Chapter 4 –
Natasha was on month number three, waiting for him. Well, she would never admit that she was actually waiting for him. She would claim that the reason why she stayed at the apartment was because it was safe and she knew the Red Room was after her. In reality, she wanted to be there when he got back…if he came back.
She was worried sick…literally. It had been too long since she last saw him and she had grown physically ill at the thought that she may never see him again.
Loki stormed through the corridors as servants darted out of his way, slamming the door to his chambers shut with a load bang. He couldn't wait another second to cast his enchantments. He was only supposed to be gone three days. Damn his father and those blasted rings as if he didn't have enough things crowding up his vaults.
Loki materialized in the living room of his Paris apartment. "Natalia?" he called out as walk toward the bedroom.
Natasha barely registered her name being called when she suddenly grabbed her gun from below her pillow and aimed it at the door. Upon seeing Loki, she actually contemplated keeping it trained on him before she slowly lowered it and put the safety back on.
She stared at him for a while, "How kind of you to grace me with your presence again…"
Loki stood in the doorway as he watched her slowly lower her weapon but he noticed that it was still in her hands. He had never been more relieved to see anyone in his life. He had been afraid that she might have left or even worse that the Red Room might have located her. He wanted to rush into the room, pull her into his arms and kiss her senseless. But the cold way with which she stared at him stopped him. She was a difficult woman to read. Was she annoyed that he had been gone longer than he planned or was she simply indifferent to the fact that he had returned. The idea of the latter irked him.
"That's not exactly the greeting I imagined," Loki drawled as he crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.
Natasha slid her gun back under her pillow and stood, "Yeah? Well, your absence wasn't what I expected…I'm not some chick who allows her life to revolve around a man…or god, or whatever. I am a fucking world famous spy, and I've been reduced to sitting around here, waiting for you, for three months! Three months, Loki…is this what it's going to be like? Me just sitting on my ass, waiting for you to make an appearance and fuck me for a few days before you disappear again? Cause if it is, I want out. I'm not some concubine. I'm made for more than that."
A huge grin spread over the young god's face as he listened to her tantrum. She was angry that he had been gone so long which meant she did care. His dimples deepened at the thought. "I didn't mean to be gone that long, believe me." Loki advised as he strutted toward her and enclosed her face in his hands. "My father made me go on this errand for him. I missed you, Natalia… I thought about you every second." He brushed his lips over hers softly for a slow, drugging kiss.
Natasha kissed him back, but got out of the bed and stomped into the living room, "I'm serious, Loki. I'm not just going to sit here and fucking wait for you."
She walked toward the window and crossed her arms, staring out over the city, "I had a purpose…it was a bad one, but it was still mine. Now what purpose I have? Waiting around to get fucked by the god of chaos. What a turn my life has taken…"
"Pray tell, who forced you to sit here and wait," Loki snapped angrily as he stomped into the room after her. "I don't recall locking you in here. In fact I'm quite certain that the doors work. What did you do… wait around here just so you could what? Tell me you're done waiting?"
Natasha crossed her arms and glared at him as she turned around to meet his steely gaze, "Oh, I did some things while you were gone…hell; maybe I entertained some guests…"
A smirk spread across her lips. She'd emphasized the word 'guests' to imply that they were of the male variety. She wanted to hit him where it hurt and drive him crazy. Yes…she'd stayed for him, but she hated herself for doing that. She hated him for being so damn alluring and confusing her. She hated herself for becoming so damn dependent on him.
Loki's ire shot up a thousand degrees at the sound of her words. 'Entertained some guests' the image of her bringing some man into his bed made his blood boil. He could practically see red. Loki stormed forward, slamming his hands into the wall on either side of her, effectively pinning her in. The entire wall shook and the window at their side rattled from the force of his movements. "So who is this dead man walking you're referring too?" he seethed angrily as his dark green eyes bore into hers.
Natasha smirked and cocked her head to the side, "Oohh…touchy touchy…three whole months and you still care. I'm flattered. Sounds like someone's jealous."
