A/N: Hey everyone. Decided to continue this story even through my hiatus. Just keeping the flame alive :)
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, don't rub it in.
Be sure to enjoy and review. There's a happy surprise for all at the end ;)
Chapter 4: Rupture
Heated rays streamed through the sheer curtains to warm Olivia's skin. A soft whimper left her mouth as consciousness returned. "Mmmm." Arms began to shift automatically to stretch, banish the effects of sleep on her worn muscles. Her left moved easily enough – her right on the other hand, something held it firmly in place.
Panic immediately rushed through her; Brian hadn't returned last night, she managed to remember that. Olivia's eyes shot wide open, flickering to the head resting on her shoulder. 'Oh.'
"Elliot," she whispered softly, heartbeats slowing as the memories returned. All the memories. "Oh El, my El." Since her right hand was gracefully pinned to her side by Elliot's frame, she guided her left to softly stroke his scalp. The sight of his gaunt face both warmed and stabbed at her heart. Olivia hated to see the remnants of his ordeal – they bore reminders of a pain she could never hope to understand. Lewis had been the closest she had come to hell on earth, but the immediate scars had ended after a few days. 'Elliot's lasted two years.' A tear fell from her eye.
However, something else graced his face. Olivia couldn't fathom what, but his features had lost the strain, the stress worn even predating when they were still partners. Not that he wasn't before, but now he just… he was just so handsome in the glowing sunlight.
A groan escaping Elliot's lips, her shifted in the process of waking up – and his breath hit the portion of her sleepwear that covered her breasts.
Electric tendrils coursing through her system to her core, Olivia detangled herself from Elliot's grip – so weak from what she remembered of it – and scrambled out of bed.
"Liv?" Elliot ground out groggily, arms spreading out on the bed where she had been. "You ok?"
"Um, uh…" Olivia was glad he was still practically asleep, for then he wouldn't see her flushed red cheeks. "I'm going to make breakfast for us. Take your time getting up." With that she rushed out the door into her living room, closing it behind her. Two and a half years and Elliot still had an effect on her. 'Don't be so surprised Benson.' She wasn't in a way; her love for him as strong as it ever was, it would have been surprising if Elliot didn't affect her.
Padding to the kitchen, a sudden thought caused a gasp to leave her lips. "Brian." Shit, she completely forgot about him since Elliot arrived at her doorstep last night. Olivia's gut churned thanks to the sticky situation she found herself in.
She reached into her fridge and removed several thick slices of bacon and five eggs. Mind racing at a mile a minute as she cracked the eggs onto the frying pan resting on the stove, sizzle crackling from the metal pan as the yellow/clear substance landed on it, Olivia knew that she was going to have to let Brian know about Elliot. He was likely going to freak. She remembered back from the early years of their partnership that El never liked Cassidy and the feeling was completely mutual.
'He's been a good boyfriend for the most part.'
'Then why is he never around when you need him Olivia? Where was he when you woke up screaming after Lewis?' He was at work or at a bar, Olivia knew this.
However, a part of her wouldn't let him go – was dying for the slightest form of affection. 'He was there for me at the trial.'
'But you love Elliot.' Eyes fluttered clothes. She did, more than anything.
"Penny for your thoughts?" Lids pulling back, Olivia found Elliot watching her, figure gaunt as his sweats and t-shirt hung loose on him like pouches. Her heart clenched. "How come there were so many of my clothes in your closet?"
Blinking, Olivia couldn't help the small smirk that formed on her face. "Guess some stuff got left over when you stayed over during your fights with Kathy."
"Too easy." He hobbled to the dining table, taking a seat. He was enjoying this, loving to be able to tease Liv like in the past. "Something tells me a certain detective has sticky fingers.
Her eyes narrowed, nose crinkling. "Excuse me?"
"You better arrest yourself Sergeant Benson." Elliot couldn't help but snicker as the doorbell rang.
