A/N Sorry this took so long. I could blame NaNoWriMo, but mostly I was feeling uninspired. I don't think this is my best work, but it's a nice sized chapter, so hopefully that helps. :) Time wise, we're in the beginning of October now. Thanks to all my reviewers: SugaLumps, MadToTheBone1, moani-sama, megawords19, cylobaby, KerryH, LadyMonday, TeffieS, StealthLiberal, hilja, 82c10akaLynn, katieklutz, toalli, Buffyk0604, happiness is my goal, Elvira Iula, LightIsPrecious, Roonani, laurazuleta18, lionandlamblover, dirtychicken, hefors, The all might and powerfulM, mcc3654, chicadee74, MargotTenn, NeeNee38, and ally leigh. You guys rock!
The Imprinted Chronicles: Book Three
Chapter Three
There came a night where Qa'al was called upon to attend the council of elders in a matter of great importance.
To be honest, Qa'al wondered if he should bother attend the elders at all. However T'sikáti needed Qa'al to be there, and there was nowhere that Qa'al would not go for his Alpha. That was why he obeyed, slipping through the village on silent feet, even though he had been napping against the youngest wolf's hip and had been very comfortable in doing so. Qa'al had an idea why he was being summoned, after all the preparations for a Tlokwali ceremony had stopped, so something had gone wrong. Wrong enough that his Beta was bristling with the Alpha's annoyance, so much so that the Beta had taken Qa'al's advice and stayed away from the council meeting. After all, if the elders weren't listening to T'sikáti in this matter, the Beta's opinions would hold no sway.
Qa'al's presence wasn't required for his opinion. No, he was being summoned because he had a task to do, for in their tribe only Qa'al was shaman.
As Qa'al unconsciously followed his nose to his Alpha's side, he caught the hint of the youth and the youth's Makah sister on the wind, the smell of female human and of male wolf. If one used their nose, they could tell much, and there was none amongst the Tlokwali that could not smell that the boy had changed. The elders had no such noses, and they could only go by what they saw, or what Qa'al could see for them. As soon as the young man had gained his guardian spirit, he had grown ill, as did all that gained a guardian spirit, and traditionally when such an event occurred, it was then that the tribe's shaman was called to look at who had gained said guardian spirit. The shaman would determine by its color if the guardian spirit was of the Qela'akwal, the hunting society, or the Tsayeq, the fishing society. And it was only the shaman who would know if it was one of the rarest of cases, and that the sickness was caused by guardian spirit that was the Tlokwali, the wolf.
Or, in Qa'al and T'sikáti's cases, they could sniff once and be done with the matter.
It had never occurred to Qa'al that he would have been called to determine the color of the guardian spirit of this Makah blooded youth, after all he had already performed his duty when finding the boy. Qa'al did not need to know the color of his sickness, because that color would not be the color of the Qela'akwal or of the Tsayeq guardian spirits. The youth was of the Tlokwali, undoubtedly so, and as such should have the ceremony started immediately. It appeared however that the elders were stalling, and in stalling, there was a good chance that the youth could die. Perhaps that had been the point all along.
The ceremony always took place in the Tlokwali-house, but it was not there that Qa'al had been summoned. Instead he had been summoned to the furthest house from there, the one in which T'sikáti resided with Qa'al alone. It was a rarity for the Alpha to not live in the Tlokwali-house, but as their numbers grew and grew, the house had become full. Even with only the highest members residing there, the Tlokwali-house was too cramped for comfort, and as such T'sikáti had decided to leave the Beta to hold the house in T'sikáti's stead. It was a less than subtle attempt on the part of the Alpha to have his Beta take more authority, and as the Alpha slipped off the live in the serenity of the furthest house from the center of the village, a small one that was old and needed much fixing for anyone who wasn't Tlokwali to reside in comfortably, Qa'al as always had followed. It had never occurred to him not to, that he wouldn't be welcome, and it never occurred to T'sikáti that Qa'al would have chosen to do any less. In truth, it had only been Qa'al's attachment to being in the Tlokwali-house that had made T'sikáti stay as long as he had.
Where the fishhook hovered, so the fish remained.
They had spent several years here, having only wasted supplies on fixing that which was needed to keep them dry and comfortable, and while both wolves occasionally found someone warm and obliging to join their respective sides of the longhouse, it remained only them. Their home. Therefore it was the last place that Qa'al should have been summoned, and in being summoned, felt his Alpha's growing wrath. It took much to push T'sikáti to anger, but a possible brother dying before he could become a true brother was one of those things.
Qa'al gave the dark haired woman standing nervously outside his home a cursory glance, but then he looked again. She smelled of fear and anger, but she was shivering in the growing cold. The blanket she had carried with them was nowhere in sight, and Qa'al frowned. However there was nothing he could do at the moment, it was a council of elders that he was summoned to, and even if she hadn't been Makah and their enemy in blood, she had not been summoned. It may have been his house, but she could not come in. Still, Qa'al paused and gave her what kindness he could.
"Ayásochid, Tuktukadi?" he asked gently, having learned her name when he had teasingly returned her knife to her. He had made her trade the one thing for the other, her name for her blade, and it had been clear she didn't know he had won the better trade. The woman met his eyes, frowned, and then looked away. Apparently she was not pleased, and did not answer his polite inquiry to how she was. She was brave to ignore him, but not so brave that she didn't tremble when he stepped closer as he moved past. Qa'al's face mirrored her frown. He never had liked to see anyone afraid.
In the center of the longhouse, T'sikáti sat at the head of the dying youth, his hand resting on the boy's shoulder. The youth was deep in his fever now. Usually the fever ended after the first shift from man to wolf and back, stabilized to the constant heat that the Tlokwali lived with but were no longer sickened by. But sometimes if one shifted alone, without the guidance of an Alpha who anticipated and helped the change, that one could be damaged in a multiple of ways. An extended fever was one of these things. But having an Alpha would almost immediately take that fever away. It was why they had an Alpha, to protect them and guide them. It was why T'sikáti's hand was where it was, because Makah blooded or not, the youth was a lost brother and needed to be taken and made Tlokwali.
The gathered elders, sitting further away from the boy, made it clear from their disapproving expressions and stiffened body postures that they felt the youth should not. At one point, T'sikáti could have ignored their disapproval and done what he wished, but he was no longer the chief of their tribe, had offered back that position many seasons ago with the claim he was too old to be wise. With enough age came wisdom. With enough wisdom, one merely felt old. The current chief, he who was highest in the Qela'akwal, hadn't had his fill of wisdom yet and looked to be the most disapproving.
Qa'al shared a look with T'sikáti and smiled slightly at his Alpha's frown. The fish looked grumpy today, perhaps Qa'al should have hurried? T'sikáti thought that yes, the fishhook should have hurried, and that Qa'al needed to flirt with pretty women on his own time.
Ahh. Grumpy indeed.
"You summoned me, Alpha?" Qa'al said respectfully, although by rights he should have only acknowledged the Alpha after the tribal chief. The chief stiffened angrily and the elders' disapproval was now directed at Qa'al, but Qa'al ignored it easily. He was too old to care for the opinions of those that were just children compared to T'sikáti and himself. Qa'al never knew why T'sikáti tried so hard to maintain the peace. Normally T'sikáti would chastise him for his impertinence, but T'sikáti was distracted and unhappy and seemed unconcerned with Qa'al's slight disrespect to those that caused his Alpha to be displeased.
"This child is Makah," the tribal chief spoke up in voice made raspy with age, not allowing the Alpha to speak first. "There is no doubt that he has been taken with the sickness that is a guardian spirit, but it is doubtful that he can be what the Makah woman says. We would like for you to check him again, Qa'al. In case you were…mistaken."
It was a disrespect in turn, one aimed at Qa'al, but Qa'al was more amused than anything and nodded his acquiescence. He was the Quileute shaman, and as such had his duty. So the old wolf took his place beside the youth, met his Alpha's eyes once, and as the elders began tapping out a slow rhythm against their hips, he allowed himself to relax. The rituals were unnecessary at this point, but Qa'al followed them anyways to appease those his Alpha chose to appease. He began chanting softly, supplications to the spirits and the ancestors to enter him, to share with him their knowledge, to let him see that which the boy had been, and was, and would become.
The world became clouded, slower, thicker and harder to move through. The spirits had entered him as requested, and in doing so made Qa'al their own. He wished to see with their eyes, and with the encouragement of the ancestors, the spirits granted him such, if he was strong enough to bear an extended stay in their world. The voices around him grew louder, faster, helping him move through this spirit world that he was now a part of. The Makah blood heating the boy's veins made it difficult, and the ancestors were rejecting that side, so Qa'al prayed harder. His eyes had closed as the spirits spoke with his own guardian spirit, as the ancestors in turn spoke with him, telling him what to do. And as the Alpha raised his own voice with the others, strengthening Qa'al once more, the old wolf became that which he was not and saw that which he should not have been able to see.
His eyes came back open, but that which had been was no longer. Where there had once been the bodies of the elders and his Alpha, there was only the dark brown of the Qela'akwal, and the red of two Tsayeq that flanked the Qela'akwal. Outshining both in sheer size and brilliance was the absolute blackness and pristine whiteness twisting together into that which was his Alpha, Tlokwali, two spirits that must exist in perfect harmony with each other. Qa'al felt his own guardian spirit drawn to that of his Alpha's, Qa'al no longer a body but a twisting of spiritual color as well. Black and white, intertwined carefully and equal in every way, if not as perfect in hue as the Alpha. It would be easy to allow himself to be lost in that, but to lose one's self in the spirit world was to lose one's heart and health, and even sometimes to lose one's mind. So Qa'al did as he must and focused on what this journey had been made for.
At their feet the youth faded, the black and white of the Tlokwali curling slowly into a soft grey. Balanced, yes, but blending into nothing.
He needed to come back, but the spirits had a hold of him. He was the wolf, running across the land. He was the bird, dipping through the skies. He was the otter playing in the rivers. He was the whale, singing its song as it swam deeper and deeper, carrying him home.
Home was not an ocean. It was with T'sikáti leading their wolves against the Cold Ones, it was worried little Chibód running after a grinning Wisá álita through the woods, it was a fire that they did not need to warm their bones as they looked up at the stars and remembered the seasons unnumbered. It wasn't with the spirits. It was here, with Qa'al's Alpha. That was home.
As he so often did, it was T'sikáti who brought him back. Qa'al slumped against his Alpha's shoulder, panting and exhausted.
"He is Tlokwali," Qa'al managed to say, voice raspy and roughened. "For a day or two more and then he will be gone. But he is Tlokwali and deserves to live."
The elders began to mutter, but Qa'al didn't care to hear what they would say. It was out of his hands now. Too weak to support himself, Qa'al leaned into his Alpha's strength as T'sikáti began arguing with the elders as to whether or not the youth be allowed to die. It wasn't that he wouldn't support his Alpha, but the spirits had drained him and left his throat dry and painful.
From the doorway of the house, Tuktukadi watched this all with worried eyes. And she watched the first man that she had heard openly protect her brother, watched him rub his throat and cough, a deep painful rattling noise. It was Tuktukadi's bravery that saved her brother's life, because it was her feet that entered a place she was not allowed, and her hands that offered a small cup of water to a man she was afraid of, the eyes of that man's grateful Alpha looking on. Qa'al smiled at her despite the offended elders muttering at the woman, accepted the water and drank gratefully as the woman touched her brother's fevered brow before ducking her head and slipping back outside into the cold. Slaves had been killed for less, but not today.
Today was when the honored T'sikáti, the hope of the Quileute, made their tribe's most important decision. T'sikáti allowed a Makah blooded boy to become Tlokwali, and in doing so, sealed the fate of an entire people.
In hindsight, Qa'al never was able to say if he should have refused that cup.
The young wolf stood on human feet, stripped to his waist and covered in sweat and blood. His time fighting was done, he had won as he usually did, and now it was time to watch another. Down in the roughly dug training pit, a different wolf was about to die.
Up on the rim, the young wolf was panting hard, but not from exertion. After all, he had regained his wind a while ago. No, he was panting because he was angry. Angry they were forcing him to watch this, because instinct told him the wolf down in the pit would make a mistake and there was nothing the young wolf could do about it. Angry he hadn't gone with the northern Alpha when he had the chance, because as much as he had feared the unknown, after months of this…well, there wasn't a lot he could imagine that wouldn't on some level be preferable. Angry he was going to have to kill again, if not later today, then soon.
