A week that's how long I kept that monster on my back for. One loooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggg week before I decided to confess as it felt as if this betrayal was eating me alive every kiss, touch or kind thing Alex did for me guilt ate me alive with it. I have barely been sleeping and the bags under my eyes prove this. So tonight when he comes over before he leaves for Italy to be with his ailing grandmother I will tell him. Yes I know my timing sucks but I have no choice especially since Jason is blackmailing with little reminders that keep popping up on my doorstep along with some appearing when I'm at Alex's house. Trust me explaining why dominatrix stuff was on his door step was a hard one. . Especially since one of the teddy bears said, "Affairs help keep life interesting"

So here I am stripping the nail polish off my nails as I await Alex's arrival. Man does it feel like I'm waiting an eternity. Here I am practically running my manicure due to fear. I am pretty sure if I didn't have nails on my own fingernails would have been bitten down to their core. Oh Jesus, what's taking him so long? The longer he takes the more I think about not telling him and the more I try to belittle what happened. My subconscious tells me to tell him the truth no one deserves being lied to. He always said to be 100% honest with him and that's what I am going to do despite how I know how this will end for me.

Alessandro appears with a huge bouquet of flowers and hands them to me and gives me a quick but passionate peck on the lips. I can't help but admire how handsome and dapper he looks tonight with his light brown hair swept back and his toned body not to mention how his long sleeved shirt matches his hazel eyes. He complements that with a pair of dressy black pants with black shoes.

He sits at the table and holds my hand and then kisses it. "You look beautiful, il mio amore"

I guess I do I had dressed up a bit and I am in a purple peplum high waisted skirt and a pink long sleeved top with matching heels and lipstick. My jewelry and makeup is done to complement this and I am currently sitting at the table tapping my heels because of nervousness.

"Thank you, darling" I reply.

We made it to the main course before I decide to spill my guts, Alessandro's hand is entwined with mine and I pretty sure he can feel my sweaty palms and see me sweat despite the fact that the AC's on. I am barely eating my food or even touched it.

"What's wrong, Ria?" he finally asks concerned, "the dinner is quite delicious and you have barely touched it, tell me what's bothering you? Did someone hurt you?"

My heart breaks out of his sincere concern too bad I am about to shred everything we have built over the past few months.

" I haven't exactly been honest about my job Alex, remember how I told you that I am a dancer, well to be specific I am but I am stripper" I say looking him dead in the eyes waiting for his reaction. The lack of reaction however is what surprises me. He already knew because there is no shock in his eyes.

"I already knew Ria, or at least I suspected based off your job hours but it was confirmed when one of my co-workers saw you and identified you from the club. I know you're going to ask why I didn't confront you with it because I knew when you were ready you would tell me"

I sit there like a fish out of water with my mouth gapping open with shock. He knew. My mind is in over drive with various thoughts running through it, one question comes to mind which I had to vocalize, "Why did you still date me after you found out?", "Why didn't you leave and run for the hills I mean you could have anyone else you wanted, why did you stay?

"Because of the connection I felt with you I have never felt it before and so what if you are a stripper who am I to judge? Sure I would love if you did something else but it's up to you I will stand by you whatever decision you make. You being a stripper doesn't make you a lesser person or individual"

My response to that statement is just to kiss the hell out of him I don't care if the table is there. His statement just melted me. All my life men judged me for my job told me I was nothing because of it. Then the tears hit as I pull away, the memories of what I did haunt me. "Remember whatever else I tell you next that I will ALWAYS love you don't EVER doubt that okay" I sob out as my voice breaks. Alex's face is one of confusion as I say, "I cheated on you with someone else"

Alex gives me a stare of pure anger and says "What exactly do you mean that you cheated on me? Did you kiss someone else? What did you do?"

And so I told him. Everything. I watched as he looked at me with disgust and hurt as he listened keenly to what I was saying and when I was done. He dropped my hand out of his, took his stuff and left not even saying a word. The silence is what ate at me. I preferred if he yelled, cursed or even threw something at me or said something to me. I know he was upset just by the anger blaring in his eyes and the flaring of his nostrils and just by his facial expression. However, he remained composed and said nothing. I didn't get any sleep that night, or the night after that nor the night after that one. Food even lost its interest to me. Nothing could make me feel better.

3 days later I got a text from Alex saying this:

"Ri, I could have forgiven you for anything else but this, this is the deepest form of betrayal and what hurts the most is the fact that I brought you an engagement ring. A ring you didn't feel as if you were worthy of. I had planned on bringing you with me to Italy so you could meet my grandma and my family so they could see this woman that had stolen my heart after all these years. I never cared that you were a stripper because I loved you for the beautiful soul you are. What kills me is that you didn't have faith in us or didn't love me enough to resist temptation and that hurts me deeply. You have scarred me Aria, and I don't know if I will ever love again or let anyone in again after this especially since all I did was love you the way you deserved to be. Well I guess that's what one gets for being a love sick fool. I just have to tell you that you will always be the only one I will ever love and that's why I'm saying goodbye to us. As only you hold the potential into making me into someone I don't want to be through the pain you caused."

I have broken him and for that I will never forgive myself. Every time I read that text I feel a part of me dying inside and it's the part that believes in hope, love and redemption. Maybe this was god's plan after all for me to be a stripper unworthy of love and companionship. I have never felt as desolate and lost since my punk days as a teenager. I feel small as I know not what direction to take when it comes to my life. I wish he would answer or respond to my calls or text but he has blocked me as I have been trying to tell him that it was never his fault and that he deserves better than me and that I am so sorry for every pain I caused him. But he continues to ignore my attempts and I don't blame him, in fact I understand if he never speaks to me again. I just wanted to tell him never to give up on love and just to HEAR his voice. God I miss him like crazy. I guess the ice cream in my fridge has finally found its use.

Author's Note : All the errors above are my own. For those curious on Alessandro's appearance: Tony DiNozzo's personality, James Franco hair in terms of the body that it has, Taylor Lautner's muscular body and Joseph Gordon Levitt's face but with the features mentioned in the chapter and those before.

are love so let me know what you guys think as usual. Thank you to all those persons that left a review.