I know it's been ages since I updated this story but I read some old reviews the other day and it made me want to continue. To signify this "new start", I've decided to work extra carefully when I title my chapters. So from now on I don't take the titles from songs, poems or quotes. They are my own. To 100%. I hope some of my old readers are still with me. Drop off a review to send me some reader's love.

Chapter 4 – Treatment of the Good Soul

When Tony's mother died, his father had hired Marita, a Mexican woman in her early sixties, to look after Tony. Her slight Spanish accent, round cheeks and warm embrace had turned her into a sort of grandma figure that Tony'd never had. She'd been with the DiNozzos for six years, before mr DiNozzo had sent his son to boarding school. But during those six years, Marita had taught him things he'd never forget. One of the things she'd told him was that hate was such a strong emotion that you should refrain from expressing it. Never say you hated anyone or anything. Never.

But now he did. He didn't just hate Ari Haswari, the FBI (mostly Fornell because he'd had more than a few opportunities to tell the team about the operation), the director of NCIS but most of all, he hated himself. It was something Marita had made sure that he, during her six years, never felt. Be kind to yourself, Anthony. You have a good soul and good souls should be treated thereafter. Marita's words often rang in his ears. He knew she'd moved back to Mexico after he left for boarding school and when he was 24 he had, during a brief conversation with his father's assistant found out that she'd passed away. He could miss her sometimes. Some people simply left an impression with you.

Some people…Like Kate.

It was four days since he'd left Kate standing on the sidewalk. He hated himself for it. Really hated himself. He wasn't a good soul. At least not anymore. In situations like these he could definitely use some of Marita's wisdom. He'd briefly considered talking to Ducky but then he would eventually have to reveal some things that he didn't want the world to know. It felt like as long as he didn't say the words, the world couldn't find out.

It was one pm and lunch break hour, which left the bullpen unusually empty. McGee, Abby and Ziva had gone to lunch but Tony had almost guiltily declined when they asked if he wanted to come with them. And Tony doubted if even God knew where Gibbs was. As usual. Yeah, life was going on as if nothing had happened. Tony hated that to. Things weren't as they used to be, and never would be either. At the same time he hated himself for making this harder than it had to be. He knew it could be at least a bit easier, if he didn't refuse to accept the way things had turned out.

He hadn't seen Kate since the night at the bar. He didn't ask the others either if they knew when she was officially coming back. It would probably take a few weeks to sort out all the formalities. Ziva would be leaving for Israel in two days and paper work had to be filed for that as well.

Tony opened his desk drawer and produced a bottle of water and a bag of M&M. For some reason he'd stopped keeping peanuts in his drawer and a part of him knew that it only reminded him of the peanut-versus-carrot-fights he'd had with Kate. Grabbing a handful of the candy, he turned back to the report he was trying to finish off. Paperwork had never been a strength of his.

"Still haven't improved your diet, Tony?" At the sound of the familiar voice Tony's head snapped up to see Kate standing by her old desk that Ziva had emptied the same morning.

"Didn't see the point" Tony managed to get out. "What are you doing here? Didn't think you'd be back yet?"

"I'm not. I have a meeting with Gibbs and the director"

Tony nodded. What was wrong with him? Since when had his conversations with Kate felt strained and almost awkward? Kate had been one, and maybe even the only, person he could be around without always thinking before he opened his mouth. He'd known her opinion of him wouldn't change even if he made a verbal mistake. But now he suddenly found that he had no idea what to say.

They gazed at each other for a long, awkward moment before Gibbs entered the bullpen and both saved and destroyed the moment. He fluttered his fingers at Kate, gesturing for her to follow him and Kate went without another glance at Tony. When they were at a safe distance, in the director's office, Tony let out a sigh, leaning back in his chair, report and M&Ms long forgotten. A memory buried deep in his mind slowly crept out and this time he let it. Every time memories from before Kate's "death" wanted to enter the stage again, Tony had roughly pushed it back to where it belonged. Even though he treasured it more than anything it brought with it so much pain that it was usually unbearable.

Yep, one thing Marita taught him had proved to be wrong. It doesn't help to talk or remember to ease the pain due to the loss. Forgetting was much more efficient.

Kate just wanted to scream. Yell from the top of her lungs. Everything was just wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. This wasn't how it had been two years ago. As she left the NCIS building after her meeting, Kate felt she wasn't at all up for returning to her old job. Maybe this was a good opportunity to start a new life, somewhere else, maybe closer to her family.

