"What if…" she began slowly.

Luna looked at her with round eyes of hope.

"Iie, that wouldn't work!" Rei exclaimed.

Luna rolls her eyes. Rei flashes a small smile.

"Well, I was just thinking if we got the StarLights back Usagi won't feel so sad… But of course that seems pretty… impossible… I mean we have no way to contact them."

"Hmm…" Luna looked like she was deep in thought.

"Do you have an idea Luna?"

"Hai…"

"What is it?" Rei asked eagerly.

"Well… You know how you and all the other Senshi can travel through dimensions and space using your power and energy?"

"Hai."

"Well, if you got together and used that same kind of power maybe you can somehow send a message all the way to Kinmoku, to Seiya-kun, to the StarLights."

"Wow! We can use our power that way?"

"I'm not sure but it should work…" Luna sighs, "But that involves telling the others about Usagi… She trusts me not to tell anyone…"

"I'll go talk to her!" Rei says confidently. "Nothing a few screams and shouts from Hino Rei can't handle."

"Oh please… I'm not sure about that… She's not been herself lately… And I mean REALLY not herself."

"I know that… I'll come by later today."

"Well… I hope this works out…"

"It will Luna… It will," Rei says with a smile.

She went out at sunset. She told her mother which said it was okay if she came home before 10:30.

Her pigtails followed her steadily as she began to walk to the park, weaving around the many houses in her neighborhood. She felt warm and cozy under the orange rays of the Sun. She lets a small smile slip through.

She looks up at the sky, which was orange, red, purple and fading into a dark navy blue. She couldn't see any stars yet so she decided they would come out by the time she got to the park.

She keeps walking, remembering how there was a big lake at the park. "It'll be kind of like my dream…" she thought. She'd give almost anything to hear that comforting voice calling her Odango Atama again… Another tiny smile graced her soft lips, but this time, it was touched with sadness.

As she entered the park, she felt a cool breeze softly brushing her cheeks. She loves cool summer nights like these.

She makes her way along the paths leading to the gray cement lookout that extended into the lake. She walked up to the railing and leaned against the cool steel, resting her bare arms on it. The sun set quickly and soon the sky became navy.

The lake held reflections of sparkling stars and the crescent moon looked bright and beautiful. Usagi looked up at the sky and her eyes wandered along the stars and to the Moon. It wasn't full like it was in her dream but she felt a certain calm and serene feeling come over her as she looked at it. She stared at the stars again and sighs.

She slowly lifted a hand up, holding it out like someone was going to take it and whispered, "Seiya… come back… I need you… Please… come back…" Sudden hot tears sprang up to her eyes and she draws her hand back, clasping both hands together at her chest as she cried silently.

"Usagi…"

Her eyes snap open and Usagi quickly wipes her tears away and whirls around. "Rei?! How'd you know I was here!?"

"I asked your mother," Rei replies softly. "Luna… Luna told me about you…"

"Nani?" Usagi asks, not really comprehending.

"Your nightmares… about…" Rei pauses a moment. "About Seiya-kun…" she practically whispers.

Usagi's eyes widen into huge blue sapphires. "THAT DAMNED CAT! SHE'S GONNA BE A CAT FUR PURSE WHEN I GET HOME!" Usagi shrieks unexpectedly, startling Rei.

"Please… Please Usagi-chan! Calm down!"

Usagi breaks down crying and she falls on her knees, scraping them bloody. She didn't care. That pain wasn't worth worrying about. Her hands fly up to her face as heart-racking sobs shook out from her.

Rei rushes to her and lays a hand on her shoulder and another on her arm. "I'm so sorry Usagi! Please! Usagi, stop crying! I want to help you… I don't want to see you cry! Please! Usagi! Stop crying!"

"Rei-chan!" Usagi half sobbed out and hugged onto her friend, burying her wet, salty face into Rei's shoulder.

Rei rubs her back and patted her head softly until Usagi calms down to soft hiccups. "Now… Luna told me about it but I don't know the details… I want to help you Usagi… I don't know why you've been hiding this from us but you must have your reasons… If you really want we can try to contact Seiya if you really want to see him okay?" she says gently, like talking to a four year old toddler, looking into Usagi's red puffy eyes. She wipes the tears away under the blonde's now visible bags.

Usagi nods silently, her hiccups fading into nothing. "I…" she starts, Rei looks at her eagerly, the soft red eyes telling her to go on. "I… do want to see him… I… I really miss him… and… and ever since Mamoru- san… and I… broke up… I've been really lonely and… and I… I just really… really want to see him… I… I don't know why… I'm not sure… because… because I'm not sure if I really do love him Rei… If I don't and he comes… then… then I'm just afraid I might hurt him more Rei… I… I don't know what to do…" Usagi starts sobbing again, shaking her body.

Rei hugs her immediately, "Sh… It's okay Usagi-chan… We're all here for you…" She slowly starts rubbing her back and patting her head again, trying to calm her down like a mother would with a daughter after a horrible nightmare.

"Domo… domo arigato Rei…" Usagi managed to say.

"You're welcome Usagi… Do you want to go home now?"

"Iie… Rei… Will… will you stay with me to look at the stars?"

Rei pulls away from her, eyes kindly looking at her salty tear streaked face and says softly, "Of course I will Usagi-chan… What are friends for?"

*End of Chapter Four