"I'm not playing a game with you," Loki rasped as he leaned in even closer, his lips barely a hairsbreadth away from her own. "I don't care if its three days or three years… you belong to me… You're mine, Natalia."
Natasha glared, "If I were yours, you'd stick around to be sure that remains the case. I'm a person, Loki…flesh and blood…with needs, wants…desires. I'm not just some toy you can put on a shelf until you're ready to fuck me again."
She shoved him in the chest and moved away from him toward the bedroom.
Loki grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back toward him forcefully as he glared down at her. "It's forbidden for me to be here… It's an even bigger transgression to reveal myself to a mortal. I just spent three months on a horse, travelling over mountains with company that I abhor just to get to a dank, dusty underground realm filled with tiny little beings that I can't stand. And the only reason that I was forced to go along was because the All-Father discovered I wasn't in Asgard. And why was that do you think? Because I spent over four weeks with you… because I didn't want to leave you hurt… You think I think of you as a Toy? No, Toy is that much trouble." The young god paced around the room, brushing his fingers through his hair as he circled the black widow like a wolf circling his prey. "If you're mine? Make no mistake, little spider, you are MINE and any wants or needs you have will be filled by me and only me."
Natasha crossed her arms, "I'm trouble? No one forced you to turn into a caveman and claim ownership of me! If you wanted someone who would be content to pine away for you while you hop between worlds, you should have picked a woman who wasn't trained to be a spy and murderer since childhood! You should have picked a failed actress or a model or some shit! I'm used to traveling the world and killing the most dangerous men and now you want me to be content with just being your play thing. I know you've claimed I'm more but you don't show me that…but you have yet to prove it. For all I know, you risked that punishment you received when you got home because the sex is just that good. I don't do relationships."
"By the nines, you are so infuriating!" Loki fumed as he clenched his fists at his sides. "When did I ever say you had to sit here? When did I ever ask that of you? What is it that you want to do so badly that I'm preventing you from doing?"
Natasha stomped into the bedroom and began pulling on her clothes before she angrily tossed some of her belongings in a duffle bag. She didn't need this. She would find her own way.
"It is obviously a huge mistake. This isn't going to work. I don't know why either of us were ever dumb enough to think that it would", she snapped before she began storming toward the door.
In a blink of an eye Loki was standing in front of the doorway. His dark green eyes glaring in irritation. "You are not going anywhere. I asked you a question and you're going to damn well answer it. I told you that I would help protect you from the Red Room so you could be free of them and do whatever you wanted. So what do you want to do? I don't even think you know. But whatever the hell it is, it has nothing to do with us. I'm not letting you run away from me."
Natasha dropped her bag and raised a brow, "You may be stronger than me, but I fight like I fuck…dirty and fast. You sure you wanna go there with me, Loki?"
"Oh, that sounds like it might be fun," Loki smirked in his sultry accent. "But let me remind you of something, my little spider, I'm a sorcerer. Before you even blink I can wrap you up in a wall of air and you won't be able to move a muscle." The young god leaned against the closed door and crossed his arms as he observed her carefully, waiting for her to make a move.
"Tell me what you want." The young god ordered. "'You didn't stay here for three months just to tell me to fuck off."
Natasha crossed her arms, "What I really want is to figure out a way to wipe out the red in my ledger. It sounds stupid and cliché, but now that I'm free from the Red Room, I'm ready to try to atone for some of my sins. I…I want to destroy the Red Room so that I don't have to keep looking over my shoulder. Their operatives are good…I mean, really good. Trust me, I should know. I trained the best of them…"
She looked up at him, "My purpose before was dictated by others…now, I want to try to fix some of the wrong I've done…"
"Now we're getting somewhere, pet," Loki drawled with a wry smile. "You want to go after the Red Room then do it. If you want my help, it's yours." He stood up and moved away from the door as he stepped closer to her. He tangled his fingers into her lush strawberry curls as he moved even closer. "Can we stop fighting now?"
