When Oswald and Lewis wandered into the kitchen the next morning, they found coffee brewing, and two stacks of French toast along with a note;
Went to work. Will be back at five.
-C
Oswald shrugged and sat down behind one of the plates.
Lewis joined him and took a bite. "Mmm!"
"Man, she sure is a good cook." Oswald commented, getting a dreamy look on his face.
"Among other things, I'm assuming?" Lewis mumbled through a bite of food.
"What? Oh, no." Oswald shook his head and cut off another piece. "We just talked last night."
"Uh-oh."
"What?"
"Oh, nothing." Lewis glanced away, then back at Oswald, with a look of sadism. "How long have you two been going out?"
"We're not..."
"So how many times have you been alone together?"
Oswald thought. "At least a couple of hours every day... what's your point?" He eyed Lewis suspiciously.
"Exactly," Lewis ignored the look. "And you've never slept together?"
"No..."
"Uh-huh." He took another bite, then sat back and crossed his arms. "I hate to tell you this buddy... but you're her reverse boy-toy."
"Noooo!" Oswald shook his head. "Don't boy-toys usually just have sex without any kind of emotional... oh." He frowned. "So? What's wrong with that?"
"Nothing's wrong with it- if you're getting some. But you're not, are ya?"
Oswald glared and crossed his arms. "That doesn't matter. We're in love!"
"Ha!" Lewis did a fake, aloof laugh and shook his head in pity. "There's no such thing as love!"
Oswald stood up. "I don't have to take this from you!" He grabbed his French toast and added. "I already get that from my counsellor!" He stomped off.
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
"Ma'am?" Charlie tapped on the shoulder of a peacock of a woman in front of her. No joke- she really was dressed like a peacock.
"Yeah, what?" The woman turned around. The makeup on her face practically glowed.
"Can you, um, tell me where the copy room is?"
"Oh, yeah, sure." She pointed towards the stairs. "Next floor down, accross the hall, first door on your left."
"Thanks." Charlie smiled apologetically. "I'm new here, and it's a big building."
"Yeah, yeah, no problem, stick-girl."
Charlie blinked, then turned to go, and then came back around.
"Oh, and by the way, I love your makeup."
"Really?" The woman asked, suspiciously.
"Yeah! It's totally expressive. I like all the different shades of... rainbow..."
"Thanks," She looked thoughtful, then held out a hand. "I'm Mimi. Mimi Bobeck. Office manager."
"Charlie." The shorter woman shook the hand. "Papergirl."
"Nice to meet you Charlie. Papergirl, huh? Why don't you grab me some coffee on your way back up."
"What the heck, sure. Regular?" Mimi nodded and Charlie gave her a thumbs up, and then walked off to the stairs.
Mimi watched her for a second, and when she turned she almost ran into Drew, who asked rhetorically. "Stalking your latest victim?"
She glared, and retorted. "At least my victims aren't made out of garbage bags, pig." She shoved past him, and Drew followed Charlie down the stairwell.
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
Charlie finished filling up a cup of coffee, then turned and saw a familiar pair of glasses.
"Oh, hi Mr Carey!"
He smiled. "You can just call me Drew, if you want."
"Whatever you say man. I'm totally indebted to you for giving me those references."
"Well you want to make up for it by going to dinner with me?" He scuffed a shoe on the floor.
Charlie smiled. "Sounds fun! Oh, I have to call and let the guys I'm staying with know that I'll be out. What time do you want to meet?"
"How about the Warsaw Tavern at nine-o-clock?"
"Perfect." She balanced the coffee cup and her copies, and walked past Drew to the stairs. "See you tonight!"
When she was gone, Drew turned to no one in particular. "That worked better than it should have." He thought about it. "I wonder what's wrong with her..."
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
Charlie got back to the house at 5:30, having stopped to pick up some groceries, and knocked on the door with her foot.
Oswald opened it, in nothing but his boxers and socks, then realized who it was and jumped back.
