The heaviness that settled in her gut combined effortlessly with the ache in her chest as she stood in the doorway to autopsy watching the tender reverence with which Maura worked. Jane shifted anxiously from foot to foot before tapping into her natural swagger and entering the room fully. She pulled up opposite her wife, who remained an impassive fortress of concentration. She sighed heavily, but before she could get a word in she was pre-empted by the medical examiner.
"I will let you know when I have completed my report, Detective Rizzoli." Maura simply didn't have it in her to look up at her wife, let alone refer to her by her Christian name. She needed to maintain a professional distance for the sake of her sanity, because if she let those thoughts in she wouldn't be able to do her job.
Jane nodded, unsure whether her wife even noticed and turned on her heel to leave. She knew better than to mess with Maura's composure on a case like this, because it was hard enough when life was going well and they had each other for much needed emotional support. She clenched her hands into fists, angry with herself for putting them in the crappy situation they were in.
She paused in the doorway when her mind flashed back to Korsak's reaction from at the crime scene. After he had gotten over his initial shock he had shaken his head and walked away. No words were needed to express his deep disappointment.
She exhaled nervously and looked back at her wife. "Once this case is resolved, I'm taking a leave of absence."
Maura's head snapped up at those words and her brain was unable to nip the angry retort in the bud. "Running away from your problems, detective?"
Jane resisted the urge to punch the doors and stalked back into the room, standing on the other side of the gurney that Shirley Robinson lay to rest on. "I am not running away," Jane ground out carefully, "I will sit down and discuss our marriage until I'm blue in the face if that's what you want, doctor. I just thought you would appreciate the space, and detectives are a dime a dozen, the best God damned medical examiner on the east coast, not so much."
"And you deign to believe you know what I want?" Maura's tone was crisp and cutting.
Jane focused on counting down from ten in an attempt to quell the rage building within. "Hell if know Maura, you never damned well tell me anything anymore!" Her words were bitter. Her anger bubbled under the surface.
With an angry huff of air Maura slipped off her latex gloves and tossed them in the waste basket and stalked towards her office. Jane followed close behind, shutting the door between autopsy and the office, before locking the door between the office and the hall and closing the blinds on the internal windows. Maura followed every movement with an angry glare and was half tempted to just kick Jane out of her office and her life; she was that hurt.
Confident that they were alone and unable to be interrupted Jane faced Maura and spoke with a trace of exasperation, "Alright let me have it. Slap, yell, accuse, deride…. Whatever makes you feel better for a moment and then can we please talk like adults?"
Maura could not believe her ears, sure it made perfect Jane sense to have it out and try to move on from there, but how exactly was she supposed to be an adult about the situation when she hadn't even had time to process it? She was being thrown from emotional pillar to post, first by the revelation of infidelity and then by the horror of needing to find answers for a murdered child and his mother. A child that bore an uncomfortable resemblance to her own son.
They stood staring at one another, the physical distance between them a striking reminder of how things had changed. This was the sort of evening where they would normally take what comfort they could from one another in the moments they had alone before soldiering on. Maura needed that comfort badly and she suspected Jane did too, but everything was just too raw and it was draining to hold back her desire to flay the detective alive, figuratively of course.
Eventually she broke the silence when she stammered out, "I j-j-just can't…"
"Can't what? Can't adult? Sorry to tell you but it's kinda necessary, since you're, y'know, an adult." Jane snapped harshly, instantly regretting her tone. She knew that Maura was overwhelmed emotionally and that her attitude wasn't helping. She knew that she really had no right to be angry and exasperated, she had brought this on herself and she should take her medicine, no matter how it was doled out.
Jane quickly drew her hands up and back, palms out to indicate an apology, "I'm sorry, that came out a lot angrier than I intended." She knew the worst of it was the fact she had dragged their personal issues into the workplace; granted it was after ten pm and only the bare minimum of staff were floating around in the crime lab due to the importance placed on the case by the Governor, but it was still disrespectful of Maura's need to maintain professionalism.
Maura worried absently at her wedding band while her gaze assessed the tired, dishevelled detective standing before her. It struck her then that Jane looked like she had hardly slept a wink all weekend. For a moment she felt sorry for the detective but then she remembered exactly what she had done and anger flashed across her face. She needed space, so begrudgingly she had to accept Jane's earlier assessment; although she needed personal space more than she needed professional space, it was easy enough to avoid each other for most of the day if necessary.
"I need you to not come home tonight Jane. I need some time and space to process what you told me." Maura spoke with a calmness that belied the churning of her gut; she absolutely loathed that it had come to this.
