Hey guys… may I just say, thank you SO MUCH for the fantastic reviews. Really, the reviews are what compel us to write, knowing people like this story and wanna read what happens. You guys are so awesome : ) hee hee thanks.

Okay so, Mark's point of view again. I'm sorry for the incredible amounts of angst. Oh and guys, don't worry… it's very "Mark-friendly". I know the cheating and stuff concerned you, but seriously there is a reason for it. Mark has issues, as does Addie, and as the story progresses they are going to learn to deal with them, that's really our main focus.

Okay enjoy & review puh-leassseeee, hee. ♡♡♡ sillybillyxo

Chapter 4

Exhaling deeply, I finally let my body relax, resting my head back against my plane seat. Although it's been hours, I feel like I haven't actually taken a breath since seeing Larissa tumble out of her desk. Nonstop adrenaline has been pumping through my veins for the duration of the night, and my body is in a state of shock it can't shake out of. Gripping my armrests, I try to relax.

It comes back to me like in a blur, feeling more like a nightmare than actual reality. I just remember it all in horrifying flashes: Larissa fainting in her classroom, waiting helplessly at her school for the ambulance, comforting Addie in the lobby of the hospital as she had tests done, looking over her charts as she lay pale and limp in a patient bed, and talking with her doctors about what they think is wrong with her. Her kidneys are failing. She's fucking six years old, and her kidneys are failing.

The injustice of it unnerving. It's a good thing I went in to plastics. I know I wouldn't be able to stomach seeing this shit happen to innocent, undeserving kids like Larissa every day. I look over at her, curled up into a tiny ball, fast asleep in her window seat. I reach over to stroke her cheek softly with my thumb. She looks so small and lifeless; it makes me sick.

I can't help feeling responsible for this. I'm a doctor, I should have taken notice earlier. I should have paid more attention to my daughter, while I still had the time to be with her. Now… I'm not so sure how much time she has left. I try to will those thoughts away from my mind and the tears threatening to fall from my eyes to remain. I force myself to think she will be okay, but the truth is, I have no idea, and I'm terrified.

We still aren't clear on her exact diagnosis. As soon as we found out it was her kidneys, Addison wasted no time in firing an email off to Richard Webber's Blackberry and booking the next available flight to Seattle. We didn't want to waste time doing tests we could just as easily get done there, although it's pretty clear what's wrong with her. We just don't know how bad it is yet. But, Richard is the very best general surgeon out there. If anyone has to operate on your daughter, you want it to be him.

"Mark," I hear Addison utter softly. I turn away from Larissa to face her, taking in her tear-stained cheeks and uncharacteristically disheveled appearance. I grasp her hand firmly in mine, squeezing it as I close my eyes.

"She's our daughter, Addie…" I trail off. I've never felt so lost in my whole life. I have no idea how to act, what to think, what words I should be saying. All I can do is sit and stare helplessly, wishing I could go back to yesterday.

"I know," Addison murmurs, rubbing my forearm softly. She always knows just what to do to comfort me, even if I am beyond comfort at this point. I feel the emotion inside me start to build up, and to avoid having her see my face, I draw her close to me, pulling her head under my chin and wrapping my arms around her.

I haven't cried since I was 14 years old. I came close the day Larissa was born, but it was nothing like right now. What I'm feeling right now is something I have never even come close to experiencing before; it's something I never thought I would have to experience. I never even thought I'd even have kids, let alone have to worry if they might live to see next week. I bite down hard on my bottom lip to calm myself, and bury my nose in Addison's hair. I want to say something, anything to her, but I fear my voice breaking.

"Sweetie," she says, pulling away from me, "this isn't your fault, and it isn't mine. It's no ones fault, you have to remember that." I avert my gaze to the floor, wondering why my thoughts are so easy for Addison to read.

"I saw her faint, Addie. I saw her lying there, unconscious on the ground and I couldn't do anything but sit there and watch. I'm a doctor, I should have noticed this before today Addie, the signs were always there. She's always been small, so much smaller than the other kids her age, even though we're both over 5'11. She's always had an over-active bladder, and she's always been easy to bleed, even at the smallest scratch or knee bump," I say, ticking the problems off on my fingers as I go along. "The symptoms of serious kidney problems had always been there, and I ignored them. She needed me to be there for her, to protect her. She needed me to be her father and I wasn't."