"Oh, uh- let me-" He held up a finger, then ran off and got on some pants. He came back out to Charlie laughing, and helped her with the armloads of bags.
"So why'd you go shopping? We have plenty of food..." He glanced in the fridge at the ten beers, bottle of mustard, carton of old milk, and mystery tupperware. "Oh..."
She grinned, and started putting stuff away. "Anyway, I need certain ingredients, and other stuff..." She grabbed one bag that Oswald had started to open, and went down the hall and tossed it in the toy room.
"What was in that?"
"None of your concern," She winked and pulled out a bag of tomatoes.
"What are those?" Oswald stepped back.
"It's fruit." Charlie grinned and put the bag in the crisper. "Don't worry, the way I make it, it'll taste like candy."
"I like candy," He agreed thoughtfully. "But why'd you buy all this stuff? We could have just gotten some TV dinners."
She shrugged. "I like cooking. It keeps me sane."
"I feel that way about cartoons." Oswald smiled, and started helping her put stuff away.
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
When Lewis got home a few hours later, he heard both of their voices in the kitchen.
Charlie was directing. "Now- keep stirring it- now just put in a tiny pinch of basil. Not too much or it'll get stuck in your teeth. Good! Now some more flour."
Lewis peeked in, and saw Charlie dicing raw chicken, supervising Oswald standing over the stove with a spoon, stirring something-or-other simmering.
"Hey guys," He said cautiously, trying to sound casual.
Oswald turned around, and waved his wooden spoon. "Hey Lewis! How was work?"
"Great," He said, noncommitally. Then asked. "Oswald, why are you wearing a frilly pink apron?"
"Because I wanted the one with the 'Don't Kiss the Cook' slogan." Charlie declared.
"Okay... that makes total sense..." Lewis still sounded confused. Then he decided to change the subject. "So what are you making?"
"Mm," Charlie grinned. "Chicken รก la Fisher." She pointed. "Oswald's making the sauce, and I'm getting ready to do the chicken."
Oswald giggled like an elementary kid and murmured. "Do the chicken..."
Lewis angled his head. "Fisher?"
"My last name,"
"Like... as in Carrie Fisher?"
"Yep. My mom changed her last name after my parents saw Star Wars. My dad's last name is Ford."
"Wow." Lewis looked impressed. "What are their first names?"
She grimaced. "Dana and Fox."
"Tell me that's a coincidence."
"My mom's is. My dad said as soon as X-Files came out, he had to change his name to Fox. For my mom's sake."
He whistled out and nodded. "So you're a properly cultured girl!"
Charlie grinned, and scooped the diced chicken onto a cookie sheet. "So they say."
"Wow," Lewis said again, this time in a lower voice, and made eye contact with Oswald. They held a quick telepathic conversation.
Oswald, this one's a keeper.
I know!
I hate you.
Oswald frowned and raised an eyebrow, then put his hand on his hip.
"You can never be happy for me!"
"Huh?" Charlie glanced up at the guys glaring at eachother. Her eyes windened. "Did I just miss something?"
"Yeah! Lewis is a big fat jerk!"
"Oswald is a crybaby!"
"Hey, hey!" Charlie walked between them and gave them each a stern look. "There is no fighting in the kitchen. I don't care if you recreate the holocaust in the livingroom, but in this kitchen- while I'm cooking- THERE IS ONLY LOVE AND GOOD FOOD." She barked. "Understood?"
Lewis crossed his arms.
Oswald looked at the floor.
"Lewis?" She said, a warning tone in her voice.
"You can't tell me where not to fight in my own hou..." He glanced at the chicken-dicing knife in her hand. "I mean... do you need any more help?"
She smiled. "Much better. And yes," She handed him the cookie sheet. "Put this in the oven and set a timer for half an hour."
He followed her instructions, and she helped Oswald get the saucepan off the stove without burning himself.
"Now what?" Lewis asked.
