A/N: Hi guys, I'm sorry this update took longer than usual. I like to update at least once a day, but it was simply impossible. I really need to buckle down and finish my holiday homework before the term starts again... Bleh... Anyway, I can only write before bed now, so it's gonna be a bit harder to update everyday; but hang in there, I'm doing my best to get it out to you all as fast as I can! This is the last chapter for Octavia's perspective, and it's quite a bit longer than any of my other chapters, I couldn't stop the ideas coming! Reviews are always welcome, as are your follows, favourites and private messages. I'm writing, not just for myself, but for you guys too, so feel free to tell me how you feel about this story, and I'll do my best to fix anything you guys bring up. Anyway, that's enough from me, I hope you enjoy this chapter x
Octavia
Thank God, I thought to myself as Monroe sat down in front of me, next the fire being constructed for the night. It was late afternoon, and I had only just gotten through the injuries of the other scouts. Bellamy said the idiots were gonna be more cautious after what happened to Miller. Apparently, he was wrong. If anything, there was an influx in the number of injures. Fortunately for me, they were all minor scrapes, all within the range of my medical capabilities. Monroe looks up at me expectantly; her right bicep was covered in a vivid, crimson, rash.
"What the hell?" Monroe looks sheepish, and it was only then I realised I spoke aloud, "Sorry, Monroe, I didn't mean to say that. But, seriously, what did you touch?" I was starting to panic; this wasn't something I was equip, let alone capable, to handle.
Monroe puts a gloved hand into her jacket pocket and pulls out a section of plant. I look it over and a memory tugs at my mind…
"That, my friend, is poison sumac. The flowers aren't poisonous, they're medicinal. Calming, actually."
"That's it! Monty, you're a genius!" Monroe jumped in surprise. Again, I had spoken out loud without meaning to.
"Sorry…" I apologise awkwardly. I suspected that I recognised the plant from what Lincoln had been teaching me; it never occurred to me that the information could have come from someone not native to the ground. I grab one of the flowers from the plant Monroe was holding, grabbed a metal cup with a slight amount of water and started to ground up the flower with a rock to make a salve for her skin. I had seen Clarke do it plenty of times before, however my concoction didn't have the same consistency that hers usually does. I assess my work and decide to try it. I apply it gently to her skin, and was about to wrap a makeshift bandage when Clarke approaches.
"Hey Octavia, Monroe." She smiles at us both, before her eyes catch the inflammation on Monroe's arm. "Monroe, you alright? Why didn't you just come by the med bay if you're hurt?" Monroe couldn't meet her eye; she had been given the same notice as every other injured person who had ventured outside the walls today from Bellamy.
"If you're hurt, do not, I repeat, do not, go anywhere near the med-bay. Clarke is dealing with Miller and she doesn't need you lot causing distractions. My sister is handling medical care near the fire pit. If I hear anyone going to the dropship anyway for medical attention from Clarke, you'll have me to deal with, you got that?"
One look at Monroe, and I knew she wouldn't say anything to Clarke. She saw Clarke as just as much of a leader as my brother, so the thought of going against her was a little intimidating, as strong as Monroe is. I decided to answer for her, "Well, you know when Bellamy dragged me off earlier? To ask about Miller?" she nodded, her eyebrows furrowing, "Yeah, well he told me to keep everyone clear from the med bay so you could concentrate on Miller. He said to use the excess medical supplies you keep in your tent to attend to anyone injured from other hunting trips." Instead of looking at her as I spoke, I finished the bandage on Monroe's arm.
I look up at Monroe, and try to diffuse the tension that had settled over the immediate vicinity, "All done; now you know what poison sumac looks like now, without all the pretty little flowers." I force a laugh which manages to make Monroe smile as she walked back to her tent. I look up at Clarke and I dread the following conversation, because she looks beyond pissed. As in so aggravated that she could go postal any second.
"Doesn't your brother trust that I can keep my shit together under pressure and not get distracted by the others? Am I that incompetent?" Yep, she's in a full on rage. Where was my brother when I needed him?
I make an effort to pacify her anger, "Of course he doesn't think that." This only seemed to piss her off more. Fuck. Her expression hardens further, so instead of telling her half-truths and empty words, I go for complete honesty, "Seriously, Clarke, he doesn't think that. He told me that he just thought that you didn't need the extra pressure. He knows how run off your feet you are and with Miller in the condition he was… He thought after you finished with him, that you should get some rest instead of patching us all up 24/7. I agree with him, Clarke, you're exhausted. You can barely stay upright now."