I watched her eyes fill with tears again, but she blinked them back. "She's my baby – our baby – and she's sick. It's not just you ignoring the signs. I ignored them too, all of them. There is a reason doctors aren't allowed to treat their own family members. For god's sake, I'm a neo-natal surgeon. You think I would have noticed this in my child?" I see her shake her head out of the corner of my eye. "You're such a better father than you think you are, Mark."

"Look at me," Addison says, as I feel her pull my chin up, tearing my gaze away from the floor. I look into her eyes and she stares back into mine, reassuring me, "there is nothing you could have done."

I swallow hard and embrace her again. I know she's right, but it doesn't make this any easier. "I'm scared, Addie," I whisper.

"I know," she strains to say as I feel her hug me back. "I'm scared too."

I look back over at my sleeping daughter, the lack of colour in her usually flushed cheeks still making my stomach turn. You have to make it out of this alive, I think. You have to get better, or I'll never be able to forgive myself.

The next morning, I find myself sitting in Richard Webber's office at Seattle Grace hospital, Addison at my side, waiting to hear the results of Larissa's labs. He got her into a patient room and a bed as soon as we got here, and she's been sleeping ever since. I feel so protective of her, like I want to be with her at all times, but in this moment I would probably be doing more damage than good. I'm a nervous wreck, and I don't want to scare her anymore. She's already going to be waking up in a strange city, in a hospital bed, after just having tons of labs done, not to mention that a surgery will most likely follow. But I just have an urge to just give her the attention she should have gotten a long time ago, when I could have prevented this.

I watch Webber as he sits behind his desk, his hands clasped and chewing on his bottom lip. I can almost picture him giving him diagnosis before he even speaks. He's obviously trying to find the easiest way to deliver some bad news, I know that face. "Larissa has polycystic kidney disease," he finally utters.

I feel a lump forming in the back of my throat as he confirms our fears. I look over at Addison, she's visibly shattered by the news. "PKD…" I hear her say. I'm not sure if its confirmation or a question, all I know is that expecting it didn't make it any easier to hear, for either of us.

"Can you tell from the labs… I mean… how far advanced?" I finally choke out. I know it has to be bad, or else it wouldn't be so hard for him to tell us. I don't want to hear what he has to say, but it needs to be said.

"I can't tell for sure from the X-Rays, but… I can see enough. The cysts inside her kidneys are quite numerous. I'll have to open her up to see if I can actually remove them, but if I can't…"

I nod silently, reaching under the chair for Addison's hand, and she grasps back tightly.

Webber gathers himself, and continues in the most soothing voice he can muster. "If I can't remove the cysts, she will need a transplant." Addison's squeezing my hand tighter now.

Noticing Addison's threatening tears, he leans forward on his desk. "I am going to do absolutely everything I can."

I just nod again, immediately dropping my eyes downwards. I focus intently on my shoes, on their black shine, at the tiny speck of dirt crusting the side, anything. Anything to distract myself. I feel like I'm not even here. Like all this stuff is happening to someone else and I'm just watching as this sad sap hears that his daughter is possibly dying. I grit my teeth angrily. I just want to wake up; I just want this to end.

"When's her surgery?" Addie asks, meeting his gaze and composing herself slightly.

"This afternoon," he replies. I still can't look up and face them. I can't see Addison crying, I can't see Webber reassuring her and I can't hear them saying all these things that I still can't believe are true.

"Oh Richard, I can't thank you enough for doing this, I know it was short notice."

But Webber visibly tensed at her comment, piquing my curiosity. "About that… we need to talk. All of us do," he said, briefly making eye contact with me. "I know this isn't the best time to hear this, and that you are already dealing with a lot… but you came on such short notice that, well, I see no other way around it."

Addison blinked her tears away, now distracted from our daughter's issue for the time being. "What?"

"I know I should have told you before, I know. But you seemed so happy with Mark here, and then when Dr. Stevens came back from New York, she told me you had been doing just fine. You had a daughter, and a life, and I did what I thought was right at the time, considering everyone involved." He sighed, running a hand over his white hair.

Now I was really starting to wonder what was going on. "Richard, you're starting to scare me," Addison laughed slightly. I catch Webber's eyes as they jolt up to stare at the door, and I turn around to see what he's looking at.

"Come in, Derek."

Oh. My. God.