Natasha uncrossed her arms and sighed as she looked up into his eyes, "I guess so…"
She dropped her bag and turned around, removing her jacket, "I need a drink…"
"What is it that is still bothering you, darling?" Loki probed as he watched her pour herself a shot of vodka. "I missed you, Natalia. I couldn't help being delayed. One does not refuse an order from the All-Father.'
"What's bothering me is that I've grown dependent on you. If the Red Room had found me when you were gone, I would have been dead. Yeah, I would have given them hell first, but when you kept me from the rendezvous point that night, it was like my world erupted in chaos. I've been wanting to leave them for years, but I was going to work on a meticulous withdrawal method…fake my own death. Not purposely skip out on a rendezvous and kill an entire team. When you did that, you put a huge target on my back and I can't leave this apartment without a disguise. I go anywhere there's a security camera, I know there's a chance they'll be busting down that door. I need to take them down soon, or I am a dead woman…and with you hopping from this world back home, I'm completely vulnerable when you're gone…and I hate that I need you. I've spent the past few decades avoiding ever needing anyone because I can't depend on them…and I can't depend on you. Don't say I can. What happens next time you have to go on one of your Allfather expeditions? Huh? I can't depend on you…I can't depend on anyone."
"You can depend on me, Natalia," Loki insisted as he watched her plop down on the couch with her drink in hand. "I made a mistake… I was afraid to leave you. I let my feelings for you cloud my thinking. The odds of the Red Room finding this place were slim to nothing. I could have left you and walked the halls of the palace and made sure I was seen by my mother or my brother and no one would have been the wiser. But you were hurt and I couldn't bear the thought of anything happening to you. I couldn't bring myself to take the chance." The young god sat down next to her. His dark emerald eyes searching hers thoughtfully. "I'd do anything for you. I really would, my little spider… You mean the world to me."
Natasha stared at him for a few seconds before shaking her head, "You hardly know me…and you will have to keep leaving this world to go back to where you belong…how can you be dependable when you're worlds away? I just…I don't know what to do anymore…"
She took a full of her drink and stood to move back toward the kitchen to pour another, "I'm a planner…and none of this falls in line with my plans."
"Well, your plans have changed," Loki replied with a half-smile as he stared up at her from his place on the sofa. "I think I know you pretty well. And I'm looking forward to learning more. Don't you like being with me? Didn't you miss me at all?"
Natasha set her drink down and looked at him. She suddenly felt bad. It had dawned on her that she had been giving him shit since the moment he walked through the door…but within the recesses of her mind, she knew enough to admit to herself that it was because she had missed him terribly. Natasha had missed him every day…but when he walked into the door and she felt that fluttering within her cold, broken heart, she didn't know how to react toward it. She didn't know how to express emotions outside of annoyance, anger and frustration.
She nodded, "I do like being with you…and I did miss you…more than I'm willing to consciously admit."
Loki stood up and sauntered toward her cautiously. "I missed being able to do this," he whispered as he grasped a long red curl and twirled it around his fingers. "I really do care for you… I know it's hard for you to trust that but I really do. There wasn't a second that I didn't think of you, Natalia. Not one second."
Natasha stared into his eyes before leaning in to press a hungry kiss against his lips. She was emotionally broken in virtually every way…unable to appropriately express any emotion outside of anger. Natasha Romanoff didn't "talk" about her feelings…but she could try to show them through her touch.
As he sheathed himself inside of her when they lay upon the bed, she reverently whispered his name, moaning in delight from the pleasure of it all. She had missed him…a lot.
Loki wrapped his arms around her, brushing his lips along her soft curls as he breathed her in. He had missed her so much even more than he thought he would. These feelings were new for him. He wasn't use to them but there was no denying them. As frustrating as she could be at times, he wouldn't change a thing about her. He just wished there was some way that he could prove it to her. "It feels so good to have you in my arms again, Natalia." He felt her snuggle closer as he kissed her forehead softly. "If I tell you something can you promise not to get upset?"
