Songs mentioned in this chapter: No by Meghan Trainor
Chapter Four
"I love this song," Jade said, lowering her headphones when the music had ended.
"So you'll sing backup for me?" Alex asked hopefully.
"Yeah sure," Jade said, nodding.
"Good," Alex said, breathing out a sigh of relief. The idea she'd had for a song for the Full Moon Jam had become a little too personal and depressing for her to want to share, so she had spent the last four days trying to come up with something more partyish to sing. "Have you read your script for Sikowitz yet?"
"Rehearsals start next week, of course I have," Jade said, rolling her eyes. They were holed up in Alex's music room with lemonade and some cookies Grace had made. After Alex's revelation while running a week ago, she had been distancing herself from the others. She had also returned to her previous workout schedule, and added a bit.
"What do you think of the play?" Alex asked, sitting back in her chair.
"I only have like three lines," Jade said, crossing her arms.
"I'll trade you," Alex said, knowing that she wasn't allowed to do that. She had already tried. "I really don't want to be the lead."
"Why not?" Jade asked, sipping her lemonade. "Yeah the lead is an idiot, but it's actually kind of a funny story."
"I really don't want to kiss Beck," Alex said, trying to sound nonchalant about it.
"But he's a good kisser," Jade said, chuckling wryly. "And it's just a stage kiss. Are you still that mad at him?"
"No," Alex said with a sigh. "I wasn't really mad at him to begin with. Well, maybe a little."
"So you've forgiven him for moving away?" Jade asked, surprised. "You should tell him that. He's upset about it still."
"He said that?" Alex asked, twisting a ring around on her finger so she didn't have to make eye contact with Jade.
"Not in so many words," Jade said, shrugging. "But It's not hard to tell."
"How do you know then?" Alex asked, trying to keep her eagerness out of her voice.
"He's been quieter than usual," Jade said, shrugging. "And every time you skip lunch to avoid the rest of us he asks if anyone knows where you are."
"I'm not avoiding all of you," Alex said, frowning as she tipped her chair back onto two legs, trying to balance.
"Just Beck?" Jade asked, her voice oddly understanding, and maybe a little jealous.
"Well…" Alex began, not really sure what to say. "Sort of."
"Because you like him," Jade said, nodding sagely. Alex let her chair fall forward with a thump as she stared at Jade, surprised. "Oh come on, it's obvious," Jade said, rolling her eyes. "You avoid him at all costs during the day but you watch him during class when he isn't looking. And whenever you ask about him you get this look on your face. And you perk up whenever someone mentions his name."
"I'm not admitting anything," Alex said, watching Jade pick at the ends of her hair. "But what the hell?"
"Well you make it so obvious," Jade said, her voice growing a little colder, and Alex sighed.
"I'm sorry Jade," Alex said, and apparently that surprised Jade, because she looked up, green eyes questioning.
"Sorry?" Jade prompted when she didn't continue.
"Yeah," Alex said, shrugging. "You guys used to date, and I consider you to be my best friend here, and I know you still care about Beck-"
"Okay wait wait," Jade said, holding a hand up to stop her rambling. "Yeah, I do care about him, and yeah we dated for a long time, but seriously? You two are literally a classic love story."
"What?" Alex asked, tilting her head.
"You know, you grew up together, you were best friends, then something tore you apart, and years later you are put back together," Jade said. "If this were a movie you two would be married with kids in like three years."
"This isn't a movie," Alex said slowly, not sure how to respond to that. She hadn't thought of things that way before. "And I'm not in love with Beck."
"Okay, serious moment here," Jade said, leaning forward. Alex mimicked her movements. Jade was almost never serious and honest, though it had been happening more and more when they weren't around the rest of her friends. "I care about Beck, and I want him to be happy, and since that isn't going to happen with me, I don't really have a say over who he chooses to be with. I don't want to be the person that stops him from finding happiness."
"Wow," Alex said slowly, trying to wrap her mind around that. "That's really… mature of you."
"About five months ago I saw Beck and Tori almost kiss, and Tori told him that she didn't want to be with him because of me," Jade said, and Alex noticed her fists clenched together. No matter what Jade said, she was still upset about the idea of Beck being with someone else, or maybe it was just Tori. Alex had noticed multiple times that Jade was much ruder to Tori than anyone else in the group. "At first I had no idea what to think about that, but I've had a lot of time to decide."