The young wolf didn't like killing, but he liked dying less. He had grown up on the darker side of the city, was no stranger to violence, was no stranger to death. He knew what it felt like to have a bullet graze your shoulder, knew what it felt like to have another do more than graze your back, knew what it was like to watch someone hurt someone else just because they could, and he knew what it was like to stand there and do nothing. He knew cages, cages made of metal bars and racial profiling and sliding educational systems. He knew survival was more than who was the strongest. It was who was the smartest, who knew when to stand up and fight and who knew when to duck his head and keep his eyes on the ground. He knew how to lead and he had been taught how to follow or get killed.
It didn't take money to buy the kind of education the young wolf had received, but it sure cost a whole hell of a lot.
Someone hadn't taught the wolf in front of him these things. Twice the young wolf's age and half his size, that one had just made a serious mistake and now was dying beneath the fangs of the newest addition to their collection, a young lean newborn of especially vicious nature. The newborn was starving, and as it fell upon the downed wolf to feed, the Alpha let out a hiss of anger. The young wolf didn't know why he was so angry. The Alpha was the one that always ordered them into the pits.
The Alpha loved them in his own way, even though they were all used to the fact that they could die any day, the Alpha included. They all trained, they all fought, they all risked, and they all were rewarded by still living at the end of the day. Their leader was no exception. So it was the Alpha that dropped lightly into the training pit, causing the newborn to growl and twist his way. The young vampire crouched, hissing, his skin sparkling like diamonds in the heavy southern sun, and the Alpha tilted his head to the side, letting the bones and muscles crack and settle. The Alpha eyed his dying wolf regretfully, the Pack would mourn the loss of him deeply, but that was the cost of where they were, what they did, the mission they had dedicated themselves to.
The Alpha closed his eyes and exhaled. He hated wasteful days such as these.
Vampires were hard to come by, newborns even harder, but if one killed their own, that wasn't something that could be forgiven. It was inconvenient, but the Alpha had a duty to the wolf seizing and dying at their feet. When the newborn struck, the Alpha's eyes were still closed, but by the time the Alpha's eyes were open again, the vampire's head had been ripped from its body and dangled in the Alpha's hand. The vampire wasn't dead yet, it took more than this to kill one. But it was almost dead, in an extreme amount of pain, and was letting out a shrill keening noise that only stopped when the Alpha gave the head a good hard shake and broke its jaw in annoyance. Then he sighed and tossed the head on the newborn's body. If it could put itself back together again, then maybe they would keep it after all. Like he had said before, newborns were hard to come by.
The Alpha knelt next to the wolf, who was keening in his own pain, even though he was biting through his lip to try and hold back. This was the most painful way for a wolf to die and the Alpha knew it. He leaned in, whispered softly of how proud he was of the dying wolf, and how he would one day run at their sides even if they were never to return to the lands of their people. For the dying wolf's courage and strength, he the Alpha would make sure their Pack would run in the next life, even without the ancestors to join them and guide them. Then the Alpha brushed a loving hand over his wolf's brow and broke the wolf's neck.
It was a swift death, and in their world, a swift death was a better thing than the multiple alternatives. The Pack stood along the rim of the training pit, and as their Alpha raised his voice in sorrow, so did they lift their own voices. All but one. Alone the young wolf watched silently, watched his Alpha, watched the vampire not die. That dead wolf had been kind, but that kindness had been double sided. The dead wolf had taught him how to finally phase back to his human form, but had introduced him to an Alpha that now owned him. The dead wolf had offered the young wolf back a somewhat normal life, and left him a slave. Taye had respected the dead wolf but hated him. Callous as it was, Taye felt no grief.
Everyone was going to die sometime.
Someone had taught the young wolf when to stand and fight, and it showed in much of Taye's actions, so no one was particularly surprised when he dropped down into the pit and flicked a pocket lighter open. He waited to be challenged but was not, and beneath his Alpha's calculating gaze, the young wolf stood over the parts of the vampire and burned that fucker to the ground. Again he felt no grief. To be honest, he didn't feel much at all besides anger these days. He had stopped being afraid the moment this Alpha had taken him over, the moment he had learned his new lot in life. But anger he knew. Everyone died, but Taye angrily knew that some shouldn't have to go as soon as they did. It was a damn waste, and that was something to be sad about. Glancing once at the Alpha, the young wolf turned and made his way out of the pit, his Packmates hauling him back to the rim so that he could take his place at their sides.
The Alpha nodded his approval, closed his eyes, and whispered a prayer to the ancestors. He asked them to help them earn their Alpha's forgiveness, even if it killed them all. Up on the rim, a young wolf named Taye watched a vampire burn before he finally lifted his own voice in song.
There was an invisible line drawn between Jack and his Pack, a line that he wouldn't cross. It was also a line that his Pack seemed oblivious to. As the mass of yawning sleepy bodies wandered over to where Jack sat waiting patiently after having finished his patrol, there was not a single wolf who shied away from what Jack himself couldn't do, uncaringly stepping across the border to his side of the line.
For not the first time, Jack wondered at the fact that his Pack went so far out of their way to accommodate him. For not the first time his heart filled with pride for it.
Jack had been told that of all the wolves, Sam Uley, Jared Qahla, and Paul Coho would be the ones that would not ever be late for a Pack meeting, no matter when or where, and having attended one every two weeks since returning from Calgary, Jack had learned this was very true. He had also learned that Seth Clearwater would never be on time for a meeting anywhere unless everyone came to where he was at, and Jake would never get there until Seth did. Jake hated meetings with a passion, hated holding them, hated running them, hated forcing anyone else to do something he himself wouldn't want to do. Jack however had no problem with them. Anytime he was able to be with his Pack in their entirety, it didn't make just his morning, it made his entire week. He would spend the next thirteen days eagerly waiting for the next one, and therefore it was with pleasure he waited for his Pack. He'd wait much longer than two weeks to get to see all of them at the same time. The wolf he had once been would have laughed at Jack for his eagerness, but this Jack didn't care.
This Jack was nearly quivering with the pleasure of being with his Pack again.
The brindled wolf crouched on his belly and sank lower into the grass as dominant wolf after dominant wolf approached him, but Jack's tail was wagging harder. Sam and Jared were already there, involved in a deep conversation about Brady that Jack was trying not to listen to, but when the wolf in question came jogging out of the woods with Collin sleepily in tow, Jack made a soft whining noise and scooted forward on his belly a little closer to the border line. The younger wolves were still unused to being more dominant than anyone, and while Collin was settling into it naturally, in fact seemed to expect it since he was more dominant than Brady as well and had been since Missoula, Brady was surprised and pleased every time Jack reminded them of his place beneath them. So Jack made a point of doing it, and never failed to get at least a few companionable thumps on the ruff or shoulders for it. This was a particularly good day, because as Collin dropped dramatically to the grass and declared that it was fucking cruel to have meetings before school, on a Friday no less, Brady just yawned and sat down between Jack and Collin. Brady reached over and grabbed Jack by the ruff of the neck and the ancient wolf grunted in surprise when Brady hauled him over his lap, then draped forward over Jack's neck and shoulder, making him a pillow.
Collin eyed that for all of three seconds before deciding that Brady was brilliant, and Jack found his side being used as a nice warm furry backrest for the other young wolf.
"He's not your fucking furniture," Leah told them all as she yawned and wandered up, giving Jack an amused look before flopping to the grass nearly as dramatically as Collin. She then sat up, scooted backwards, and ended up shoulder to shoulder with Collin, settling into Jack's ribcage. "Okay yeah, he's furniture."
The Beta and Quil had just left the trees, Embry in tow, and Seth gave Embry a grin as he saw the four wolves. "If Jack's tail wags any harder, I think he's going to take flight," Seth chuckled teasingly, although the Beta made sure to cuff both Brady and Jack on the heads as he and Embry walked by. Embry looked tired and stressed and was holding a crumpled sheet of paper in his hand as he stayed at Seth's side. Quil glared at Collin once, who glared back for a moment but then sighed and shifted over closer to Jack's front leg as Quil happily plopped down between Leah and Collin. The tail started to wag even harder, Jared and Sam were chuckling as Leah was forced to grab Jack's tail and tuck it under her arm to keep from getting whacked in the stomach any more. Jack sighed contentedly, resting his head on Brady's kicked out leg. He had missed this more than he could ever be able to explain.
Finally Jake came trotting out of the woods, a frown on his face as he looked particularly alert for this early. The Alpha being unhappy wasn't ever good, and as much as Jack loved being his Pack's furniture, it was more important to him to be supportive of his Alpha than anything.
When one had had a thousand years to perfect phasing, they can learn to do so without harming a single hair on a group of people's heads. The fun part was that when Jack became human again, he also became significantly smaller and caused his Packmates to fall back on top of him collectively. Leah was the only one who handled such with dignity, but then again she had learned two weeks ago to appreciate that which sent Jack's male Packmates cursing and scattering. Jack was wolf again before they had finished leaping up in horror, Collin insisting that Jack's ball sack was never allowed anywhere near his back again, and Leah smirked and took the more comfortable position against Jack's furry canine belly. The Alpha had stared in shock for a moment, and then burst out laughing at the disgusted looks Quil and Collin and Brady's faces. Even Jared and Sam were grinning.
"It's your own faults," Jake chuckled, sharing a smirk with Embry as he joined the Beta and fourth. "Give him an opening and Jack's gonna fuck with you."
"Yeah, very funny man," Quil growled, blushing a little because unlike Collin, something actually had been near his back, and Jake's grin grew. Jack felt his Alpha's amusement deep in his belly, and it warmed him, and he couldn't help his tongue lolling out happily.
"Okay, all joking aside, we've got some business to take care of, then I have to go cheat off Seth for a math test," Jake said. "Before anyone asks, I gave Paul the morning off. He's out of sorts and needs a break."
"I'm worried about him, Jake," Collin said softly, once more repeating his overly voiced concern. "Is it really a good idea for Paul to just take off right now-?"
"Drop it already, Collin," Jared barked, and Brady shot a quick warning glance at his friend when Collin bristled under the command. Jack had seen it many times before now, a young wolf who wasn't matured enough to rise in rank but whose wolf resisted not being in charge. One day Collin would outrank Jared, but today wasn't that day, and Jared leveled a look at Collin that forced the younger wolf to back down. When Collin stopped bristling quite as much, Jared softened his voice. "He doesn't have a choice, Collin. He and Cassie are completely tapped, the same way Kim and I would be if both of us weren't working. The tourist season is over, there just aren't any jobs right now. This is the best Paul can do, and you worrying about him leaving won't help."
"So I'm supposed to just pretend it's not a bad fucking idea to leave Cassie all alone?" Collin growled back, and Jared shook his head as Collin pushed against authority again. It wasn't just Jared. Collin had been particularly resistant to Quil lately, too, although Quil was too preoccupied with leaving Claire to much care. Jake had been watching it for a while, giving Collin a chance to work it out with his Packmates, but Jack could tell that the Alpha's patience was wearing thin.
"Here he goes again," Leah muttered, sharing a look with Seth. "Anyone else besides me know this shit by heart yet?"
"He's leaving her with you, Collin," Jared reminded him coolly, able to hold his own without Jake stepping in and protecting him. "If that's not good enough idea, tell us now and we'll figure out someone who can handle it. I trust Brady to take care of Kim, so if he has to, he can take care of Cassie too."
Brady flushed at that, but a pleased look spread across his features. It was hard to know what Brady was thinking these days, Jake had the young wolf's thoughts blocked for Brady's privacy and ensured it by running patrols with the younger wolf, but it was obvious Brady's confidence in himself had been sorely shaken. What Jack's Packmates didn't seem to get was that Collin's confidence was equally shaken, something that Paul would have noticed if he had been less wrapped up in himself and his Mate. Newly Mated meant that it would be hard for Paul to focus on much else than Cassie, and Jack whined unhappily without thinking about it, drawing attention he hadn't meant to bring to himself. Jake and Seth had been watching the conversation silently, but Jack's inadvertent sound caused both leaders to immediately focus in on him.
Okay, so maybe it wasn't dignified to try to hide one's head from view behind a she-wolf's back, but Leah was the closest thing to hide behind.
"Human, Jack," the Alpha said softly, and Jack had phased and was kneeling in the grass before the order was finished. His nudity didn't bother him, but the Pack's eyes on him did. "You can say what's bothering you, Jack," Jake reassured him, but there was the faintest tone of command in his voice. Collin was still bristling, and Jack's place was to keep his mouth shut, not intercede. He had messed up. Again.
"Jack, tell us what's bothering you," Jake commanded, although extremely gently. The Alpha almost never pushed hard, because Jack would obey even the faintest hint of pressure from Jake. Jack always obeyed his Alpha…sometimes it just took him a little longer to find the right way to do it.