Natasha glanced up at him with a questioning look in her eyes, "I'll try…what is it?"
"I… well… I just… eh heh heh heh," Loki stammered nervously. Perhaps it wasn't such a good idea. Her dark blue eyes continued to stare up at him quizzically. "Я думаю, что я влюбился в вас, Наталья [I think that I am falling in love with you, Natalia]."
Natasha froze where she was as she stared into his eyes. She slowly shifted to sit up, clutching the sheet to her chest as she whispered, "I'm not upset…I just…the last man to say that…he ended up dead. So did our unborn child…"
"I'm so sorry, darling… I don't even know what to say… I can't even imagine what you went through losing a child and its father. I feel horrible for bringing it up." Loki entreated solemnly. "Making you think of something so painful was definitely not my intention when I so foolishly opened my mouth." He had a sudden wave of insecurities fall over him as he climbed out of the bed, pulling on his pants as he moved toward the dresser. He knew it was a completely selfish thought but he suddenly realized that though she was constantly telling him that she didn't do relationships. The reality was that she had. So it wasn't the idea in general that was unappealing but more him specifically. The young god grabbed his sketch pad from the dresser as he sauntered into the living room.
Natasha stayed in bed for several moments before she slowly got out of bed and slipped into a robe before following him. She bit her bottom lip as she sat beside him, "Loki…it was a very very long time ago…I…when I lost him and that baby, I promised myself that I'd never be stupid enough to get caught up in love or relationships ever again. That kind of thing may exist for other people, but not for me. I tried it once, and it ended so badly…I had to close myself off. It's self-preservation. If you'd experienced what I did…you wouldn't want to believe in love either…trust me. It has nothing to do with you…it's the hell I've lived though. Love does nothing but cause pain…"
Loki continued to move his pencil briskly along the paper as he sketched out the rocks and shoreline of the sea of Marmora. "I guess I've been lucky. I've never cared for any one before besides my family. I've always been too self-centered, I suppose. And as much as I love them I can't help but feel…" The young god paused his pencil in mid-stroke as he turned his emerald eyes toward her. "I'm sorry you had to go through so much pain. It makes my grievances seem rather trifling. I didn't mean to… I just wanted you to know that you're not a toy to me."
Natasha nodded slowly, "Thank you for trying to prove it to me…I believe you…I'm just…I'm not used to letting people in. It's always ended badly and you kind of learn your lesson after a while."
She sat down next to him and took a look at his sketch, raising her eyebrows, "Wow…you're really good…that's beautiful…"
"It's my favorite place since I was a little boy," Loki mused as he gazed at the picture he drew. "If I were in Asgard that is where I would be right now. It is where I go when I'm… Thank you for the compliment. I've always loved to draw and paint. It is why I had this place. It is not a skill that is highly praised where I come from."
Natasha frowned a bit, "I'm sorry to hear that, because this is beautiful…"
She sighed as she continued to stare wistfully at the sketch, "You picked one hell of a woman to fall for Loki Odinson…I tried to warn you in the beginning that I'm damaged goods. In fact, I remember saying that multiple times. No good could ever come from caring for me. If there's a way you can turn off your feelings for me, you should do it…cause I'm not made to love. I told you…I'm a killer. I destroy. That's all I'm capable of."
"Is that what you do? Turn off your feelings? That is a skill that I have yet to acquire. I'm good at hiding them when I need to but I don't know how to turn them off." Loki contemplated as he returned to his drawing. He began to sketch out the figure of a woman standing along the beach. "Perhaps one day I will learn how to close myself off from them. Maybe that is the better way to be." The young god began working on the long, lush curls in his drawing. He suddenly wished he had used pastels. The grey of the pencil just didn't do her gorgeous ringlets justice. They should be flowing in a beautiful crimson. "Now this is truly Valhalla." He smiled thoughtfully as he gazed at his finished work.