"Now, you guys can go catch the second half of the SG-1 marathon. I'll clean up in here."
"You are an angel from the highest parts of heaven." Lewis declared, and retreated to the living room with Oswald.
The second half of a boring episode was playing, so Lewis turned to Oswald and asked him about his day.
"Well, I got to this one place today..." Oswald looked thoughtful. "When they answered the door and I said 'package for Miss Robinson' the lady slapped me and slammed the door..."
Lewis frowned. "That's odd..." He paused, thoughtfully."Usually I care about your day- but man!" He inhaled deeply and took in the smell of baking food. "That just smells too good!"
Oswald agreed, so they came back into the kitchen and helped Charlie wash dishes for a few minutes, all the while taunted by the aroma of chicken and tomato.
"So Charlie, what about you? How was the first day in the... wherever you work?"
"It was great, I met a bunch of cool people, and a guy asked me to dinner tonight."
Oswald shot Lewis a look.
"He did?"
"Yeah," She scrubbed a plate. "I'm meeting him at the Warsaw tonight."
"Cool..." Lewis glanced at Oswald, who looked confused. "We need to catch up on our drinking anyway. Want us to drive you there?"
"Sure. I was gonna take my car, but whatever works." She smiled, then a timer dinged. "Chicken's done!"
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
"So this guy, what's he like?" Oswald kept his eyes on the road, talking to Charlie in the back seat.
"He's cute. And he seemed very sweet. You know, personality and stuff..."
Oswald exchanged a look with Lewis.
Uh-oh.
What?
Oswald, do you think it's possible that-
Nope.
But he works near-
Not. Him.
It could be-
No.
Lewis scoffed, and glanced out his window.
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
They pulled into the Warsaw parking lot, and Charlie agreed to be designated driver before they even got out.
Once inside, Charlie looked around, then looked at the guys. "He's not here yet, so..."
"We are early." Oswald commented. "Why don't you just hang out with us until your date gets here."
"Whoa," She laughed slightly. "It's not even a date. I just want to get to know him better. And besides, he helped me get a job, so I couldn't say no."
Lewis looked at her our of the corner of his eyes.
"It's true!"
The guys grabbed a table, and Charlie offered to get their beers.
Oswald looked at Lewis while Charlie was off near the bar.
"I don't like this, Lewis. What if she... you know, likes him?"
"Relax." Lewis scoffed for the second time that night. "If it is Drew-"
"Which it's not."
"Right. But if it is, there's no way she'd choose him over you. No girl would. Well," Lewis shrugged. "Except Kate. And Emily in junior high. And Melissa in high school. And Erin from the bookstore. But other than them!"
Oswald twisted up his face anyway and shrugged halfheartedly.
Charlie came back with beers for the guys and a plate of nachos for herself.
When Lewis gave her a funny look, she got defensive. "What? I'm hungry! I always get hungry when I'm nervous!"
Oswald rubbed his palm, and stayed quiet.
The three sat in silence for a few minutes, then Charlie looked up when the bell on the door rang.
"That's him." She smiled, stood up and adjusted her shirt. "Do I look okay?"
"Yeah, fine," Lewis muttered.
Oswald looked at her. Like an angel. He frowned, and went back to looking at his palms.
Smiling, Charlie waved. "Drew! Over here,"
The guys jerked their heads up, and saw Drew- the right Drew- their Drew- walk over to their table.
"Hey guys, what are you doing here?" He sounded pleasantly surprised. "I haven't seen you in days!"
"We were just hanging out with a buddy..." Oswald scratched the back of his head and didn't make eye contact with Charlie when she looked at him.
"She's really Oswald's buddy more than my buddy, Drew." Lewis gestured to the two dark-haired people pointedly.
But either Drew didn't catch on, or he ignored it, and went over to hook arms with Charlie.
"Shall we?"
She half grinned. "Sure. Where did you have in mind?"
They walked off, discussing restaurants, and Oswald finally looked up when their voices faded off.
