September 9
I feel like I'm going to throw myself off a cliff. Maybe dive into the freezing water and let the waves carry me far away.
I asked Elena out and she said no.
You cannot imagine how stupid I feel right now.
Nik said that I should let go, but that seems completely impossible. My brain agrees with him, but my heart... it refuses to acknowledge that fact that maybe Elena just doesn't want to do anything with me. I've been turned down many times before by women but every time I have shrugged it off like it was nothing, but this time I just can't just feel not disappointed.
It even hurts a little, to be honest. My only hope is that she will change her mind and decides to give me at least a chance.
"Still sulking, huh?" Nik commented when Stefan came into the kitchen with another order. Stefan had been feeling like utter crap the whole day, not physically, but mentally. He couldn't get his mind off Elena and how she had looked him straight into his eyes and said no.
"I'm not sulking. I'm contemplating life." Stefan snapped, hating Nik for being so observant.
Nik laughed which irritated Stefan even more.
"I know when a man is sulking, Stefan, you can't fool me."
"Watch me." Stefan muttered under his breath hoping that Nik won't hear him.
Nik laughed again, he had definitely heard him.
"Let it go, mate. She said no, it's not the end of the world." Nik said while pouring a bowl of pasta into boiling water.
Stefan eyed his friend suspiciously; he seemed strangely cheery or was it because Stefan's own mood was only thunder and lightning, wishing to destroy everything in his way?
"I will let it all go if you stop patronizing me, Klaus." Stefan said and felt immense satisfaction when Nik grimaced over his other nickname and before Nik could say something back at him, Stefan turned around and walked straight out of the kitchen not bothering to argue with his friend any further.
"You said NO?" Caroline's voice rose to unbelievable heights and Elena could already sense the next question. Caroline was unable to let go.
"WHY?" It was like someone pulled their fingernails over a chalkboard.
Bonnie, who usually tried to stay away from all the relationship dramas sided with Caroline – "Yes, Elena, why did you say no to Stefan?"
Elena felt like she was being interrogated with a blazing lamp directed straight at her face. She didn't like it at all.
"You guys are ganging up on me now?" She lowered her eyes to her latte which seemed oddly fascinating at that moment.
"Yes, we are." Caroline said and looked at Bonnie who nodded her head.
"You need this." Bonnie added.
"No, I really don't." Elena said wanting nothing more than to stand up and just walk away.
"We are your best friends; we are obligated to tell you how idiotic your refusal was." Caroline stated, clearly enjoying the fact that Elena was feeling extremely uncomfortable. Meddling with other people's lives gave a kick to Caroline, or so it seemed to Elena. Or maybe Caroline just didn't want to face her own dramas, so she chose to concentrate on everyone else's.
"Why is saying no to a guy I just met idiotic?" Elena asked, narrowing her eyes at Caroline who was looking her with an expression of slight amusement, and what Elena thought, pity.
"Because he's so dreamy!" Caroline exclaimed and Bonnie nodded her head in agreement, a slight smile curving her lips. "Did you look at him, Elena? And the way he came and apologized...ugh, Elena, I swear if you don't go after him, I will."
"I agree with Caroline." Bonnie said and took a sip of her coffee. "You'd be a fool to let this one go."
"Since when are you two the experts on my life?" Elena snapped, annoyed with her friends. She loved them to the world's end and back, but sometimes she just wanted roast their hearts on a stick.
"Since you clearly don't know what's good for you." Caroline said her voice victorious since she knew that she had won this argument.
Elena didn't bother to push the subject any further either.
The fact was that Elena knew that her friends were right. She had been a fool when she had said no, but at that moment refusing was the safest option.
Elena was simply afraid.
She was afraid of what might happen when she finally decided to open her heart to someone, to let someone in.
Being with her friends was easy – she listened to their worries, tried to help them, they studied together, went to parties together, but she never felt like she could tell them about her own life. How she's feeling, what her dreams are, about her trivial life, because every time she tried to do that she always had a feeling that they didn't even care, that it was even boring for them to listen to Elena.
So when Stefan showed genuine interest in her, she immediately put up a great wall of china around her heart, wrapped the wall around chains for some more safety, added some padlocks and threw all the keys into a bottomless ocean.
Fear was a demon inside Elena that had sunk its claws deep into her flesh and refused to let go, no matter how many times she tried to defeat it.
Stefan had been staring at his phone the whole night, hoping that an unfamiliar number would pop on the screen.
Nothing.
Stefan fought the urge to throw something against a wall. He felt like a teenage girl pining over a boy. How ridiculous was that?
A slight knock on his door took him back to earth.
"Come in." Stefan said. The door opened and a pair of blue eyes peeked in.
Damon.
"What's up?" Damon asked, looking kind of smug with himself like he had learned a piece of very valuable information and was now checking it out.
Stefan's interest was piqued - his brother rarely made small talk.
"What do you want, Damon?" Stefan decided to get straight to the point; there was no use in beating around the bush.
"Can't a man just come and say hi to his baby bro?" Damon smirked and leaned against the wall, facing Stefan.
Stefan winced at Damon calling him baby bro. He hated that, made him feel insignificant and small.
"You never say just 'hi'" Stefan said, "There's always something extra with you just saying 'hi'"
"Ah, you know me so well." Damon retorted, enjoying their banter.
Stefan and Damon's relationship was built upon something more than just bare brotherhood. For a complete stranger, overhearing those two talking to each other would leave an impression that they hate each other, but the truth was far from that. Stefan looked up to Damon in so many ways, considered him his mentor in a way, and Damon – he would never admit it – would die for his younger brother in a heartbeat.
"So go on then," Stefan urged, "I have better things to do than to hear your annoying voice." He glanced at his phone again, still nothing.
"Klaus told me that you got your fingers burnt by a girl." Damon grinned evilly.
"I'm going to murder Nik for that." Stefan mumbled angrily, running his hands through his already messed up hair.
"He also said that you were in a pretty bad mood because of that."
"So you came here to do what exactly?" Stefan asked, wanting nothing more than for Damon to go away.
"I just wanted to see if what he said was true." Damon was still grinning.
"And did you get your answer?" Stefan kicked a baseball lying on the floor with agitation. It bounced against the wall and landed on his bed.
"I sure did." Damon's voice was gleeful, he was enjoying Stefan's humiliation way too much.
"Considering that you are constantly checking your phone, the way you are avoiding the subject and that your voice is a bit higher – then yes, I did get my answer. Stefan Salvatore is sulking over a girl." Damon couldn't hide his amusement anymore, it shined through his whole demeanour.
"Fuck off." Stefan hissed and took the ball which he had kicked earlier and threw it at Damon. He missed.
Damon's laughter echoed through the room, Stefan glared at his brother in anger.
Damon shot a glance at the bedside table where Stefan's phone was on and then smirked before exiting Stefan's room.
"Your phone just lit up." He commented and left.
Stefan turned abruptly around and saw that Damon was right.
He picked the phone up with shaky hands.
The caller was unknown.
Sorry, this chapter sucks, but I had a lot going on this week and I still do - college is hard. :(