Title: You're My Hill to Die On (Cowards Sequel) Part 4 of 7 Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Nick/Greg Slash
Word Count: ~3000
Warning: Sexual Content, mentions of Violence and NonCon, Mean people
Disclaimer: This story is complete fiction. They don't belong to me - I just play with them a little.
Summary: After everything they worked through to finally be together - will a visit to Nick's childhood home be the one thing they can't overcome?
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"Let me GO!" MaryEllen screamed at the top of her lungs.
Nick held on tight. "Not until you calm down."
Nick spun them around so she was no longer facing Greg. Instead they were both now facing everyone else in the family.
Except Nate of course.
Which was the presenting problem.
"What the hell is wrong with you, MaryEllen?" Nick asked in a surprisingly calm tone. "It's not like you to be so..."
"I fight for my own, Nick." She hissed while struggling to break free. "Unlike YOU!"
She was no match for Nick's strength and they both knew it. "Just calm down, Baby M."
"LET GO!" She screeched.
"Let her go, Nicky." Jillian said while she stepped toward her distraught daughter-in-law. "You need to calm down, M.E."
Jillian always commanded respect without even trying. MaryEllen immediately stopped fighting Nick when Jillian spoke. Nick released her but stayed ready to restrain the small woman again if she went on the attack.
She spun around and glared at Nick. "YOU brought him here. Because of YOU my boys aren't spending Christmas with their grandparents."
Nick started to speak but before he could say one word she was yelling at him again. "No one wanted to bring their kids, Nick. Did you notice that. We all talked and decided it wasn't good for any of them to be exposed to..."
"Don't go there MaryEllen." Reba spoke up. "Josh and Junior are here and they're not traumatized in the least that there's one less Uncle around."
MaryEllen spun around to scream at her sister. "Do you have any idea what that man's done to my family? He's torn it apart!"
"He didn't do anything to your family." Reba didn't back down. "Your husband did."
"SHUT. UP!" Her face was bright red from the emotion raging inside of her. "It's because of him that my children had to switch schools in the middle of the year."
"What are you talking about?" Nick was just trying to keep up.
MaryEllen spun around again. She lunged at Greg, who was still standing in the corner behind Nick, trying to figure out how to melt into the wall. Nick caught her around the waist and held her back.
"Do you have any idea what it's like to have a daddy on the sex offender registry? Do you have any idea the kind of neighborhood we are forced to live in because my husband can't live within one thousand feet of any place a child may even THINK about standing?" She was shaking and crying and slamming her small fists into Nick chest. "We're all branded, Nick. And it's HIS fault and...you brought him here?"
"MaryEllen..." Nick tried to find words to make it okay.
"Do you have any idea...what he's...done?" MaryEllen's voice trailed into nothing as she collapsed into Nick's arms and sobbed into the bend of his neck.
"I'm so sorry." Nick put his arms around her small frame and nuzzled his face into her hair. "I'm so, so sorry." He was ashamed that he had never thought about what all of this meant for MaryEllen and the boys. It wasn't fair.
"It's all your fault, Nicky." She said as her arms tightened around his neck. "You should have married me like you promised."
"I know, Baby M." Nick tried to sooth. "I know. I'm sorry."
To say Nick's words pushed him over the edge would be an understatement. They also broke him into a zillion tiny little pieces and covered him up under twenty thousand tons of filth.
He realized with sudden clarity that he should have left hours ago. Actually, he realized he should have never come in the first place.
He didn't belong here and he never would. It was stupid to ever think that this would work. How could it? Greg had been raped. That was the bitter reality. He had been raped by a Stokes and he would never forget.
Neither would they.
The problem was that to them it was a family situation - an obstacle to overcome - another reason to circle the wagons. They were struggling to find a solution to an impossible situation. They were trying to make it okay for everyone.
But it would never be okay for everyone - not if Greg was part of the delicate situation they were all trying to reason through.
Greg had been a fool. He thought that once he had overcome the demons that kept him from being with Nick - he had won the biggest battle. That worked well in Vegas - when they didn't have to deal with the insurmountable, heartbreaking conflict.
And Nick was the most conflicted of all of them. He had just made it perfectly clear that he was in the same boat as the rest of his family. The minute he landed in Texas he had forgotten the truth of it and fallen into the same grey the entire Stokes clan had found themselves.
It was a situation that just needed to be worked around.
Nick had lost sight of what this meant for Greg.
And Nick was actually apologizing as if all of this painful family drama really was all Greg's fault. Not to mention the fact that Nick was practically telling the woman making the most blatant accusation, that he should have married her - that none of this would be happening if Nick had just married her.
Because if he would have married her he would have never met Greg.
And Greg would have never torn apart the family.
Because ultimately this was all Greg's fault.
At least that's how it sounded to Greg's ears.