"A spear does not always take the hare the first time it is thrown," Jack finally whispered. "But if a spear is only thrown once, the spear will never know it is a match for the hare, as fast and as strong. A spear unbroken can be cast again and again and can take many hares, as many as are needed. A broken spear can still be mended and take the hare. But the spear that lies still, afraid to be thrown, will remain what it always was, a stick."
He paused and then met Collin's eyes only briefly before lowering them submissively. "I have lived the life of a stick, brother, but our Alpha has asked of more of me, and I doubt he will accept less from you."
Collin flushed, looked like he was going to get mad, but then he clamped down on his temper. The young wolf ran a hand through his hair. "I hate it when Papa wolf's always right," he muttered, but then he nodded through clenched teeth. "Point made, Jack. No wussy bitches allowed in the Pack."
That actually hadn't been the point Jack was trying to make, and he cringed at the misunderstanding, but Seth was already smoothing that comment over, giving Collin a rare annoyed look. "What Collin was trying to say, Jack, is that Paul was right in saying we should listen to you," the Beta explained, keeping his eyes on Collin. "And Collin, what Jack was trying to say was that what happened in Missoula doesn't mean you can't keep Cassie safe. Collin, she would be dead if it wasn't for you."
"And you both would be dead if it wasn't for Jack," Leah felt like mentioning, her tone protective as she backed up her Packmate. "So stop being a shit to him and everyone else, pup." Jack started to cringe even more, but Collin didn't get angrier. Instead he let out a tired sigh.
"Yeah, yeah, I know," Collin admitted, slumping and going back to his normal more laid back self. Jack wondered how many in the Pack realized the reason was because Jack had his head turned enough to show Collin his throat in apology. "Sorry, Jack. I just…I'm just worried about it. And you're not a stick, dude, so no more of that."
Jack nodded and Collin seemed satisfied, which was good enough for Jack, but Seth and Jake were both sharing a look. Something passed in between them, and then Jake cleared his throat. "Okay," the Alpha said in a commanding voice. "Business of the week. And I'm saying week because I'm changing this back to every Friday morning. I know, I know, that sucks, but there's reason. We're going to be three wolves short here in a couple days. Jared, Quil, and Paul will be gone for about two weeks, back again for a couple days, and then they'll be gone for a couple months. Having Jack helps, but we'll be short and we need to keep patrols up. The world isn't as friendly as we thought."
"No shit," Quil muttered, shaking his head. "Anyone else feel like La Push has become a big ass target recently?"
Jack shifted, once more drawing attention, and Seth nodded at him to say what was on his mind. "They cannot attack our Pack's lands," Jack said softly. "If they could have, the Calgary Alpha would have long ago. They have been driven from our lands by the Alpha of our people and cannot return, as I cannot return. Those that would kill you where we stand could not do the same on that side of the line."
"They can't come here unless I specifically invite them?" Jake questioned, his eyes narrowed intently, and Jack tried to make sure he was saying what was correct.
"…As far as I know, Alpha," Jack finally said. "What is a source of jealousy and danger also protects you. There are many Packs, but only La Push is truly Tlokwali, those truly of the wolf. You have what we do not, and the ancestors will side with you. They cannot cross into your territory, Alpha."
Seth and Jake shared another look. "Jack?" Jake asked gently. "Are you sure that tradition is as binding as that? I don't want to base our Pack's safety on what they should do." Jack didn't know, so he merely bowed his head and the Alpha moved on. "Hopefully Jack is right. That would make things easier on us, but no chances. Keep extra vigilant, and keep close to the rez unless we decide otherwise. And please Leah. Please no more side trips."
Leah blinked innocently and noticed a baby raccoon hiding in the bushes. Huh, look at that. Baby raccoon.
"The Cullens have been getting pretty amped up by this vamp, Neel," Jake continued, ignoring her innocence. "Carlisle backed off because of Ness breaking the border two weeks ago, but he called me up last night. Alice saw the vamp headed this way and then he disappeared, so they think it's because he breaks the border. She couldn't tell when, just that it wasn't raining."
"Helpful," Sam grunted and Leah winked at him.
"Betcha I get him first," she challenged, and Sam briefly grinned at her.
"You're not actually betting money, are you Lee-lee?" he countered, and Leah stuck her tongue out at him playfully. Someone threw a rock at Quil while everyone else was distracted, and the wolf cursed and blinked when it hit him between the eyes. Seth whistled cheerfully, not looking at anyone in particular, and Jake rubbed the bridge of his nose like he was developing a headache.
"I'll buy a damn burger for whoever gets the thing," Jake sighed. "Just be careful, he's supposedly dangerous, and kill him sooner rather than later. Carlisle's getting to be pushy for us to hold up our side of the treaty. I've never seen old man vamp so strung out about anything like this-" Jake looked like he was going to say something more, but when his sentence never came, Embry's head snapped up. Jake then laughed out loud, a huge grin spreading across his mouth. "Hey Emb? Samantha just ate it in the dojo." This seemed to amuse him greatly.
"Is she okay?" Embry asked worriedly, his face scrunching up in concern. "I told her to take it easy this morning."
Jake snickered, saying, "And you actually thought she'd do it? Although by her level of embarrassment at the moment, I think it wasn't working out. Don't be surprised if you come back to her flattened on the ground from mopping or something. She's fine, Emb, it just distracted me."
"Bunny Lop's been extra clumsy lately, you better not have knocked her up, Embry," Seth teased playfully, to which Jake shuddered and Embry actually managed to turn about as red as a Quileute tomato. Quil was still rubbing between his eyes, and Collin was starting to look a little bored. Brady's face was expressionless.
Jared leaned into Sam and muttered, "Do you know how much hell Kim will give me if anyone in the Pack gets pregnant before her? She's been treating Cassie like shit because she's convinced Cass will beat her to it. She'll hit the roof if Sims beats them both."
"Emily told me they had been fighting," Sam murmured back, frowning. "I don't think Paul knows, though, Cassie's pretty good about hiding things from him when she wants to. Em's stuck in the middle and is avoiding both of them." There was definite disapproval in Sam's voice, and Jared ducked his head a little.
"I'll talk to her, Sam," Jared said apologetically, his voice still quiet. "It's not just the baby thing, it's the marriage thing too. Kim heard Cassie and Emily talking about it, and she's got it in her head that you and Em are finally gonna-"
"Hey Jack," Leah said loudly, drawing the ancient wolf's attention. She winked at him as she twisted his way. "Since you're already dressed for a party and these guys are losing focus, wanna go earn me some more waffles? You know, free will fucking and all, no magically forced relationships necessary to ride this train."
The comment was unlike her, but she had only just been in heat her third time ever a couple weeks ago, and the territorialism was to be expected. In Jack's old Pack, she still would have been kept away for another week or two from other females for safety, and all Jack had seen from her was the occasional eye roll and a comment or two. Considering how young she was, and that her Alpha was too young to help her much, Leah's control was impressive. So impressive that Jack had been nearly stunned at her potential, the way he had been stunned at Jake's. The females had always held their own rankings between themselves, but even at her age, Leah would have been near the top. She was a gift that he wasn't sure his Pack understood that they had, her presence alone tying the Pack together tighter, and a tighter Pack was a stronger Pack.
In a different world, a world long since passed, her options wouldn't have been nearly so constricted, but things being as they were, she dealt with her lot with grace. Mostly likely because she had never known any different. Jack had always found the she-wolves appealing, most high ranked wolves did, and Jack had indulged them even while his Alpha's control helped them maintain their own controls. Even now, the ancient wolf was perfectly content earning his Pack's she-wolf as many waffles as she wished, but he was relatively certain that the Alpha, the Beta, the Pack's previous Alpha, and oddly enough Quil were all going to try and eat him if he agreed. Their flat stares certainly were saying as much, and someone that might have been Seth cracked his knuckles. So Jack smiled at Leah and ducked his head shyly.
"The pursuit of waffles is dangerous," Jack murmured. "But the hunt is worthwhile. I am unafraid."
Leah grinned at him and opened her mouth to say something, something probably very suggestive if her body language was correct, but she was cut off by a cough from the fourth. Embry's eyes were sparkling in amusement, but Seth looked completely grossed out and had put his fingers in his ears, and Jake's face was pained.
"As the meeting abruptly comes to an end," the Alpha stated in a slightly rough and rather loud voice. "New order, all latter waffle conversations will be held out of both my and Seth's hearing. Embry has a new patrol schedule, everyone find him later and get it. Emb, please go get my imprint off the floor. Whatever she did, she did it a second time."
Embry scuttled off to do just that, and Seth chuckled, rounding up Collin and Brady and herding them back in the direction of the school. Seth turned around and began walking backwards, making a small yipping noise that Jack instinctively understood was meant for him. Jack's attention was instantly focused on the Beta, who grinned at him.
"Hey, Jack! Don't let Leah distract you, man. We're still fishing after school, right?"
Jack bowed his head in acquiescence, but was pleased that the Beta had not forgotten and he was sure that it showed in his face. Seth grinned even bigger, then turned and went back to driving the whining younger wolves off towards their education filled day. Sam and Jared slipped off to patrol, once more deep in conversation. Jake gave Leah a searching look, but walked over and squeezed Jack's shoulder before heading off with the waiting and soon to be patrolling Quil, leaving Leah and Jack alone. The pleasure of the Alpha's attention, even if just for a moment, filled Jack with contentment. Leah however snorted under her breath and stuck her tongue out at the retreating Alpha's backside just because she could. Jack watched Leah watch the Alpha go, and she had the grace to look embarrassed when she caught him catching her.
"Sorry," Leah said with a tiny grin, "Not really sure where that came from. It bugs me when I have to drag my ass out of bed to come to a meeting and all they do is talk about their imprints." Jack's lips curved a little more when she muttered under her breath, "Even Jake's started doing it. And he wonders why my ass doesn't want any part of him anymore." They both knew by her tone alone that her last statement was less than true. The ancient wolf shifted to a more relaxed position, wishing he had a pair of pants, or at least his breechclout. He was pretty sure that the she-wolf had been sneaking peaks during the meeting.
"The females of our kind are not inclined to share," Jack told her kindly. "And the attraction to the Alpha for them is tangible. There is nothing to apologize for."
"I don't have a tangible attraction to him," Leah disagreed, flushing a little. "It's just…Jake's just…"
The ancient wolf waited for her to finish, but when she didn't, he gently finished for her. "He is the Alpha, Leah. The draw is on both sides." Leah frowned, and Jack forced past the barriers in his mind that made it so hard to remember how things used to be. Generalities he could do, but specifics were harder, but he tried, pushed past the angry mutters of the ancestors in his head to find the words she needed to hear from him.
"My Alpha, he had six she-wolves at the height of his Pack, although we lost one to a Cold One, and another to the heartsickness that was losing the first," Jack said softly, long buried grief welling up in him. That had been a bad day for him, for his Alpha, for them all. "My Alpha was tied to them, each differently, each as strongly."
"That sounds like one big ass chick fight in the making," Leah joked, although her eyes were searching his for answers. Answers that even Jack could not have told her. The females had always kept their secrets to themselves, guarded by the Alphas in their privacy. Much of what she needed, Jack simply did not know. He bowed his head apologetically.
"It was not, not often anyways," Jack murmured above the mutters. "Except when in heat, when the males separated them for their own safeties, they kept order amongst themselves as they chose. I was never a she-wolf, and was never invited to know how or why."
Leah chuckled at that, but his answers, as brief as they were, seemed to have helped her. Under Jake's order, she could not ask him more than he was comfortable offering of his own accord, but Leah seemed content. When she stood up, Leah gave Jack a smile as she stretched. "Well, I suppose that being mysterious has its good points, huh? No offense, but the whole waffle comment was more to embarrass the guys than anything else, and I want my bed. Can I have a rain check on the sex?"
Jake rose to a crouch, giving Leah a fond look. "Time spent with me once does not lead me to believe time will be spent with me again. I am content, sister."
"Then you'd be the first guy I've ever been with to feel that way," Leah chuckled, teasing him as she stepped back across the line. "Are you sure you were never a she-wolf, Jack?"
He winked at her and stood up. Sometimes it was fun to make even the most bold females blush, although to her credit, Leah just laughed and winked back.