Olivia laughed happily as she made her way to the door. 'I missed this.' The playful banter between her and Elliot had been some of the most pleasurable moments from their partnership. It warmed her heart that they could settle back into the routine, even after all that happened. 'All that I did to him.'
Not really caring about who was at the door, she flicked at the lock and threw it open. Blonde strands immediately formed into view. "Kathleen?" She'd have known Elliot's middle daughter anywhere.
"Olivia!" Kathleen squealed happily. "It's so good to see you again." Of all the Stabler children, Olivia was closest to her.
"Same here," Olivia beamed, moving to hug the younger woman when her leg bumped against something. "What…" She glanced down to meet wide blue eyes staring at her. "Who is this?"
Kathleen laughed. "This is my little nephew Joshua, but we call him Joshie for short. Maureen let me babysit him for the day.
A longing affection tugging at her soul, Olivia's heart melted at the sight of the little one. 'Elliot is a grandfather?' The fact only drove home the time they had lost. "Can I hold him?"
"Sure. Of course." 'Why would she even ask?' Olivia was like a second mother to her, a presence in her life for the last fifteen years more or less; the blonde really couldn't remember a time before the brunette gifted the Stabler family with her presence and love.
Olivia's hands trembled slightly, a development that shocked her. When dealing with victims, babies she encountered in her day to day life, it was always just part of the job. Holding them, comforting them, everyone praised her instincts but those babies would be gone soon. Back to their homes or new guardians.
Wrapping her palms around Joshie's waist and lifting him out of the stroller, Olivia remembered the last time she trembled like this – the day Eli was born. 'I was the first person to ever hold him.' Denied the joy of carrying and raising a child of her own, by circumstance and pain, the closest Olivia had were his kids. The kids of her love. And she loved them too.
Affection was soon found out to transfer to grandchildren too. "Hey little one," she cooed in a low, soft voice – one Elliot had never heard escape Olivia's lips minus the occasional emotional moment. 'And last night.'
"I know you haven't seen me before Joshie," Olivia continued, mesmerized by the same eyes that she had fallen for long ago. "But I'm your grandpa's best friend and former partner. Bad people kept us apart, but I hope you have room in your heart because I'm here to stay."
Everyone, Olivia herself included, were shocked at how meaningful her conversation was with the youngest of the Stabler clan. All waited on baited breath for what said member thought.
Staring at her, blue eyes boring on the unfamiliar woman in front of him, suddenly a quick jerk of his arm smacked Olivia's nose playfully. Squeals of joy echoed from between Joshie's lips, hands clapping together happily.
"Is that a good thing?" Olivia asked, slightly apprehensive.
"Are you kidding?" A massive smile had planted itself on Kathleen's face. Striding to her, the blonde slapped the older woman on the back. "I've never seen him take to a stranger so quickly. Even took him a day to warm up to me. You're so good with him Livvy, a natural."
Nervousness disappearing, Olivia nuzzled the still giggling baby's nose with hers. "I can't help myself, he's just so cute." Arms enveloped Joshie, drawing him close to her.
Tears threatened to slip down Elliot's lids at the sight.
"You know, you'd make a great mom... I'll support you."
Memory flooding his mind, Elliot knew that statement was as true now as it was back then. Long ago, he had decided that his ultimate goal was to make her happy, and here he was with a second chance.
"Ok, ok." Elliot hated to break the moment, but Joshie was his grandson too – and breakfast had to be finished. "Let the proud grandpa have a chance."
"Grandpa," Olivia giggled, no sweeter sound ever reaching Elliot's ears. "I never thought that word would associate with Elliot Stabler." To her, he'd always be the gorgeous man in his prime – once he recovered from the captivity she knew he would be again.
Cradling his grandson in his arms, Elliot began padding into the living room. "You and me both, but I fell in love with this guy immediately. Didn't I munchkin?" A tickling finger produced another spate of giggles.