"I don't think I would be so calm about that if I were in your place," Alex said when Jade trailed off.
"It still makes me mad," Jade admitted. "To see Beck with other girls. And I can't promise to be totally cool with it if you decide you do like him, but really, you have so much more claim over him than I do."
"I have claim over him?" Alex asked, lost again.
"Yeah," Jade said, shrugging. "If he hadn't moved away the two of you would probably be happily together right now. You've been in his life since he was born, he's only known me for four years."
"I never thought of it like that," Alex admitted, finishing off her lemonade.
"Well if I had to pick someone else for him to be with, you would be pretty close to the top of that list," Jade said. "Above you would be all the very ugly weird girls at our school." They both laughed at that.
"I don't really know what I think," Alex said after a while. "I mean, I had a huge crush on him in middle school, but then he left and I got over those feelings. I think maybe I might just be remembering how I felt in middle school, not actually developing new feelings."
"Have you dated anyone since Beck left?" Jade asked.
"Of course I have," Alex said, chuckling. "Every boy on the high school hockey team in Vancouver, and quite a few boys in Seattle."
"Have you ever seriously dated anyone though? Like more than just a few dates?" Jade pressed.
"A few," Alex said, shrugging. "Why?"
"Were you in love with any of them?" Jade asked, and Alex hesitated.
"I… don't think so," Alex said after a while. "No. I wasn't."
"You never got over your crush on Beck," Jade said, leaning back in her chair. "If you had, you would have fallen for someone else that you actually had a chance with at the time."
"Maybe I just haven't found the right person," Alex said, frowning in thought. "That doesn't really mean anything."
"Well," Jade said, finally standing. "You'll see when you kiss him."
"It's just a stage kiss," Alex said, getting up too. She had made a thumb drive of the song for Friday so Jade could listen to it and learn the back up vocals, which she handed over, then pulled the door open.
"Just," Jade began, then hesitated. Alex turned back to her. Usually their serious conversations took place behind closed doors, and it was sort of an unspoken rule between them that what was said there stayed there. "Let's still be friends, whatever you decide."
"Yeah," Alex said, feeling the awkwardness of such a statement coming from Jade. Both girls were not very good at expressing their emotions, and it was difficult for Alex to find the right words sometimes. "Definitely."
"Let's go get some sushi," Jade said, clearing her throat.
"I don't understand how you can eat that stuff," Grace said, passing them in the hallway just in time to hear their plans. "It's all mushy and gross."
"Not if you get the good things," Alex said, rolling her eyes. "We'll be back later."
"Kay," Grace called. "Jade, are you staying here tonight?"
"No," Jade said, frowning. Jade had never outright made plans to stay over, but it happened at least twice a week. Alex had never explained to Grace that Jade's parents fought all the time, but she was sure her sister had heard it before, and she didn't seem to care when Jade did stay over. Though if she had said anything about it, Alex could have reminded her that it was her own songwriting royalties that had paid for the house, even if it was under both their names.
"Well next time you do, use the guest room," Grace said, stretching an arm over her shoulders as she walked down the stairs. "I like to do yoga in the morning before I go to class and it's hard to do when I can't move the couch. I need to get in shape so the cute boy Eric in my Writing 200 class will ask me out."
"You have a guest room?" Jade asked, raising her eyebrow at Alex.
"Yeah, three of them actually," Alex said, chuckling. "Our house is probably the same size as yours you know. There's a guest room up here across from Grace's room," Alex said, pointing. "And two downstairs. You can use whichever one you want and leave whatever you want in them since we never have guests."
"That's practically moving in," Jade said, rolling her eyes as they walked down the stairs.
"You're here all the time anyway," Grace said from the living room. "You may as well."
"I wouldn't care," Alex said, chuckling. "It'll save me the time of having to text you in the morning when it's time to leave."
"You two are insane," Jade said, shaking her head.
"The best kind of insane," Grace called back.