Greg felt a ton of...loss, sorrow, shame, guilt...and so much that was sticky and without shape or definition and impossible to shake off.
He didn't even realize he had left the room until he found himself leaning over the toilet bowl throwing up. It almost felt as if he had been raped all over again.
And the need to get away was almost as urgent as it had been the night a man that looked exactly like Nick changed his world forever.
Greg suddenly felt all alone and on his own in a shark tank and he was scared out of his mind.
So he did the only thing that made sense.
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"Nick."
He was crying for the woman who wept in his arms. His fingers combed through her hair - it was shorter than the last time he did this, so many years ago.
"Nick."
He felt so responsible for what she was going through. He pulled her closer and kissed her temple.
"NICK!"
He finally heard Reba's voice and pulled himself out of the haze that his own guilt had created all around him. He looked in the direction of the loud, demanding voice and saw his sister glaring at him.
It confused him.
"Greg?" She glared harder with her hands on her hips and one judgmental eye brow peaked.
He released the woman still clinging to his neck. She whimpered and reached for him. When he saw the empty corner where Greg had been standing not more than a few minutes before, an instant replay ran through his mind. Only this time he saw it from Greg's point-of-view and he felt the familiar clenching in his gut as he realized he had once again lost perspective and sacrificed a piece of Greg in the process.
The feel of her hands on him suddenly pissed him off. He was more mad at himself than at MaryEllen but she wasn't without blame - so he jerked away from her touch and spun around. "Don't"
Reba smacked Nick on the back of the head. Hard. "You're an idiot, Nick." Reba grabbed MaryEllen by the arm. "You're coming with me." She looked at Nick as she led her mess-of-a-sister-in-law out of the room. "And you're finding Greg." She swept her eyes around the room. "And we should ALL be ashamed of ourselves."
"Yes." Jillian agreed. "We should."
In his haste to fix his sins against his former fiance he had lost track of his real priority - he had played hero to the wrong person. Why it took his sister to make him realize that was just another point for his long reason's-Nick-Stokes-doesn't-deserve-a-man-like-Greg-Sanders-list.
He took the stairs two at a time and barged into his old room. Greg wasn't there. Everything else was exactly where they left it earlier in the evening. Greg's suitcase was open and messy in the corner of the room and his damp towel was still crumpled at the end of the double bed they had yet to sleep in. Nick rushed into the small bathroom, ready to beg for forgiveness - but Greg wasn't there either. He decided to look in the horse barn, but stopped in his tracks when he noticed that the rental car keys were no longer sitting in the football ashtray Nick had made in third grade. There was a folded piece of paper underneath. Nick's throat closed from sheer emotion as he reached for it.
Nicky,
I didn't get to choose the hill - I died on all of them. I have nothing left.
I tried. I really really tried. I'm sorry.
I love you.
Nick suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe.
"Go get in my car." Rick's voice startled Nick out of his thoughts. "I'll drive."
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Nick slid his keycard along the door lock of the hotel room he had booked two weeks prior to their trip. He had never felt so overwhelmingly relieved as he was when he heard, 'Welcome to Marriott Mr. Stokes. Mr. Sanders has already checked in...'. He was thanking every god in heaven that he had made the reservation in both of their names. When the light on the electronic lock turned green, he took a deep breath and opened the door.
The room was dark except for the flickering light coming from the television. Greg was sitting on top of the made bed, leaning against the padded head board. He had the remote in one hand and a box of hotel kleenex in the other. There was a pile of crumpled, used tissue on the nightstand.
Oh god, he's been crying. Nick rolled their suitcases against the wall and crawled into the king-sized bed. He sat himself close to Greg, mirroring his position with shoulders, hips, and legs almost - but not quite - touching. The fact that Greg hadn't acknowledged his presence was beyond disturbing. It was absolutely terrifying.
Nick silently stared at the television and waited for an invitation. After twenty minutes of silence, he realized that Greg wasn't going to start this. He also realized that assuming Greg would open the metaphorical door for him was yet another example of Nick's selfishness. With a heavy sigh, Nick tried to fix his monumental fuck-up.
"Mexican Soap Opera, G?" Nick tried to break the ice.
Greg just kept watching television without responding. It wasn't like Greg to just ignore Nick and this made the whole situation that much more freak-out-worthy.
Nick cleared his throat. "Since when do you understand Spanish?"
Greg shrugged. "Melodrama is universal." He said without looking at the man sitting next to him.
"Haven't you had enough melodrama this week?" Nick struggled to break the tension.
Greg dropped the remote into his lap and crossed his arms protectively over his chest. "What are you doing here?" He asked sadly.
The tone of Greg's voice was heartbreaking. "I'm looking for you. When I got to the airport and saw that the next flight home was in the morning, I hoped you would be here."
"Well..." Greg huffed. "...here I am."
