Safe Passage

Safe Passage

"My favorite drug was acid. Me and my friends would go into the woods and get high because

when you're in the woods you're less likely to run into an authority figure.

But we ran into a bear. That was even more of a buzz kill."

Mitch Hedburg.

Act One

"Wanna go explore the ship?" Evelyn looked up from laundry to send a bewildered and incredulous look towards the dark burnet before turning back to her clothes.

"Come on!" Cafei pleaded.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Three reasons. One: We'd get lost. Two: If Red Alert caught us we'd be in serious slag—"

'You said 'slag!' Sideswipe laughed tauntingly.

Evelyn frowned and violently dunked her spare blouse into the water. Quiet you.

"And three: We'd never make it out of the Medbay."

Cafei shook her head at her, "Oh ye of little faith. As long as you say your please and thank you's, Metellus will let us go wherever we want!"

"Wha? How do you know that?"

Cafei looked sheepish, "I've…had some time to experiment."

"We'd never make it out. I think everyone here's learned to take extra precaution with you around. I'm actually surprised Ratchet hasn't put you on a leash. You're always making trouble."

"Not on purpose."

Evelyn sent her a look.

"Ok, but no ever gets hurt."

"My point is still valid."

"If I find a way to get us out of the Bay without Ratchet catching us, will you come with me?"

"No way. Well just get in trouble."

"Aw!! C'mon! It'll be fun!"

"No Cafei."

"How can you keep saying no? Aren't you at all curious?"

"Of course I am, but I'd rather not piss off the giant metal aliens."

"They'd never do anything…permanent. Besides, that 'time-out' stuff was child's play!"

"I'd rather not push it."

"They wouldn't hurt us."

"You say that, but I wonder if you'd retract it if Gears ever caught you alone."

"I amend my previous decree; they would never hurt us (except for Gears…and Sunstreaker…maybe Red Alert, but I think he has more restraint). Besides, Ratchet'd tear 'em apart of they tried anything."

"Ratchet may be careful around us, but he does have limits y'know. And you've been pushing the lid a bit too much."

"Really?" Cafei mused, "I wonder how far it'd take to make him really blow his top for real…"

"Oh dear lord, you can't be serious…"

"Come on! Please?"

"I said no and I mean no, Cafei. I refuse to be apart of your mischief laden bouts of indiscretion any longer!"

Act Two

I hate you. I really really hate you.

'You've said that before,' Sideswipe replied indifferently as he walked down the hall way alongside Cafei, having taken hold of Evelyn's body. Evelyn silently fumed, concocting the perfect pay back for when she regained control. It would have to clever, creative, and mean. Very very mean.

"Where do you think we are?" Cafei asked, unaware of her companion's inner feud that was unfolding. From the hall that housed the labs and Medbay, a right turn took you to the Rec room, so Cafei and Sideswipe decided unanimously to go left.

"Dunno," The rough parody of Evelyn's voice replied. "We'll just have to wait and see."

Cafei had to admit to herself, Metellus was big. Really big. As a Texas native, she was use to giant and over sized things, but Met blew it all away. How could Evelyn not expect her to want to explore it? It'd be like dangling a Snicker's bar in front of a diabetic! Of course having said that, it was unlikely Cafei would have gone if Sideswipe hadn't body-snatched Evelyn in lue of persuading her. Cafei was all for getting into mischief, but there was no joy in it if there wasn't a witness—er, someone to share the experience with. Getting out of the Medbay had been easy enough. (Maybe a bit too easy.) They simply waited until Ratchet went into his office and when they were certain that his attention was diverted elsewhere, they made their escape. Like Cafei had said, say your please and thank you's and Met will let you go anywhere.

"Do we have an escape plan in case we're spotted?" Cafei wondered aloud as the pair (trio) ambled down the hallway, keeping close to the base of the wall. They had been walking less then a minute and had not run into anyone and Ratchet had not come storming after them. Though Cafei did wonder how long until he noticed their absence.

"Run like slag?" Sideswipe suggested uselessly.

"Sounds good to me."

'I'm not apart of this.' Evelyn fumed. 'If and when you're caught, I am not defending you.'

'No one's asking you to.' Sideswipe replied.

'Does Witness for the Prosecution mean anything to you?'

Before Sideswipe could answer, Cafei grabbed Evelyn's shoulder, whispering, "You hear that?"

Sideswipe listened and heard a steady rhythm of klang's that slowly grew louder and louder. They were coming towards them from the front. "Foot steps—hide!"