"Man," He groaned. "There goes another one."
"It's okay, buddy," Lewis reassured. "There are other gorgeous women out there who aren't scared of us and will spend the whole night rocking you to sleep, making cookies for us..." He sat up, and looked at Oswald, his eye twitching. "My god, man! I can't believe you let her get away!"
Oswald slammed his head on the table.
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
"So you like Italian food?"
"Sure, I love it." Charlie nodded and took a bite of her lasagna. "I make the most killer rotini and chicken, you'll have to try it some time.
Drew grinned. The date was going well so far. She liked good food, she could cook, she was pretty, smart, and she laughed at his jokes without leaving that awkward silence there usually was when most women didn't get it.
She was perfect. He even thought, maybe after desert, if he was lucky-
"Drew!" Oswald's gravelly voice rang from across the restaurant.
"Oswald? What are you doing here?"
Charlie looked up at him, her eyebrows going up in confusion. "Oswald?"
He nodded. "Charlie."
Charlie turned to her date. "Drew?"
Oswald looked at Drew intensely. "This is something I should have done a long time ago!" He held up a hand, and for a nanosecond, Drew was sure he was going to get hit, then Oswald leaned over and grabbed Charlie's shoulder.
"Charlie, please please don't start going out with Drew! You can't- I don't want to lose the cooking lessons, the stories, the hugs... you can't leave Cleveland, and you can't be with Drew! I don't ever want you to go- anywhere! I want you to stay with me and Lewis and be bachelor number three and hang out with us and go drinking with us and please-don't-date-Drew-Charlie!" He was breathing heavily, and his brow was knit, a little red line marking the ferocity of his speech..
Charlie blinked, slowly, like the time she was trying to get the flour off of her lashes.
Drew stared at them both, caught in a time loop, Oswald's eyes flickering desperately between hers, his hand on her shoulder, his legs shaking from crouching so long; and Charlie's blinking increasing, while her mouth twitched and her shoulder turned red under Oswald's grip.
A waiter broke the trance.
"Uh... does anyone need more water?"
Oswald blinked, and drew back. "Huh?"
"Agua, signor?"
Drew looked from Oswald to Charlie, then at the waiter. "Actually, we're ready for the check."
"Would you like some boxes?"
Drew glanceed at his almost untouched plate. "Please,"
The waiter nodded awkwardly and dashed off. Drew stood up and touched Oswald's shoulder.
"Sorry man, I had no idea..."
"No, I'm sorry." Oswald rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I didn't mean to ruin your date."
"Oswald?" Charlie stood up, brushing her hair behind her ear. "Why didn't you say that earlier? When I first told you I had a date?"
"I just... didn't want you to leave Cleveland. I figured if you got together with a Cleveland guy, you might stay a little longer. I didn't think it was going to be Drew." He looked up aplogetically. "Sorry, man."
Charlie scratched her arm. "Guys I didn't know you even..." She pulled a 20 out of her pocket. "Sorry, Drew," She handed him the 20. "Thanks for the conversation, and dinner. I need to get him home."
Drew saw the way she looked at Oswald when she said that, and it finally clicked in his head.
"No, no problem at all. Thanks." He smiled and looked at the floor. "Thanks for taking care of him."
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
Oswald was quiet on the ride back home, sitting in the back with Charlie as Lewis drove.
When Lewis had seen the look on Oswald's face, he had shut his mouth and kept it that way.
When they got home, Lewis murmured, "Lock up." and handed Charlie the keys, and went inside.
Charlie got out of the car, shut it and locked it behind Oswald, and trailed him into the house.
Once inside, she touched his shoulder, and he grimaced and sat down with her on the couch.
"Honey?" Charlie moved her hand down to his bicep and hugged his arm.
Oswald looked her in the eye. "I am really, really sorry I crashed your date, Charlie. We'll understand if you don't want to stay at all... a-and if you want to hit me." He looked back down.