Natasha smiled as she approached to take a look at his finished product. She gasped softly, "Wow…I feel like…I'm not as beautiful as that sketch. That's really how you see me…"
She looked at him and suddenly realized the depth of his feelings for her. Natasha stood to her feet and walked over to the window, pulling at her fingers nervously. Things were stirring within her…feelings she thought were long dormant.
Natasha stared out over the city and shook her head, "I'm sorry I'm not the woman you want me to be…or need me to be. If it's any consolation…I never wished I was any different until I met you. You made me wish I could feel again…"
Loki set down his sketch as he moved across the room toward her. He wrapped his arms around her waist he settled his chin in the crook of her neck. "I know sometimes feelings slip through that icy veneer you have. I see that look in your eyes when you're one with me. It's not just lust staring back at me, little spider, no matter what you say." He brushed his lips softly against the pulse point of her neck. "Natalia, I do love you."
Natasha's eyes rolled closed as she heard his words. She forced her body not to tense at his declaration of love. Those words terrified her. To her, they represented pain and certain ruin. She couldn't say them back. She was too afraid of the consequences.
Natasha slowly turned around in his arms and captured his lips in a loving, long kiss as she opened her robe and let it drop to the floor at her feet. She trailed suckling kisses down his neck as she pulled his pants off of his waist and raised a leg around his hips, pulling him forward so that his manhood would brush against her core.
Loki lifted her legs around his waist as he pushed her against the wall, entering her slowly, reverently as he claimed her mouth with a gentle caress of his lips. "My little spider," he breathed huskily as he began to move his hips in a sensuous rhythm. "All mine… I love you… you're a part of me now… My Natalia… always."
Natasha held onto his shoulders, kissing him back as he moved in and out of her. As he drove them toward their mutual climax, Natasha could feel the words bubbling up in her throat. It was by a sheer act of will power that she kept them at bay, instead opting to reverently whisper his name as soft sounds of pleasure escaped her lips.
As they lay in hem Natasha began formulating a plan to take down the Red Room. She knew exactly where their key operations were, and she knew how to take them down…she just lacked the fire power.
Loki brought himself back to his chambers, putting on his royal garments as he moved through the corridors towards the veranda where his mother normally ate her breakfast. He would make a quick appearance and then be gone.
"Good morning, my son," Frigga smiled as he walked through the archway. "You have been shut up in your room since your return yesterday afternoon. I was beginning to think you were never coming out."
"It was a long journey, Mother, I was very tired," Loki replied as he sat down at her table and grabbed some fruit from her plate.
"There is something different about you this morning," She mused as her smile deepened.
"I can't imagine what you mean," the young prince remarked as he finished the grapes in his hand.
"Have you met someone?" Frigga inquired. "You have haven't you. A mother knows these things. There is a twinkle in your eyes that I've never seen in you before. Who is she? Is that where you were for all those weeks?"
Loki gazed up at his mother quizzically. Was it really that obvious. There was no way that he could tell even her that he had fallen in love with a mortal.
"I'm going to be going into Vanaheim for a few days," The young god replied in an attempt to change the conversation. "I wanted to work on some new spells with my teacher there."
"You will need to postpone any travel plans until tomorrow, my son," Frigga divulged as she stared at him thoughtfully. "There is going to be a royal banquet tonight. Your father has some news to announce."
"Really? And what is that?" Loki probed curiously.
"This year he has decided that when the time for the Odinsleep comes that your brother will rule in his stead." the Queen revealed.
The moment that he returned to his chambers, Loki cast his spells and brought himself back to his rooms in Paris. He had only been gone less than a half-hour. He had tried to be as quick as possible. He stood in the middle of the living room as he still tried to wrap his mind around his mother's news. Thor as King. He loved his brother but that big oaf could never run a kingdom. How could his father not see that? Was birth order so important. He was internally fuming.
Natasha had gone out to the market for some food for dinner. She wasn't sure if Loki would be back when he said he would, but just in case he was, she wanted to fix a nice dinner for them. If he didn't show up, he'd be none the wiser.