Olivia's heart clenched at protective father/grandfather Elliot. Longing filling her, in all honesty whenever she imagined herself as a mother, Elliot was always the father in that scenario.
"Livvy?" A turn of the head found a young blonde pulling her in for a crushing hug. "Please forgive me."
"Forgive you?" Confusion returned to the brunette sergeant. "What for?"
"When dad was captured, the CIA sent someone to inform all of us in the family – I was officially his emergency contact for the Agency after he and mom split up for the last time. We were restricted under penalty of law from divulging dad's status, but I should have told you."
Everything made sense now, the reason no one contacted her. "It's fine Kathleen. I don't blame you. It wasn't your fault." She kissed the crown of Kathleen's head, reassuring the closest person she had to a daughter that everything was alright between them. All malice had evaporated seeing Elliot on the hallway floor last night.
Jingling of shifting door locks picked up by her ears, Olivia's eyes shifted to the front door. 'Oh no…'
"Liv, baby." The door swung open. "I'm home…" Brian Cassidy's eyes widened at the sight before him.
EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO
'Elliot Stabler.' To say Brian Cassidy was irritated at having to see him again, after all these years, was committing a vast understatement of fact. Coming home from a nearly twenty-four hour shift with Tucker to this shmuck? He thought Olivia better than that. "Stabler, odd that you show your face here after what you did."
Olivia sighed, knowing this was going to happen. Brian was always jealous and insecure when it came to her and Elliot – one of the reasons she put away all her pictures and mementoes of him had been to avoid fights like this with Brian. Now though…
"I'm surprised you let this asshole in Liv," he shot venomously at her.
A white hot anger bubbled inside Elliot, both at Brian's harsh words and his use of "Liv." 'Only I can call her Liv!' He thought angrily.
However, a whimpering coming from his grandson brought Elliot back to reality. He was in no shape to fight – or even argue, and with Joshie and Kathleen here it would be irresponsible. "Katie," he responded hoarsely. "I think we should go."
"No El," Olivia panicked.
"Yeah Stabler," Cassidy sneered, enjoying the anguish on his rival's face. He had been the reason Olivia didn't get together with him after they first slept together. Of this, Cassidy was certain. "Do what you do best. Liv doesn't need you. She has me."
Olivia stared at her boyfriend. 'How can he be this callous?' Sure he was jealous, but this was insane. Elliot came first to her however. "El, please don't go." She placed a hand on his arm as he headed to join Kathleen at the door.
Turning his head, their eyes locked and their connection resumed. 'I can't let Joshie see this Liv. I'll be back.'
She understood. She always did. 'Ok.' With that he was gone, door shutting.
Crossing her arms, Olivia shot a glare at Brian. "What the hell was that Bri?" she seethed, confusion evaporating into enraged steam around her.
Cassidy didn't know what came over him either, but he knew that unless he could get rid of Elliot Stabler then Olivia would leave him. And this he would not allow. "What the hell with me? What the hell was that with you Olivia? You let that bastard back into your life after what he did to you! How the hell can you justify that?"
While she granted that he had a right to interject in her decisions, Olivia sensed something deeper driving this than mere concern and caring. Thusly, she bristled at the statement. "I don't have to justify my actions to you. I'm an independent woman with a mind of my own. You should trust me to make the right decisions."
"Trust you?" A dark chuckle left Cassidy's lips, a hand raking through spiky brown hair. "I did trust you Liv, I trusted you to have half a brain and the sense to go with it… then you do some crazy shit like this. Tell me, what did Stabler do to worm himself back into your good graces?"
'He stayed alive," Olivia thought, her heart clenching with anguish. 'For me.' "That is between him and me Bri, and you should be happy that my best friend came back to me!" Boyfriends were supposed to be happy for their girlfriend's happiness.
"Best friend?" As the anger clouded his mind, the fact that Olivia wouldn't accept Elliot back without a good reason escaped him. "I was there Olivia! I was there when you cried all night over him, even after a year! I was there where you cursed him under your breath! You hated him."