"Maura…" Jane started to protest immediately, more because she felt unease at the fact there was still an unknown person on the loose responsible for the death of a woman and her son. Sure it was most likely personal and even if it was something more insidious the odds of her own family being the target were ridiculously small, but it was this exact sort of thing that tugged at her protective streak. She'd sit outside in her cruiser if she had to; she just wasn't ready to leave Maura and Liam alone with some child killer on the loose.
Her eyes must have given away her thoughts because Maura sighed heavily and bridged the gap between them. She picked up Jane's hands and held them softly in her own despite the fact it went against every fibre of her being that screamed at her not to get too close to the detective. "Jane, you know the odds of Liam and I becoming victims to this person are infinitesimally small. You're just feeling heightened emotionally due to everything that is happening and while I know you're scared for us, there is no need to be. I need space, and you need to be able to sleep properly, so no sleeping outside the house in your car."
Jane slipped one hand away from her wife and ran it through her hair, she was a nervous wreck really. Reality was quickly crashing its way on top of her at the realisation that her wife, while standing calmly in front of her, needed space to process and that didn't bode well. How could it possibly after what she had done? She sighed and nervously questioned, "You will talk to me though right? I mean before you decide to kick me out permanently?"
Maura smiled weakly and let go of the other hand she still held. She nodded softly in the affirmative, "Yes."
Jane nodded then abruptly pulled Maura into a tight hug, which she eventually allowed. She whispered in her ear, "Go home, the autopsies can wait til morning." She then pulled away, knowing that she had been pushing her luck. She had just needed to show Maura that she still cared and that she knew exactly the toll that this case was already taking.
Maura nodded absently before remembering one of the discoveries she had already made with the external examination of Shirley Robinson. "She was raped, Jane. I didn't find any semen so the attacker was prepared enough not to leave behind any trace evidence. I just thought you should know. I will take your advice and conclude my examinations in the morning. Get some sleep, detective."
Jane's expression only became more pained at the thought of the female victim being raped. She nodded absently at Maura's advice to get some sleep, which was unlikely to be taken since she wasn't welcome at home. She figured she might as well stay at work, figure out some angles to follow up first thing in the morning and maybe sneak back down to Maura's office to sleep on the couch for a few hours later in the night. She turned for the door and called over her shoulder, "G'night Maur."
After she had finished up the last of a thorough external examination, Maura returned Shirley Robinson to the confines of the morgue cooler and snuck upstairs, heels in hand so as not to give away her presence, and watched Jane from the entrance into homicide. She only stayed briefly, having stopped to observe the part of Jane she knew she could still respect: the hard working homicide detective. She left with a sad shake of the head and returned home a little after eleven.
The lights were still on in the guesthouse, and without really thinking about how obviously her features would broadcast her heartache, she knocked softly at the door. She simply needed to see Liam while he slept to remind herself that he was safe and that there was still one very bright spot in her life.
Angela Rizzoli opened the door very quickly, as if she had been expecting a late night visitor. She was wrapped tightly in a lavender coloured robe and opened up her arms immediately upon seeing Maura. She felt the weight of the medical examiner press into her body, arms wrap tightly around her back and she knew then that something was very wrong. "Come, come inside baby," she gently steered Maura to the couch, with an arm wrapped around her shoulder, before gently sitting her down.
Angela sat down next to her daughter in law and gently patted her knee. "Do you want to tell me what's wrong? Or would you like me to make you a soothing cup of tea while you look in on my beautiful grandbaby?
Maura nodded weakly her body making the decision for her; she was up on her feet and walking towards the office space that had been converted into a spare room for Liam's odd overnight stay. She watched from the doorway as he slept peacefully, wrapped up in his favourite comforter. Just seeing him allowed some of the tension she was feeling melt away, but it wasn't enough. She crossed the room and placed a soft kiss to his forehead, mindful not to disturb his sleep. She then retreated, closing the door behind her with full knowledge that she was about to walk into an ambush.
Maura sat back down and graciously accepted the cup of tea that Angela handed her. "Thank you Angela."
Angela sat down in an armchair opposite the couch and clasped her hands in her lap. She had sensed earlier in the evening when asked to take care of Liam it was for a serious reason and she worried about her daughters, besides being married to Jane, Maura had long felt like a daughter to the Rizzoli family matriarch. She didn't want her girls to be fighting or struggling within their marriage, but she had seen the signs. It was frustrating not to meddle, but it had been a promise she had to make to Jane before she would even think of proposing.
"I need to talk to you Ma," Jane had said to alert her mother to the fact a serious conversation needed to be had. "But you need to listen and promise not to say anything to anyone, especially not Maura okay?"
