Chapter 4: Suddenly, Timeskip!


"I don't understand how this is training, sensei."

"Just shut up, Naruto, and do as I tell you! Sneaking into the women's area of the spa without getting caught and castrated will teach you the importance of stealth, and the notes on how they look will teach you the importance of information-gathering!"

Naruto knew that was stupid, but within minutes he was in full ninja regalia (a full black spandex jumpsuit to replace his retarded orange getup) and near the spa that Jiraiya had sent him to. The schematics of the place were simple enough, one main room that led into the gender-specific areas of the spa, but as the spa is on a cliff entry from the side is impossible. For a normal pervert.

But this spa never counted on ninja perverts.

Naruto jumped to the roof and landed silently, laying prone and advancing slowly and cautiously towards the women's area. Once he reached the edge of the roof, he made sure that he couldn't be spotted and pulled out his notebook and pen, waiting for a woman to enter.

"So he wants an estimate on cup size, color and length of hair, height...maybe I should just draw them," Naruto whispered to himself, glancing at Jiraiya's Checklist of Beauty.

Before long a girl did enter the spa, her face hidden from Naruto's view, and entered the hot water, managing to keep all of her intimate details hidden. Naruto waited patiently for a while for the girl to make a move, but she simply sat there and soaked, until after a few minutes she spoke.

"I don't know why I'm even here," she said to herself, "I can't believe Kakashi and Lee could be so heartless to abandon their mission..."

"Kakashi and Lee!?" Naruto blurted out, "W-Wait a minute...Hinata!?"

Hinata sank under the water in embarrasment, and Naruto quickly apologized and jumped over into the men's bath, where sure enough Kakashi and Lee were soaking in the water.

"What are you guys doing here?" Naruto asked.

"Well, this is a pleasant surprise," Kakashi said, ignoring the question, "How are you, Naruto?"

"Naruto!" Lee yelled, "It's so good to see you! We were looking all over for you!" Kakashi looked at him strangely. "Well, we kind of abandoned the mission to save our own asses...but it's really good to see you!"

"What's going on in Konoha?"

"It's a long story," Kakashi replied, "It'd be best if Jiraiya heard as well. Is he nearby?" Naruto shook his head. "Oh. Would he happen to be staying at the closest town?" Naruto nodded. "Cool. Lee, go find him and bring him back to Konoha!" Lee squealed in orgasmic joy and raced out of the spa (after getting dressed, of course) eager to please.

"So, what's the story?"

"Well..."

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"Stupid Kiba," Neji said to himself as he walked down the street.

The training session hadn't gone well. Kiba wasn't in any way a worthy opponent, so Neji left after a short spar and a longer argument. The people in the street avoided this unpleasant boy as he kicked dirt around and thought of the things he would do to Kiba when this whole thing blew over.

He got home without incident and went to his room, where a bundle under the covers was quivering. He poked it, and a hand grabbed his arm.

Ino's hand.

"What the hell are you doing in my home?" Neji asked.

"I was never given a task, so I decided to hide here," Ino replied, "Well, actually, I was given a special task by Sakura."

"Sakura...wait a minute!" Before he could protest further Ino forced herself on him with surprising strength. Gary Stu with his arm around Sakura walked into the doorway.

"triked u lol" Sakura said, "ur who ino wanted,".

Neji gave her the evilest eye he could muster, but under Ino's new brute strength he couldn't do much else. Gary Stu simply laughed and kissed Sakura, the two jumping onto the bed.

Ino released her lips from Neji's to say, "now i have u darling. lets maek a babby"

His screams echoed across the empty mansion, but soon enough he found himself shaking with uncharacteristic lust.

Another had fallen.

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No matter how much he tried, Kankurou could never look good. No arrangement of clothes or face paint ever caused a positive reaction by the opposite or even the same sex. The poor guy could never hold a girlfriend for longer than a day ("Oh God, that's what you look like!?") and his hobby of puppetry certainly wouldn't help his chances.

"Is it the face paint!?" he yelled at the air, "What the fuck do you people want from me?" He stopped and approached a confused girl that had crossed the road to avoid him. "What is it? What is so bad about me? Why don't people love me?"

The girl ran away, and Kankurou kneeled in the streets and wept.

His brother was a different story. Gaara, since birth, was regarded as at the very least cute, and despite his sociopathic tendencies had a large following of women. He regarded women as petty and useless, avoiding relationships entirely due to his troubled past. Even now, on his way to meet Tsunade and find out exactly why Konoha had to involve him in it's troubles, he ignored the women falling head over heels for him.

"It's strange," he said to himself, "Why is this place so bent on lust lately? I don't remember random strangers asking for a quickie, whatever that is."

He didn't have long to ponder before a girl appeared before him seemingly out of thin air, with long and wavy blonde hair and perfectly blue eyes.

"Garra-kun," she said softly, "i luv u even if no1 else will.."

"You pronounced my name wrong, and I prefer brunettes," Gaara replied simply, hoping to get this girl out of his way.

In an instant her long, blonde hair shortened in length and became exactly the shade Gaara wanted, her eyes even changing to a dark brown to accomodate.

"A henge isn't going to impress me. Get lost." Gaara's heart started to race. He could keep up his facade, but for some reason even he, a man with a heart of ice, was being lured in by this succubus.

After a moment, the girl started to cry. "plz garra i wana hav ur babyz"

"I don't think...you're old enough," Gaara said, but his emotions were growing stronger.

"then lets make kohona older!!!!" the girl screamed, and in an instant a blinding flash of light enveloped the entire world. Once the light subsided, everybody in the world noted they not only had new clothes, but even felt aged.

"What just happened?" Gaara asked, "What...what is this!?"

"were 15 now lol"

"Unbelievable...your power is just too much," he said, embracing her, "What is the name of the angel before me?"

"mary sue"

"I love you, Mary Sue."