She looked like our kiss broke her, and her expression was breaking me.
No matter how close they get, the ache in Emily's heart for this blonde never gets away. Alison is in Emily's arms, standing as close as she possibly can, there is not an inch of space between them. Their embrace is so intimate, that it feels like they might melt down into one person. But the look on Ali's face, her sad blue eyes which still have some unshed tears swimming in them, that is what is breaking Emily's heart. Her hand instinctively, caresses her cheek wiping away blonde's tears, she leans forward a little and nudges Ali's nose with her own. Ali closes her eyes, even these small little touches by her mermaid fix something deep inside her. She rests her forehead on Emily's and can't help but smile at the simplicity of this moment.
Emily moves and presses a kiss on Ali's head where there is a scar from when A slammed a rock to her head, she knows Ali hates that scar, she leans down to kiss Ali's forehead, hoping her kiss will soothe the creases on blonde's forehead. She, then moves a little south to kiss blonde's closed eyes, so that when she opens them again, they somehow won't be sad anymore, that there won't be anymore tears in her eyes. Her hands move to hold Ali's hand and she intertwines their fingers, breaking their embrace she moves towards her window seat with the blonde in tow. They sit side by side, Ali turns so that she won't break their gaze. Ali doesn't want another sight to cross her eyes than that of this woman who is sitting in front of her, because she was searching for those eyes for too long and now that they are looking into hers the way she has been wishing for, full of love and promise, she doesn't have the heart to look away, ever.
Emily looks back at Ali and sees her eyes' silent screams. She wishes she knew what the blonde was thinking, because this is troubling her. She has never seen Ali look so broken, so vulnerable.
'Ali, Talk to me. Please' Emily encourages Ali to speak, because she can't bear to look at Ali's broken expression.
Ali looked like she has been broken from her trance.
'I think I finally understand the meaning of the term, 'Star crossed lovers'.' Ali speaks with a slight chuckle.
'Atleast, it is better than unrequited love, because you know, nothing is as unattractive as that.' Emily replies back with a small laugh to hide her nervousness at the mention of the word, 'lovers' to define them which came from Ali, she is sure about her feelings about this particular blonde now, but never in her wildest dream she ever thought that they will be reciprocated, the thought that it was all for practice for Ali is so deep seated in her heart because of the earth shattering heart break she had to handle at such a tender age has taken its place in her conscience. Even though, Ali did tell her that her feelings were not one sided and that those kisses weren't for practice, but she has trained her heart and mind to not give in. But, that foolish muscle in the middle of her chest was betraying her and wanted to fall for it. Still, the pieces of her heart, because of her first love that remained unrequited, poked her chest like shards of glass, and threatened to come out.
To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring upon ourselves.
Ali picked up on Emily's hesitance and confusion over her labelling them as 'star crossed lovers'.
She got up from where they were sitting and stands in front of Emily, her hand outstretched for Emily to take.
'Would you come with me?' Ali asks in a low voice hoping Emily would not deny her.
'Where?'
'Somewhere, Trust me I am not going to kidnap or murder you.' Ali said, trying to make light of the situation.
They got out of Emily's house, locking the door as Pam went out early in the morning to do some christmas shopping. Ali lead the way to her car.
'What's that smell?' Emily asks scrunching her nose.
Ali looks confused at first but then realises that its the smell of cigarette she smoked last night in her inebriated state, and looks apologetically at Emily.
'Since when did you start smoking? Ali'
'Last night.' Alison states simply, while strapping the seat belt.
'Ahan! Is this part of your changed personality? Are you going all, 'I didn't choose this thug life, thug life chose me'.?' Emily asked adding a wink at the end.
Ali laughs, letting go of her problems for a minute. Enjoying the company of her absolute favourite person. She can't explain how good it feels to be able to laugh with Emily, because just yesterday she thought she had lost all chance with her, that she won't ever be able to be near Emily or talk to her, hold her and today they sit here in Ali's car talking about nothing important and laughing at small jokes and antics.
'Okay Okay! Now just roll down your window, the smoke smell will leave.'
'Oh! You would know that.'
They drive in relative silence, enjoying the cool air as the afternoon sun shone on them. Ali turns on the radio on her car music system. It plays, 'Cold coffee' by Ed Sheeran. The guitar riffs, blended with Ed's melodic voice and the company of the loved one creates an atmosphere in the car, which warms Ali's heart. She feels the way she felt in the morning when Emily was sleeping next to her, she just doesn't want this moment to end, their drive, this song. These fleeting moments of serenity was all they had in the sea of chaos that their lives were.
She's like cold coffee in the morning,
I'm drunk of last night's whiskey and coke.
She'll make me shiver without warning,
And make me laugh as if I'm in on a joke.
And you can stay with me forever
Or you could stay with me for now.
