So, first thing's first, I will be on holiday for a week as soon as I post this chapter, so this is why I'm updating today. However, when I get back, I will probably have some chapters that I have wrote and then I can spam-upload them when I come back.
Smarvin, yes that was definitely a Toolshed reference, and the last chapter will be one of the few light-hearted chapters in this fanfic, just warning you. Driver, thanks for the multiple regular reviews, in my opinion I liked Man of Steel, but BvS was meh. Throughout the story, even though he will become a merciless badass, Cartman will still be Cartman. As for the questions about my new universe, the characters are in spoiler territory, same with what happens with them after high school. I would play X-Men Origins Wolverine, if I could get my Xbox 360 to work. Anonymous, thanks for the regular review, I knew I had to do at least one smut scene in this fic, so why not have it humourous? And believe me, he won't be a goody goody.
Anyway, back to the story!
Disclaimer: I do not own South Park or any of its characters.
Cartman's PoV
"I want you to tell me what happened." Officer Barbrady asks me. Are you, ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
"I ALREADY TOLD YOU WANT FUCKING HAPPENED YOU FUCKING HIPPIE PIECE OF SHIT!" I scream in his face.
"Eric, Eric, I know you're currently dealing with a very stressful situation, but I need you to co-operate." He says again.
"Do you even know what half of those fucking words that just came out of your fucking mouth mean?" I spit.
"Maybe. Now please explain in detail, Eric. What happened last night?" He asks again. I roll my eyes and groan, before finally opening my mouth.
"Last night, I was just calmly sleeping in my bed. Waiting for Mr Fatass in a Red Suit that eats all my cookies, to show up. Then, I get rudely woken up by some stupid noise downstairs. I ignored it, thinking it was Mom letting in some stranger to fuck before morning. Then, another noise, and another, and so on and so forth. Then some sort of, covered up scream or something, I don't know. So, me being really fucking annoyed, got out of my bed and opened my bedroom door, to see someone casually disappear down my fucking staircase. I then shout out, "Who the fuck is in my house?" or something and then one of those black-clad assholes whispers loudly like a dumbass retard, "I thought everyone was asleep!". Then another dumbass says "Come on, let's get out of here!" or whatever. So then I head downstairs to see some fucker dressed in black, holding a gun. But, he sees me so I rush past him to grab a knife, but then I get knocked to the ground when some asshole whacks me with his gun. The last thing I saw before I blacked out was my mom being dragged into a fucking van that was parked right outside my fucking front door. There, you got the whole fucking story, in detail, NOW WILL YOU FIND MY FUCKING MOM OR NOT?" I finish, looking at a seemingly bored Barbrady.
"Okay, I think we are done here. Do you have anywhere to stay in the meantime while we search for your mother?" He asks.
"I'll probably stay at a friend's house or something." I reply. Definitely not Kahl's house, that would be fucking miserable.
"Well, until someone comes, I can let you stay in here until I get someone to pick you up, if that's okay?" He asks.
"Ugh, fine." I reply, and he leads me out of the interrogation room.
The Next Day
"Jesus fucking Christ of the all the fucking people I have to live with, I get dumped with Kenny?" I mutter to myself as Barbrady sends him in to pick me up.
"Hello, Kinny. Thanks for letting me stay at your house and all that shit…" I say.
"It's fine, I know that you're having a tough time, seeing what happened with your mother and all. Now come on, my mom's cooking dinner soon." He says. Oh fuck, what's it gonna be? Toasted Marshmallows?
"What's she cooking?" I ask.
"Toasted Marshmallows. You coming or what?" He says, and I give him a look that reads "Are you fucking kidding me right now?" before I sigh in defeat and I leave the police station.
"Let me get my things first, and then I'll crash at your place." I say.
"Fair enough. Come on get in." He says as he leads me to his, wait, CAR?
"Dude, when the fuck did you get a car?" I ask him as I get in.
"Technically, it's both mine and my mom's, since we both paid half for it. It cost like $3000 so it isn't the best of vehicles, but it runs, and that's what matters." He says.
"Huh, okay. So you ain't that poor after all. What did you get your chick for a Christmas then?" I asked him.
"A necklace, and she must have really loved it, since she came to me later that night in a sexy, tight elf costume. Yeah, then we ended up fu-"
"Dude, too much information, okay?" I say as he pulls up to my house.
"Sorry, forgot you'll never be able to experience sex in your life." He grins and I flip him off before leaving the car. Jesus, he's still a dirty motherfucker even though he lost half of his family in one night.
Oh, fucking great, a shit ton of police are at my house, great.
"Excuse me, Sir, you aren't allowed in here." An officer tries to back me away.
"Listen, bub. Don't you fucking tell me that I'm not allowed in my own fucking house, ESPECIALLY since this is MY mother that got taken from me, which is the reason you people are even here. Now out of my way, I'm just getting my stuff so I won't be tainting all of your fucking evidence and suit." I go under the police tape, giving the bird to the fucking hippie behind me.
I walk over the still-fresh tyre marks on my lawn, walking past some dude in a ?forensic suit or something, before heading upstairs to get my stuff. I pack some of my things in a suitcase, and I'm about to head back downstairs, but I decide to head into my mother's bedroom again. The entire place is covered in police shit, so I won't go near anything, but I take a look at a picture of her and I. Back when I was in 4th Grade. I pick it up, looking at it for a minute as my eyes begin to tear up. I take a deep breath before heading back downstairs, and out of my house. I head under the police tape and back into Kenny's car.