Natasha was walking through an open air market when she suddenly got the feeling that she was being followed. A discreet look over her shoulder revealed that she was right. Petra…and Erik. Two of the Red Room's deadliest operatives had come after her.
Natasha tried to discreetly move through the crowds, but they noticed and gave chase. Her best bet was splitting them up and taking them on one by one, so she pulled out her side arm and began shooting, forcing them to seek shelter. She concentrated her fire on Petra so that Erik would come after her first.
When he did, his attack was brutal, but Natasha was able to swiftly block his attacks and retaliate with well-placed kicks to his head. Unfortunately, Petra joined in on the fight and things went downhill very fast for Natasha. The kicks and punches came fast, disorienting her since they came from multiple directions.
One last punch to her temple and the world went black.
When Loki realized that she wasn't there his foul mood got even worse. A part of him realized that he had no reason to be upset. It wasn't as if he expected her to just sit in the apartment and wait for him to return. But he had told he was coming right back. He took a deep breath and he tried to listen to his voice of reason. She probably went shopping and she would be back any minute. But the other voice in his head grew louder. Maybe telling her that he loved her had freaked her out. She had certainly been very quiet for the rest of the evening and now that he thought about she wasn't very this morning either.
The more he thought about the more he became certain that she wasn't returning. Loki stormed into the bathroom pulling open the vanity doors and reaching for her comb. He grasped one small strand of hair from the bristles as he prepared his enchantment.
The young god arrived in the alleyway as Natasha fell to the ground. The two men froze in mid-motion as they caught sight of him less than two feet away. He realized, absently, that he was still decked out in his princely uniform complete with his long flowing green cape. They fired their weapons but he threw up a shield in seconds as he stalked forward, grabbing the first man by the neck and snapping it with one quick motion before he turned his dark green glare on the other who had begun to run. Loki conjured a dagger, taking care of him in one fell swoop as he collapsed to the ground. He knelt down at her side as he brushed her hair out of her face. "Natalia… Natalia… are you alright, my darling." His dark green eyes searching her frantically for any sign of a serious injury. "Little spider, wake up."
Natasha had a black eye, bleeding lip, and likely a nasty concussion. Aside from that, she likely had a couple of bruised ribs that would make movement extra painful. Either way, her concussion would prevent her from waking any time soon.
By the time she did return to consciousness, she woke up in her bedroom in Paris with Loki sitting beside her. She tried to quickly sit up, but the pain from her injuries forced her to take it slow. He'd cleaned and bandaged her up, but she frowned at the realization that they were still in Paris.
Natasha cringed and took a hold of her head, "We have to go. They know I'm in Paris, and it won't be long until enough eye witness accounts bring them directly to that door…"
Loki grinned as Natasha slowly began to rise. He had begun to fear that wasn't going to wake up. "Eh heh heh heh, you amaze me, darling, you're not even awake for a second and you're already in battle mode. Don't worry. I'll take us someplace else." He took her hand in his as he casted his teleportation spell. They arrived in seconds in a luxury condo that he held Manhattan. It resided on the 18th floor of the complex. It was studio apartment with white walls and hard wood floors with expansive windows encasing the farthest wall from floor to ceiling for a perfect view of the city at night.
The young god moved her towards the bed. "It is time, I think, to take care of this Red Room once and for all."
Natasha sighed and nodded as she leaned back against the pillows. Her head was throbbing, but she forced herself to sit up, "I gotta say, I was expecting to wake up getting tortured in the Red Room…and damn relieved I woke up with you beside me instead…we're going to have to wait until I'm healed up before we go after them."
"Well, you're safe here in the meantime, pet," Loki advised as he sat at her side. "When I went to look for you that was the last thing I expected to find. It was a pleasure to kill both of those men. Is there anything I can get for you, darling?"
Natasha groaned as she sat up, "Just a stiff drink."
