If you're wondering, we're just doing the people in whatever order we think of, so don't be too offended…
Mack: Welcome again to the Hellsing Review show! Today, Integra Hellsing!
Jay/May: Hide!
*dive under chairs*
Mack: She's not here.
Jay: I knew that. *gets out and dusts herself off*
May: You sure?
Jay/Mack: YES!
*May gets out of hiding place*
Mack: Why is she so scary?
Jay: She's not SCARY…she's very intimidating.
May: Scary!
Jay: *growls* You're not helping.
May: But she is!
Jay: That's beside the point. You are being a wuss!
May: Am not!
Jay: Are too!
May: D2!
Jay: Grrrr… *tick mark*
Mack: *coughs* Sad, isn't it folks? *coughs*
May/Jay: What?
Mack: Nothing boss. *hidden smirk*
Jay: *glaring at him* Whatever…anyway, on to Mrs. Integra Fairbrook Wingates Hellsing!
May: Scary! *dives under chair again*
Jay: *roars* WILL YOU QUIT DOING THAT!
May: Sowwy. *gets out from under chair*
Jay: ANYWAY, now that the nonsense is over with, let's get on with it.
*big poof of smoke and Integra appears in the extra chair*
Integra: YOU! *whips out pistol and aims it at Jay*
May: And me!
Mack: I think she was talking to both of you.
May: But she's pointing the mini bang-stick at Jay.
Jay: That is true.
Mack: I give up. *facepalms*
Integra: *putting away pistol* I think I should just leave you in your misery.
Mack: MY misery you mean. They regret nothing.
Jay: That's not technically true…I regret…um…uh…
May: I REGRET NOTHING! *holds squirt gun to her forehead and jumps off of ladder*
Mack: I. Blame. YOU. *points angrily to Jay*
Jay: Just because she worships the ground upon which I walk and does whatever I tell her to doesn't mean I'm responsible for what ideas I put in her tiny little head.
Integra: I'm pretty sure it does.
Jay: Oh be quiet.
Integra: Make me.
Jay: I'll let in the AlucardxIntegra fangirls and give you both to them.
Integra: THE WHAT FANGIRLS?!
May: *ice pack on head* I got a boo-boo. *sits down in her chair with sad puppy face*
Integra: And look at what you're doing to that little girl! Have some empathy!
Jay: This would be coming from you…"Iron Maiden" Integra….
Integra: *blushing* Shut up.
May: If Jay gives me a kiss it'll feel better.
Jay: Bite me.
Alucard: *out of nowhere* I heard a dinner bell! *eager*
Integra: O.O
Jay: I take the last sentence back.
May: Dinner bell?
Mack: Out. I told you once, I told you twice, next time there will be fangirls involved.
Alucard: *gulp*
Jay: Darn right. *shudders*
*Alucard leaves via stage lights*
Integra: Everyone within fifty feet of you two menaces goes completely insane. *facepalms*
Mack: I still have what was left of my sanity mostly intact.
Integra: How reassuring…*sweatdrop*
Jay: Oh shut up the both of you. Now Integra, why do you insist on staying "pure" n' all that? The Hellsing line needs to be continued, or do you want Count Trigger-Happy running wild through London when you die?
Integra: Because…all the males I hang out with are wusses. I want to be with someone who can keep up with me and be an equal, not want to hold me back because I'm out of their league.
Jay: You're gonna have to wait a while then, unless you want to get married to some dude twenty years older than you. I've noticed pretty much everyone except you, Mr. Irons, and that one general on the Round Table weren't all that useful.
Integra: Oy! What makes you say that?! *indignant*
Jay: Well, for one Penwood sucks at his job even though he's the most patriotic guy ever, and all the rest got their sorry asses *covers May's ears for swear words* killed in the Battle of London. I mean, if the Queen puts people on the Round Table, shouldn't they be able to defend themselves just a wee better than that?
Integra: …No comment.
Jay: *whispering to May* That would be grown-up talk for "I can't argue with that so I'm just gonna shut up and move on".
May: Ooohhh…like when a grown-up says "Because I said so"?
Jay: Exactly like. Right, so that explains a little. You know, a lot of fans think you and Alucard have a thing for each other.
Integra: They…what?
May: They think you and him wanna have babies! *blank and innocent grin*
Integra: *eye twitching" They. What?
May: You know, babies. Like when a momma and a daddy love each other very much-
Integra: YOU LITTLE-
*loud crashing and thumping noises as screen goes blank*
Mack: Please hold, we are getting an angry Englishwoman off of my bosses. Thank you.
*noises fade and picture comes back, May and Jay with black eyes and Integra being restrained by Mack*
Jay: *rubbing eye* I really don't see why you're mad at us, it's not like we came up with it.
May: *whimpers* You should ask the fangirls why they thought that.
Integra: If I find one anywhere near me I'm going to sic Alucard on them and tell him they tried to steal his coffin.
Jay: Whatever. Next question?
May: Why don't all you guys get along?
Integra: Because.
Jay/May: Because why?
Integra: Because…because…because we don't.
May: Big Elephant Came And Used Sarah's Earrings?
Integra: WHAT?!
May: Big Elephant Came And Used Sarah's Earrings. It spells because.
Jay: Yeah, shouldn't you know that?
Integra: I am not familiar with American teaching methods.
Jay: Haha. *grins at her*
May: Big Fat Major Came and Stole Integra's Pistols.
Integra: Bfmcasip?
Jay: I think she actually meant he stole your pistols.
Integra: *frantically checking pockets* WHAT!? THAT FAT LITTLE-
*Integra runs out of studio yelling at the Major to give her pistols back*
Jay: Well then…I guess we're done here.
May: *takes out Integra's pistols from under her chair* Yeah! *giggles*
Mack: *sighs* And so we go on…review please, let us know how you like this! Next up, Seras Victoria!