"You got everything we need?" He asks.
"Yeah, now come on, I'm hungry." I tell him, and he speeds off down towards his house.
Later That Night
Jesus Christ her cooking is bad. I swear, my mom made the best shit ever, but that was just disgusting. I throw up again before hearing something nearby.
"Hey Babe!" I hear a certain blonde slut at the front door. I exit the bathroom to see what's going on, and I walk in on Kenny and Bebe sucking each others' faces off.
"Oh, Jesus…" I say as they notice me and quickly pull apart.
"Oh, um, hey Cartman." Bebe says.
"Hey Bebe. Did I interrupt something there?" I ask sarcastically.
"Oh ha, ha." Kenny says.
"Listen, you two can fuck all you want, I was gonna head out anyway." I tell them before I push past them to the front door.
"Alrighty then. Seeya Cartman, and be careful!" Kenny says as he shuts the door.
Might as well get something good to eat, time to go to KFC!
2 Weeks Later / At School
"Hey Cartman, sorry to hear about your mom, man." Kahl says as we meet at the start of the day.
"Whatever." I say as I push past him to my locker.
"Dude, are you alright? You don't seem to be." Stan asks.
"I said, I'm fine!" I get all up in his face, before closing my locker and walking on.
"Cartman, dude, don't be like that. We all know you're having a bad-"
"A bad time, Kahl? You're not the first person to say that." I spit.
"Jesus, I'm trying to be nice here." He replies.
"Nice? Are you fucking kidding me? Are you hiding something Kahl? Did you hire some sort of Jew thieves or some shit to kidnap my mom because you were jealous that I had better Christmas presents than you?" I blurt out. Everyone's suddenly looking at me.
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't know, what, oh Christ.." I try to walk on.
"You know, we probably all know what happened that night." I hear someone behind me. I turn around to see Craig, smiling.
"What the fuck do you want, Chullo boy?" I narrow my eyes.
"Well, you being as delusional you are, you probably did something to your mommy yourself, probably because you're an attention seeking fatass. I mean, it seems like something you would do." He says.
"Dude, what the fuck…" Kenny says at him.
"Oh, you don't like that story? Well, here's a more realistic approach to the situation. What you saw was your imagination, and in reality, your mom got lost searching for a male hooker since she's so fucking desperate." Alright, THAT'S IT.
"MOTHERFUCKER!" I say before swinging at him, hitting him in the face. He bounces back though, as he swings at me and delivers a blow to my jaw. I then tackle him to the ground and I begin to beat the shit out of his face, but I start to get pulled back. I turn around to see that ginger Jew motherfucker, and in a fury of rage, I grab him and slam his face into a locker, before pounding at his face too. I'm then grabbed off of him, and I turn around, but instead of seeing a face, I see a fist heading straight at mine. I get knocked to the ground, before seeing Kenny roundhouse kick Craig as he tries for a second punch at me.
"Yeah! Come on asshole!" I say to Craig as I get up, but then Kenny turns to me and knocks me down with a right hook, before heading to Kahl to check on him, as Stan looks at me with a bitter look on his face.
"Oh, you're getting it now you poor motherfucker!" I shout at Kenny, and I send a right fist to his face, but he then grabs me and shoves me up against a locker.
"I've had enough of your shit!" He growls.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING IN HERE?" The principal turns the corner with a few teachers, and sees the entire predicament. Kyle and Craig on the floor and Kenny holding me up against a locker.
Well, shit.
Later That Afternoon
I finally arrive at Kenny's house to see my suitcase being tossed out the front door.
"Dude, what the fuck!" I scream before walking up to him myself.
"Get out of my fucking house." He says.
"What? Why?!" I say.
"You got me fucking suspended! You piece of shit! You just had to fucking punch him, didn't you!" He screams at my face.
"Come on man, I have nowhere else to go!" I tell him.
"Well you should have thought of that before you started swinging punches at people." Kenny says before he slams his front door, leaving me on my own.
"MOTHERFUCKER!" I scream before picking up my suitcase.
As I walk away, my phone starts ringing.
"Hello?" I say, pissed off.
"Hello, Eric, it's Sergeant Barbrady here, and we need to talk to you at the station." He says.
"Alright, I'm on my way." I groan before hanging up.
What the fuck will this be about?
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE STOPPING TO LOOK FOR HER?!" I scream at him, and he flinches in response.
"Eric, I know it's hard, but we haven't got anything on her disappearance except your word. I'm sorry, but we have to assume the worst." He says.
"No, NO! FUCK YOU PEOPLE, YOU CAN ALL GO THE FUCKING HELL!" I scream before running out of the station in tears. I start running towards my house, since there won't be any more fucking police there, I can cry in peace.
I lay on my bed, tears streaming down my face. I can't fucking believe that they will just give up! SHE'S MY FUCKING MOTHER!
"No, no, she can't be fucking dead. She can't be." I say, before starting to empty my suitcase and my backpack. I search around the house to see if there's any money around, and I manage to gather about $300 in cash. I pack some clothes, water, spare snacks, and finally, that picture of me and my mother from 4th Grade.
I leave my house and I head to the bus stop, and I'm just in time for the bus to Denver. I get on, and I don't look back when it leaves the town.
Wherever you are, mom, I'm coming for you.
A/N: So, a lot of shit happens in this chapter, and I hope that will keep you invested until I come back. If you liked this chapter, or have any feedback on the story so far, please leave a review and let me know. Anyway, have a Happy Easter guys, and as always…
Thanks For Reading!