Warning(s): Invasions of personal privacy regarding mail, organized crime, minor violence, corrupt law enforcers, mentioned dysfunctional family relationships, mentioned car crash, Natalia

[Lights up. The setting is the CHIEF OF POLICE's office, a desk and spinning desk chair on one side of the office, a door on the other. One wall has two large bookcases on it, a file cabinet sits next to the desk, and on the desk are a laptop and various papers. Police Officer opens the door, guiding Francis, Gilbert, and Antonio inside. Police Officer remains leaning against the door frame.]

Police Officer: The Chief was on break when we were called in, so you'll have to bear with us for a moment. [Sternly, pointing at the three] Don't do anything to get yourselves in more trouble than you're already in. [Exits]

Gilbert: [As soon as the door closes] We should look through their stuff.

Francis: Oh no, no, no, no, no, you heard the officer. We are not doing anything stupid, okay? We're done with that.

Gilbert: But–

Francis: No!

Antonio: [Already looking through the file cabinet.] Oh, look, a shady envelope sent to the Chief with no return address!

Francis: [Slinks to Antonio, leaning over his shoulder, and grabs one corner of the letter] Gimme.

[Gilbert joins them.]

Antonio: [Reads aloud:] "My dearest Natalia, I can never apologize enough for leaving you alone somewhere in central Europe. The idea of you and our big sister having to take care of yourselves in a strange place deeply saddens me. However, I have good news! The Bratva plans on setting up a branch in the neighboring continent, and I convinced them to send me to your town with some others to do so. Isn't that great?

I can't wait to see you and big sister Yekaterina again… Well, okay, I'll occasionally have to run off and do not-so-nice things in the middle of the night, but it's better than nothing. Anyways, I'll see you at the airport on Friday night at 22 hours.

Love, Ivan."

[Looks between Francis and Gilbert] Hey, guys, what's the Bratva?

Gilbert: Holy shit, dude, I think I heard on the internet that's what they call the Russian mafia!

Francis: [Whacks Gilbert upside the head] Now look what you've done!

Gilbert: Ow! What this time?!

Francis: Are you kidding me?! This is organized crime we're talking about! We've found evidence that the Russian mafia plans on setting up camp in town and causing trouble; it'd be absolutely criminal to retain this information!

Gilbert: Alright, no biggie. We'll just bring this to the police and–

Francis: But we can't! This was a letter sent to the Chief of Police. Clearly, she'll want to help her brother, not us. We can't tell the police, because their leader's in on it! Gilbert, why did you have to get us into this mess?!

Gilbert: In my defense, Toni's the one who picked out that letter in the first place!

Antonio: [Having zoned out] Huh? What? What's happening?

Gilbert and Francis: Antonio! Focus!

Antonio: [Pouts] I was just thinking, is all…

Francis: About what? Live in the present; this is kind of important, you know!

[Gilbert and Francis look at each other in increasing bafflement as Antonio speaks.]

Antonio: I mean, we've got to know someone who'll help us out with this, right? I'm just going over who that would most likely be. It can't be Gil's brother, because he'll automatically want to go to the police; it can't be Francis's cousins, because they're not cut out for this sort of thing and wouldn't want anything to do with it; it can't be my brother, because he kind of hates me… You guys got any ideas?

Gilbert: Huh, that's actually pretty clever of you, Toni. I'm proud.

Francis: Yeah, good thinking. And here Gil and I were, arguing about blame! [Laughs]

Antonio: Oh! What about that guy whose house we crashed into? Do you think he might be willing to help us out? He seems like an upstanding citizen who would want to keep the Bratva out of our town.

Gilbert: Are you sure about him? I'm pretty sure he's pissed at us for, ya' know, driving your car into the roof of his apartment.

Francis: Nonetheless, he could have useful connections, even if he doesn't want to help personally. I think it's worth a shot.

[At this point, the door opens once more, and in enters the Chief of Police herself, NATALIA ARLOVSKAYA. She's short, wears a perfectly-kept uniform, and walks with flawless posture; she's a real enforcer of the law if these three have ever seen one. Despite her height, she somehow manages to be very, very intimidating. She comes across as rather uncaring and has a heavy eastern European accent.]

Natalia: [Glares at the trio] I was on break. I am not happy.

Francis: [Forces laughter] Yes, well, I'm dreadfully sorry about that, and why don't you talk to Gilbert? [Moves Gilbert to stand between him and Natalia] He's our leader!

Gilbert: Wait, what?! I don't want to talk to her!

Francis: Gil, don't be rude. [Walks to the other side of the room before Gilbert can continue protesting]

Gilbert: [Nervous and thoroughly intimidated] Kesese… nice weather we're having?

[Natalia glowers. Lights dim, end of Scene IV.]

A/N:

A lot of stuff happened. I kind of regret life.

Regardless, I'm going to really try and post the rest at a reasonable time. Sorry I dropped off the face of the Earth for a bit.