Olivia Benson is just a rookie. She's been at SVU a year and is in a steady yet secret relationship with her hot partner. Her whole world is turned upside down when news on her one year anniversary shakes her up. Does she accept it or does she fight it and what does she do when she realises she's getting everything she ever prayed for?

AU EO

DISCLAIMER: I don't own.

A/N: This story will contain mentions of self-harm, may go into detail, not sure yet.

Back at the precinct Elliot held off on asking her anything. Don Cragen had arrived fifteen minutes after her and whizzed into his office without so much as a glance in their direction. Olivia had sighed, refilled her coffee and gone back to typing up her paperwork without so much as a word to him.

He knew she was upset and that she had a lot to deal with but he wanted to somehow let her know that he was there for her, as a married couple in good times and in bad, even if they weren't married.

All through the afternoon she'd type, refill her coffee, look at Cragen's office door and sigh before turning back to her paperwork. It drove Elliot mad but he still said nothing because he didn't want to upset her any more.

As their work day came to an end he pulled on his coat as she was reaching into her drawer for her purse neither one of them noticed or paid attention to the uniformed officer that rushed through the bullpen and into Cragen's office without a knock.

The couple were about to head out when Cragen's voice stopped them.

"Olivia, a word?" He asked.

Olivia sighed and looked at Elliot, a look he knew was her asking him to wait to which he replied with a soft nod. She gave him a weak thin lipped smile before making her way into her superior's office hoping that it wasn't going to turn into a yelling match again. The Uni looked at her gravely and she knew at once something was up.

"Cap?" She asked confusion all over her face.

"Sit down Olivia." He said softly.

"No I'm ok thanks, what's going on?" Olivia asked seeing the grave look on his face as the Uni had on his.

"Your mother…" Don began and Olivia began to tremble subtlety.

"Is she…"

"Not yet." Cragen replied. "I've called the hospital but they don't think…" Don sighed, he didn't want to be the one giving her this news. "They don't think she'll make it till morning."

"What happened?" Olivia asked her voice just a strained whisper.

"She fell down some subway steps…"

"No…" Olivia shook her head. "My Mother never took the Subway…"

"The entrance outside the velvet room…"

"She was drunk." Olivia sighed as a solitary tear slipped down her cheek.

"I'm sorry Olivia…"

"Not your fault." Olivia whispered closing her eyes to fend off the other tears that threatened to fall.

"I'm going to go down there…" Don started his own voice strained now, he'd loved Serena once upon a time and seeing her again that afternoon had reignited everything he felt for her.

"I'm coming." Olivia said. "Thank you officer." She said turning to the uni.

"As soon as we found her curtsey shield I called your Captain. I'm sorry Detective." He said and Olivia nodded gratefully.

"Come on Olivia." Cragen said grabbing his own coat.

He held her arm as he led her out of the office. Elliot looked at their grave faces and he knew something was going on.

"Liv?" He asked using the nickname he'd given her months before when they'd gotten into a relationship.

Olivia said nothing but fell into his embrace. Cragen didn't bat an eyelid, she needed her partner, or someone to lean on but it was obviously not going to him at the moment.

"Come on Olivia, we need to go to the hospital." Cragen told her softly.

She nodded and slipped her hand into Elliot's needing him close to her now.

Once in the hospital Olivia went into Serena's room alone. She'd been told to prepare for the worst, and that the chances weren't good and even if they were the brain damage and the spinal damage would mean she would never be the same woman again and Olivia knew it would be cruel to even hope for her to wake up. The decision to pull the plug had to be Olivia's though, she was her only living relative and for some reason she didn't want to be responsible for causing her mother's death.

She left the room and wrapped her arms around a tearful Cragen. Elliot stayed in the waiting room knowing that they needed to deal with this alone for the time being but he also wanted Olivia to know that he was nearby when she needed him.

Cragen clutched Olivia's hand once she'd spoken to the Doctor and together they entered Serena's room.

"I'm so sorry Mom." Olivia said softly her tears threatening to spill but her mother had told her that crying made her weak, she didn't want her mother to think that right now. "I do love you, considering everything you were sort of there for me and you're my Mom despite everything, I will always have a room for you in my heart."

She stepped back and nodded to the doctor who took seconds to switch off the machine and he left while Serena's heart finally beat it's last few beats and she took her final few breaths.

Olivia took one deep breath as the nurse in the room confirmed time of death before walking out followed by a tearful Don Cragen.

"Olivia?" He asked softly placing a hand on her shoulder.

"I'm ok." Olivia said. "Really."

Don nodded knowing she wasn't being honest with him but she hoped her partner could get her to open up to him.

"Isn't it ironic that all I really want right now is a stiff drink?" She asked with a hint of smile breaking through on her lips.

"No." Don replied a soft chuckle passing his own. "Because that's exactly what I want to."

"You're not having one even if I have to babysit you myself." Olivia said sternly. "I've just lost one parent I don't want to lose another." She walked away unable to see the smile she'd brought to Don's face having acknowledged him as her parent for the first time.

Don found Olivia later on that night sat in their usual booth in O'Malley's the one sixes usual haunt. She was nursing a bottle of bud light that was only half full and something told Don that it was the only drink she'd had in the two to three hours she'd been there. He ordered a glass of soda before making his way over to her.