"Point made. And with that interesting image burned into my mind, I'm going to bed. Later, Jack!" She waved over her head and jogged away, and Jack was once more a wolf again before she had disappeared. Shaking his brindled fur, Jack stretched and then dropped to his belly. He stayed there for a long time, inhaling deeply. Pack. He liked his Pack, and he hoped they would grow to like him too. He could smell them all, even the faintest hint of the Third deep in the reservation. Jack liked his Pack but he really liked the Third. He really liked the Third a lot. But none of that mattered nearly as much as the fact that he loved his Alpha. Jack most definitely loved his Alpha. The ancient wolf curled up in a ball, resting his nose on his hip and sighing contentedly.
Murder. Yes, he knew. Betrayer. Yes, he knew that too. But Jack loved his Alpha, and he had a Pack, and that meant that for right now, the world was good.
Across the reservation, Jacob Black smiled even though he was failing his first period math test, and he murmured so softly only Seth and Samantha could hear, "Yeah man, I love you too."
The sun wasn't shining today, but that didn't matter to the pair that lay curled up in the bed in the corner of the small cabin. It was growing chillier as summer turned to fall, and the young woman never had been good at staying warm on her own, so she had buried herself as deeply into the bedding as she could. Next to her, the large wolf groaned when she stuck her cold toes between his legs, snuggling in closer and pressing her nose against his chest. She sniffed, a wet little sound, and Paul reached for a small warm body that he was still growing used to being there every time he woke up. It was better like this. Waking up with her was better.
"You're getting sick, aren't you Cass?" Paul rumbled sleepily. He had been up late the precious evening, running a double patrol. He and Quil and Jared were taking as many as they could to compensate for the time they would be gone, and Paul hadn't noticed Cass having a cold then, but to be honest, he'd been so tired that he'd choked down whatever it had been that she'd handed him for dinner and collapsed into bed, grateful Jake had let him out of the meeting and knowing he could sleep in. Paul should have been paying better attention.
His wolf yawned and decided it was good that at least he paid attention to things, and from her place burrowed against Paul's body, Cassie giggled. They didn't talk about the fact that when they were close, sometimes she could tell what his wolf was saying. It was a foreign concept that disturbed Paul a bit, but the benefits were that Paul had never felt more tightly tied to his imprint. He liked it this way, it was better this way. It was good this way.
Cassie sniffed again. That wasn't so good.
"Cass?" Paul blinked and yawned, then rolled over and put his nose in her throat, inhaling deeply. It must have tickled because she made a little squeaking noise, and Paul smiled against her skin.
"M'fine," Cassie replied, her accent thickened with sleep, and Paul felt himself almost start purring in pleasure. He loved her voice. He loved everything about her. She was the biggest fucking pain in his ass he could imagine, but he loved her so much it was ridiculous. So when he sniffed again and caught the faintest scent of heat beneath her coldness, she wasn't cold at all but running a slight fever, Paul growled lightly.
"Damn it Cass," Paul grumbled, tapping her rubber band with his finger before sitting up in bed and giving her a closer inspection. "I told you to stop wandering around naked all the time. Now you're sick again. This is the third time since you've gotten back." She always slept nude, so when she saw him inspecting, so gave a little wiggle for his benefit.
"I always get colds in the fall, Paul," Cassie informed him, unconcerned. "It's my bag, baby."
Paul chuckled and stuck his nose behind her ear where she smelled the absolute best. Well, at least where this half of her smelled the best. "You've been watching too many movies, Cass."
"There's not much else to do," Cassie yawned, wiggled again because she liked to do that sort of thing, and then she sneezed. Paul gave her a disapproving look.
"If you were getting sick, you should have told me," Paul admonished. "I could have taken you to the doctor. If we can't get you an appointment at the clinic before I leave, I'll have to have Collin take you."
"Don't be silly, Paul," Cassie smiled and ran her hands enticingly down his stomach. If Paul didn't know better, he would say that she was trying to distract him. "You worry too much, it's just a runny nose."
"Or maybe I worry an appropriate amount," Paul growled back, and when she realized he was serious, Cassie frowned. Paul didn't need to be Mated to her to understand the spiking scent of worry rolling off of her. Doctors meant insurance or extra cash, neither of which they had.
Cassie had spent her entire life privileged, and even though she wasn't unhappy with being broke now, she had never had to budget before. Three months of chasing her across Europe, plus paying back Jared for covering Paul's rent and now having gone four months jobless had nearly wiped Paul dry. They had some money but not much, and with each failing attempt at finding work, Paul had cut their budget back even more. Cassie had lived nearly as broke while in Europe, but she hadn't been thinking very clearly for most of that time, and now that she was starting to have to face what she had done, money had become a much bigger issue that she had ever thought it would be.
It wasn't materialism that was her problem. Cassie simply hadn't been aware how much of her coping mechanisms were wrapped up in spending money. It wasn't just spending money on herself, but on the people around her too. Her charity work was mostly cashed based, and had been an important part in making herself feel worthwhile. But Cassie was limited now to only buying what was absolutely necessary, like soap and peanut butter, and there simply wasn't anything to give. She tried to volunteer her time, but in being white and of a questionable reputation to be with a "Good boy like Paul", Cassie wasn't particularly welcome in places when she didn't have a hulking wolf behind her shoulder, glaring and making the locals be nice.
Forks would have been more welcoming to her, but she wasn't allowed and even if she had been, the Shaggin' Waggin' had picked a great time to throw a rod in the engine. Jake and Embry were still deciding if the engine was worth saving or if Cassie's pride and joy was stationary until Paul could afford a new engine. Until then she was limited to where she could go to by where she could walk to, and she was walking less and less every day because of her legs. She was in a lot more pain because she was running out of painkillers, and she and Paul were both very much aware that obtaining more would require health insurance they didn't have, money they didn't have, or asking a vampire they didn't want to be beholden to for help. The lack of drugs was showing how much of her life Cassie had covered with painkillers, and now that the shock was wearing off, not once had Paul found Cassie trembling in the bathroom as she fought the desire to pop what painkillers she had left like the candy it had once been.
Paul had only asked once, but Cassie had readily admitted to snorting heroin several times while in Russia, and even though she hadn't shot it intravenously, the fact it had still been heroin had scared him to the point he had left and spent a full day running to calm down. Cassie hadn't apologized, she was an adult and had made a decision independent of Paul in a situation that her drug use had not affected him, only herself. That hadn't made it acceptable, but it was between herself and her, at least according to Cassie, and that was just another thing on the long list of things that Paul and Cassie disagreed about but weren't going to keep fighting over. The point was that like money, her drugs weren't there anymore either. They didn't have the money to waste on alcohol, Cassie's tolerance was very high, and Paul was stressed out enough with being jobless without adding a drunken imprint on top of it. So she didn't drink except in small moderate amounts, and her final drug of choice, alcohol, was pretty much gone too.
Her masses of "friends", her sister, the few but dear people in her life outside of La Push, all gone until Jake felt it was safe enough for Cassie to contact them. She couldn't leave, and considering the fact that Jake had made it clear that Cassie had to be either in or out, Cassie had felt the walls closing in on her. She had been systematically stripped of her coping mechanisms, unhealthy as most of them may have been, at a time when she needed them the most. It had left her…unsure of her place now. Paul knew that Cassie feared deep down that he would change his mind about her, and that she would fail in this new life she was trying to build. She was trying so hard to help him, to find herself, to be worthy in her own eyes, while combating the all too fresh memory of a series of events that she held herself entirely accountable for. And Cassie compensated by fixating on the things she could control in a brand new world that she couldn't control, their money being one of those things.
Cassie could control the money they spent, or what they didn't spend. Being thrifty was her new hobby, and she was happy as a clam cutting coupons and mailing in rebates and going without. But Paul didn't want that for her, he wanted better for her. And he sure as hell didn't want her going without a doctor again, because he had let himself be convinced twice she just had the sniffles and nothing more. She was doing a shit job taking care of herself, and Paul was leaving in only two days. Jared had gotten Paul on one of the many commercial fishing boats up in Alaska, which would be hard work but at least decent money. It was going to suck because after the first run, Paul wasn't on the same boat as Jared and Quil, but that was how the draw of the straws was sometimes. Paul and Quil were both considered greenhorns, and there was only so many greenhorns a captain would take at a time. But Paul would do what he had to do, and if they had to drop some money now so that his scrawny ass imprint didn't get herself pneumonia while he was gone, well, that was just how it was.
"Cassie, there's no fucking way I'm leaving you here sick," Paul said strongly. "The first trip is only a couple weeks, but the second is a lot longer." He could see the stubbornness in her eyes and changed tactics, softening his voice. "Cass, you gotta trust me okay? I know things are hard right now, but I'm going to take care of us. My wolf hates open water, so when I'm up there, I need to be able to focus and not worry more than I always do about you. And I won't be able to do what I have to do unless I know you're not getting sicker."
"We don't have the money, Paul," Cassie told him gently, running a hand through his hair. "And I'll be fine. You need to trust me too, okay?"
Paul frowned and pulled away, sitting up in bed and rubbing his face wearily. He loved the hell out of her, but when it came to Paul trusting Cassie…well, not so much. "Cass, you know I love you right?"
She nodded, although her eyes were narrowing.
"Then please take this the way it is meant," Paul stated tiredly, stress making him say what he would normally keep to himself. "I fucking adore you, but as far as I'm concerned, you have the worst judgment of anyone I have ever met, especially when it comes to yourself and what you can handle. And before you start yelling at me in Russian and throwing shit again, I have a right to think this way. So please, just work with me here."
His imprint drew herself up, opened her mouth, and then clamped it again. Her hazel eyes were flashing, but then suddenly the heat was gone, as fast as it had come. What was left was the same girl he found in Germany, worn and worried, beaten down and-and he had just beaten her down even more. Dammit.
"Cassie, I didn't mean-"
"You've made your point, Paul," Cassie said quietly, interrupting him. "And I'm very aware that trust is earned and not given freely. But please don't apologize for saying exactly what you felt. And please take this the way it is meant. If you truly think of me as a child who can't take care of herself and make a decision without your guidance, then you probably don't have any business having sex with me every single night."
"I don't think of you as a child, Cass," Paul growled, frustrated. "I just…damn baby, I just want to make things better."
"By making sure I don't make them any worse," she replied simply, and while there wasn't any anger in her statement, it did ring with the brutal truth. He knew that made her sad, deeply sad, and without thinking Paul reached for her, hauling her upright and into his arms.
"I want to trust in you, Cassie," Paul promised, burying his face in her neck and sighing heavily. "I'm trying, but you burned me pretty damn bad. Trust goes two ways, and you don't trust me to know what's best any more than I trust you to know the same. I think that maybe you never trusted me to begin with."
There was truth in his words too, and Paul's tiny imprint made a soft noise in her throat as her arms wrapped around his neck. Paul hauled her in closer and held her tight.
"Cass, you get the fact that I'm in this for good, right? That there's no turning back for me?" Paul asked, and she nodded against his shoulder. "Then you have to understand that there a big nasty world out there that I don't trust anywhere near you, and I'm leaving you when I have never needed to be with you more. Not because of you, but because of me. I need this time with you to get past everything, but it's time we don't have and I hate that. But I need to keep us from going hungry, Cassie. It's not ideal, but it's the best I can do right now. I'm so worried about you that I can't think straight anymore, and…I'm just pretty stressed out right now, Cass. I just need you to have some faith in me. I need you to help make this easier on me, to help me worry less. I'll figure out the money, just please trust me to know what's best right now."
"Loving someone isn't a good enough reason to need to control them, Paul," Cassie said quietly and Paul flinched.
She thought he was trying to control her. Hell, maybe he was, maybe she needed someone to control her until she figured out how not to live out of control. But that wasn't what she wanted, and that wasn't who Paul wanted to be, and it made him equally angry with himself as it did with her. Angry wolves moved away from the imprints, it had been grilled into him from Sam since the very first day Paul had phased, so getting up and walking away from her was instinctive. So was his comment.
"You know what the shit of it is, Cassie? You had your entire adult life full of people fucking with you, but I have never done anything to deserve your lack of trust," Paul countered back as he walked to the kitchen, his words more harsh than he had meant them to be. "I didn't cause your problems, and you wouldn't let me save you from them either. So after the fact there's not a whole lot I can do but to be there for you. Which is really fucking hard when you won't even talk to me about anything that upsets you anymore. You won't talk to me, you won't talk to Collin, you won't talk to Jake…Hell, I even asked Jack to come talk to you as a last ditch effort and you refused. Once again everyone but you is out of the loop. Trust me, if I can't even get you to tell me why you spend half the night crying every time you think I'm asleep, I doubt I'm controlling you."