That barb caused her to flinch. 'And I will never forgive myself for it.' Yet, an incredulous scowl crossed her lips at his seeking the moral high ground. "Don't make yourself look so high and mighty Brian!" she ground out. "Where were you when I really needed you? All those times I had flashbacks and would wake up alone? Where the fuck were you?"
He gaped at her. "I was working…"
"No, you do not get to make that excuse!" The gall of him. "A real friend or lover would have taken time off after a tough case to comfort me, would have taken time off to actually reassure me of my strength after I was kidnapped and assaulted!" The only reason she stayed with him after that had been the fear of loneliness. 'Pathetic.' "If you really loved me you'd have been the first person in that squad car after Amanda, Nick, and Fin! Not dropping by the hospital to hand me clothes and scurry away like a frightened rat!"
Elliot would have – she knew it to be true. He would have dropped everything to save her, just like with Gitano at the bus station. All to save her.
He would never have betrayed her – not when it counted.
Laughing, cackling in the grim humor where it was either laugh or cry, Olivia took a step closer to Brian. "You have no right to take the moral high ground Brian, not when you're never here, not when you're probably out screwing prostitutes."
She expected him to deny it – deny it immediately and beg her forgiveness as any decent man would… but instead he hesitated. A subtle hitch of the breath, an almost unnoticeable flinch.
Jaw dropping, Olivia was stunned into silence. 'It's true.' Yes, she knew one instance. He had been undercover then though. "You bastard!" she snarled. "How could you!"
"I was lonely. You never let me…"
"NO! You do not get to use my trauma after Lewis to justify you cheating on me! At least if Elliot and I were together he'd understand and cherish me, not use me as some kind of sex toy."
Suddenly a sharp thwack echoed through the hallway. Olivia staggered back from the force, a biting sting throbbing in her cheek. A hand drifted to cup the likely red flesh. 'He slapped me.' I all her life she would never have expected Brian to do this.
Clarity returning to his mind, if only a flicker, Cassidy realized that he had gone too far. "Liv…"
"Get. Out." Her voice was even, dangerous. The Detective Benson low growl, bane of suspects and rapists everywhere.
"I didn't mean too," he said, reaching out an arm to cup her cheek…
Which was soon found bent behind his back, pain shooting through him like lightning. "GET OUT!" she screeched, not caring if the neighbors heard. With a forceful shove Olivia threw him into the hallway. "If I ever see you here again I will arrest you!" Her rage boiled, but underneath tears threatened to fall.
'How could I have been so foolish?'
EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO EO
Tapping her feet on the tiled, gleaming floor, Kathleen crossed her arms at her father. Elliot knew that look – she was miffed. "What is it Katie?" he asked, cuddling Joshie to him.
"Why'd you leave Olivia with that tool?" This wasn't like her father at all. The old Elliot would've stayed and fought over what he wanted, not concede the field without a shot being fired. "This isn't like you daddy."
A sigh left his lips. "It wasn't my place."
"You love Olivia don't you?" She took his silence as an affirmative answer. "Then why won't you fight for her?"
"She wouldn't be living with Cassidy if she wasn't happy." Strapping Joshie into his stroller, the relaxed demeanor from earlier had disappeared. "I lost my chance."
Response dying on her tongue, Kathleen's heart clenched for her father. The blonde had long ago come to terms with the situation between him and her mom – that they hadn't really been in love for years. Seeing how acutely he pined after Olivia, she knew the only way for him to be happy is if he was with her.
'But he would never be happy if she wasn't.' The catch-22 that described Livvy and her father's relationship to the letter. Hugging him, Kathleen pressed a kiss to his forehead. "The Lord will ensure the best happens." Of this he was certain. "Tell Olivia goodbye for me. I have to get this little guy back to his mommy." A finger tickled Joshie's stomach, the infant giggling once more. "Love you dad."