"Oswald, I don't want to hit you," She chuckled. "You really sound like a little kid sometimes, you know?"
Nodding, he made evident that he could act like one too. "Are you sure you don't want to hit me?"
"Perfectly." Charlie rubbed his back and put her head on his shoulder. "I'm actually kind of happy you came."
"Really?" He raised his eyebrows and looked back at her.
"Yeah," Half smiling, Charlie looked off into the non-existent distance. "You know, when I was travelling through Nevada one month, I did some pretty funky stuff for money. After that, I kind of assumed all guys were secretly perverts."
Oswald shook his head. "No, most of us are pretty out in the open about that." Lewis came to mind at that remark.
She giggled, and Oswald turned and kissed the top of her head, smelling the pretty scent of... something.
"Hey Charlie, what do you wash your hair with?"
"You like it?" She grinned.
"It smells... sexy."
She sat up and looked at him mischeviously. "Sexy smelling, you say?"
"Oh yeah." He nodded with a dumb smile on his face.
"Oswald, I use men's soap, completely."
He made a face. "What? Why would you do that?"
"This one brand reminds me of my dad, I always liked the smell, so I just use it. It's cheaper anyway." She giggled. "You said my dad smells sexy."
Oswald's neck turned red, and he stuttered. "Y-yeah, w-well... I wouldn't do this to your dad!"
He grabbed her and kissed her, pushing her teeth open with his tongue, and meeting hers halfway through. Charlie breathed in sharply through her nose, then closed her eyes and wrapped an arm around Oswald's back and entwined the curls in his hair around her fingers.
He let go of her mouth but set his forehead on hers, staring into her eyes.
She looked at him, and thought for the millionth time. His eyes are so... wow.
While he was thinking. She still smells good, even if it's like a man. And she's so pretty...
"Hey Oswald?" She whispered.
"Yeah?"
"I think I love you. Like, actually love-love you."
He swallowed, then smiled his smirky-smile and said. "You too, Charlie. You too."
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
"YOU WILL NEVER ESCAPE THE TICKLE MONSTER!"
Lewis yelled in terror for the millionth time that day. "SENSITIVE BLADDER! SENSITIVE BLADDER!"
"BULLSHIT!" Charlie sat on his back firmly, and dug her fingers into his ribs, hitting the sensitive spots.
Under her, Lewis managed to flip, and squeezed her thighs, making Charlie yelp and try to jump up, but now he had a firm grip on her legs, and she was the one struggling to escape.
"WHO'S THE TICKLE MONSTER NOW?"
"YOU!" She screamed. "YOU WIN! YOU WIN! UNCLE!"
"NO UNCLE!" Lewis laughed a manic, throaty laugh. "YOU SHALL SUFFER!"
At that moment, the door swung open and Oswald walked in, and stopped to stare at them;
Charlie sitting on Lewis's stomach, his massive hands gripping her thighs and them both crying from laughing and being tickled.
They paused, and looked up at him.
"Hi, Oswald." Charlie giggled.
"Is this what it looks like?" Oswald said carefully.
"Yes. Yes it is." Lewis said through echoes of laughter.
Oswald stared a minute more, then grinned and threw his bag on the floor.
"TICKLE FIGHT!"
Charlie screamed again, and managed to wriggle out of Lewis's grasp and grab one of Oswald's arms, forcing him to the floor and pinching the fat right in front of his hips, on his pelvis bone.
"AAAUUGHH!" Was all he managed, before grabbing Charlie's unguarded arm and pulling her down, costing her the balance. "You get her feet!" He yelled to Lewis, who scrambled to do so.
With Lewis pinning her legs down, and Oswald hoisting her arms above her head, Charlie laughed so hard she literally had tears streaming down her face.
"N-now what?" Lewis asked, almost out of breath.
"I think," Oswald huffed. "We should make her pay!"
"No!" Charlie practically screamed. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"
"He's right!" Lewis laughed. "You're a bad girl! SAY IT!"