Not only was he not controlling her, he was leaving her like that. Collin was right. Money or not, this was a bad fucking idea. Snarling, Paul went to the fridge. He had only meant to get a can of soda, but he had opened the fridge door too hard and now Paul had the rest of the sodas rolling around on the ground and Cass's mini candy bar stash dumped on the ground. Cursing, Paul bent to grab them up and only ended up knocking his elbow into the open door and what was left of their gallon of milk hit the ground too, helpfully busting open and spilling a few cups of old milk onto the floor. Paul wasn't sure what pissed him off more, that he was big and stupid and clumsy enough to have knocked it all down, that Cass hadn't budgeted more milk into the grocery money until next week, or that his imprint and soon to be wife was drinking old fucking milk.
To be honest, Paul almost ripped the damn refrigerator door off the rest of it at that point. It was a little hand on his shoulder that stopped him.
Cassie was still naked, she spent way too much time wandering around like that. Paul hated it because even though she was sexy like that, it also reminded him constantly of how little she was, how frail. It made him aggressive and territorial and bad tempered. More than normal. He needed to take care of her now because he hadn't before and if she would just fucking stop fighting him all the time…
Paul's imprint knelt down on the ground next to him, knees in milk, and she hugged him tightly. Paul initially resisted, but then softened. Sometimes he wasn't even sure what he was so angry about anymore, and holding his imprint, his Mate, made it better. It made no sense that she could make him so angry, but then touch and it make the world stop spinning uncontrollably. He was just stressed, more stressed then he could ever remember being. Paul was a planner, took care of things, and he felt like he was scrambling to keep up now with the pressures of real life on top of a supernatural one.
"Sorry," he muttered, resting his forehead against her shoulder. "Sorry, I know I'm being rude and mean."
"You're worried, Paul, and you're trying too hard," Cassie said softly. He didn't reply so after a moment, Cassie picked up a milk covered mini Kit Kat, which Paul had been favoring of her stash, and she dried it off as best she could before opening it and breaking it in half.
"Here's chocolate me," she told him, lifting up the smaller half. "And here's chocolate you." Cassie took a bite of chocolate her and his as well, showing him the partial halves and how they didn't fit together anymore at the ragged ends. "Chocolate me is kind of not all me right now, and chocolate you isn't either. But I'm still less chocolate than you are, so it makes chocolate you feel like you have to fill in the gaps to make everything whole again," she told him gently. Then Cassie gave Paul a pretty smile. "But you're only so much chocolate, Paul, and so am I. Chocolate doesn't magically reproduce itself and fix everything. Although wouldn't it be really nice if it could? Then we could call you Paully Wonka and I could run your chocolate factory and when the oompa lumpas go on strike, I can fill in for them. Neat, huh?"
Paul stared at her, found a thousand different things to tell her how ridiculous that was, but she was smiling at him hopefully, and Paul couldn't help but smirk back. He snagged chocolate Cassie from her fingertips and ate her all up. Then he stole chocolate Paul as she yelped and tried to protect his chocolate self, and did the same. "You're right, Cass," Paul chuckled. "Chocolate doesn't fix everything. You need a better analogy."
"You ate the chocolate Paul," Cassie said sadly.
"The real one is better," Paul reminded her. She didn't look convinced so he made sure to prove it was true. After all, she was already naked, and eating Cassie's chocolate was a very cruel thing to do to her.
The milk ended up drying on them stickily, so after a decent amount of convincing, Paul let himself be convinced into a shower. For the moment the water was hot, so after a fair bit of teasing and soaping, Cassie stood under the water, eyes closed and face upturned as she leaned against his stronger form. She sometimes took several showers a day, and Paul knew that it wasn't him she was trying to find a way of scraping off her skin. As the small shower filled his steam, Cassie sighed and opened her eyes, turning her face sideways so that she was staring at the tiled wall. She traced a little heart in the condensation, Paul's name and hers inside, and then she leaned into him harder.
"I don't talk about it because it hurts you more to know than it hurts you to not talk," Cassie finally whispered as Paul ran a hand up and down her soapy hip. "And I do trust you, Paul. I'm just so used to fighting for control, it seems weak to just give you that power over me."
Paul thought about what she had said, and then he dropped his chin so that it rested on her the top of her head, his other arm beneath her breasts and holding her close. "Cassie, you're forgetting something," he rumbled quietly.
"Hmm? What's that?"
"You're forgetting that you've got power over me too," he reminded her. "You always have. I never fought it, but I tried to minimize it at first because it frightened me. But finally I let the imprint happen, let us happen, and I'm better for it. Letting you have that power over me wasn't easy, and I won't lie and say you didn't hurt me with it, but I know I hurt you too. And in the end I belong to you as much as you belong to me."
"Yeah?" She asked, sounding a little worried, and Paul turned her in his arms.
"Yeah, Cass. Me and you, we're tied together now, I think maybe more than we realize."
"Paul? Why are you so scared of leaving?"
Because what if when he came back, she was gone? What if he let her out of his sight again, and this time, he never caught up to her? What if his whole fucking world left him behind because he didn't matter enough to stay for? A thousand what ifs that he worried about all the time and wasn't ready to tell her yet.
"…Because I love you, Cassie."
Her soapy hip against his leg, her breasts against his abdomen, his hands everywhere because these days he was always at a loss on how to fix things, fix her, fix him, fix everything. She held him tighter, even if he didn't feel it, because she understood him better than he knew.
"I love you too."
Fishing was not what it once had been. The bright red pole and the black tackle box covered in stickers, combined with the Beta's cheerful chatting and aggressive enthusiasm as he carried his empty bucket along was sure to warn any fish in the area that they were coming.
Jack had known hunting waffles in Seth's vicinity would be difficult from now on. It never occurred to him that it would carry over to other types of game.
"You know, I used to fish with my father," Seth told Jack happily as the two trekked through the woods outside of Hoquiam, the Beta padding silently at Jack's heels. At least the Beta thought he was padding silently at Jack's heels. One of these days Jack was going to have to teach his Pack to walk as they should, although he had to admit it amused him at how sneaky they felt they were when they stomped and thumped about. Rico often told Jack that his new Pack sounded like wild hogs crashing about blindly through the brush, and the vampire believed that they were determined to give any poor, hardworking, honest, and respectable vampires that lived in the area migraines.
Rico often feigned migraines. Rico often feigned lots of things.
The Beta stepped on a twig and Jack was proud he didn't cringe, after all it wasn't the Beta's fault. Embarrassing yes, but not the young wolf's fault. Seth didn't seem to be noticing the difference, but he was happily whistling as they trekked. It was a pleasant catchy tune that Jack had heard before, although he wasn't sure why the Beta would wish that he was a food product of any sort, and didn't think the Beta needed to worry about lack of affection. He was loved by his Pack whether he was a hotdog or not.
"Although if I had known that Dad wasn't going to be around much longer, I would have paid closer attention to what he was telling me," Seth admitted, only the tiniest bit of regret in his tone. "I like going fishing when I can. It reminds me of him and the good days, you know?"
Jack nodded silently in understanding, his feet following a new path from the last time he had fished here. He had lived a long time in a single place, but even time hadn't taken away the constant sense of needing to not fall into easy patterns. A rogue wolf was alone and at risk, especially when bordered by another Pack or multiple Packs. What was left of his wolf knew that they were always in danger and had to be vigilant and careful.
The thought, paired with Seth's scent in Jack's nostrils, made him stop dead in his tracks. If Seth hadn't been a wolf, he might have run into Jack, but instead he shifted sideways reflexively, shoulder brushing the seal skin bundle that Jack carried over his back.
They weren't far from where Jack and Rico lived, where a small tributary had been feeding the Hoquiam river since the time that Jack had come to these lands to stay. A single wolf in the wild could live well in the summer and early fall off the salmon runs here, and when Seth had asked Jack to find a place for them to fish, it had seemed an appropriate place. Jack had felt that the young Beta was testing him, seeing how close Jack was willing to drift towards their ancestral homelands, which no doubt had better fishing this time of year, but Jack was fond of his Beta and fond of this spot and felt the need to show his Packmate something that was important to him.
Seth hadn't protested, although Jack had chuckled at the wide floppy hat and bright red flannel shirt that the Beta had insisted on wearing, the kind most often found on old men floating about calm lakes with bored expressions. For Jack there was nothing boring about fishing, and it seemed odd to him that the Beta should choose something to wear that would alert their food to their presence, but the Beta was the Beta and therefore probably knew something that the lowest ranking wolf in the Pack didn't. Betas usually were clever like that. And being the clever Beta that Seth was, he waited patiently for Jack to finish thinking about what he was thinking about.
Jack was currently thinking about the fact that he was no longer a lone wolf, and he was under the protection of a Pack, a very strong Pack, and if he wanted to follow the same path he had taken the last time he had fished, then he could. Jack had been relying on his Alpha too much, but the thought made him instinctively reach out for Jake through the ties that were Pack, to press against that presence in his soul affectionately instead of pulling at it for balance, and a smile slipped over his face when the feeling of the Alpha's curiosity rolled over him. Jack knew he was tied tightly to his Alpha, more so than most of the other wolves in his Pack, but it wasn't anything special about Jack. An Alpha was bound to all of his wolves equally, it was only how those wolves chose to bind themselves back that made such a difference in their contact with him and with each other. The Beta and the Third were more inclined to stay closely linked with their Alpha and with each other, but there was a time when every wolf in Jack's old Pack had been tied as tightly to their Alpha as Seth was to Jake. Jack and his oldest friend had been tied even more tightly still.
A young Pack with a young Alpha took time to learn to be as they should, took time to grow and to mature as men and wolves, but Jack couldn't help needing that contact. It was like a comforting hand on his back, or better yet, on his heart. The feeling warmed Jack, and he leaned on that warm feeling just a moment before pulling away. Rico liked to say that there was magic in the world, that it was magic that made the vampires, that bonded the wolves together, that created the creatures of the light and the dark, the day and the night. Rico always said that it was silly the Packs and the vampires enjoyed killing each other so much. They were both of darkness, of the night, and would be best allied together. Jack had never agreed or disagreed, because he had learned a long time ago that what he thought was mostly distorted and dangerous and wrong. But he felt the life blood of his people flowing through his veins, and the strength of his Pack wrapping around his bones, strengthening him with every step he took, and it felt nothing like darkness to Jack.
Jack and Rico never had agreed when it came to the darkness of heart and the darkness of mind. But Pack wasn't darkness. It was good. And it was Jack's.
"Jack?" Seth said quietly, although a quick glance at the younger wolf told Jack that the Beta was pleased. "You okay, man?" Seth asked, his own grin forming. "You look like the cat that got into the cream."
"The cream should have been better guarded," Jack murmured, politely averting his eyes so not to read too much of the Beta's thoughts from body language even as he teased his Beta lightly. "The cat likes the cream and is not inclined to be run off."
"You and me both," Seth chuckled as Jack continued his trek towards the tributary. They could hear the water burbling and gushing not too far away, close enough that the scent of water and moss and a touch of brine hit their noses. There were fish to be had here today, should they be skilled enough to catch them. Seth gave Jack a smile and hopped up on a rock just because he could. "Life's good in Jake's Pack, huh? Yeah, we've made a couple pretty major mistakes the last year or so, but all in all, I wouldn't trade it for anything."
"There was a time when it wasn't an option," Jack said softly as he led his Beta through the dense ground cover, carefully sidestepping a broken piece of glass left from someone carelessly tossing a bottle last week. Jack had thought he had gathered all the shards but apparently not. He bent and retrieved the dark brown glass and held it up to the light, tilting it back and forth. "One was either Pack or one was not," Jack murmured, and then he opened his mouth but felt it was safer to shut it again.
The Beta's presence always quieted the voices in Jack's head, but they didn't like him thinking of the past, and pushed at him the way that he himself had leaned on the Alpha. A hand on his heart, only squeezing, hurting, twisting, and it was easier to not think. Instead he passed the piece of glass to his Beta, pressing the sharpness into Seth's palm. Seth looked at it, then looked at Jack, and Jack could see the younger wolf trying to understand. Most people didn't, and Jack didn't blame them, so it was with surprise that Jack saw Seth get it.
"But the Packs shattered," the Beta stated, "Broken pieces that should have stayed a whole."
"That which is weak only becomes weaker," Jack replied in Quileute, and Seth pressed his thumb in the center of the piece and it shattered further into tiny bits of glass that couldn't be put back together again. Then the Beta smiled again and closed his fist, grinding what was left into dust before he brushed off his hand on his jeans.