After a couple of days, she was feeling better, but still taking it easy per Loki's orders. He had just returned from another appearance in Asgard when she stepped out of the shower. Her body was covered in bruises and scars.
"I killed them too quickly," Loki rasped as he stood in the doorway of the bathroom. The sight of her injuries made him livid and he had already been in a foul mood from his visit at the palace. "They deserved so much more than they got."
Natasha quickly pulled on a robe and frowned, "I've had worse…believe me."
She took note of the fact that he always came back from Asgard in a huff, so she finally decided to ask about it, "Are you ok? I kind of get this…really negative vibe from you when you come back from visiting home."
"There is only so much fawning over my brother that I can stand in one sitting," Loki admitted as he moved into the living room. "And the last few days it has been at an all-time high. The All-Father would be furious if I didn't show my face at these events but I don't know why. He barely pays any attention to me." He brushed his fingers through his ebony locks before turning back toward her. "I must sound like such an infant. You have this massive organization who wants you dead and I'm whining about my father."
Natasha's lips quirked into a half smile as she moved toward him, plopping down on his lap. She pressed a soft kiss to his lips, "It's ok…your problems help my mind off my problems…I can't really sympathize with what you're going through because I never had a family…but I guess…"
Natasha's voice trailed off as she looked down into his eyes. For a moment, she contemplated shutting up, but then, she began talking, "When I was pregnant…I couldn't imagine loving anyone else more than I loved that kid. I remember being in the trenches…feeling her move and marveling at the thought that people could have more than one kid and claim to love them equally. I thought it was a load of shit…still kind of do, but a soldier I fought alongside..He knew I was pregnant. He had three kids. He said that…yeah, one kid might be favored against the others every now and then, but it's not a reflection on how much they love…it's a reflection on how much more work that kid needs. Maybe your parents know you're smart and strong enough already. Maybe your brother…who you obviously think is this golden child…is the one who needs hand holding because he has more to learn…"
"I don't think that's my father's issue," Loki mused as he captured a soft ringlet between his fingers, his hand resting along her thigh. He loved it when she was sat in his lap. It felt good having her so close. "I don't conform to the Asgardian ideal. No matter how hard I try I can't compete with Thor. I'll never be equal to him in his eyes." His gaze dropped down for a moment before gazing back up at her softly. "It was a girl… did you get to see her? You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I was just… I didn't realize that… I thought you miscarried."
Natasha stared down into his eyes and let out a soft breath as she nodded, "Rose. It was a stillbirth. I thought she was fine. I felt her moving inside of me until the day I went into labor. I walked through the snow for miles until I collapsed…and when she was born, she just…she uh…" The pain washed over her anew as she lowered her head and closed her eyes before standing and moving toward the window, "…it was a Russian winter in the middle of a war…I'm surprised I made it that far into the pregnancy. It was ridiculous, really. I made it to the ninth month after shivering in the cold, running for my life, dodging bullets, crawling underneath barbed wire, and surviving off crumbs…then…nothing…"
Loki followed after her, running his hand along her shoulder before turning her into his chest as he wrapped his arms around her. "Rose is a very pretty name," the young god murmured as he brushed his lips across the top of her head. "I'm sorry for everything you've been through. A mother shouldn't have to mourn her child. I know there isn't anything I can do. But I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you, little spider."
Natasha let out a slow breath and nodded, "I'm fine…but I'm not a mother."
She gently patted his back and forced herself to smile, "So…how long do I have you for?"
Natasha needed to brush away the pain. It wouldn't do her any good to feel this sadness and hurt…it was of no use to anyone and it made her feel weak. "I'm fine…" she whispered to herself.
"As far as everyone is concerned I'm spending a few weeks in Vanaheim," Loki divulged as he caressed her cheek. "Practicing my magic tricks as Thor would say. So I won't have to leave here for even so much as a minute for the next three weeks. I'm all yours, pet."
Natasha smiled up into his eyes, "Mmm…I like the sound of that…come on, put on normal clothes. We're going shopping."