He smiled, heart warming with love for his child. "Love you too Katie." Kathleen shot him a final smile before pushing the stroller out of the lobby, disappearing across the corner.
A loud stomping from the direction of the elevator triggered his captivity-honed instincts, the sound reminiscent of the interrogators. Furious thumping slammed against his chest cavity. The feeling eased when an angry as hell Brian Cassidy appeared in his vision. This would be bad, but less so.
Close to having steam emanate from his ears, Cassidy's blazing eyes focused on Elliot. "Well Stabler, looks like everything goes your way even after becoming a bigger asshole than ever."
Elliot furrowed his brows, rising unsteadily onto his feet from his perch on a stone bench. "What?"
Cassidy opened his mouth to say something, but shook his head. "Whatever. If Olivia wants to be with a little bastard like you, then I don't want any part of that insanity." Elliot stared speechless as the spiky-haired man walked out. "She's all yours asshole," he called over his shoulder.
Stepping out of the elevator, on hand pushing on the wall to keep him steady, Elliot made his way slowly to Olivia's apartment. Reaching it, a soft sobbing registered in his ears from inside the slightly ajar door. "Liv? Liv are you ok?" A sinking feeling lodged itself in the pit of his stomach, spotting her hunched over on the couch, head in her hands. "Liv?"
Tilting her head at the sound of his voice, a large red handprint loomed into view. "El," Olivia breathed, breath hitching at the pure concern in his expression.
Eyes widening, the foreboding feeling boiled bright into unmitigated fury. "I'll kill him," Elliot ground out, a veritable inferno blazing inside him. "I'll fucking kill that bas…" Trying to storm, toward the door, his limp gave way. Only quick reflexes from his hands to grab one of the dining chairs kept him upright.
An unavoidable chuckle left Olivia's lips, the scene just too ironic. "You're in no shape to kick anybody's ass Stabler. Sit beside me." As if Elliot would deny her that.
Easing himself onto the couch, bones and muscles aching from the constant movement – not having had much during his stay in the dank cell – a sudden warmth coursed inside him when Olivia leaned her head in to rest on his chest. "Um," he gulped, anger forgotten thanks to the intoxicating woman against his skin. "Cassidy was pretty angry downstairs."
Olivia purred, enjoying the soft rhythm of his heartbeat. "Fuck him. He's out of my life now."
"He was never right for you Olivia; I remember from before."
The brunette nodded, tears threatening to return. "Elliot?"
Nearly inaudible, Elliot still managed to pick up her voice. "Yes Liv?" An errant hand moved to stroke her bare arm.
"Mmmm." His fingertips sent a pleasant tingle through her body. "Am I worth loving?"
Elliot stopped. "What?" Did she actually say that?
"Will I ever find someone who loves me?" The memory of the negative pregnancy test came to mind. "Do I even deserve happiness?"
She suddenly found herself pulled by a surprising strength, eyes locked with Elliot's. "Olivia Benson, you deserve everything." Elliot wanted to say more, but he couldn't get the words out. "You… you…" He dropped his eyes to her lips, so lush, so inviting. There was a way he could make her know how special and perfect she was.
Trembling from his smoldering gaze, Olivia blushed at his curt statement. "El…" Before she could continue he had closed the gap between them, mouth slanting over hers.
This was it, the moment both of them had dreamed, fantasized, and prayed for finally happening. Neither could believe it, the invigorating warmth coursing through them, the electric shock from their moving lips, the intense heat pooling in their lower abdomens.
It seemed to go on for hours, neither willing to stop. Neither wanting it to stop.
A/N: Well, I wasn't initially going to give you that ending but what the hell? Did you like my last minute decision?
Who here loves Mommy Olivia?
Hope ya'll found the fight with Brian plausible. A note, he is not a batterer – just a guy who lost his temper. Still bad though, but I wanted to make the distinction.
Anyway, the aftermath of El and Liv's first kiss and much more, next time on Return to You.
Be sure to review :)
God Bless
Alex