Chapter 4

Jun came out of the kitchen awhile later with some cookies and hot cider, and although I was hesitant trying them, I had to admit that they were good. When I complimented her on the taste, Jun beamed.

The three of us finished decorating the tree together, and then Ryu and Jinpei arrived, and before I knew it, we were having an old-fashioned Christmas around the tree. Jinpei begged to open gifts, and for some reason I couldn't fathom, Jun agreed without much of an argument. We laughed and talked, just enjoying the holiday, but there was something more.

We were a family again.

After some time, Jun left to put together some plates of food in the kitchen, and seeing that the others were occupied with a discussion of the latest jet designs and flight simulators, I slipped off to join her.

"Getting a little overwhelmed?" Jun asked me as I came into the kitchen.

"Yeah." I admitted, running my hand through my hair. "I'd almost forgotten what it was like."

"Let me guess, they're talking about planes." Jun rolled her eyes.

"The latest ISO Fighter Jet, to be precise." I grinned. "The F6321, or something like that. Ken and Ryu are drooling over the thing like most men would drool over a girl in a bikini. Jinpei's just doing his usual 'bouncing off the walls' thing and not paying too much attention to them."

"I know that one all too well." Jun smiled wryly.

"It was just a little too much for me." I said. "I needed some space."

"Oh… I'm sorry." Jun was embarrassed and distressed. "Here I've been pushing myself on you all day, not giving you any space. I can leave you by yourself, if you'd like." She turned to go.

"No."

I put my hand on her arm to prevent her from leaving.

"That's not what I meant." I attempted to clarify my statement as she looked at me in confusion. "I needed some time away from them." I hooked my thumb behind me at the door that led to the restaurant.

"Not… not you." I finished lamely.

"Oh…" Jun smiled shyly, her cheeks flushing a light shade of pink.

"I really appreciate everything you've done for me, today." I told her.

"It wasn't really any trouble." Jun replied. "I'm just so glad that you're back with us; where you belong."

"I'm glad to be back too," I agreed, "although, until today, I wasn't entirely certain that I had made the right decision… coming back…"

"You weren't?" Jun was surprised, but not judgmental. "What changed your mind?"

"You." I whispered hoarsely.

"Me?"

The word was so quiet that I wasn't entirely certain that I had even heard it. Jun immediately turned back to her trays of food, suddenly flustered.

"Help me with this, will you?" she asked, bending over to hide her face with the soft, ebony curtain of her hair.

"Whatever you want, Jun." I said quietly, picking up a knife and starting to slice the cucumber she placed in front of me.

We worked in companionable silence for a few minutes before I finally blurted out what had been on my mind for the past few hours.

"So… Ken told me that you two were… going out…." I fished for details.

"He did?" Jun appeared startled. "That's not true!"

"So, you guys didn't see each other while I was gone?"

"Well… yes… we did…" Jun said. "But it wasn't like that." she quickly added.

I raised an eyebrow, looking at her skeptically. Jun glanced up, saw my expression, and turned a fiery red color, looking away again. If she had been flustered before, now she was downright nervous.

"Ken… Ken wanted some things to happen, between us." Jun admitted.

"But you didn't."

"It's all moot, now." Jun tried to brush me off. "The war started up again, and we agreed that it was better not to complicate things between us."

"But, did you want 'complications'?" I asked bluntly. I felt terrible pushing her when she was already so obviously uncomfortable, but something deep inside of me insisted that I needed to know.

"I…" Jun looked up at me, her face a mask of confusion as she searched for words.

"No." she finally confessed. "I didn't truly want that kind of relationship with Ken."

My heart began pounding in my chest, but I ignored it, keeping up my barrage of questions.

"But you obviously didn't tell him that." I pointed out.

"I couldn't." Jun confessed. "He… he needed me…. but not anymore…"

"Not anymore?"

"He has the war to keep him occupied… now." Jun's voice had a bitter undertone to it.

"I see." I replied. And I did see. How typical of Ken to push Jun away like that, because the timing didn't suit him. Jun must have been terribly hurt… or had she been? She had just told me that she wasn't interested in Ken. Or was that her hurt feelings talking?

"I thought you had feelings for Ken." I said quietly, focusing my eyes downward on the vegetables I was cutting. "At least, I always thought you did."

"I used to." Jun admitted, her voice coming out in a whisper. "When I was younger, and didn't think much past his pretty face. But whatever was there, it died a long time ago, when Ken kept ignoring me, and giving me the cold shoulder."

Suddenly, Jun turned to me, her eyes brimming with tears.

"I tried!" she confessed, nervously dropping her knife with a clatter onto the countertop. "When Ken finally made it clear that he was interested, I tried… God knows, I tried… but there was nothing there! And I wasn't willing to start a relationship with him based solely on the fact that we both missed you…"

"Does that make me a terrible person?" Jun asked tearfully.

"No…" I reassured her, pulling her into my arms and stroking her hair as she sobbed into my shoulder. "It makes you an honest person."

"Whenever Ken held me, or kissed me, I tried… I really tried… but…"

Something ugly rose up in me for a moment, when Jun talked about kissing Ken. I gritted my teeth, waiting for her to continue, but she didn't speak any further. Eventually, I couldn't stand it any more.

"But… what?" I prodded her gently. After a brief hesitation, she answered me.

"Whenever I was with Ken, I couldn't help thinking of someone else." she whispered into my chest.

My breath caught in my throat. Was Jun saying what I thought she was saying? And if she was…

"Hey, are you guys going to bring out the food?" came Ryu's voice. He was calling in from the other side of the kitchen door.

"We're just about done, Ryu!" Jun called back, pulling hastily away from me and busying herself with her tray again.

"Bring that in, when you're finished." she instructed me, nodding at the veggie plate I was finishing up, but not making eye contact with me.

"Anything for you, Jun." I said, my eyes fixing briefly on hers before she rushed away.