"Come on, let's go," Alex said, shaking her head. If she were Jade she would take any opportunity to leave a house that had constant yelling. And Alex had met Jade's mom a couple times before. She was a very judgmental, bitchy woman. And though she had never met Jade's dad, she had seen him a couple times. He looked cold and uncaring. Alex was almost glad that her parents had only ignored each other and the kids rather than yelling at each other.
"You know, the guest room downstairs has an attached bathroom," Alex said, grinning as she started the car.
"Hey," Alex said to the table as she sat down with her lunch. For the last week and a half she had spent their lunch hour jogging around the track. She still hadn't seen anyone else use it, or the gym.
"You still go to school here?" Andre asked jokingly. He was in at least half her classes, and had been in the one before lunch, and she had been hoping that she could just rejoin the table without any remarks, but that seemed unlikely.
"Yes," she said shortly, narrowing her eyes at him. "Though I'd be more likely to enjoy it if you didn't go here."
"Ouch," Andre said, putting a hand over his heart in mock pain while the others chuckled.
"Why didn't you want to eat with us last week?" Cat asked, looking sad, as though it was her fault.
"I've been running during lunch," Alex said, shrugging. "I haven't been exercising much since I moved here. I've put on almost ten pounds. I feel gross." She took a bite of her salad, then glanced up to see them all staring at her. "What?"
"Girl, you can't be over a hundred pounds," Andre said, shaking his head. "You look like a stick."
"Thanks for the opinion," Alex said, rolling her eyes and taking another bite of her salad even though she was a little flattered. When she had weighed herself three days ago it had said 120 pounds, which was still eight pounds more than her usual weight. All she could see when she looked in the mirror was how much her stomach poked out now, and how much her arms jiggled when she moved them.
"So why did you decide to come sit with us again?" Robbie asked, taking a bite of his pasta. Alex glanced at Jade who caught her eyes raised an eyebrow at her. Alex rolled her eyes.
"I thought it might rain," Alex said. They all looked up at the very obviously blue sky, and she smirked.
"What are you doing for the Friday jam?" Andre asked, cutting across Cat as the other girl opened her mouth, likely to say something about the cloudless sky, not having understood that Alex was being sarcastic.
"Oh are you singing?" Beck asked, finally joining the conversation.
"Yeah," Alex said, shrugging. "I wrote a song."
"Oh, do you need any back up singers?" Tori asked, leaning forward in her seat. "I haven't gone to a Friday Night Jam since my first semester here."
"No one asked," Jade said dryly, swirling a fry in ketchup.
"Jade is singing backup for me," Alex said, resisting a smile. She frowned as everyone turned to stare at Jade just as they had at her minutes ago.
"What?" Jade asked, narrowing her eyes and crossing her arms.
"Well," Robbie began, then quelled under Jade's glare.
"You don't usually do things for other people unless they benefit you too," Andre finally said, rushing to get all the words out.
"I happen to like the song," Jade said, scowling, then she smiled in her mischievous way. "Besides, how do you know I'm not getting anything for it?" The way she said the words made them dirty, and everyone glanced between Jade and Alex a couple times, then Alex laughed and it was broken.
"Sorry Jade, you aren't my type," Alex said, chuckling as Robbie continued to stare at them with wide eyes.
"Yeah, your type is dark eyes and long dark hair and-" Jade began, her voice secretive. Alex very obviously shoved her off the bench.
"Oops," Alex said when Jade glared up at her. "Sorry, total accident."
"But you did it on purpose," Cat said, her voice confused. "I saw you. I saw her-" She had turned to Robbie then, who shrugged at her.
Jade got up, dusted off her pants, gave the table a glare, then turned and left.
"Wow," Andre said, glancing at Alex with wide eyes. "She didn't kill you."
"Of course not," Alex said, rolling her eyes. "Have you seen my car? If she killed me she wouldn't be able to ride in it anymore."
"One time my brother killed a raccoon with his car," Cat said, looking around at all of them with wide, innocent eyes. "He said it was an accident but I think he did it on purpose." They all looked at her for a few seconds, then the bell rang, distracting them.
"Hey guys," Alex said taking the mic. There had been four songs before hers, and she was pumped up to sing her new song. "I'm Alex, and this is a song I wrote for all you boys out there. Thanks so much for making my first couple months here interesting," she said sarcastically. Yes, the guys asking her out had declined in occurrences, but she still got asked out once or twice a week, mostly by freshmen on dares. It was even worse every time she went somewhere in public. It was impossible for her and Jade to go out to get sushi without getting approached by someone trying to hit on them. "This one's for you, it's called 'No'."