Nick wrung his hands nervously on his lap. "When I realized you were gone I..." It was impossible to stop the barking-sob from escaping. He sucked in some air so he could finish his thought but all he could manage was, "...I'm sorry."
"Broken record, Nicky."
Nick's heart raced when he heard those words They just sounded cold and hopeless. They sounded like the words of a man who had given up on them. "You're right."
"You shouldn't be here." Greg leaned his head against the headboard and closed his eyes. "You should be with your family."
"You're my family."
"I mean your real family." Greg's voice cracked on the word 'real'.
Fuck. Nick leaned his head back too. "This...what we have...is realer than anything in my life."
"That's not how it feels..."
"I know." Nick interrupted. "I'm sorry."
"I'm not going back there." Greg said. "And I'm not ready to do this with you."
The impulse to touch was unbearable, but Nick knew it would be the worst thing to do. "I was just trying to keep the peace. It never occurred to me that what I said to MaryEllen was so...vile...until Reba smacked me upside the head."
That got Greg's attention. His head snapped in Nick's direction. "Reba?"
Nick turned his own head to face his wounded lover. The hopeless features that appeared on his sweet, patient man left his heart sore. It was almost impossible to speak, but he knew he needed to clear this up before it became irreconcilable. "She smacked me hard, too. Said I'm a damned fool. Momma couldn't agree more apparently."
Greg just sat there and looked for several minutes before he started talking. It was like an emotional dam burst. "I was expecting them to be upset. They weren't there, you know. They only heard about it from a distance and by the time their brother got home it was easy to feel bad for him." Greg still had trouble saying Nate's name. "He's their family - I'm just the guy that was named as an alleged victim."
"Doesn't make it right." Nick was so close, but still hesitated to touch.
"No. It doesn't." Greg agreed. "But I can take it from them because I understand it. And because I have you. You're on my side. So I can handle the fall out and let you pick your hills, Nicky." Greg wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "But then you say something so...in front of all the people who already think I'm the monster who ripped apart the great Stokes Dynasty...you say that they've been right all along. You...you..." Greg eyes were refilling quickly, his lips quivered as his face contorted from so much obvious pain and feelings of betrayal. "...I'm not one of your hills, Nicky. I'm not even in the same fucking mountain range. That's...I can't..."
"Oh god, Baby." Nick's emotional restraint was demolished by the wracking sobs of the man sitting too close to not touch anymore. He had never felt so completely broken as he did the second he heard Greg give up on them. He reached for the wrecked man and pulled his limp body into his arms. "Oh my god. What have I done? I'm so sorry...I never meant for you to feel...you're my only hill. I would die for you. It's only you, Greg. I was wrong. Everything I've said and done since...jesus...I was wrong, G. GoodgodwhathaveIdone? Please forgive me. Please."
Greg didn't fight him. In fact, he slipped his arms around Nick's waist and wriggled into the space between his legs. Nick took the opportunity to wrap his legs around the man before he could change his mind. Once he had completely wrapped himself around his sobbing boyfriend he finished saying what he needed to say. "I'm begging you. PleasePleasePleasePlease. Don't give up on me."
After Greg cried himself out a bit, leaving Nick's neck drenched from tears and other fluids Nick would rather not think about, he whispered. "I can't go back there." Nick almost didn't hear him. "They think it's all my fault."
"No..."
"Yes. They do." Greg screeched quietly. "And now they think you think it's all my fault, too."
"No, G. They don't. Once Momma set MaryEllen straight, I set the rest of the house straight." Nick pulled Greg closer and breathed in the masculine scent. "And then Momma set them straight again. Everyone feels terrible..."
"About you. It's about you, Nick. They feel terrible about you, not me." Greg said without moving. "And I don't expect them to feel terrible about me. I get it. But I'm done. I just can't do it anymore. I can't go back there."
Nick moved them both until they were laying more comfortably in the bed. He held Greg close and kissed his head. "We don't have to go back. We'll stay right here..."
"I'm not having sex with you." Greg interrupted.
This sudden, random outburst made Nick chuckle. "I know."
"I'm still mad at you." Greg clarified. "You really hurt me this time, Nicky."
Nothing about that was funny. Nick sighed and held on tighter. "I know."
"I'm not going back there." Greg reiterated.
"I know."
"You might want to rethink all of this Nick - I mean us - you and me - because I'm not going..."
"I know." Nick clarified too. "And I'm not rethinking anything. You're what matters most to me. They'll have to learn how to work around us, G. You're my only hill from now on. That's how I want it. That's how it's going to be."
Greg didn't say anything.
"If you'll have me." Nick added. It felt a little like groveling, but he was okay with that.
Greg took a few minutes before he said in a quiet, sad voice. "I'm still thinking about it. I'm not sure I can do this anymore."
"Okay." That was good enough.
For now.
TBC