"Where?" Cafei hissed, looking around frantically.

"Back the way we came, there was side corridor round the corner!" The pair pushed and pulled each other frantically as they dashed back the way they had come, to the side corridor. When they reached it, they pressed themselves against the wall, and waited. The foot steps grew louder and louder and they both tensed a little more with each step. They held their breath. A black and white Mech of average height (as far as Mechs seemed to go), wing panels held stiffly erect, marched down the hall with a small stack of data pads clutched under one arm. As Prowl passed by without incident, both Cafei and Sideswipe released their breathes in relief.

"That was a close one." Cafei replied, feeling giddy from the adrenaline pumping through her veins, and still talking in soft tones incase there was a chance Prowl could still hear them. She laughed, "What a rush…"

Sideswipe grinned. "Yeah. C'mon let's go before he comes back."

They peeled themselves from the wall and turned onto the main hall way just in time to see another Mech round the corner, his arms filled with data-pads as well. But it wasn't Prowl. Oh no, that would have been far too merciful. Cafei and Sideswipe started, frozen in mid-step as their organic eyes met Cybertronian optics.

"YOU!" Red Alert cried accusingly, moving his arm to point a finger at them only to return it to grab onto the shifting pile of pads in his arms. "Where is your chaperone?!"

"It was her idea!" Sideswipe cried pointing to Cafei.

"Huh?!" Cafei asked indignantly.

"It's her you want!!" Sideswipe pushed Cafei towards Red Alert before running down the adjacent corridor and away from the Mech.

"You traitor!" She cried after him.

"Prowl!" Red Alert called out to the tactician further down the hall. "We have a breech! The organics are loose!"

"Ah shit…" Cafei cursed.

"Stay where you are, Human!" Red Alert ordered. Cafei gave him a look.

"You must be as crazy as you sound!" Cafei dashed between the security Mech's legs and dashed down the hall. With his arms full of data-pads, Red Alert couldn't simply reach down and grab her. By the time he had managed to set them on the floor without damaging them, she was well out of his sights. The security officer fumed, hands clenching until paint shot through the joints.

"Red Alert, what is going on?" Prowl asked, walking up the hallway with wings twitching irritably.

"The humans are loose again!" Red Alert scowled as he whirled around and Prowl's placid expression turn to into a small frown. "Evelyn went down there! The other ran that way."

Prowl's optics flickered and after a moment, his vents hissed in a sigh.

"Very well. I will follow after Evelyn," Prowl said, setting down his pile next to Red's and making his way down the side corridor, "I will leave you to retrieve Cafei."

Red Alert sneered.

"With pleasure."

"That stupid…selfish…traitorous…disembodied parasite!" Cafei snarled to herself as she ran full speed down the hall. She held her sandals in her hands, deciding quiet early on that sandals were not the most ideal footwear while running from crazy pissed off robots. She silently giggled in vindictive glee when she recalled that, not only did Sideswipe have to deal with Evelyn (who was likely doing everything she could to slow him down) but he also had to deal with the problem of lighting up on scanners like a roman candle. Cafei grinned in satisfaction. Thank god for weird energy signatures!

Slowing her frantic fleeing, Cafei leaned against the wall to catch her breath, chest rising and falling rapidly. She had to have gained some distance by now. How was she ever going to be able to adequately explore the ship if Red Alert chased her through everything? She wouldn't be able to see anything. She just hoped that she didn't run into anyone else.

"What are you doing so far down here?" A voice asked from above her, causing her to jump. Cafei snapped her head up to look into the face of an unknown Mech carrying a large metal box. He was built much like Trailbreaker, with a blue visor and gray facemask and his armor was the same hunter green as Hound's. He sounded curious, but there was a layer of incredulousness coloring his tone.

I am so busted.

Cafei gapped as her mind started gibbering nonsensical panic to her. "Uh…I was…running."

The unknown Mech titled his head. "May I ask from what?"

Cafei grumbled, "Red Alert."

"Ah, well that explains it," He said with a chuckled, "Well, you might want to be getting on then, I think I hear Red coming up the hall now. I'd recognize that livid pace anywhere."

Cafei stood still, listening to sounds around her to confirm and sure enough, she could hear fast paced Mech-steps growing louder and louder. Cafei grinned up at the green giant, "Uh, wow, thanks mister!"

"My pleasure," The Mech rumbled at her, optics glowing with delight, and he added in a whisper, "Just don't get caught."