She briefly looked up when he slid into the booth but returned her gaze to the label she was peeling deciding then and there not to say anything to him.

"Are you ok?" He asked her softly and she nodded in reply. "Because it's ok if you're not."

She just shrugged before taking a long swig of the bottle, she'd prefer to have ordered something stronger, liquor of some sort, but the circumstances surrounding her mother's death stopped her completely from ordering anything strong.

Don sighed softly and sipped at his own drink, he had no idea what to say to her even though he wanted to say so much.

"I did love her." Olivia said breaking the deafening silence between them.

"I know." He replied softly.

"I really did, even though… after everything she did over the years… and… and it's my fault she's dead." Olivia said a tear slipping out the corner of her eye that she made no attempt to hide.

"It's not your fault Olivia." He said reaching over the table and taking her hand which she didn't stop him from doing and even gave his hand a little squeeze in thanks.

"If I hadn't told her… if I didn't go and see her… she wouldn't have drank till she got home from work… it was my fault she was in the bar." Olivia continued in a near whisper that made it difficult for Don to hear her.

"Olivia… really… it wasn't your fault. If it hadn't happened today it could have happened tomorrow, you didn't pour the vodka down her throat." Don tried to reassure her.

"I might as well have." Olivia sighed and Don couldn't help himself anymore.

He scooted around the edge of the booth until he was by her side and wrapped an arm around her, whether she accepted it or not he was her father and he was going to make sure that she knew he was there for her. When she didn't pull away he pulled her even closer and she turned to face him and dropped her head into his chest as she began to sob. His heart broke for her as she cried hard into his chest. Her whole body wracked with sobs and she gripped tight to the front of his shirt and all he could do was offer her some form of comfort and let her cry it all out.

"There there Olivia, you're ok sweetheart." He cooed softly as he held her not caring about the looks that they were getting from some officers from the one six who knew the two.

"I had so much more I wanted to ask her…" Olivia cried, her voice muffled by his chest.

"I know." He told her gently. "I'm so sorry Olivia, I'm so sorry." He whispered his own tears blurring his vision as he too began to blame himself, if only he hadn't opened his mouth.

"She's the only family I've ever known." Olivia hiccupped.

"I know." He replied the guilt hammering into him. "But I'm not going anywhere any time soon." He reassured. "Come on, let me take you home."

He helped her to her feet and kept an arm wrapped around her as he led her to his car. He helped her into the passanger seat realising that she was going into a state of shock with which came catatonia and he knew that whatever it was going through Olivia's mind she wasn't going to open up about it any time soon.

"You want me to take you to your place?" He asked her softly as he buckled up his own seatbelt.

She sighed and shook her head, the last place she wanted to go right now was home.

"How about we go to my place? I've got guest rooms." Don suggested and Olivia turned to look at him slowly, her eyes showed the sadness she was feeling at it broke his heart that he could do nothing to take away that pain.

She was reading him, to make sure he was being sincere in his offer and once she was sure he was she nodded and he gave her a small reassuring smile before starting the car taking his baby home for the first time.

Once they'd arrived at Don's brownstone he showed Olivia to the guest room and made them both a hot chocolate. When he returned upstairs he found her tear stained cheek on the pillow, her eyes closed and her breath even and he knew she'd exhausted herself crying.

He placed the hot chocolates on the bedside cabinet and gently removed her shoes and lifted her legs onto the bed. He grabbed the throw from the chair by the window and draped it over her as she was lying on top of the comforter.

"Sleep tight my girl." He whispered before kissing her cheek and leaving the room.

As he went to his own room he couldn't help but feel so sad. The daughter he'd always wanted and now had was lying in bed and she was in pain, pain he could do nothing about as much as he wanted to. He stripped out of his suit and pulled on his pyjamas before climbing into his own bed and now allowing his own tears to fall for the woman he'd once loved, the mother of his daughter.

"This is all your fault Olivia!" The voice echoed in her head as she was trapped numerous Serenas gathered around her.

"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to!" She sobbed as the Serenas began to walk agonisingly slow towards her.

"All your fault. All your fault. All your fault!" They chanted as they walked closer.

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry please! Mom? Please!" She pleaded as one by one they reached out for her.

"Mom!" She screamed bolting upright and awake, it had just been a nightmare.

She dropped her sweat filled forehead to her hand and calmed down before the panic began to rise again as she wondered where she was. As her eyes began to dart around the room the light went on momenterailly blinding her.

"Olivia?"

"Don?" She asked squinting as she adjusted to the light.

"I heard you screaming are you ok?" He asked coming to sit on the edge of the bed beside her.

"Yeah." She sighed dropping her head onto his shoulder. "Sorry if I woke you."

"It's ok." He said softly running his hands through her hair. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No." She replied shaking her head. "It was just a nightmare. What time is it?"

"Three thirty. Why don't you try and get more sleep?" He suggested softly.

She nodded and lay back down with the throw wrapped tight around her. Don bent over and kissed her forehead and she sighed relaxing into the touch so he reached out a hand and gently stroked her cheek as she closed her eyes to go back to sleep.

"Goodnight sweetheart." He whispered thinking she'd already fallen asleep.

As he held the door in one hand and went to switch off the light he heard her reply and smiled.

"Night Dad."