A slight giggle went through the crowd at that, mostly female she noticed. She cleared her throat and leaned into the mic, closing her eyes.
"I think it's so cute, and I think it's so sweet
How you let your friends encourage you to speak to me.
But let me stop you there, oh, before you speak."
She grinned over at the drummer, nodding her head as a cue. She took the mic from the stand, dancing a little on the spot.
"Nah to the ah to the no, no,no."
My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
You need to let it go
You need to let it go
Need to let it go
Nah to the ah to the no, no, no"
She grinned as she twirled around their little platform above the courtyard they usually ate lunch in. The crowd below seemed to be really enjoying it, they were dancing and cheering. She grinned at the exhilaration she felt.
"First you gonna say you ain't runnin' game, thinkin' I'm believing every word
Call me beautiful, so original, telling me I'm not like other girls
I was in my zone before you came along, now I'm thinking maybe you should go
Blah, blah, blah, I be like nah to the ah to the no, no, no
All my ladies, listen up
If that boy ain't giving up
Lick your lips and swing your hips
Girl all you gotta say is"
She paused, letting the tension build, then leaned in to sing with Jade.
"My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
You need to let it go
You need to let it go
Need to let it go
Nah to the ah to the no, no, no
My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
You need to let it go
You need to let it go
Need to let it go
Nah to the ah to the no, no, no
Thank you in advance, I don't wanna dance (nope)
I don't need your hands all over me
If I want a man, then I'mma get a man
But it's never my priority
I was in my zone, before you came along, don't want you to take this personal
Blah, blah, blah, I be like nah to the ah to the no, no, no
All my ladies, listen up
If that boy ain't giving up
Lick your lips and swing your hips
Girl all you gotta say is
My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
You need to let it go
You need to let it go
Need to let it go
Nah to the ah to the no, no, no
I'm feeling
Untouchable, untouchable
I'm feeling
Untouchable, untouchable
I'm feeling
Untouchable, untouchable
All my ladies, listen up
If that boy ain't giving up
Lick your lips and swing your hips
Girl all you gotta say is
My name is no
My sign is no
My number is no
You need to let it go
You need to let it go
Need to let it go
Nah to the ah to the no, no, no
I'm feeling
Untouchable, untouchable
I'm feeling
Untouchable, untouchable
I'm feeling
Untouchable, untouchable
I'm feeling
Nah to the ah to the, no, no, no"
When the song was finished she held up both arms and grinned at the applause and cheering, then turned to high-five Jade and the drummer. There was a relatively large section in front of the crowd where a bunch of girls had been dancing, and as Alex and Jade walked down the spiral stairs, they were swamped by girls telling them how much they liked the song.
"I think that was successful," Alex said to Jade when they were able to escape.
"I'd say so," Jade said, glaring at some freshman girls giggling nearby as the next act started up. The girls practically ran away, frightened. "Front page of SplashFace tomorrow."
"I had Sinjin record it so I could put it on my youtube channel," Alex said, shrugging.
"You should put it on your fan page too," Beck said from behind them, making Alex turn quickly enough to lose balance.
"My what?" She asked as she got over the shock of being surprised.
"Fan page," Beck repeated.
"I have a fan page?" Alex asked, eyes wide.
"Haven't you ever googled yourself?" Beck asked, grinning.
"No," Alex said, feeling dumb. "When did that start?"
"Last year sometime," Beck said, shrugging. "Right after you put your music on iTunes."
"Stalker," Alex said, frowning at him. She glanced around for Jade, but the other girl had gone.
"I found it completely by accident," Beck said, putting his hands up to stem the coming argument. "I was on the high school's news page before I went back to visit last year trying to find out what time the game was, and your name was on the list of 'notable students'."
"What?" Alex asked, confused. "I only went there for like three months."
"Well they had your name up," Beck said, shrugging. "And it linked to a wikipedia article about you, and your fan page."
"I have a wikipedia article?" Alex asked, her voice going up an octave in surprise.
"It's not very accurate," Beck said, shrugging.