Inevitably, the drive and the song both come to an end, as they reached at the spot, their spot. Emily smiles to herself as she recognises the place, the kissing rock.
This place has been their spot since the time, Ali brought Emily there for the first time.
Ali takes hold of Emily's hand as soon as they get out of the car, she intertwines their fingers. She likes the feeling of having their hands intertwined like this, it feels oddly intimate even though it is such a simple thing.
They make their way to the clearing in the middle of tall trees, there is a dusty old rock that sits in the middle of the clearing, with their initials still hooked on it.
They reached to the rock and Ali makes Emily sit on the rock and she stands in front of her.
'Ali, why did you bring me here?' Emily asks, confused about their little excursion.
'Umm.. I brought you here because there are things I need to say and they are way over due, and I just wanted to do it at a place which meant something to both of us.' She blurts out in a go, visibly nervous about what she is going to say. The blonde twisting her fingers. She starts pacing around, trying to calm her nerves.
'Ali' Emily calls out looking directly into Ali's eyes. Ali stops pacing around and looks back at Emily, every time she looks into Emily's eyes , she gets a view of her beautiful soul, her heart swells and threatens to beat out of her heart.
Ali sighs loudly and starts.
'Remember the last time we were here? I asked you to sneak away with me ditching the sleepover while the girls slept at my house, and dragged you over here. I remember everything about that night, you looked so confused.' Ali speaks smiling, looking far away into the light that came from the gap created by tall trees standing close to each other.
'You looked so beautiful that night when the only light shining were that of the moon above and the lantern that we carried to guide us in the dark, I sat down to write our initials, you were looking around to make sure that we were safe. I never had to worry about my safety when you were around, you my Killer.. I wrote down our initials and encased them with a heart and when you looked at it I remember seeing a look of confusion and hurt pass through your face. I so wanted to tell you then, that it is for real, that this is what I want out of life. I wanted to tell you that you are my rock who keeps me grounded and that we will always be tied to each other because you will always be important to me and wherever in the world I will be, I'll try to make my way to you. But, I couldn't because I was scared, scared of the way I felt for you, the intensity of which still shakes me to my core, I was scared of the world and of being judged. So, I settled for these small little gestures, hoping you will understand and won't write me off completely. I knew at that moment you wanted to ask me so many questions but I kissed you instead translating all my feelings into that kiss, feelings even I did not understand completely at that time and you let me kiss you.' She sighs again, her eyes are distant, they look like she has gone in her head to some other time.
Your kiss, my cheek
I watched you leave.
Your smile, my ghost
I fell to my knees.
'I ran away at the end of that summer, because I thought it was the easiest thing to do, but the true horrors of the world threw me off and proved me wrong. There were so many nights when I wished I was rather in that grave than alive running from unknown danger, you were the only one in my thoughts when I pushed myself to keep going, live through every day. I came back because you asked me to. That day in your room, I told you how I felt but not in so much words, I could do that because A was gone and with no looming danger, I dared to dream of a future with you. You kissed me that night and that was most alive I felt in years and I was so far gone that I thought that I'll never be able to resurface and lead my life the way I had been for so many years. But, then A came back and everything went spiralling down into the drain.' Ali stops, turns her head to look directly into Emily's eyes and continued.
'But, I need to say it out loud today, because it has been two years since that night and I still feel the same way about you, and probably always will. And, If these past two years have taught me anything it is that, seize every moment because you never know which one will be your last. So, here it goes… I love you. I love you, Emily Fields with everything I have and in every way I am capable of, I am so in love with you. You are the only light in the murky darkness of my life. Your kind eyes, your welcoming arms, your electric lips, your loving touch, your beautiful heart , I don't want to live without them for a single day now. I have spent enough time away from you, fighting my feelings for you and it was nothing but torture. I know I have played with your heart and I probably don't deserve to stay in your heart, but if you still have even an ounce bit of feelings towards me promise me that you'll give me a chance to love you when all of this is over, the world around us calms down and the external forces stop thwarting us.' Ali finishes with tears running down her cheeks.
Deadly silence fell over them as the only sounds that can be heard are of the birds chirping at some distance and of Ali sobbing. She is looking down at the ground, her arms are wrapped around her torso trying to keep herself from falling apart as she is kicking the dirt beneath her slowly by her feet.