"I'M A BAD GIRL!" Charlie laughed.
"AGAIN!"
Oswald looked at Lewis, realizing where that was coming from. "Hey! Lewis! That's not right."
But Lewis focused on Charlie, who managed to arch an eyebrow and flatten her mouth and look serious, though her chest was still shaking with silent laughter.
"Lewis, don't be gross!"
He rolled his eyes, but kept a firm grip on her legs.
"I have an idea!" Oswald smiled. "Let's tie her to a chair, and then make her watch porn!"
Charlie raised her eyebrow again. "What the heck? Now who's being gorss?"
"You're right, too awkward." Lewis agreed. "I know! Keep the tying her to a chair, but let's make her watch us do your play!"
Oswald frowned. "But that's not torturing her!"
"Some of us would beg to differ..." Lewis muttered.
"Okay, okay." Charlie looked up at Oswald. "How about you guys pick what you eat tonight? You name it, I can make it."
The guys looked at eachother, then nodded.
Lewis started. "We want cake,"
Oswald added. "And spaghetti,"
"And eclairs." Lewis sounded satisfied with himself.
"And beer, right?" Charlie giggled. "Now let me up! I'll go make your stupid cake."
OOOOOOooooOOOOOO
They released her, and Lewis offered a hand to help her up.
"And roll... and fold, now put it in the pan... good!" Flour in her hair, where it always seemed to be, Charlie watched Oswald and Lewis's man-hands do the delicate work of rolling eclair dough, then set it in the frying pan without getting burned by the oil.
"You guys are born pros!" She wiped flour off the back of Lewis's neck.
The cake was in the oven, and most of the eclair shells were cooling on the counter. Charlie had decided just to reheat the spaghetti leftovers from Thursday.
"Hey Charlie, thanks for showing us how to do this." Oswald smiled at her, a twinkle in his eye.
Lewis nodded, obliviously agreeing. "Yeah, this baking stuff is acually pretty cool."
She grinned and pushed her bangs back. "You're welcome, guys. Thanks for letting me stay."
They smiled, and the three took a seat at the table, conversing casually.
Then there was an unfamiliar jingle from the other room. Charlie furrowed her eyebrows, confused, then her eyes widened. "Oh wow, that's my cellphone!"
She stood up and ran into the other room to get it, and returned, giving them both a wide-eyed look. Then she picked up.
"Hi- hello?"
The guys watched her face, she smiled a little.
"Oh, hey Aunt Anne..."
She rolled her eyes at them and mouthed "Oh my god", pointing at the phone.
Then she nodded. "Mmhmm, yeah, Cleveland." Then her eyebrows went up, and Charlie sat down. "Really? That's, um... that's neat. Oh, you want me to come?" She winced. "Well, no, but... yeah. I've actually got a few days off work for- yeah? No, no, I didn't have any plans..." Charlie glanced up at Oswald, wistful. "Sure, sure. I can be there by then. Okay, bye. Love you too, Aunt Anne." She hung up, and laid her head down on the table.
"I have to go to Akron tomorrow."
Oswald frowned. "Why?"
And Lewis chipped in. "For how long?"
"My parents are visiting my cousins... and probably for a few days. They always manage to snag me and I can't get out."
Oswald glanced at Lewis, then back at Charlie. "Well maybe we could come with you."
"Hey, that's a great idea!" Lewis raised his eyebrows and looked at Charlie, who groaned. "You guys are going to hate it! My parents are total psychos."
"Charlie." Lewis said in a low scary voice. "Any woman who will change her last name to Fisher is a woman I can get along with in any situation."
Oswald nodded. "And I wanna meet the people who raised such a good cook!"
Charlie smiled halfway, then nodded slowly. "Okay. You guys can come. Just know, I'm a hardcore traveller. My car; my rules."
"We'll be good!" Oswald nodded enthusiastically.
Lewis crossed his arms. "We are the best travellers ever."