Cafei quietly laughed and ran onwards, feeling fairly proud of herself. She scrambled for cover just inside an adjacent corridor to listen. She heard foot steps slow and stop and Red Alert's voice drift down the hall.

"Hoist!" Red Alert's voice asked, sounding thoroughly peeved, "Have you seen one of the organics run by?"

"Can't say that I have, Red," The previously unnamed Mech replied convincingly, "I've been wandering through this corridor all joor repairing the outlets with Grapple. Haven't seen so much as a turbo-rat, sorry."

"Hm," Red Alert rumbled in frustration, "Well, thank you for your help in any case. If you happen to see it, please inform me right away. Oh! And speaking of Turbo-rats, keep an optic on alert one. Bluestreak was harboring it in his quarters a fourth of an orn ago and it escaped from my office several joors ago."

"Will do."

Cafei ran onward, smiling broadly. Hoist, you are my new favorite Mech!

Act Four

"What if I went under voluntary lock down or something?" Evelyn asked grumpily. She was more then happy to be back in control of her body once more, but she seethed with anger at the fact that once Prowl had caught up with them, Sideswipe had released control and acted as though he was the victim of circumstance. Evelyn was not amused and neither, it seemed, was Prowl.

The Autobot tactician held the irate human in one cupped hand as he sauntered down the hall at a promptly pace. "I am sure Ratchet will think of a suitable solution to your…allocation dilemma."

"I'm perfectly fine with the rules you guys put down! But every time Cafei's mind can't come up with something to distract her, she pulls me into her schemes…" Evelyn said, crossing her arms, "No thanks to Sideswipe. I'm starting to think Sunstreaker had the right idea when he taped her to the ceiling."

Prowl's answer came in the form a noncommittal purr of his engines. He perked up slightly when a message broadcasted over the officer's channel, riddled with static.

: All officers…shzz… please be…shzzz... have— rouge organic…shzz…. : Red Alert sent. : Be on…shzz…lookout. shzz That is all. :

The muddled broadcast ended as abruptly as it began and Red Alert's signature disappeared, leaving the message recipients left to waddle in confusion.

Prowl didn't bother muffling the displeased rumble from escaping him, and Evelyn sent the Mech a confused glance.

: What the frag…? : Ironhide asked over the link.

: Rouge organics? : Ratchet sent incredulously. : What is he on about? The humans are right…:

The channel went silent for a moment before a sizzle of static and curses flowed down the line from Ratchet's end.

: I guess that means Evy and Cafei aren't there, then? : Jazz's voice replied, amused.

: Calm down Ratchet, I have Evelyn with me. We are heading to the Medbay as I speak. Red Alert is looking for Cafei :

: Ah, c'mon Prowler. That's just plain cruel…:

: What was with all that static? Red catch a virus or somethin'? : Ironhide asked and added after a moment's pause. : Wait, how'd they even get out? :

: The frag if I know. : Ratchet replied. : They can't even reach half way to the door panels! :

: Maybe Metellus let them out. : Bumblebee contributed.

: Red ain't answerin' my calls.: Jazz said, : Ya think he's tryin' t' give me th' cold shoulder? :

A pause.

:The what?: Ironhide asked incredulously.

: Prowl. : Optimus Prime sent over the private comm channel. : What is your understanding of the situation? :

: Red Alert and I were transporting the third- quarter reports when he stumbled across Evelyn and Cafei in the corridor. As far as I can tell from what Evelyn told me, Cafei was the master-mind of the escape. Apparently, she only wanted to explore the ship. According to Evelyn, Sideswipe took control of her and followed along. Evelyn insists she is guiltless in all of this. :

: Perhaps, : Optimus rumbled genially. : In any case, I would like you to return Evelyn to Ratchet and then help Red Alert locate Cafei before things escalate to any further unnecessary heights. :

: Understood, sir. Prowl out. :

There was a moment of blissful silence and then Jazz sent a message over the officers' channel.

: Oh boy…: Jazz sent. : Ratchet you might wanna get down to the Beta-nine corridor. Quick…:

: What now? : Ratchet asked darkly.

: I just passed Red and he looks pissed. An' he's got sparks shootin' out a' his head like it's the Fourth of July. :

Ironhide's laughter filtered down the line, contrasting darkly against Ratchet's menacing growl.

: Primus not again…:

: What is the 'Fourth of July'? : Optimus asked.

