I literally can't breathe. All of my breath has left my body, leaving me doubled over, trying to regain it but unable to. I take in short, quick gasps, and I seem to be getting just enough air to not pass out.
Terminated, terminated, terminated, terminated, terminated.
I see the word, printed in small black letters on white paper, over and over again in my head. The image won't leave.
I drop to my knees and curl into a fetal position. I lie on the rough carpet, staring at the tiny circles the design makes. In my miserable faze, I memorize the entire pattern without really meaning to - the way the gray swirls intercept eachother to give a dizying, kaleidoscope impression. I concentrate on the floor, and only the floor, so that I don't vomit.
Too late. As soon as the thought passes through my brain, I snap out of my frozen state and start puking. I empty what feels like my entire stomach all over the floor of the office. Then I start laughing. Crazed, malicious sounds escape me as I stand up and smash all of the computers to the floor. The smashes and crashes of the equipment being destroyed fills me with pleasure as I realize that it blocks out the horrifying thoughts passing through my head. I continue to demolish everything, but I eventually run out of things to smash. I start to hear the words again, so I start screaming. I scream louder than I ever have before, not caring who can hear me or how much strain is being forced onto my throat.
I don't hear them when they enter. My own screams block them out, but I can still feel the strong arms picking me up and trying to cover my mouth. I bite the person's hand. In the second I stop screaming, I hear their voices.
Haymitch. Plutarch. Finnick. Gale.
There are also some people that I don't know, but I can tell that the person who is restraining me is Gale. Only he has that unmistakable scent of forest wherever he goes, and I'm pretty sure he is even more muscular than Finnick.
My throat feels like there's a flame licking up it, so I stop screaming for the time being. When I open my eyes, everyone is staring at me in shock and worry.
"What the hell happened to you?" Haymitch demands, quickly followed by the others. I look around the room, and burst into tears.
I'd tried for too long not to think about it, but now I am. And it's choking me more than it did when I first saw the word. I cry and choke out Peeta's name into Gale's t-shirt as some invisible force squeezes the life out of heart. The pain becomes too much, and I drift into unconciousness.
...
When I wake, there's a glowing light at the foot of my bed.
"Hello, Katniss." The voice seems to be coming from the light.
"Peeta?" I ask. "Is that you?"
The glowing figure floats - yes, floats - closer to me, and stands over my bed. He's so bright that I can barely see him, but I can make out the wavy blond hair and handsome features.
"Of course it's me, love," he says.
My eyes fill with tears, and I stammer, "I thought you were dead."
"Only in their dreams. You know I'd never really leave you, Katniss. I love you."
He reaches his hand out to me, and I go to grab it, to take it in my own and feel his warmness again. But before I can make contact with it, his hand is leaving me, going farther and farther away from the bed. I call out his name in desperation, but it's too late - another silouette has entered the room. My eyes start stinging as the unmistakable scent of blood and roses reaches me.
"Katniss Everdeen." His voice is penetrating with harshness and amusement.
I cry out hopelessly as he drags Peeta's shining figure farther and farther away from me. Peeta tries to yell out my name, but President Snow smashes his hand against his mouth, cutting off his abillity to form coherant words.
But after everything that Peeta and I have been through, it's my job to protect him. I can't let anybody else hurt the boy with the bread.
I fly out of the covers and try to jump out of the bed, but there is some kind of invisible barrier that holds me back. I'm locked on this bed, unable to do anything as President Snow terrorizes me.
"Did you really think you could beat me?" he laughs. Peeta's glow is reflecting off of President Snow's face, showing me even more detail of his gruesome Capitol features. "You're just like all of the others, Katniss. Easy to break. Have you ever realized that if I were to put out the flame that keeps you going, keeps you fighting, you wouldn't be The Girl On Fire anymore?"
"You can't," I tell him. "Nothing will stop me from killing you now, Snow."
"Oh, then I suppose you won't be too dissapointed if I do, then."
All of a sudden, Peeta starts to become more and more bright. His face contorts in pain as the light - that I realize now is coming from his chest - becomes blinding. I'm forced to squint my eyes as his glow spreads farther and farther out until it can no longer hold itself. Just like an elastic band, the light pushes out farther in one final burst, and then Peeta's form explodes entirely.
"No!" I scream. "Peeta!"
What looks like gold glitter falls lightly to the floor, as if it hadn't just been a boy's body. I scream and bang on the barrier holding me on the bed, wanting to kill President Snow in the most painful way possible for what he's just done to Peeta. My rage increases with each millisecond that passes, but President Snow only laughs delightedly at the crazy girl infront of him - at me.
"You said your fire couldn't be extinguished?" he says. "You're wrong."
...
The commosion in the room woke me up. I'm startled when I wake, having been sure that everything that just went on in my head wasn't a dream. It must have been more than that.
Nurses and doctors crowd around my hospital bed, checking my tubes and pressing buttons on the equipment. I stare at them in wonder, wondering if I'm hallucinating. Surely these people don't really have purple beards or wings growing from their ears. They flutter around me like bees, even making the sound effects. Or am I just imagining it?
"Increase her medicine intake, Thelma," says one of the nurses. I look to her on time to see a silver cloud appear over her head. On top of the floating cloud, there is a shining city. The buildings are all sensationally large with sparkling lights; the place seems familiar to me, but I'm not sure how.
Mesmorized, I move my eyes to look at my arm with the IV in it. Light blue liquid passes through the tubes and into my arm, and I feel a tingling sensation as it passes all the way up. I giggle as my head becomes more dazed and my thoughts less manageable.
Time goes by slowly now, and I begin to wonder where I am - who I am, even. No one that I see gives me even the slightest feeling of déja vu. I know that it's only the drugs that are making me forget, but in this state of complete obliviousness, I feel happy. For some reason I know that the life I'm actually leading is one that always has me either worried or terrified - never safe. But here, without anything awful to be thinking about, I'm at peace.
But eventually, my thoughts start clearing up. Random memories come back to me; memories of my mother, Primrose, the Hawthornes, my father, even. But along with those come the real things that have kept me up at night for years; starvation, poverty, death, the Capitol... the Hunger Games. I close my eyes and try to block it out, but it's impossible. Blood and fire and pain explodes into my brain, and I start to shake uncontrollably. I suddenly wish that I had some kind of salvation here with me, something here that can calm me down right now.
Peeta.
The name is whispered in my head, and an image appears along with it. A blond haired, blue eyed boy with handsome features and broad shoulders. Peeta. The boy who was with me through everything, the boy who saved my life so many times and showed me what it feels like to truly love someone. Also the boy who showed me how it feels to love someone unconditionally and have them ripped from your arms.
My memories of the last couple of days flood back to me in a sudden burst, and I gasp. The nurse seated next to my bed notices my sudden change in expression and lurches out of her seat.
"No," I whisper. "No, no, no, no, no."
My Peeta, my boy with the bread, gone. Ripped away from me like so many other things. I burst into tears again, and the nurse calls in for backup. But no amount of drugs can block out the pain this time, because it pierces every part of me like daggers. I rip the tubes from my arms and get out of bed. The nurse tries to stop me, but it's too late.
I've already run out the door.
...
I am so sorry for the wait! You have no idea how busy I've been :( But trust me, I've been dying to get this written. I hope that this ties you guys down for a little while longer, but I will definitely have some time for fanfiction over the holidays. Just in case I don't before Christmas, MERRY CHRISTMAS! I love each and every one of you that have reviewed this story, because I've gotten far more than I could've ever imagined. Thank-you guys so much, and please continue to do so! :3