Author's Note: Thank you everyone for staying with me so far. This is where things start to get darker, so if you like light and fluffy, now is the time to stop reading. Again thank you all for your kind reviews, I really appreciate all of your support.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Grey's Anatomy. If I did certain males would be shirtless a lot more often. Just sayin'

******CHAPTER 4******

Jo quietly tiptoed down the stairs trying not to wake anyone. She had never slept particularly well and tonight was no exception. She realized that she really hadn't slept since her fight with Jason and wondered how much longer she could make it before she crashed. Her whole body stiffened as she hit a creaky spot on the stairs. Jo winced and held her breath waiting to see if anyone stirred. She could hear Alex reposition himself on the couch and anxiously waited until she thought he had drifted back off to sleep.

She would be lying if she said it didn't disappoint her that he had insisted on taking the couch. She understood his desire to take their relationship slow and to be honest she wanted to wait to be with him as well. She just didn't feel ready to take that next step even if it was Alex. Well especially with Alex. She desperately needed to sort some things out in her mind before giving all of herself to him. But still she had been looking forward to sleeping wrapped up in his strong arms. And a small part of her felt a little rejected by him. The logical part of her brain attempted to banish the thought.

Jo had difficulty making out Alex's features until she got next to him. The light from a nearby closet barely illuminated his handsome face. He had insisted on leaving several lights on so she could find her way around if needed. As if she hadn't been here dozens of times in the dark, Jo would have laughed about this if he hadn't been so serious. She really appreciated his concern and thoughtfulness, but felt bad about him sleeping on the couch especially with lights on since she knew how much he liked to sleep in complete darkness. She readjusted the sheets and throws that were bunched in knots on his chest. She resisted the urge to kiss him on the chance he might wake up.

She inched past him to turn off the closet light and realized just how dark the living room got without the light. It then dawned on her that the window was now covered with plywood so the streetlight was not glowing into the room like it normally did. Jo slowly made her way back to the entryway trying to not bump into anything. Sometimes the lack of furniture was a definite advantage.

Jo made it to the kitchen and looked at the clock: 5:24am. They had only made it home three short hours ago. Jo was thankful for the sleep she got, but was now feeling restless. She looked around the kitchen and quickly decided to do some cleaning.

"What the hell?" Jo quickly turned around to see Alex standing in the doorway of the kitchen rubbing his squinted eyes. He made quite a sight with his rumpled shirt and crooked boxers with his hair spiked in several different directions. Jo looked at the clock: 8:40. At least he got six hours of sleep.

"I didn't wake you did I? I was trying to keep quiet," Jo studied Alex as he studied the kitchen.

"No, you didn't," Alex reassured but he seemed perplexed as his eyes scanned the room, "What's different in here?"

"Oh I cleaned the light fixtures; I haven't put the globes back on yet. And I took everything off the fridge to clean the doors."

Alex looked impressed, "I've never thought about cleaning light fixtures."

Jo snickered, "Obviously." At Alex's warning look she changed the subject, "did you sleep okay?"

"Of course," Alex said almost too cheerfully. Jo narrowed her eyes in his direction. "I slept great once I got to sleep," Alex amended, "I had great things to dream about." He had slowly walked around to her side and placed a quick kiss on her cheek before stepping past her to open the fridge. "Got any plans for today?" he asked over his shoulder as if it was the most normal thing in the world to kiss her good morning. She could definitely get used to this.

"I'm going shopping with Steph. I need to get some clothes since just about everything I own is at Jason's," Jo noticed Alex's body stiffen and his jaw set. Crap.

"Why can't you get your stuff? He can't freakin' do that! I'll talk to him." Oh Lord, that's just what we need to happen, Jo thought dejectedly. She had to calm Alex. And fast.

"Alex it's okay. Leah's going to let me borrow a few things since we're close to the same size. I just need some underwear and hygiene products. Jason told Steph that when he gets discharged he'll get my stuff to her."

"But..."

"Really Alex, that's fine. I just don't want any more confrontations or complications. I just want to be done. I needed new underwear anyway." This caused Alex to snicker before giving her a smoldering look as if he was trying to picture her in said underwear. Jo tried not to blush and quickly changed the subject. "Want some breakfast? I can make an omelet."

"Really? I'm not even sure when the last time breakfast was actually cooked in this house." Jo watched as Alex's excitement about warm food change into a brief pained look followed by a look of deep thought. Jo guessed maybe it had to do with his friend that died in the plane crash or possibly his ex-wife. She briefly considered asking him, but she got the feeling this was something he currently didn't want to talk about and she prided herself on how well she could usually read him. But she would definitely file the moment in the back of her mind for future reference.

The room was stone quiet except for the hiss of the skillet. Jo grabbed the first subject she could think of, "what were you planning for today? Wanna go shopping?" she teased.

Alex flashed a smile, "I do if you're going to Victoria's Secret." Jo tossed a piece of onion in his direction and they both laughed merrily. "I'm going into work to check on a few things and see Mer since she was resting last night when I finally got a chance to go by her room."