Angela rounded the kitchen island and sat down next to her daughter, all the while making hand signals across her lips to suggest they were sealed. "What's up Janie?"
Jane simply stared at her mother sternly, "Promise me Ma."
"Alright, alright I promise to keep this conversation to myself."
She continued staring at her mother for a few moments before nodding as if to say 'okay I believe you' and digging around in her pocket to pull out a ring box, which she sat on the bench top in front of them. "I wanna ask her to marry me."
Angela had squealed with delight and grabbed her daughter up in a fierce hug, ignoring all the squirming the younger woman did to get free. "Oh baby I am so happy for you!"
After finally extricating herself from the embrace Jane said, "She hasn't said yes yet. Besides, I needed to run something by you first."
Angela calmed herself down and sat back down; she couldn't wipe the grin from her face though, no matter how hard she tried to take the rest of the conversation seriously. Her Janie was going to get married, because she had no doubt that Maura would say yes, she had never seen two people more in love. "Okay Janie, shoot."
This was the hard part for Jane, because she loved her mother, she really did, but she needed space in her relationship. She needed the hovering helicopter aspect of her mother switched off and she felt bad about the way she was going about it, but it had to be done. "First let me just say I love you Ma, without you I wouldn't be here. The thing is, I need the space to make my own decisions and mistakes in this relationship without my mother, who lives with us, interfering." She couldn't help the roll of her eyes at the fact she had allowed Maura into talking her into letting her mother stay once she had moved in.
"I need you to promise me you will stay out of my relationship with Maura and that you won't meddle. Because I don't think I can take this to the next level if I feel like you're always looking over my shoulder." She looked pointedly at her mother, "Which you practically do from proximity alone. Maura loves having you in the guest house and I am not gonna argue that Ma, as long as you let me be. I'm not gonna ask her if you can't promise me that!" It was cruel, but God did she need out from under her mother.
Angela's eyes narrowed and her lips pursed, but she eventually relaxed and nodded her agreement. She couldn't blame her daughter for wanting a little more freedom, even if it did hurt a little bit. Still she had a condition of her own, "I promise you Janie I will stay out of it, so long as you treat Maura right."
Jane's smile beamed back at her mother before she placed a quick kiss on the matriarch's cheek. "Always."
Snapping out of her reverie Angela looked over towards Maura with sad eyes. "Janie made me promise not to interfere in your marriage, and I like to think I've done a good job at that."
Maura offered a weak smile and some confirmation. "You have been wonderful Angela."
"But I told my daughter that I would only keep that promise as long as she treated you right." Angela didn't miss the slight flinch her words caused and she sighed heavily, just as she suspected. "What did she do to hurt you?"
Maura placed the cup she had been nursing down on the coffee table and shook her head. "You will need to talk to Jane about that, Angela. I…" she sighed; she had known this would happen because Angela was a perceptive woman, but she just wasn't ready to deal with the reality of the situation yet. "I should go."
It was not easy following Maura to the door knowing that the mother of her grandbaby was clearly hurting and not being able to do much about it, nor pry further, because it was obvious this was something she needed to hear from Jane herself. "Maura," she said softly, "You're my daughter too." She then welcomed Maura into her arms for a brief but telling hug before watching her return to the main house.
Angela Rizzoli shut the door gently before turning and leaning back against it. She closed her eyes and shook her head, she had a terrible feeling that Jane had really gone and done it this time. She just hoped for both her girl's sake it was something that could be rectified.
A/N: A few people seem to have the impression that Jane is going to be getting away with everything and that everyone will rally around her while Maura gets left out in the cold. I just ask that you have patience, because sometimes my stories take time to unravel, and it is definitely not going to be rainbows and kittens for Jane.
JustAGirl, in response to your question, I had intended that to be Jane's thought at that time, usually when I write thoughts I write them in italics, except during flashbacks I write them standard, but I do understand where the confusion lies given the style of flashback I wrote where it differentiated between the here and then. So that was essentially Jane's last thought before she turned around and ignored everything her conscience was yelling at her.
I removed the pairing following a discussion with one reviewer, just to save confusion I guess. My interpretation of a pairing is if there is a romantic relationship between the characters, and there is, it's just very much strained and embarking on troubled waters. I however could see a slightly altered view of pairing being for the sake of indicating a happy ending to the relationship in the story, and as such decided to err on the side of caution and remove the pairing of Jane/Maura.
Anyways, I have not forgotten this story, I've just been formulating the rest of the plot for The Catch 22 Killer and recharging my batteries. Hope you enjoy, thanks for reading and reviewing, favouriting and following. Please, be kind or constructive.