As she played with the thought of leaving DC and starting her "new" life somewhere else, she ended up at the coffee shop where Gibbs had showed up, intent to chastise her for how she'd handled the hostage situation with Ari – the first time. It looked almost exactly the same. Some slight changes but nothing major. She ordered her coffee and sat down by the window, gazing at the busy city life outside.

Would she miss it? Would she feel as isolated as she'd been in Canada? Because DC was the life she was most familiar with, the life she knew. But it's not the same anymore. A nagging voice interrupted her musings for a moment. No. It wasn't the same anymore. A lot could change within two years. People certainly changed. But what about feelings?

Kate sighed. She was getting nowhere with this.

It was almost five pm when Tony found his way to Abby's lab. If there was anyone who could bring some sort of perspective to this whole thing, it was Abby. The music was turned off for once and it looked like Abby was simply passing time before she was allowed to go home. Passing time by editing photos in Photoshop.

"I don't think Gibbs would appreciate that" Tony commented as he spotted Abby's latest work. One of the rare photos of their supervisor had been carefully edited and altered so it looked like someone had subtracted his age with at least 40.

"Oh come on. This is the only way we'll find out what he looked like when he was young"

"Something tells me that the glare has been present since birth" Tony supplied. Abby grinned.

"True. So what brings you here? Anything fun for me to process?"

"Not really. Just…wanted to come for a chat"

"Okay, Tony. What's up?" she said in that tone. The tone that came with the I-know-that-something-is-bugging-you-and-you-can't-figure-out-what-subtext.

"Nothing" he tried even though he knew it was useless. After all, he'd been the one to come here. So he would have to do the talking.

"I just….this whole thing with Kate and the FBI…."

"Ah. I see"

Tony just nodded. How to continue…

"They won't give us an explanation. Just think that we should be grateful and that we're forever in their debt or something."

"But we should be grateful, Tony. Grateful that things turned out to be far better than we were led to believe"

"But they lied to us! They pulled this ugly trick and now they won't neither explain nor apologize!" he raised his voice slightly. It frustrated him. Everything. If it was something Tony DiNozzo hated, it was when someone went behind his back. Especially if it put him through unnecessary pain. Like now.

"Tony, listen to me," Abby said, turning serious for a change. "Maybe they could have done it smoother and informed us before but I'm sure they had their reasons. I understand if you have a hard time being around Kate. Believe me, I thought it was odd those first times, but when you think about it…Neither of us deserves how this could have been."

"Because we're good souls…" Tony muttered, recalling Marita's words from many years ago. At such an un-Tony like statement Abby just stared.

"Exactly" she said hesitantly. "Who…who told you that?" she asked, not knowing if he would be offended that she assumed it wasn't something he'd come up with.

"Marita. She was my…well, officially she was my nanny but she practically looked after me 24/7 so you could say she raised me. Taught me a lot…" he trailed off. "She always talked about good souls and what they deserved"

"Sounds like a smart woman"

"She was…"

Abby regarded him for a moment. She had to admit to herself that she didn't really have to try that hard to figure out what was really bothering him. Reading Tony was surprisingly easy at times. Like now.

"It's going to feel weird for a while, Tony. Everyone will understand"

Tony gave no response. There was no point in fighting Abby in this. She would find out anyway. So what could he say, really? It shouldn't feel odd and awkward to be around Kate. He'd missed her, more than he'd ever admit, why couldn't he just be deliriously happy and grateful that the FBI had lied to them? It wasn't like this revelation was worse than if Kate was actually dead.

He sighed. Why did this have to be so fucking hard?

Despite the darkness he saw, heard and simply knew what was happening. Eyes still shut, he remained perfectly still. He heard voices. Whispers only, no words. But still he knew. He heard muffled steps on carpet, the shuffling of fabric and impossibly low voices. It was more than enough for him to gain complete knowledge of the situation. He was compelled to open his eyes. To look. But he shouldn't. A spark was ignited. A small explosion was set off. He knew better than to look directly at the blast that it usually resulted in. The flashing light was to intense to be observed with the naked eye. The sound of the blast still echoed faintly somewhere far away. More steps on carpet. Then complete silence and it was over. Even if it just started. He shifted slightly in his seat before he fell asleep again. As deep as a never-relaxing mind would allow.

So, who's our mysterious observer? What did he witness without even opening his eyes? What was briefly brought to light by the spark, the explosion? Stay tuned if you want to find out.

This chapter may be a bit slow but be patient. Time will move on, more things will happen, issues will be resolved. Eventually. Maybe…

And please be so kind and review. Why? Because it makes me happy and the inspiration to flow.