Okay, maybe it wasn't the whole truth; I left out the bit where Bellamy was kinda worried about her. I do not want to be the one to have to tell her that; I can just imagine how that would go. She sat down next to me, filling the space Monroe left. Without saying anything, I gave her a ration pack and let her eat in silence. This must have been the first thing she's eaten today, I realised, with having to patch up Miller all day. No wonder she's grouchy, I would be too. I look over at her to see if she's calmed down and she had a much more relaxed appearance, if not slightly self-conscious.
"I'm sorry, Octavia, I know you didn't mean anything bad by it. You or your brother. I guess I'm just tired…" I knew she was worn out. As much as I wanted to tell her I told you so, I refrained, only giving her a smile, which most likely conveyed my point anyway.
There was a shattered look in her eyes. Damn, how long has it been since she's had a decent sleep? "Go get some rest, Clarke. I can handle these crazies for a while, but if anything major comes up, I'll get you." I rest my hand on her shoulder in a gesture of empathy. We were all exhausted these days. Before she leaves, I take in her full appearance; she was quite literally, covered in blood. "Hmm, on second thought, you might want to go wash up before you do anything else."
She looks down at herself in confusion and laughs jovially, "I think you have a point. I know the perfect place to wash up." As she thinks about her private locale, an odd look crosses her face. I quickly put two and two together. My brother and his stupid rules…
"How far away from camp is it?" I ask, gently.
"Close, but not close enough that I could go alone, let alone sneak past the guards." She looks away, and I follow her gaze to the wall and the patrolling sentries.
I don't know what comes over me, and I say, "Well, luckily for you, you have me on your side. I know the perfect place to sneak out from." This essentially gives away the fact that I'm sneaking in and out of camp. She could tell my brother, he could figure out who I was seeing and possibly do something to try and hurt Lincoln. My fears dissipate before my eyes, when she gives me a bright smile. She seems beyond eager to get out of here. I don't blame her, I will be doing the same thing soon enough.
"And will you cover for me with your brother if he asks?" Her eyes are quizzical, trying to decide how trustworthy I am. The thought alone makes me feel cheerful for some reason. When did I start enjoying being in Clarke's company so much? Understanding flashes in my mind. She's the closest thing I have to a best friend. No wonder I trusted her enough to show her my only escape from this place.
"Of course I will, just follow me, my dear, and I'll have you out of here in a flash." Feeling joyous, and a little reckless, I give Clarke a quick wink and gesture her to follow me.
We approach my tent and veer off to the side, until we reach the wall. I look around, to see if anyone was within listening distance and then turn back to Clarke. "Okay, as long as you travel straight out in this direction until you get out of their eye line, and you do it quickly and quietly, you should be safe from them seeing you. It'll be harder now, since it's still light, but I reckon you've got this. Be careful of the tripwire, hit that, and you'll probably get shot if you don't call out quick enough." I hand her a flashlight. "Good luck." Worry seeps into my stomach. Instead of showing this, I try and make a joke, like Bellamy would, "I would hug you, but you're all gross right now." It makes her laugh, so I join in too, however there's a false ring to it. Impulsively, I hug her anyway. Maybe I'm more concerned than I thought. I have a horrible feeling wash over me. I dismiss the notion, instantly. Nothing bad can happen, this is Clarke, for Christ sake. I let her go, so she can leave before I do something to stop her.
"Thank you, Octavia. I owe you big time."
"Damn right you do." I laugh away my nervousness again, and all but push her out the gate. She turns back and I wave goodbye and hastily shut the gate, leaning heavily on it. I listen carefully for the next few minutes for any indication that something has gone awry, but get only the occasional sound of chatter from the camp. I heave a sigh of relief and open the door once more and sneak out myself, for the second time in one day.
The journey to Lincoln's cave was slightly different to the one I underwent this morning. I wasn't swept up in thoughts of home and who I was becoming, for a start, and more importantly; no dying friends to rescue. My thoughts still drifted to Lincoln, however, especially the reason he would want to see me so early in the first place. How would he have reacted not seeing me this morning? Would he have thought something happened to me, or did he just assume I stood him up? As I traversed the now familiar woods, I become more and more nervous. How will he respond to seeing me now? I knew I didn't have long to dwell on it because I was approaching Lincoln's cave. I stopped outside the hidden entrance and took a slow, deep, breath. There was no point in freaking out now that I am already there. I slowly enter his home.