"Good thing people aren't glass, huh?" Seth commented jovially, bumping his shoulder into Jack's. "Takes more than getting tossed to break us. Me, I'm thinking I'm one of those awesome bendy plastic thingies that will always snap back into place. Like Stretch Armstrong. He was really cool."
Jack wasn't sure who Stretch Armstrong was, so he said nothing, but he did allow his Beta's words to roll over him for later consideration as he knelt down on the damp soil, taking the seal skin roll off of his back. It was better to ready their fishing gear where the salmon could not see, because they had been known to leap from the waters with the intent of spying such as Jack and his Beta. The brave that boldly fished was the brave that humbly begged another for his supper that night should his family go without. Plus, considering the Beta's choice of attire, they were working at a disadvantage already.
It had rained earlier that day but had stopped, leaving a soft rolling mist through the woods, and Jack had always felt that the spirits were closer in times like these, their presence hidden in the mists that settled about the world, letting them watch unseen but all seeing. There were both good and evil spirits in the world, and Jack offered a quiet prayer in his native tongue, and also added a respectful murmur to those that had been the Hoh tribe, in case it was not his own people's spirits that watched this place. Seth listened and raised an eyebrow but said nothing, instead yawning and dropping down to the ground next to Jack, sticking his things off to the side as he relaxed. The Beta's lazy contentment was in contrast to the solemnity of the surroundings, and not for the first time Jack wondered if his new Pack were so blind to the world, that his people had become so blind to the world, or if the world had changed so much that it was Jack who had become blind.
"So what's that?" Seth asked curiously as Jack carefully removed the cedar gig spear he had been carving for this trip, the reason why he had asked the Beta to delay their fishing until he could be ready. It was a several foot long solid piece of cedar, three pronged and rubbed with resins to make it stronger, with careful etchings along the handle and prongs. The etchings told of the salmon, and his life in the freshwater streams. It told of his journey to the great salt water oceans, and his loneliness that drove him back to the place of his birth, to spawn and then to die. The etchings told of the gratitude of the one that fed upon the salmon, and the salmon's willingness to allow himself to fill the belly of the one clever enough to catch him. On a whim, Jack had added a story on the last prong, a story of a fish that loved a fishhook like a brother, even as the fishhook took its life and its dreams, the fish held on, unwilling to give up hope.
Jack had almost shaved that story off and started over, but his Beta had been growing impatient these last few days and wanted to fish, and Jack had left his carvings as they were.
"In these times it is called a gig," Jack instructed in his softly accented voice as he pulled out a length of soft nylon rope, well used and well cared for. He worked on fastening the rope to the end of the spear, keeping his motions slow and precise. "Most that you would find now are metal, but it is better to use that which those-with-a-spirit, the great trees, so willingly provide for us. A long straight branch is only left rarely, and should be treated with the honor in which it is given."
Jack had finished tying the rope securely, and then he calmly went about un-tying it with the same slow motions, allowing the younger wolf to watch each hand movement as it was done. "The rope is so that we can cast from higher up the river bank. It is deep where the fishing is the best, so it is better to have a way of retrieving one's gig." Then he re-coiled the rope and offered both the rope and the gig to his Beta. It was a sign of respect that he was pretty sure was lost on the youth, who had no way of knowing that a brave's gig was for him alone.
Back when Jack was just a child learning at his father's hip to fish, he had watched his father carve for hours before attempting to carve his own gig, not realizing at the time that his father was only making a new one for Jack to be able to watch. A brave's handcrafted tools were a deeply personal thing, so each was required to make their own when they were old enough. It was said that in the shaping of a tool, a piece of both the spirit of the crafted and the spirit of the crafter resided in the piece created. Only in the rarest of occasions were such pieces passed from one's hands to another, traded for something very valuable, or gifted as the greatest honor. Jack's own father had only allowed Jack to hold his father's things once before the other wolf had been culled. After the culling, his father's things had been gifted to his father's Beta and most dear friend, and the Beta's things lost as he had slipped away from the world in grief. It had not upset Jack at the time that he was forgotten. It was the way of his people that a man should to carve his own path, and not rest easy, beholden to that which was left him by another.
Things had changed, Jack knew. So many things had changed, old friend...
His dead Alpha thought that change wasn't to be feared. If one stayed in the slowly flowing river, afraid to leave that which one knew, one would never know that where the river ends, the great oceans began. Jack privately thought that if one was content with the river, one didn't need the ocean, but that had always been what separated himself and-
"I'm not doing this right, am I?" Seth muttered, having tried three times to secure the rope to the gig. Jack suggested through his body language as politely as possible that perhaps the Beta should return the tool. It took a couple repetitions of the suggestion, but Seth then untied his knot and re-coiled the rope, passing both back. So not to embarrass his Beta, Jack kept his eyes on his lap as he began again, slowly tying the knot and making sure that each motion was easy for Seth to see. As Jack worked, Seth leaned forward.
"Isn't this kind of a hard way to fish?" Seth asked curiously. "We don't need to spear the fish, Jack. Part of the fun is to sit back and let the fish come to you. Maybe drink a beer, swap some tales, talk about the ladies…"
"Are you not hungry, Beta?" Jack wondered, untying the knot and once more retying it. "Is that not why we're fishing?"
"Naw, I'm cool," Seth grinned lazily. "Don't get me wrong, a good fish fry tonight sounds great, but you don't always have to fish to eat, man. You can do it just for fun."
Jack was silent as he tried his very best not to be bothered by that statement. There was a time that he would have dressed down a younger wolf for saying such a thing, but that time had long since passed. It was not Jack's place to approve or disapprove of his leaders' actions, and it always lingered in the back of Jack's mind when he was with his Beta what had happened with his last one. That Seth wished to spend any time with him at all was baffling to Jack, and he wondered often if it was to watch Jack and protect their Alpha from Jack's…faults. But all he ever had found from the younger wolf was acceptance, if not a strong amount of curiosity.
Jack would keep his mouth shut for another thousand years of living to just be accepted by Pack again. It was not his place to disapprove.
"I said something wrong, didn't I?" Seth asked curiously. There was no acceptable answer to that, but Jack felt as if he should give one. He didn't know what to say, so he merely dipped his head lower and tilted it to the side submissively, apologetically. The Beta sighed and leaned over, gently grasping Jack by the ear and tugging his head back upright. Then he bumped his knuckles under Jack's jaw, making the ancient wolf raise his eyes. Giving him back his pride. Giving him room to speak.
Still, it was not Jack's place to judge, even if he did wish to explain. "It is not a question of right and wrong, Beta," Jack said quietly. Pausing momentarily in his demonstration, he tried to decide how to say this. "The world has changed from the world I used to know. There are many people now, with many bellies that need filling, more than one river can provide. But when there was only a man and his family to feed, it was considered a disrespect to take from the salmon more than a man needed. You take for yourself what could have filled the belly of the bear, or the eagle, or your brother and his family."
Jack paused, pursed his lips, and began retying and untying, picking up speed. "Does the salmon love his life less because he is smaller, younger, slower than us? Does he not know the joys of swimming as we too swim, and breathing as we too breathe, and seeing that which lies around him as we too see it? The hawk will catch the fish when it is hungry and feel no remorse because it is hungry, as the fish will swallow a smaller one because it too is hungry. Both the hawk and the fish and the brave want to live. All of us will one day die. Our bodies will be nothing more, and the earth will take us and use us to feed another. There is nothing wrong with this, to eat, to take life as it is needed, but to break the cycle, to take what is unnecessary simply because one can...this is not the way our people used to live."
The ancient wolf's eyes grew hard, and his dead Alpha understood this frustration, shared it, even as the dead Alpha curled up and wished for a fish of his own to eat. "This is not Kwòlíyoť, not Quileute ways," Jack said harshly. "This is the way of the Hókwať, the white people who have taken this land from all of us and made it their own. Our ways are often lost beneath the…convenience of theirs, but those who are Tlokwali must remember the old ways, even if you choose not to follow them. When even the Tlokwali do not remember, then thousands of years of our people and their stories will be lost. We will be fish in a net, one of many, our significance gone and our lives meaningless except for the fact that we are simply one more in the net to be eaten."
Seth had been listening quietly, but as Jack fell into silence, feeling the murmur of the voices rise in his thoughts and echo the ancestors' unhappiness at the loss of their ways, the Beta leaned forward. "We lost a lot when Tupkuk's Alpha destroyed the written records about the Pack," Seth said intently, his eyes desperately hopeful. "We know virtually nothing of who we were, what we even are. There are things about the wolves, about the Tlokwali that only you of our Pack know, Jack. Things Jake would give anything to know. You are Tlokwali-"
"I am not, Beta," Jack said as firmly as he could, even though his head was once again tilted apologetically and that firmness came out shaky and uncertain. "I am no longer Tlokwali, one that is truly of the wolf, and I will never be again. I am…"
A traitor. A murderer. A betrayer.
Jack felt the push against his sanity, cringed and prepared himself for an onslaught that never came. The living Alpha had been lingering, had felt him start to fall apart, had caught him in time because Jake was getting better at knowing when to grab him and hold him steady. The dead Alpha still wanted a fish, but was growling softly, unhappily, holding the voices at bay. The Beta's hand had found the back of his neck, and Jack shivered at the contact before relaxing underneath it. He always had liked the number three, and three kept him where he was, who he was, and Jack was grateful. So damned grateful.
"A whipped dog," Seth muttered angrily. Jack risked a quick glance up at his Beta, smelling the annoyance even as he heard it on the young wolf's tongue. "That's what you remind me of, Jack, someone who's been beaten over and over again."
His apology came out more of a whine, he had angered the Beta, and Seth sighed. "Jack, it's okay. It's okay, man. Damn…this is my fault. There's a reason Jake doesn't want us pushing you for information, and I know Paul already skirted that order two weeks ago. It's just hard not to. We're working blind here, and the more we know, the more we can help each other."
Jack dipped his head again, wishing he knew the right thing to say, but as he was so often, he was at a loss. Seth's hand dropped away and he sighed, rolling his eyes. "For the record, Jake just reamed me for this. I'm supposed to tell you that I'm a dick, and that Jake's making me your bitch for the next couple hours. Sorry, Jack, I shouldn't have said anything."
"You are Beta," Jack replied, because for him that was enough, there was no need for apologies. Seth looked rather unhappy though, and it wasn't a good look for him. So Jack took a deep breath, tried to steady himself, and lifted up the gig. He ran his hand along it slowly. "My previous gig broke in the belly of a large salmon when he was pinned in between a rock and a riverbank. It lost two of its prongs."
Seth listened, because Seth always listened when Jack spoke. Always.
"If I had been the Third," Jack murmured, "I would have continued to fish, making the best out of what I had. I would have ignored the difficulty, continued to try because it what was best for my people, those who depended on me to feed them. If I had been the Beta, I would have spent a lifetime on the river bank determined to fix that which had broken." Jack smiled and hefted his gig. "If I had been Alpha, it never would have dared break in the first place."
Seth chuckled and when Jack once again offered the tool and rope to the Beta, Seth accepted. "I think you're giving us a little too much credit," Seth said, although he was smiling again. "But yeah, you're right. Give Paul a broken spear when he needs to fish, and he's still fishing no matter what. And it would never occur to Jake that the spear could break."
"And you, Beta?" Jack asked as he watched Seth slowly and carefully retie a very difficult knot that two boys, a fish and a fishhook, had devised so that the fishhook would stop losing his fish and gig into the water where he could not chase it.
Seth shot Jack a boyish grin and held up the fastened knot proudly. It would hold. "And I am awesome," Seth declared cheerfully, giving the rope a tug to show he was in fact awesome. "Thanks to your awesome teachings, of course," Seth added fairly. Then he took a long look at the piece of cedar, running his fingers over the etchings. "This is actually really amazing, Jack. Beautiful. I know I've picked your brain too much already today, but would you teach me how to fish with this? It's kind of badass, you know."
Jack ducked his head shyly. "If you wish, Beta," he spoke with utmost respect.
"Seth," the Beta chuckled as he handed Jack the carved tool back. "You can use my name more often, Jack, I won't bite."
So it seemed. The Beta certainly hadn't bitten him yet. They spent the afternoon on the banks of the tributary, Jack showing Seth that patience was needed but that swiftness was needed as well. He taught Seth to use their keen eyes to pierce the deeper waters. He taught Seth how to pick the fish that was most suitable to what they wished to eat, which were females and full of eggs in their bellies, which were weakened by spawning and about to die. Jack taught Seth the speed and angle in which to throw, when to trust the rope to bring the gig and fish back to them, when it was better to go retrieve them oneself.
