rid of the weird marks in the text. Let me know if they're still there, kay?
CHALLENGE 4: S.O.S
Things had gotten less...suspicious since Moxie was voted out.
Now the Sues didn't have to worry about her being one of the Others.
On that day, the Sues were sitting around the beach, mopping about not having enough make up.
"This bites. All we have is that never ending supply of sun screen. Seriously, who cares about the
sun? I want my eyeliner!!" Mariah whined.
"You'll care about the sun when you get skin cancer," Emily said, ever the informative one.
"Please," Mariah sniffed. "I don't have to worry. All the sun does to me is give that angelic glow."
To demonstrate, she walked into the shade and the whole forest lit up.
"Well, if the Others didn't know we were here before, they do know," Jade S. said.
"They wouldn't come here. No one wants to be around a bunch of Sues," Evey said. Everyone
stared at her. "Oh...did I just say that out loud?"
"Ow," Amber said as a rock hit her in the head. "Our challenge is here. You know, it would be nice
if they could stop throwing stuff at us"
"But where's the amusement in that?" said a voice from the bushes. "Um.. I mean...I'm not here!"
Amber shook her head and unwrapped the note from the rock, all the Sues leaning over her
shoulder.
"Hmm," said Natasha. "It says, 'You proved yourselves capable of escaping the Others, now you
must escape the island"
"Well...that should be easy seeing as how no one else in the world has been able to do it," Sarah
said sarcastically.
"Don't be so pessimistic, Debbie Downer!" Emily said in an annoyingly cheerful way.
Sarah counted to ten and then hit her anyway. (did I mention things are getting a little tense on the
island?)
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Evey went first, because she was the blondest.
She was on a remote part of the island, being extra Sueish so the Others would leave her alone.
Evey had a good plan to get off the island: she wouldn't get off the island. She would wait and let the
rescuers come to her.
"I am so smart," she thought as she tried to eat a coconut without whole.
She reached her random destination, sat on a blanket, and untied her bikini.
Just a few seconds later, every plane, ship, row boat, and guy on a surf board came rushing up to
her part of the island.
Evey shook her head. What was it about a naked Sue that made guys around the world drop what
they were doing and come to her?
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Sarah's idea took a bit longer.
She sat on the tallest hill in the jungle (she was an expert hiker, of course) and she waited until a
plane flew anyway near the island.
Now, normally no planes got anyway near the island, but since this is a parody, things will go
differently.
Off in the distance, she saw a faint glimmer of a plane.
Sarah sat up quickly and smiled as big as she could. There was a 'bing' sound as the light flashed
off her teeth, so bright it would have blinded normal people. She sent out an S.O.S to the plane.
Soon the plane landed.
"Eeeeexxxxelent," Sarah said, putting her hands together.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Mariah was totally not worried about this challenge.
Didn't anyone ever wonder how she ended up on the island? Well, the answer came from her Super
Sepshul Secret (tm).
Mariah stepped into the woods, her strawberry blond hair dancing behind her, though how hair can
dance is beyond me.
When she reached a certain spot, she snapped her fingers and disappeared, ending up back in a
sparkling pink apartment.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Jade S. was standing on the beach with a piece of paper in her hand that said 'How to Build a Raft
for Mary Sues'
"Mmm hmm, mmm hmmm," she said, then she threw the instructions behind her.
So she picked up a hammer and some nails and started building a raft.
Within three minutes, she had a raft built out of bamboo, complete with a roof and a bamboo bed
and TV. It was pretty awesome.
"Well," she said. "That was easy. Guess it pays to be a Sue"
She climbed into the raft. "Oh...I have no idea how to sail this...Wait! Now I know. Yep, definitely
good to be a Sue"
And Jade S. sailed off into the sun set singing the Gillagin's Island theme song.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Emily had a slightly more bold approach to getting off the island.
She walked through the jungle until she reached the Other's camp thing. It wasn't really a camp, it
was that place where they keep the submarine and stuff.
Everywhere she went the girls glared at her and the guys fainted. Course, the older guys who had
been around more Sues knew better then to look directly at her, so they didn't faint.
Emily walked past Alex, who muttered, "If looks could kill, you'd be almost dead right now!"
But Emily, who was very used to mortal girl's jealousy, didn't really mind.
She stepped right up to Ben, who was covering his eyes to avoid being possessed by her
Sueishness.
"Hiya, Ben! Look, I need to use the submarine for reasons that I won't bother explaining," Emily said
happily.