Act Five

Cafei skipped along pleasantly, whistling some nameless tune she made up on the spot. She hadn't run into anyone since Hoist, a good ten minutes ago, and she was feeling very proud of herself. The only down side she could work out was that despite the fact that the entire purpose of this excursion was to explore the ship, she found, much to her consternation, that Metellus was in fact very featureless. At least when it came to the hall ways. But she kept that opinion to herself as to not offend the ship. At least she was getting some much needed exercise.

In light of the realization that her exploration would turn out to be quite disappointing if all she did was roam the halls, Cafei decided to try a few doors. She was always careful to listen for any signs of Mechs, placing her ear against the metal and such, before asking Met to open the door. A few doors he refused to open, no matter how much pleading or fancy flattery she used. Most of the doors lead to bare rooms, most of them seemed to be for storage, but all the doors looked exactly the same to her.

She came to one such door and she felt the nagging pull of curiosity as she beheld the giant slab of metal. She walked forward to place an ear to the door. There was a strange sort of noise, like rapid shuffling and other peculiar sounds, but very faint. It wasn't a Mech, she decided almost right away. It seemed far too soft to be anything a Mech was capable of producing.

"Metellus? May I please have a peek inside?" She asked sweetly.

The door remained where it was, colossal and seemingly unmovable. She frowned.

"Aw c'mon!" She pressed her face to the door as if she was hugging it, tracing her finger across the metal in teasing circles and giving her best Oscar worthy pout. "Pretty please with high-grade and sprinkles?"

The door slid aside, admitting her to the dark room.

"Thank you Metellus!" Cafei said appreciatively to the ship. When the door slid away, almost immediately the shuffling and other weird noises increased. The room was speckled in thousands of small, tiny spots of red light. Cafei's smile drained away as she looked onward with a mixed feeling of bemusement and apprehension.

That looks an awful lot like…

The room's light flicked on, bathing the room with its luminosity. Cafei blanched.

The room was some sort of closet, filled with boxes of random things that made no sense to her. But that was not what caused her to freeze. Oh no.Turbo-rats, masses of them, crawled around the room, leaving their teeth marks on everything while nibbling and chewing on anything they could reach. They left no surface unscarred or nibbled. When the lights turned on, every one of them turned their homely heads to glance at Cafei, who stood frozen like a statue in the middle of the threshold.

"Oh…my…god…" She breathed.

Suddenly there was a mass exodus as all the turbo-rats scampered off the shelves and walls and floor to stampede towards the open door way…straight at Cafei. The girl shrieked and ducked, covering her head and scrunching here eyes close, all the while mumbling incoherently. There was an overwhelming sense of rushing movement overhead that seemed to last forever with an overlaying roar of squeaks and stamping feet. When the last turbo-rat dashed by her, Cafei raised her head cautiously and looked around, relieved that the giant metal rats did not eat her. Getting to her feet and brushing herself off, Cafei looked around at the utter ruin the space rodents had left. She sighed.

Her relief was short lived however. As a looming shadow cast over her, she turned around with trepidation to see the ominous form of Red Alert towering over her, his face shadowed and his bright white optics leering out at her. From the side of his head, Cafei swore she saw flickers of yellow light, sparks, jet out.

"Now I have you…" Red Alert's optics stared down at Cafei, and then paused to glance up at the small room that had been left in ruin, and then back down at Cafei. The temperature seemed to suddenly drop by several degrees. "What have you done you little cretin?"

Red Alert's arms shot out to grab her. Cafei screamed and dodged the groping metal hands, her sandals slipping on the metal floor as she scrambled for freedom. Running in between the Mech's legs, she sprinted down the hallway at a fervor pace, ignoring the pain caused by her sandal straps digging into the sensitive webbing between her toes.

"Get back here!" Red Alert roared after her.

"Leave me alone!" Cafei shouted back. "I didn't do it!"

"Lies!"

"Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty?"

"I order you to surrender!"

"Someone get this psycho robot away from me!!"

Cafei slipped as she rounded a corner too fast, but quickly recovered and continued onward in panicked dash. Ahead of her, she caught sight of two familiar Mechs making their way down the hall and an overpowering feeling of 'Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!' swept over her. Both Optimus Prime and Ratchet paused to send curious, if not peevish, glances towards her.

"Cafei?" Optimus Prime asked as the tiny organic femme scurried over to them. "Where have you—"

"I didn't do it! I didn't do it!" She pleaded and dove behind the Autobot commander's foot. "Save me! He's trying to kill me!"