Seth taught Jack to wear a bright red hat and scare the fish away, and that even if the Beta wasn't going to catch anything, the Beta could still find pleasure in holding a rod and taking a nap while a red and white bobber bobbed. Jack learned that Seth loved his father more than he loved fish, and Jack learned that watching a bobber bobbing wasn't particularly interesting, but was best when done at the Beta's side. Seth learned that Jack was not planning on pursuing any future escapades with his sister, which was a relief for him because Seth still hadn't figured out how to beat Jack up, and Jack learned that offering to stand still so the Beta did not miss in his attempts didn't offend Seth, only amused him.
Both learned that they liked carving and fishing and hotdogs, and if that was all that they ever ended up having in common, that was good enough.
Seth took home four salmon in his bucket of water, three for his family and one for an orange haired girl he was going to tease by making her gut and clean her own dinner. Jack pulled an old broken antler knife out of his belt and used it to slice his own two salmon from tail to ribcage, cleaning them out and leaving the guts for the other fish to eat. He would smoke them both, because even if he wasn't hungry now, the ancient wolf had learned that he would be hungry tomorrow, no matter what life brought him. Then Seth and his bucket and his memories went home, and Jack wished he could follow. Instead Jack went his own way and sat beneath an apple tree, listening as his dead Alpha told Jack that one of these days he would have to follow his own advice and stop fishing for two. Jack would, eventually, but not yet. It had been a very good day, hadn't it? The dead Alpha chuckled and wondered why Jack was bothering to ask him. After all, he was dead.
Yeah…Jack knew. But still, it had been a good day. In fact it was one of the best Jack could remember in the last two centuries, so the old brindled wolf curled up and put his nose on his paws contentedly. Yes, today belonged to the best of days. His eyes blissfully closed, Jack spent the rest of the afternoon remembering it.
Renesmee liked history.
She liked learning about how the world used to be, how the ideals and the decisions of the people of the different times in history caused her own world to be the way it was now. She liked drawing parallels between societies, where newly emergent cultures went right and where they inevitably went wrong. She liked studying the economies of these cultures, was fascinated by the barter system, was more fascinated with the nearly paperless currency trends that were growing across the world. She liked to predict where the world was going based on where it had been, wondered what her role could be in that prediction, questioned the value of a single person versus a society as a whole.
Renesmee had a whole collection of binders full of charts and drawings, ideas and theories, and not once had her family had to step around papers spread out all over the living room as she shuffled her thoughts from one place on the carpet to another, trying to make sense of it all. She had color coded her papers, her mind, her contribution to what was most likely, and when she was feeling particularly revolutionary, Renesmee liked to take the bright playful pink ideas and throw them into the mix, just to see if any brilliant connections could be made with her spools of yarn and hopefulness.
The little girl was pretty sure that if her Uncle Emmett had just stopped poking her papers with his toes last Saturday, she could have fixed the Black Plague before it happened, but his hopes for the Chicago Cubs making it the World Series were being dashed and that always left Emmett a little more rowdy than normal. Renesmee didn't know why Emmett was so surprised, the Cubs hadn't won the World Series since 1908, but Emmett was a "true fan", as the muscled vampire liked to say. Out of curiosity, Renesmee had gathered together her facts and thoughts and predictions about the reasons why the Cubs always did so badly, but after two days of shuffling about her papers, she had been just as lost as the rest of the country and was even more confused as to why her uncle would choose to be a true fan of something so uncertain and unpredictable. Her father had chuckled and told her that it was Emmett, and Renesmee had been forced to agree that it made sense for the illogical it behave illogically, although she was smart enough to keep said fact to herself.
Edward had spent the whole day grinning every time he looked at Emmett and only Renesmee had understood why.
It had been interesting for what it was, but Renesmee found history much more interesting than sports, and so she was in her room arranging her papers once more. Renesmee was grounded, something that was almost novel to her, although she had to admit that she felt sad that she wasn't allowed downstairs to listen to her mother play the piano today. Her family had forgiven her for her actions from the moment the hunger had hit her outside, but her actions leading up to that were what had her in trouble. Her mother and father had felt it wasn't responsible of her to have not told Emmett and Rosalie that she had become that hungry, and Renesmee agreed. She had been embarrassed at the time of her hunger, but her mother had been very stern and told her that embarrassment was understandable, but when it could have put a human's life at risk, Renesmee needed to learn to accept that she was special and make appropriate choices to accommodate the specialness.
Renesmee had been tempted to whisper that wanting to eat Jacob didn't make her special. After all, they might not blame her for her actions after the hunger became uncontrollable, but Renesmee didn't. Therefore she accepted her grounding readily after they had told her to stop apologizing, but she was voluntarily doing extracurricular projects as an added act of contrition. She had written an essay on the Queen of England, and to make it more difficult, Renesmee had done so in French. She had written a second essay on the current members of the British Parliament, and a third focusing on the Prime Minister. When that hadn't felt sufficient, Renesmee had translated both into French as well, but that felt equally insufficient, so she did her best at another translation into Latin. Finally her mother told her that she needed to stop finding ways to apologize for something she had been forgiven for. Her family wasn't mad and neither was Jacob. The little girl believed her, but forgiveness was in the eye of the beholder, just as beauty was. It was harder to look and find either in oneself.
Jacob had stopped by twice to try and talk to her, but Renesmee had silently begged both times to be given an excuse to avoid the confrontation. She wasn't ready to look in the eyes of someone she had…she wasn't ready and Bella had convinced Jacob to give Renesmee some time. She was pretty sure seeing him would just make her cry, she felt so very badly about what had happened, and to be honest she was hiding from him.
The second time Jacob had stopped by to see her, and had been turned away, Renesmee had felt so guilty that she had started doing extracurricular projects again. She continued doing so in her spare time, which she had a lot of, and she did them in her room, which she tended to stay in anyways. And that was where Jacob Black found her, stretched out on the carpet surrounded by her most logical charcoal grey thoughts, her feet kicking the air as she listened to Billy Joel and tried to decide if he had thrown in Cola Wars into his song "We Didn't Start The Fire" simply because he was running out of current events to use.
What Renesmee didn't know was that the wolf was downwind and had been grinning at her for about a minute or so from the open doorway, his arms crossed as he listened to her sing. Renesmee had a pretty voice, but she couldn't hold a perfect tune if her life depended on it. Billy Joel's history inspired music was no exception.
The little girl was aware of this, so she was singing softly to herself, bare heels thumping together to the beat. "Buddy Holly, Ben Hur, space monkies, mafia, hula hoops, Castro-"
"You know, the hula hoops and the baseball stuff were the only things I ever understood in that song," the huge Alpha chuckled from the doorway, and Renesmee made a little yelp of surprise, knocking her hopeful yellow thoughts into her still to be determined which color white thoughts.
"You scared me, Jacob," Renesmee said, flushing a little as she realized he had heard her singing, and Jacob grinned at her as she quickly turned off her i-Pod.
"Aww, am I in trouble again?" the Alpha asked her, hitting her with his best puppy dog eyes, the ones that made Renesmee cave every time. "And here I came with a peace offering."
Sure enough, a peace offering had been brought. It was a movie that she had secretly admitted to Jacob that she wanted to see, even though she couldn't find any reason why she should want to see it. It was based off of some of the worst literature Renesmee had ever picked up, and it failed horribly in appealing to either Renesmee's sense of morals or level of intelligence. But still…she had wanted to see it. Clearly telling Jacob had been a bad idea, because there it was, dangling in his hand in all its inappropriate glory.
"Can't stay mad at me forever, Nessie," Jacob told her with another grin, this one hopeful.
"I was the one that was in the wrong, Jacob," Renesmee said softly. "You shouldn't be apologizing to me."
"Oh, I'm not," the Alpha informed her, stepping into her room and eyeing her thoughts curiously. "But I was thinking that you're avoiding me, probably for a lot of reasons I wouldn't understand even if you explained them to me slowly. Which sucks, because the only fun thing to do around this place besides annoy Blondie is to hang out with you. I was lonely watching this by myself."
He waggled the movie at her, and Renesmee tilted her head to the side. "I don't believe that you watched that movie," she decided, and Jacob grinned even more.
"The hell I didn't, Nessie," Jacob smirked. "All thirty minutes, but it wasn't the same without you. So of course I had to come over and watch it here instead. That is, if you're not still mad at me. If you are, I guess I'll have to go, huh?" He looked sad at the thought as he squatted down on the outside of her already organized thoughts, eyeing them again before turning the sadness her way. Renesmee knew he was working her, but she loved Jacob and when he looked sad, it made her want to fix it.
"I'm not mad at you, Jacob," Renesmee insisted, getting up and walking over to him. "I promise I'm not mad." He was as tall as she was like this, so when she decided that maybe he wouldn't want her too close to him and stopped, he caught the quick flash of uncertainty in her eyes. She started to reconsider the proximity he might want, but when Renesmee decided it was better to give him more space, she had eaten him after all, Jacob reached out and snagged her little finger, hooking it with his large thumb.
"Nessie," Jacob said quietly, giving her pinkie a gently tug. "I'm not mad either, honey. If I messed up by letting you feed on me, then I won't do it again. But you were hungry, Nessie, and you needed help. It doesn't change how I feel about you, or how I see you. You know that, right?"
His kindness made her eyes start to water, and when she was sad or scared, Renesmee took safety in politeness and controlled conversation. "Jacob," the little girl started to say, trying her best to be responsible and grown up. "As much as I appreciate your and your Pack's understanding, it doesn't change the fact that I made a grievous mistake that could have led to someone getting killed. You shouldn't have allowed me to-"
Jacob Black had never growled at her, unless it had been in play, so she wasn't ready to be growled at now. It was a short growl, barely a note, but it stopped her midsentence.
"Nessie, enough," the Jacob said firmly, and there was enough Alpha in his voice that she could feel the weight of it settle over her. "Enough of this. You're the smartest little girl I know, but you're still a little girl, and I have never forgotten that for an instant. You're a child, Nessie. I'm not, so don't tell me what to do or how I should run my lands and Pack. If I decide you're blameless, than that's all you need to know. I'm telling you that everything's okay, so accept it, kid."
Renesmee felt the weight of his disapproval, and it hurt her. So it didn't make any sense that she ended up with her little arms wrapped around his neck as she sniffled and tried not to do so loud enough that anyone could hear. Jacob exhaled when she hugged him and he hugged her back, making soft shushing noises. It occurred to her that Jacob had given her what she felt she needed from him, a lecture and forgiveness, and the fact that the Alpha was kind enough to readily do both made her feel worse even as it made her feel better. The Alpha's body heat was a rarity for Renesmee, so she buried her face into his shoulder as he stood up, hefting her up with him.
"Talk to me, Nessie," Jacob said gently even as he walked around the room the way he had done when she was a baby, bouncing her a little as he paced slowly. "What happened that night?"
"I got hungry," she sniffled, and if Jacob cared that she was getting his t-shirt damp, he wasn't showing it.
"Yeah, baby, but that was a little different than normal. What made you so hungry?"
Her palm on his neck explained as much as she was allowed to explain. She was growing, she had waited too long, she had needed fresh blood and didn't want to hurt the bunny…
Jacob listened patiently, then hefted her a little higher on his side. "You used to hunt all the time, Nessie," he reminded her.
She hadn't known any different. She hadn't known any better.
"You think it's wrong to hunt, Ness?" he asked, sounding curious although there was a note of understanding in his voice.
If it wasn't wrong, she would be able to hunt without feeling as if she was doing something terrible. The bunny had been bad, but when it had been Jacob…
"When it was me, it was even worse," Jacob finished for her. He sighed, and Renesmee could hear him pressing the Open button on her DVD player with his free hand. "Nessie, I knew you didn't hunt as much, but no one ever told me why. But it's not so cut and dry, honey. When you eat a hamburger, do you feel bad about that?"
"No," she sniffled again. But should she? Was it anymore okay to consume something whose life had been propagated solely for that purpose? A cow didn't want to be hurt, didn't want to die. No one wanted to die, and tasting good with ketchup wasn't a good reason for something to be killed. Just like tasting like blood wasn't a good reason to be killed either. Could a half vampire half human survive as a vegetarian? Renesmee wasn't sure what would happen to her if she stopped eating—
"No, Nessie," Jacob growled again, "You're not stopping eating." Renesmee once more felt the weight of his disapproval settle over her, as if it was a blanket wrapped around her. With her parents she felt guilt for making them unhappy, but with Jacob it was palpable. Why was that? Why did she feel—
"Nessie honey, you're thinking so fast it makes my brain hurt," Jacob told her. "Slow down, okay? Come on, me and you, we're going to go make some steaks downstairs because it is okay to eat things, Ness. You need blood, honey, it doesn't matter why, it's just the truth. Plus Rose never paid up in the steaks department because Bells kept kicking me out."