The conversation flowed easily between them as they sat next to each other at the kitchen table. They bounced from one topic to another without missing a beat. It thrilled Jo when Alex genuinely seemed to enjoy her cooking and complimented her culinary skills and she loved it when he then teased her about finding eggshells. She again considered how lucky she was to have him as a buddy first and foremost.

Alex jumped when he realized how late it had gotten and ran to take a quick shower. Jo busied herself with cleaning up from their breakfast and was getting the light fixtures back into place when Alex's voice startled her from behind.

"You cleaned my bathroom."

Jo turned her head to look at him and noted how good he looked with wet hair. "You almost made me fall out of the chair ya know." Jo flashed him a quick smile, which wasn't returned. Now what?

"You cleaned my bathroom," Alex repeated as if she didn't hear it the first time. He held her gaze, but his face didn't reveal what was going on in his head. Jo decided she would attempt to keep the interaction light as it again felt like they were testing thin ice.

"Yeah, you know this place could use a little bit of a woman's touch. No offense to Dr. Yang. That place was so messy I now understand why you let all those curse words fly when getting ready." She tried to keep her tone light and carefree, but he still didn't follow her lead.

"When did you clean it?"

Jo stepped down off the chair and began to move it back to its place, "You know most people would say 'thank you' and may even offer a kiss of thanks." Maybe flirty would work.

"How long have you been having trouble sleeping, Jo?" His eyes now conveyed quiet concern. She could tell this had really troubled him. Damn she didn't want him to worry about her. She desperately wanted him to see her as a strong, capable woman that was his equal, not a troubled, beaten down woman who couldn't sleep because of her past.

"It's not a big deal; I'm used to not getting much sleep. I function fine. Trust me." Jo hoped that her plea would keep him from pushing the issue further, but it only seemed to agitate him.

"I'll trust you if you're honest about it. Damnit Jo, you're a freakin' doctor, you know how a lack of sleep can affect the body. So I'm gonna keep asking until you tell me. How long?" He was now motioning with his arms in a frenzied way that took Jo off guard. She pondered what had gotten into him so fast. If only she could go back in time and not clean the damn bathroom.

"What does it matter? This is so stupid. My body has adapted to it and I do just fine, okay? Why are badgering me like a criminal? Can we drop it?" She noticed her volume had raised to the point she was yelling at him. She sadly realized they hadn't been together for a full twenty-four hours and already they were fighting.

She watched as Alex took a deep breath and rubbed his hair. There was brief, incredibly uncomfortable pause broken by Alex's hesitant voice, "I need to get going. Did you need a ride to meet Edwards?"

Jo had been almost glaring at him, but hearing the resignation in his voice made her drop her eyes to the floor in shame. "Yeah that would be great. I'll get my purse." She quickly bolted from the room to run away from the tension that had grown so thick. What the hell was she going to do?

The ride to the hospital was made in complete silence. Jo kept reliving their argument over and over, trying to find a way to fix what she had already broken. She was being childish, or at least that's how Alex would perceive it.

Jo understood the question should be an easy one to answer. Hell, she asked the same types of questions to patients multiple times each day. But with an answer would come more questions and those were the ones Jo couldn't answer.

The truth was that Jo hadn't slept well since she was fifteen. Part of that was the need to be half alert in case anyone tried to harm her when she was living alone in a car. But another reason had everything to do with why she started living in that car in the first place. And why she had reacted so aggressively when Jason first grabbed her. More than ten years had passed and she was still being haunted by the nightmares.

Between her deep musings and Alex's silence she had half-forgotten he was in the car. She tried to look at him out of the corner of her eye, but she couldn't tell anything about him except his posture seemed rigid and he was staring straight ahead.

Jo desperately wanted to apologize for before, but wasn't sure how to bring it up or what to say. She was broken from her reverie by Alex putting the car in park.

"This is her building isn't it?" Alex was staring down at his hands which were sitting on top of his thighs. Damnit. Damnit, damnit, damnit.

Jo put her hand on the door handle to exit, but she was caught by Alex grabbing the other. "Wait," she heard him half whisper. It was more of a plea than a directive and she immediately repositioned herself and began messing with the straps of her purse. She waited for what he might say next and became increasingly anxious that he might be about to break off whatever this was. She heard his voice echoing in her mind, 'I'm sick of crazy chicks with problems.' Well she definitely fit the bill on that one.

"I'm sorry Jo," was what finally came out, "I shouldn't have pushed. You have every right to be pissed. I hope you'll talk to me or someone when you're ready, but I'll...I will try my best not to do that again."

Jo sat perfectly still and studied the stitch pattern on her purse. It was so even and consistent. She wished her life could be more like that. She wondered what it felt like to live a life where you knew what was coming each day and what people would be there for it. She felt sick at her stomach with just the simple thought that the man next to her might not be around for the next decade much less the next day. She needed him more than she had ever needed anyone, and that realization terrified her. Before she could stop herself, Jo quietly blurted out, "Twelve. It's been about twelve years." She noticed Alex snap his head in her direction, but she couldn't make herself look at him. "And this is the right building." She quickly got out of the car and ran in the apartment building.