Optimus peered down at the human. "Who is trying to kill you?"

Just as she was about to answer, Red Alert took the corner, and almost slipped just as Cafei had, snarling as his optics searched for her. Red Alert skidded to a halt before the commander's red and blue frame. Beside Optimus Prime, Ratchet's engines revved angrily and his frown deepened into a foreboding scowl at the state of the Red, white, and Black Mech.

"What the frag have you bee doing Red Alert?" The medic roared optics narrow and leering.

"I have been chasing that thing all around the ship!" Red Alert replied furiously, jabbing an accusatory finger at the little organic taking refuge behind Optimus Prime's foot. Ratchet sent a gimlet glare at Cafei as she ducked behind the metal leg, but his attention returned to Red Alert with a vengeance.

"You've gone and fried your circuits again is what you've done!" Ratchet strode forward and grabbed the Mech's shoulder and shoving him down so as to get a better look at his sparking cranium. "And you're comm uplink is completely melted!"

Red Alert growled and pushed away from the medic.

"I have done no such thing!" He replied indignantly. "I am merely carrying out my assigned duties."

"By driving yourself into stasis lock?" Ratchet roared, grabbing the Mech's shoulder again.

"I must enforce the rules or we would have utter chaos!"

"And how is chasing Cafei around the ship going to accomplish that?" The medic snarled, "If anything you've caused more chaos in the last breem then Cafei has the past three joors!"

"She destroyed a storage closet!" Red Alert protested. The medic paused in his fervent examination of the security Mech's head and frowned, optics narrowing.

"She what?"

"The closet down the hall is completely ruined no thanks to her!" Red Alert declared, jabbing a finger at Cafei.

Cafei stepped out from behind Optimus Prime's foot and sneered at the Mech. "I did not! It was a bunch of turbo-rats!"

Cafei jumped when Ratchet turned to glare her and she quickly dove back behind the Autobot commander's leg.

"Go see for yourselves!" Red Alert yelled. "The evidence is self-explanatory!"

"You're crazy," Cafei told him, twiddling her finger near her ear in a human gesture. "I think you fried a little more then your circuits in there."

Red Alert growled menacingly and lunged at her. Cafei screamed and dove out of the way while Optimus and Ratchet reached out to grab the irate security officer.

"Calm down, Red Alert!" Optimus said sternly, gripping onto each of the Mech shoulders with his large hands. "Control yourself!"

"Don't make me offline you!" Ratchet snarled.

Cafei skidded to a halt when she was certain she was an adequate distance away. Holy Guacamole, this guy's psycho!

"You are stone cold fuck nuts!"

"That's enough out of you, fugitive," Ratchet growled at her as struggled to restrain Red Alert. "You're in enough trouble as it is!"

"Fugitive?" Cafei gapped indignantly. "I resent that label!"

"All of this is because of your disobedience!" Red Alert growled.

"Disobedience?" Cafei said. "I asked permission!"

"From who?"

"Metellus. He let Evy and I out. I didn't break any rule!"

"You aren't allowed to roam the halls unless accompanied by a responsible Autobot!"

"Metellus is an Autobot, isn't he?" Cafei asked.

Red Alert opened his mouth to argue and then he snapped it closed, his optics squinting in confusion.

Yay for loop holes! Cafei cheered.

Above her, she heard Optimus Prime rumble amusedly. "She does have a point."

"I told you this would end up pissing them off," Evelyn's voice said from behind her. Cafei whirled around to see Prowl lower himself to one knee and place Evelyn upon the floor next to her. The older woman regarded her with a peevish frown. "But of course you never listen to anyone 'cause you as stubborn as a mule."

Prowl stepped over the pair to join his fellows.

"Evy!" Cafei said cheerfully.

"You must be suicidal or something…" Evelyn said with a shake of her head, her hands planted on her hips.

"What do you mean? He tried to kill me!"

Evelyn walked up to the girl, reached out and grabbed her ear. And pulled.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!! Let go, let go!"

"Not a chance sweet pea," Evelyn replied. Cafei whimpered as the older woman steered the girl towards the gathered Mechs. Red Alert seemed to have been effectively pacified and was sitting at the base of the wall while Ratchet examined his sparking cranium. Prowl and Optimus stood on either side of the pair. Red Alert glanced over as the humans approached and smirked at the sight of Cafei's status.