But how could it be okay? Jacob killed vampires for needing blood.
"Human blood," he corrected her. "Taken by killing a human, Ness. There's a difference."
Was there?
"Yes. Stop arguing with me and trust me, Ness." The Alpha in his voice was back again, so Renesmee wiped her eyes and did as she was told. Jacob didn't always make sense, and she was too smart to think that Jacob was right and she was wrong. But there was something about letting him be right for right now that just made things easier. Better. Jacob was an authority figure, and tonight she would try not to think beyond that authority. Did she really think that fast?
"Yeah, you do, honey," Jacob chuckled, opening the DVD case and sticking the disc in to be ready for them to watch when they returned. "But don't feel bad. Ask your dad sometime how fast Paul's fiancée thinks and have him compare you two. At least you think in English and don't attack me with cars."
Renesmee wasn't sure what to think about that.
She and Jacob went downstairs, cooked a rare steak for both of them, and despite the loud disapproval of Alice, brought their steaks back up to her room. They sat cross legged on Renesmee's bed because her extra thoughts were on the floor, and Alice kept fluttering in, convinced that Jacob was going to spill steak sauce on Renesmee's designer comforter. The little girl giggled when Jacob kept making wet noises in his sauce and saying "Oops" quietly enough to send Alice storming back in again. Renesmee giggled again when Jacob cursed under his breath because he actually spilled his steak sauce, but by then Alice didn't believe him and when Bella stuck her head in to check on them, she seemed more amused than upset at the spot that Jacob tried to cover with his plate innocently.
Renesmee snickered, put her palm on Jacob's arm and decided that he really did get in trouble a lot. Even more than she had been lately. The Alpha grinned wolfishly at her and winked, and she blushed but it was impossible not to grin back at him.
She still felt bad about the cow that had become her steak, but with her stomach full and Jacob's bribe playing, it was harder for Renesmee to be upset about it. Jacob had inhaled his food and the rest of hers when she had eaten her fill, so he kicked his shoes off and relaxed back against the headboard, making sure to keep Renesmee tucked up to his side. It was rare for the wolves, even Jake, to have this much physical contact with her, his warm ribcage much different than her father or her uncles' cold ones. But Renesmee found the heat soothing. Every once in a while Jake messed her hair up just to be annoying, but it only made her smile.
He still smelled good and at one point Renesmee wondered what it would be like to taste fresh human blood again, but she forced herself to turn away and ignore the urge to bite the arm draped loosely over his bent knee. She never saw him watching her, never saw the concern followed by the pride as she scratched her nose to cut the scent before going back to the movie.
Renesmee liked history. She liked science and math and logic and reasoning. This movie had none of those things. What it had were four twelve-year-old girls walking around in designer clothes, determined to make each other feel miserable about themselves. They said things involving barbeques and staying out of people's grills, dated fourteen year old boys that didn't even realize the little girls were supposedly dating them, and walked in tandem down the halls in their school. Renesmee had never been to a school, had never had girls of her equal age, size, and financial status to attend said school with, and she had never walked in tandem.
"Jacob?" Renesmee asked at one point, looking confused. "May I ask a question?"
Jacob, who had glared at four different people in the process of buying The Clique for him and Renesmee to watch that day, and who was suffering much more than she realized watching middle school girls fight for an hour and a half about who was prettier, stopped staring at the television in poorly concealed horror.
"Yeah, Ness?" he asked, sounding a little dazed. "What's up?"
"Does your girlfriend flip her hair? They all flip their hair, but I've never seen mother or Aunt Rose or Aunt Alice flip their hair," she wondered.
Jacob blinked, then smirked and turned back to the film. "Ness, I don't have a girlfriend."
"But you have an imprint," she said, confused. "Mother and father were talking about it, and they said that it would only be a matter of time before you and she were in a more formalized relationship."
The Alpha chuckled at that and glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. "Oh they did, did they? Well, they'll be waiting. My imprint's name is Samantha, Nessie, and she's dating Embry. I'm not inclined to steal my brother's girlfriend, even if I had wanted to be in a 'more formalized relationship' with her. To be honest, those two are gonna end up married, and if Embry has his way, sooner rather than later. They're moving in together at the end of the month."
Renesmee didn't understand. "Jacob? Isn't the purpose of imprinting to find a genetic match? For more successful perpetuation of the genetic line? Why would you imprint on someone and she have no interest in that end result?"
It took him a minute to follow, but then he answered as honestly as he could. "Because she's in love with Embry, Ness," Jacob rumbled quietly. "That's all there is to it. Not everyone gets the chance to be with the one they want, and I'm not standing in their way. To be honest, I have no clue why I imprinted on her, but it may be for the sole fact that it keeps me here. My leaving was a mistake, at least for how long I left, and now I can't." The Alpha was quiet, and then he gave her a little smile. "But in answer to your question, no. Samantha doesn't flip her hair. And she only walks in tandem with Leah, and I don't think they even realize they do it."
That seemed to amuse him, so Renesmee smiled back and leaned back into his side. The movie was nearly over when Renesmee fell asleep, curling up on her pillow with her nose practically buried in Jacob's hip, the comforting weight of his hand on her head. She woke up slightly when her mother came in and sat on the bed next to her, although neither Bella nor Jacob noticed.
"Thank you for being so good to her, Jake," Bella said in her musical voice, sounding a touch sad. "She's been going through a tough time. It upset her deeply what happened in La Push."
"Bells, you know I'm the last person to be giving parenting advice, but I'm worried about Ness," Jacob said softly so not to wake her. "She's all over the place these days and it doesn't seem to be getting better. And seriously, the kid's color coating her notes on history lessons. It's just weird."
She was weird. Oh... Renesmee hadn't realized that.
"Carlisle says it's just a stage, Jake," Bella replied. "But Edward and I are worried too. We're thinking of taking her away for a while, up north."
"There's a new wolf in charge in Calgary now, but there's also a Pack outside Juneau, Bells," the Alpha mumbled. "I don't want either of you leaving from where my Pack can keep you safe. It might be easier for her to be away from certain things, but you'll be walking into the potential of other things. And Ness has so few friends already…"
"Edward and I are still talking about it Jake," Bella assured him. "If we decide to leave, you know you'll be one of the first to know."
"I better be," he grumbled, and Renesmee felt her mother reach over her and touch Jacob's shoulder. He flinched at her cold fingers, at the offered comfort, but he never pulled away. Renesmee had never ever known Jake to pull away. It was always her mother who broke the contact, who left Jacob where he stood, and she always did so quickly, usually when the Alpha started to shift even the tiniest bit closer. Renesmee had seen the she-wolf, Leah, do the same. When she had been young enough to not know better, she had asked her grandmother why, and Esme had told her that Bella did it to protect Jacob but that Leah did it to protect herself. It was still hard to understand. Closer to Jacob had always seemed safest to Renesmee when offered outside options from her parents.
After a while Jacob dropped a kiss on her head and then followed Renesmee's mother outside, turning off the light and closing the door. She missed him, now that he was gone. She wished that she could have told him so, but it was too late, and calling this late was improper. She would have to call him and thank him for his time spent with her tomorrow. Yes, she should definitely thank him. That night Renesmee prayed for the baby raccoons in La Push to find a new mother, and for Jacob to find someone that didn't pull away from him, and for her to not have to eaten anything that didn't want to be eaten. She also prayed for someone to walk in tandem with, because something told her that the world would be better if she had that, and for her to be more aware when she was being weird. She didn't want to be weird, and lose the one close friend she had already.
When Renesmee slipped into sleep, she dreamed of watching fires she would never get to stand next to again.
Jake took the long way home that night.
Jake went past Embry's dojo, where his brother and his imprint were taking a long time closing up. Embry was still trying to fix the pipe that Samantha had somehow managed to break under the bathroom sink, the one that had flooded half the dojo floor this morning, the one that had made her keep slipping and falling on the slick flooring. Jake had told him how to fix it, he had done the same thing to Billy's kitchen sink more than once. As the Alpha ran, Jake shifted closer to Paul and Cassie's cabin, where she mumbled about cookies in her dreams and Paul mumbled about bills over the phone to his father, taking any advice he could on how to get him and Cass through the next couple months. Paul was a little less worried, Jake had bullied the council into releasing more funds to help Paul get Cassie to the doctors, to keep the afloat a little longer.
The russet wolf padded behind the Clearwater's house where Seth sat on his front porch and ate the last bit of fried fish, listening to an orange haired girl talk about something Seth didn't care about but would listen to attentively anyways because it mattered to her. Seth was worried he was starting to care for the girl, was worried about caring too much, had asked Jake what to do. Jake didn't know the answer to that, but life was short, and Seth hadn't had someone to care about in a long time. They could all be dead tomorrow, some parts of life just shouldn't wait, even if they blew up in your face later. Jake almost went in the old shack out in the woods where Jared hauled a drunken Brady to his feet and growled at him that this shit had to stop, no one believed Collin's story that Collin and Brady had traded shifts, and that this was the third time this week Brady couldn't even walk to get home. Jake hadn't known that. He'd have to talk to Brady again. The kid had asked for more time to pull himself together, but obviously it wasn't working.
Jake circled further out and found Quil patrolling near the Makah reservation, worrying about leaving Claire, but less worried now that Jake had promised he'd keep a wolf up patrolling there even after Quil had left. Jake shifted south and found Jack humming to himself on the roof of a trailer, listening to a vampire talk to a frightened rabbit about true love and blonde hair. The ancient wolf looked particularly content tonight, days where he got to attend a Pack meeting always kept him happy, and he was smiling slightly as he polished a long piece of cedar that lay across his lap. A contented Jack made the Alpha particularly pleased, the guy had faced enough shit in his life and deserved a fucking break, and it was one of the reasons why they were meeting once a week now. It was also why Jake hadn't strangled him for sleeping with Leah, because Leah deserved a fucking break as well.
Speaking of Leah, Jake circled back in again, told his she-wolf to go home and get some sleep. He'd finish her shift, she'd been pulling too many doubles to have an excuse to run off her excess worry. She'd worry less if she slept more and spent more time relaxing. Leah found that amusing, but gratefully did as he suggested, promising she'd even be nice to the carrot on the front porch her brother was still undecided about nibbling on.
Jake ended up side by side with Sam, running silently and thinking about rabbits. Sam was too old to question why but when he was the Alpha, he had never thought about rabbits. Yeah well, times change old man. Jared had gotten Brady to a couch, left him with a worried and angry Kim, which was much better than any scolding that Jared could have done, and Jake left Sam to join the other wolf. He bumped Jared's shoulder, got bumped back by the older wolf, felt Jared's contentment at running at Jake's side. It was less scary leaving Kim when he knew Jake was there. Jake had already said he'd watch out for the two members of Jared's tiny family of three, and Jared had faith in his Alpha. Jake said everything would be fine and that was good enough for Jared.
Jake stopped in the center of his territory and lifted his muzzle to the sky. Across his own little chunk of the world, those that mattered paused and listened, raised their voices along with his, even if only in their hearts. A young man on a porch teased a girl by winking at her and telling her that the biggest baddest wolf was out tonight, he'd better walk her home. A young woman rolled over in her fiancée's bed and mumbled the cookies weren't in the basket, she'd left her hood in the closet and couldn't get another one because her squirrel didn't like it. Two little girl snored lightly in their respective bedrooms, lost in dreams as an older girl miles away teasingly flipped her hair at Jake's brother. A woman with scars traced them as she stood in front of a mirror, and a woman without scars handed a young man a glass of water instead of dumping it on his face like she was tempted to do. They were Jake's Pack. His. His to care for. His to protect. His to help get them through their troubles, he just wasn't always sure how.
As his large russet paws padded silently across the land, it never occurred to Jake that just in being there, he already was. Raising his muzzle once more, Jake sang to the world, and to the sky, and to their home. Hundreds of miles away, because the other Alpha was feeling particularly lonely that night, Tupkuk raised his voice to match Jake's own, not even fully understanding why.
The leg resting across Neel's lap had seen better days. Maybe it was time to go get a new one. The tall slender vampire stood up and smiled, propping the dried out leg against his shoulder as he twisted his head to the side and felt the bones crack. He gave the high heeled shoe a fond pat and headed off towards La Push.
Yes, it was definitely time to get a new one.