A/N: And the madness continues! Hehehehehe. I'm pretty sure this is the last installment of this. Probably. No promises.
Coulson lives!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers.
Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division Reprimand Report for the Avengers:
Handler: Harold Jenkins
Avenger: Tony Stark
Incident: Mr. Stark appears to not comprehend the fact that the bridge of the helicarrier is not his personal movie theater, and should not be used as such.
Response: "Oh, I'm sorry, was I disturbing your secret agenty stuff? My bad."
Further action requested: Cut off his access to the helicarrier systems.
Result: Agent Jenkins told that if he could keep Stark away from the systems, to be SHIELD's guest. Stark was strongly advised not to use the bridge for that purpose again.
Handler: Harold Jenkins
Avenger: Natasha Romanoff
Incident: Agent Romanoff destroyed the lower level training room, which is clearly not made for that purpose.
Response: "Oh, just write me up for it. I don't care."
Further action requested: Good luck.
Result: N/A
Handler: Harold Jenkins
Avenger: Tony Stark
Incident: Kicked all the Avengers out of his house, claiming that he needed space to do "genius things".
Response: "It's my house, so SHIELD doesn't get to tell me what to do with it! Now bug off and write a report about it."
Further action requested: Find the Avengers temporary housing and try to send some sort of negotiator to reason with Stark.
Result: Sent in Bruce and Pepper to talk to him, ended up allowing the team back.
Handler: Harold Jenkins
Avenger: Tony Stark
Incident: Came to the bridge and demanded we grovel at his feet because he is a genius that may have cured cancer.
Response: "Seriously, why are you even asking for a response anymore? I'm not gonna apologize or anything."
Further action requested: Sic Ms. Potts on him.
Result: Ms. Potts was asked to speak with Mr. Stark.
Handler: Harold Jenkins
Avenger: Clint Barton, Tony Stark
Incident: Put green dye in my showerhead and changed my ID cards to read "Kermit the Frog".
Response: "Oh, Kermie!"
Further action requested: Perhaps make them do the paperwork that their actions cause.
Result: Agent Jenkins is undergoing psychological evaluation as the only one besides Coulson that has been able to handle the team. Also, Agent Barton and Mr. Stark have been told to desist in the pranks.
Handler: Harold Jenkins
Avenger: Clint Barton
Incident: Placed salamanders in my underwear drawer.
Response: "I didn't know you were a tidy-widy man."
Further action requested: I recommend locks on the vents. And perhaps imprisonment.
Result: Agent Barton has been reprimanded, and Agent Jenkins has been reassigned as a preemptive measure.
Handler: Audrey McMeekin
Avenger: Tony Stark
Incident: Hacked my computer to play ACDC whenever running.
Response: "At least now it has good music, instead of the classical crap you had.
Further action requested: Shut down JARVIS.
Result: Agent McMeekin has been reassigned in order to evaluate her sanity.
Handler: William Marton
Avenger: All of them
Incident: They somehow instigated a food fight and destroyed the cafeteria.
Response: "The walls are so bare, the mustard really improved the look."
Further action requested: Get them their own area to eat in.
Result: They have been not so politely asked to eat elsewhere.
Handler: William Marton
Avenger: Clint Barton, Tony Stark.
Incident: While testing some arrows, they almost brought down the helicarrier. Again.
Response: "I didn't realize they were that explosive. Interesting."
Further action requested: Survey Stark's experimental arrows before they test them. Or require them to test them elsewhere.
Result: Stark has been told to test explosives on his own time. Preferably in the desert somewhere.
Handler: Wiliam Marton
Avenger: Thor Odinson
Incident: He effectively ruined an operation by landing in the middle of it, loudly demanding Pop-Tarts.
Response: "I was told that there were Pop-Tarts there!"
Further action requested: Investigate who told him this. Also, would like to hire an assassin.
Result: Stark has been told not to mislead Mr. Odinson about Pop-Tarts. Also, Agent Marton has been reassigned.
Coulson,
Please. Come back. Even if you're still injured. I'm next in line as their handler.
-Hill