"Oh my god," Alex said, running her hands through her hair only to remember that she had used gel to make her curls look neater that day. She wiped her hands on her pants, then pulled out her phone and sat on the stairs.
The music was back to prerecorded stuff, either because the live music was over, or the sound board people were taking a break. Beck was right, she did have a wikipedia page, but it was basically just a list of her songs on iTunes, her name and birthplace, and her age. They didn't have a date listed for her birthday, or anything saying she lived in Hollywood, which made her feel much less like she was being stalked.
"Why are you so upset that people know who you are?" Beck asked, sitting next to her on the stairs. "That's basically what every kid here is trying to do."
"I don't care that people know who I am as long as I don't know any of them," Alex said, resting her elbows on her knees and putting her chin in her hands. "When I'm done with high school I won't care at all, but when people who see me every day know that I have a little tiny 'in' with the music industry, they are all suddenly my best friends and want to brag that they know someone who is more popular than they are."
"I get it," Beck said, nodding as he leaned back on his elbows against the next step. They were silent for a couple moments, listening to the music and talking from just around the corner.
"So when did you start doing this posing thing you do now?" Alex asked, glancing over at him.
"What posing thing?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at her. She rolled her eyes.
"You're doing it right now," she said, reaching over to poke him in the side. "That can't possible be comfortable. And you do it in the halls between class too, leaning against the lockers and door frames and making the duck face."
"I DO NOT make the duck face," Beck said, sitting up fast.
"Fine, you can call it leering," Alex said, chuckling. "But you definitely do it."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Beck said, leaning against the stair railings again.
"Here, I can show you," Alex said, jumping up. She leaned one shoulder against a pillar popping a hip out and crossing one ankle over her other foot, then tilted her head to one side and made a very obvious duck face, narrowing her eyes a little. Then she ran one hand through her hair, making it stand up a little more, and tucked the other into her jeans pocket.
"I stand nothing like that," Beck said, shaking his head.
"Why are you standing like Beck?" Robbie asked, coming around the corner at the perfect time. Alex doubled over laughing while Beck made a distressed kind of denial noise.
"Thank you Robbie," Alex said, catching her breath. "You are no longer my least favorite person."
"Um, thanks?" Robbie said, glancing between them. He had probably never seen Alex laugh before, she tended to spend most of her time around him glaring at him or rolling her eyes. "Sinjin is looking for you."
"Thanks for the warning," Alex said, crossing her arms into their usual position. "Run along." He did so, shaking his head.
"I do not pose," Beck mumbled when they were alone again.
"Aw, don't pout about it," Alex said, reaching over to tap his nose in a subconscious motion as she had done hundreds of times when they were younger, every time he was upset about something. She dropped her hand when she realized what she had done, and he blinked at her for a moment, then smiled.
"You aren't mad at me anymore, are you?" He asked, reaching down to grab her wrist in case she planned on running away from the question. She shivered as his fingers brushed her skin, and she was glad she had worn so much makeup for her performance, it would hide any blush her face decided to betray her with. She looked down anyway, not wanting to make eye contact with him. "Come on Xan," he said, using his childhood nickname for her. She broke at that, her heart stumbling in her chest, and finally looked up at him with a slight smile.
"No, I'm not mad anymore," she said, then gasped as he pulled her into a hug. He was warm and smelled familiar, and she immediately relaxed into him, wrapping her arms around his waist to hug him back. "I missed you, Bee," she whispered, using her old nickname for him. He squeezed her harder, then stepped back, beaming at her and keeping her hands in a tight grip.
"So we can be friends again?" He asked, seeming to need to be sure.
"We never stopped being friends, idiot," Alex said, rolling her eyes, but she couldn't make the smile go away.
"I am sorry," Beck said, keeping his grip on her hands. He looked so serious that she had to smile.
"It's not your fault," Alex said. "Well, not any more or less than it is mine."
"I'm really glad you are here," Beck said. "I missed you too."
"And now that I'm here I can show all your new friends all the blackmail pictures I have from your childhood," Alex said, grinning.
"Don't you dare," he said, but he was chuckling. "Let's go dance."
"Are you any better than you were at my last birthday party?" She asked, letting him drag her back towards the crowd.
"Probably not," he said, laughing.