I jerk awake with a start.
It smells faintly like blood, and I look down to see that my fingernails dug into my palms; my blood has caked over the crescent shaped cuts.
The Amity man tugs the electrodes off my head, not quite smiling, but no quite neutral either.
"You're a good liar." He says pleasantly. I should be insulted. I should say something cutting at his remark. Instead I stay silent.
No, I could never be Candor. I don't talk enough. I lie too much.
My parents will be somewhat disappointed. I don't think they really care that much. Not honestly. Of course they'd say they do, but I suppose even Candors lie sometimes. The difference is that I know I'm lying, but my parents - and Candors - have lied to themselves so subtly for so long they don't know it's fiction. So is it still a lie if you don't know your lying?
The Amity man diverts my attention from such thoughts. I stare at him silently as he stands in front of me, his hands clasped. He's obviously waiting for me to ask about my test results - like any Candor would do.
I don't say anything. I just stare at his brown and red outfit, which reminds me of the blood matting in the dog's hair when I stabbed it. Blood on the ground, on the knife, on my hands. My fingers twitch into fists and I have to concentrate to relax again.
"Your result - " The Amity man says finally, realizing I'm not going to say anything, "is Dauntless."
I don't feel relieved, or annoyed, or even sad. I feel blank. Like I'm learning facts that I need to memorize for a test.
"You took the knife, a sign of aggression. You stabbed the dog to save the girl - a sign of bravery."
Ha. Like he knew why I stabbed the dog. I wasn't think about her. No. I wasn't thinking at all. I stand up to go. The man touches my arm and I flinch away. I don't remember when I started disliking unnecessary human contact. He raises an eyebrow, but doesn't say anything about it.
Instead, he tells me, "I suggest you strongly consider Erudite, as a faction. Your knowledge about the dog, and your studied movements when lying - they suggest great intelligence."
"How can you have an aptitude for two factions? You said I was Dauntless." I demand, feeling confused by his implications.
"You are Dauntless; Erudite was a close call. Remember that he test result doesn't mean anything. You have a choice. You are what you want to be. You can belong if you want to belong."
I try not to sneer. This man doesn't know who I am, what I am. He doesn't know that I don't belong anywhere.
I leave the room, and the man's words echo in my head. You can belong if you want to belong. I stare at myself in the hallway mirrors for a minute. I see a boy with black hair and wide, green eyes. Innocent eyes, my mother calls them. The only innocent part of me. The only Candoric aspect. I hate them.
I hear the Amity's words in my head again. You are what you want to be.
But I'm not. No one is. You are the way you were shaped and formed. You are the way you're made.
At sixteen, you can't suddenly change that mold. The roots are too strong, too deep.
I leave the hallway and sit down at the Candor table. I know where I will go in my life. I know what I will choose. There is no other option. There never really was. I always knew. I also know, as Molly and Drew come out of their tests, that they will follow me.
Despite their test results, which I am sure turned out to be as expected - Candor. They may have stabbed the dog, but they would've told the truth in the bus. They are not liars. Not really. Deep down inside, they are and will always be Candor.
We believe in truth. In black and white. Fact and fiction. The scale of life.
A/N: Is Peter realistic enough? I'm trying to just give a deeper idea of who he is as a person, rather than just as the ruthless initiate Triss knows. But, at the same time, I'm not trying to make him sympathetic or horrific or anything. Just realistic. After all, he is cruel. Nothing will change that.
Please review, favorite, follow etc! Thanks :) WW