"Yeah, sure, just leave before you make the guys go totally insane," Ben said.
"They're already worshiping me, so I think it's a little late for that," Emily pointed out.
She smacked a guy on the head so he'd let go of her leg and marched off to the submarine.
"It's sure a good thing I was born knowing how to drive this thing," Emily laughed.
"Hey, how are we supposed to get off the island?" that guy who wore a lot of eyeliner asked.
"Hmm...I actually don't care," Emily told him.
With an evil cackle, she zoomed off in the submarine.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Amber was still on the beach with all the tents.
She had wheeled the bamboo TV up to her tent and was flipping through the channels.
She passed M-TV ( M-TV as in Mary Sue TV) and went straight to the 24 hour TV Transportation
Network.
It was how she and her friends had ended up on the island. Not many people knew about this
channel, except for some certain Sues.
Amber pressed the button on the remote that said 'enter.'
The 'wooosh' sound that accompanies flash backs played and Amber went staight through the TV.
She came out of the other side of the TV, into a TV studio filled with other Sues who were popping
out of their TV.
"Uh oh," she said. "The others will be mad. I still have their remote!"
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Natasha was also standing on a remote area of the beach.
She had a couple of long ropes in her hand and was waiting quietly for...something.
"What am I doing? I'm taking Jack Sparrow's advice," she said.
"And...what's that?" Jim the camera man asked.
"I'm gonna rope a couple of sea turtles and have them pull me off the island."
"Uh, do you really think that will work?" Jim asked.
"Jim, how could it not work?" Natasha demanded. Jim subsided into silence.
"OK, just gotta get some turtles..." Natasha muttered to herself.
Conveniently enough, two sea turtles chose that time to come swimming up to her.
Natasha expertly threw a lasso around the two of them.
She stepped on their backs like water skies.
"So long, losers!" she yelled as they speed away from the beach.
"Sometimes I forget I'm on a Sue show," Jim mumbled.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
"OK, anyone seen Amber?" Jade H. asked.
She was standing in front of all the Sues, except Amber, who had not returned.
All the Sues shook their heads.
"Alright, fine. We'll just have to start without her. OK, uh, Evey. You did really well on this challenge,
but you also gave most of the old men around the world heart failure, so that kinda sucks."
"Sarah, you sent an S.O.S with the blinding light of your unaturally shiny teeth. That was a good
move, but you blinded some fish. We have to take points for that.
Mariah, you used you ZOMG!1111SUPER SPECHEL POWERZZ11111!!1(tm) to get yourself off the
island. That was a good move, too," Jade H. told her.
"Jade S. Great work on the raft, but now I have that theme song stuck in my head, so thanks a lot.
Emily, you stole the Others submarine. Good for you!
And finally, Natasha: You stole Jack Sparrow's thing and this isn't even his fandom! That shows that
you're really Sueish!
Now, I guess we can get on with the voting-"
"OH NO YOU DON'T!!!!!!!!!!" Amber screamed.
They all looked around. There was Amber, still in the TV.
"I GET HELD UP AT THE TV STATION FOR ONE MINUTE AND YOU PEOPLE ARE STARTING
WITHOUT ME?
I AM A MARY SUE!!!! I DEMAND RESPECT!!!! I- HEY! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?
DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL-" click.
"Thank you," Jade H. said to Evey, who had turned the TV off.
"Now, tonight's immunity winner is..."
HALF HOUR AFTER THE COMMERCIALS
"...Evey."
"WOOOT!!" Evey said, doing a sexy little dance.
"Well, now all the other men around the world just had heart attacks," Jade H. muttered.
Evey twirled up to the coconut and and slipped her paper in.
The other Sues followed her.
"Whoooo kay, lets get started. First vote, Amber, suprise suprise. Sarah. Amber. Emily. Emily. Amber. And since Amber can't vote, the next person voted out of LOST: SUEvivor
is...
...Emily."
"Whhhhhaaaaat?!?!" Emily whined.
"Sorry," Jade H. said, shrugging.
Emily stompped off, sulking.
"OK, Mary Sues, I'll see you next week for you fifth challenge!"
END OF CHAPTER 4
NEXT WEEK ON SUEvivor: The Sues are forced to confront something that most Sues wouln't be able to stand.
A/N: OK, please review! And the death glare joke was from the Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode Gunslinger. And go to the link on my profile. I made a SUEvivor logo.