Evelyn steered the girl so she stood a few meters in front of Red Alert.

"What do you say?" Evelyn asked Cafei in admonishing tone.

Cafei mumbled something along the lines of 'no way I'm gonna apologize to the psycho-bot'.

Evelyn pulled.

"Ow, ow, ow! Okay, okay!" She conceded. Cafei glared up at Red Alert. "…m'sorry…"

"I don't think he can hear you," Evelyn told her.

"He heard me alri—ow ow ow! Stop pulling! You're gonna rip it off!"

"You get your ear back when Red gets his full apology."

Cafei growled. "Fine! Red Alert, I'm sorry I broke the rules, snuck out of the Medbay, made you chase me around the ship, and made you break yourself!" Cafei glared at Evelyn, "There! Happy? Now gimme my ear back."

"Good," Evelyn let go of her ear, which Cafei immediately began to nurse. Evelyn turned to Red Alert, "Now what do you say?"

Red Alert gapped. "I do not have to explain myself to the likes of—"

Ratchet pinched a cord in the security officer's helm, causing him to jerk and cry out in pain. "Ah! Watch it in there!"

"Answer her," Ratchet told him and pinched the cord again, causing Red Alert to jerk again. "Well?"

Red Alert grumbled and looked up to Optimus for help. "Sir!"

Optimus nodded his head, "Go on and answer, Red Alert."

The Mech looked absolutely stymied and he leveled a glare upon Cafei, who gladly returned it with equal sentiment.

"I apologize for…whatever I am supposed to be apologizing for…"

Cafei mumbled something of an acceptance, which was enough for Evelyn.

"Good," She said deceptively cheerful. "Now don't you both feel better?"

Act Six

Blissful silence graced the Medbay and Evelyn reveled in it. She laid on her back looking up at the ceiling, the combination of calming breathes and silence coaxing her loser to sleep. The all too bright lights did their best to spoil her good mood, but utterly failed.

When Ratchet entered to see Evelyn laying atop a Medbay table, blissfully unaware of seemingly anything, he raised an optic ridge. Making his way over to her table, he gazed down at her curiously. "So what did you do with her?"

"What did I do with whom?" Evelyn asked serenely behind closed eyes.

"Cafei."

"What about her?"

Ratchet's curiosity was melting into irritation. "What did you do to punish Cafei? You told me you would take care of it."

Evelyn couldn't mask her smile. "I took inspiration from one of your favorite and most often used threats."

Ratchet blinked and then frowned. "You didn't."

"No," She replied sweetly, "I didn't, but I did the next best thing."

"And what's that?"

"Look up."

Ratchet obediently looked up at the ceiling and his mouth fell open. "…"

"Impressed?" Evelyn asked.

"How did you get her up there?"

"Sunstreaker helped. He still had some tape left from last time."

"Can she breathe?"

"I left her nose uncovered."

"When are you planning on taking her down?"

"When she's learn her lesson."

"And that will that be?"

A pause.

"Evelyn?"

"Hm?"

"When are you planning on taking her down?"

Evelyn grinned, propping herself up on her elbows, and glanced at the medic.

"Well, that all depends upon Cafei."

Author's notes: Geezy Creezy! This was a loooooong chapter. I felt kind bad writing this one. I mean, look at the crap I'm putting poor lil'Cafei through! I hope the real Cafei doesn't sue me for abuse or something. lol. I guess I felt like I kinda jipped you all out on the last one so this one's supposed to make up for it.

The quote I used is from a comedian, the late Mitch Hedburg. I became a (huge) fan of his, unfortunately, several months after he passed away (March of '05) of a drug overdose. The toxicology report said it was a combination of Heroine and Cocaine and that the heart defect he had was not a factor. My friend Laura introduced me to him through one of his quotes, "Hey Peter Frampton, do you like toast too?" that she often spouted during lunch at school and I eventually just looked him up on Youtube. Another of my favorite quotes of his is: "My house is infested with Koala bears; it's the cutest infestation ever. When I turn the lights on a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I'm all like 'Aw c'mon guys, let me just hold one of you.'". I think Damitri Martin takes inspiration from Hedburg, their styles are very similar. And on a semi-related note, I just bought a pair of rose colored sunglasses. Mitch Hedburg wore rose colored sunglasses when he was on stage because he suffered from bad cases of stage fright and through most of his acts, he looks at the floor. But I think it makes sense to wear sunglasses on stage, so your eyes don't go all screwy from looking into the lights. XD