Emily can't believe her ears, she feels like she has gone in shock and can't be revived back, she doesn't realise for how long she has been sitting there quietly. She always thought of Ali's heart as a closed door, never letting anyone enter, never showing the beauty that stayed just across those doors, she believed that if she knocked on that door hard enough, loud enough that door will finally open and let her enter. This is the first time she found the door wide open waiting for her to enter. 'She loves me, she loved me all this while.' Emily is suddenly feeling everything happy, angry, sad, heart broken, giddy all at the same time. But, one feeling that stands out above all is the desire for this blonde in front of her. So, she breaks her reverie and stands up from the rock she has been sitting on, she takes two quick steps towards Ali who has been looking down and doesn't realise that Emily is standing in front of her. So, when Emily puts her arm over Ali's arms which have been wrapped tightly around Ali's torso, Ali looks up to Emily, electric blue eyes lock with Dark caramel brown ones and Emily moves her arms instinctively without breaking their gaze. She slowly removes Ali's arms from her torso and make them sit at her own waist, Ali is too lost in Emily's eyes and what she is doing, to make a move. Emily traces the length of blonde's arms with her palms. Ali feels her skin burn under every contact Emily makes with her skin. They never let go of their eye contact. Emily takes a step forward making any space between them vanish, she leans down to press a kiss on Ali's left cheek, and watches as Ali's eyes flutter close due to the proximity, the brunette then kisses her right cheek and then forehead.
'Well, you did mess me up pretty well to let anyone else completely enter my life.' She mumbles while peppering kisses all over Ali's face and neck. She suddenly stops, and Ali almost whimpers at the loss of contact and forces her eyes to open.
'I promise you that you will always have a chance.' Emily speaks sincerely looking into Ali's eyes. The heat in their gaze is almost tangible. Ali wants to live forever in the truth of those words.
And with that, Ali leans forward to kiss Emily because she can never get over the feeling of having Emily's lips on hers, it's almost addictive, it's the way their souls communicate, these kisses are her inspiration and once she got a taste of them it turned into an almost insatiable hunger. So, once again she poured all her feelings, her love for this angelic person (the love she now understood) in that kiss and let her lips do the talking, she kisses Emily with a passion unknown before, their kisses have always been hesitant and soft, mostly like testing waters of how far they can go. But now that she has expressed her feelings in words and bared her soul, her deepest thoughts, her best kept secret to Emily there is no holding back, she gives her all to Emily. Emily can only reciprocate back equally, she is still enthralled by what has unfolded. Soon, they become more interested in each other's mouth and tongues than lips and that's another boundary they are breaking today, Ali knows she will never forget today's day. When their tongues tangle and untangle in slow languid movements, all of this feels like music - something that isn't all about the notes you hit, the pitch you perfect or the tempo you pick rather it's about the feeling it draws in your heart.
They part, feeling the need to breathe in and the world around them looks like it changed for forever. When everything looks just the same it has for years, something feels different.
They rest their foreheads against each other's .'I have no idea how I stayed away from you for this long.' Ali speaks.
'I don't think I can stay away anymore.' Emily continues the thought.
'Umm.. We kind of have to, Em. I can't take the risk of A knowing about this. You have suffered enough and I will never be able to live with myself if anything ever happens to you.' Ali had to bring up the dreaded topic, it was inevitable, she had to take a step back literally and figuratively both, she had to form a coherent thought otherwise she would give in to her desire of being with Emily forever in a heartbeat.
'I don't understand, one minute you are saying all these things.. Another..' Emily is trying to make sense of what the blonde just said.
'No, Em.. Not for a second doubt what I just said to you. But you must understand, whoever A is, his sole motive in life is to torture me and what better way can he/she/it/bitch find than to do something to the person who matters the most to me.' Ali grabs Emily's arm and gives it a squeeze gently telling her to just trust her and to follow this last thing she is asking her to do.
'But.. Ali! I can't , I know the danger and I know you are in danger as well and I'm so sorry that I left you out in the open to face it all by yourself. You must know, I won't do it again. I can't do it.. '
'Oh! Em.. I can't deny the fact that, it did hurt like a bitch when you accused me of being A or when you said you were done with me, but I brought it on myself. I gave you enough reasons to not trust me, but it was safer for you that I kept you at bay but I'm not strong enough, I'm a selfish person. I want you in my life in any capacity you are willing to give me. But still, your safety is paramount to me.'
'No you don't understand Ali, I have lived long enough in a world without you and I don't want to do it again. We will keep each other safe. The war is waging and all of us face the imminent danger , if we make it through, then great! we get to be together but what if we don't? I don't want to waste anymore time thinking about 'what ifs' I've had enough of them for a lifetime. Now is all we have.'
Ali was speechless, because what do you say to that? What do you reply to your loved one when they refuse to not love you back? What do you say when all you ever wanted is right in front of you knocking on your door and you just have to open the damn door?
So, she opens the door.
{Author's Note: You guys are amazing. The traffic, the reviews, follows and favourites all of this is more than I imagined. I love reading your reviews, knowing what you liked and what you want.
I'm sorry I took so long to update, but this chapter is longer than all others before it. I hope you liked it. It got kind of emotional and Ali is letting Emily in completely, no deceit only love.
I hope you guys like this chapter, please do leave a review, I would love to know what you thought about it. I appreciate constructive criticism as well. I am learning to entertain you with my words and hope that you people will help me with that.
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