Lincoln was upset. I knew that from the minute I entered the cave. He hadn't seen me yet, so he was aimlessly pacing back and forth, his belongings thrown around the room, his hands clawing at his head. I was scared in that moment. Not for myself, but for him. He looked wild, verging on unhinged. I step out into the open; I keep my tone calm when I spoke next, as if not to alarm a frightened child.
"Lincoln? It's me." His head snaps up immediately and his eyes bore into mine with fierce intensity. It takes all my willpower not to jump at his sudden shift. He stops pacing pointlessly, and instead walks right up to me; if we were the same height, we would be nose to nose. As it was, he was hunched over, assessing me. His hands wander over my face, tilting it, so gently that I couldn't believe his hands belonged to the same manic man I saw only moments ago. Once he finished checking me for any signs of injury, he steps back, his eyes cold and distant.
"Octavia." He had never said my name like that before, so detached, void of all affection. It hurt more than I could have imagined. "Why have you come here?"
The question confused me, "You invited me here, remember? I know tha-"
He cut me off, "I asked you to be here this morning, not now. You do not show signs of any harm or physical restraint, so you mustn't have wanted to be here. You can leave now, Octavia." Each word felt like a separate injury. One on top of the other; over and over again. Ending with my name had a sense of finality to it. He hadn't dropped eye contact the entire time he was throwing our relationship away, and in a way that was worse. I could see how devoid of emotion he was, he didn't appear to care at all that my heart was breaking right in front of him. Was that all he was going to say? Wasn't he even going to ask what had happened? If it was my choice or not to be there? Hopelessness faded inside me, replaced with righteous anger. Who does he think he is? If he was finished talking, I sure as hell wasn't, and I wasn't going anywhere until he had heard my side of the story and admitted to being a dickhead.
"You listen to me, Lincoln. After all we have done to be together, don't you think I would have been here if I could?" His eyes, still locked onto mine, had a distant emotion briefly flicker across them. Yes, this is exactly what I need! I press my advantage, "I was on my way here this morning, I swear I was, but on my way, I found Miller. He was impaled by a Grounder trap and dying right in front of me, of course I had to help him." As I continued talking, I had to blink away tears. I couldn't get the image of Miller out of my head. At this, his expression visibly softens. Now, the idiot decides to listen. He stiffened when I mentioned Miller had been hurt because of a Grounder, but he pulled me into his arms anyway, comforting me as I cry. I cry for Miller who is lucky to be alive, but who mightn't stay that way; I cry for the Lincoln I saw earlier, so crazed and unpredictable; I cry for my people, who are in constant danger; and finally, I cry for myself as I considered the thought of almost losing Lincoln and it scared the living crap out of me. He held me tightly, rubbing calming circles into my back and eventually I cried myself out. I pulled back, sniffling slightly; and look up at the face of the man I had come to love.
"Lincoln, I'm sorry I couldn't be here this morning, I really am, but you shouldn't have jumped to conclusions like that. I thought you knew me better." He had the decency to look ashamed, as well he should.
"Octavia, you shouldn't apologise, I was the one in the wrong. I apologise. I do know you, but I also know you're brother. I thought that he may have finally gotten to you." I had to laugh at this.
"When have you known me to actually listen to my brother? I do what is best for me, and what I think is right. Even after what happened today, with Miller, I still want to be with you because I know you're not like them. Lincoln, I love you."
To anyone else, he would have looked as if my declaration had no effect on him whatsoever, but I knew him better. I saw a slight twitch in his lip, his eyes widened minutely, and the emotion behind them was as vast as the ocean, and just as beautiful and overwhelming.
"I love you, too, Octavia." He leant down to kiss me. It was a chaste kiss at first, but it gradually built into something more passionate and all-consuming. I broke away before my body took over my mind, and gazed into his eyes, one question still lingering on my mind.
"Why did you want me here so early, anyway?" His lips bent up into a small smile.
"I wanted to show you something. A flower, that only blooms at dawn, and only for a few moments. It really is a sight to behold, but I imagine that it would be nothing in comparison to you," he kissed me again; trailing soft kisses down my neck and jaw, my head tipping backwards. I imagine how it would be to stay here and never leave this place again, always to have Lincoln by my side, in moments like this. But it was only a fantasy, my brother and my people need me, and they would worry if I never returned; especially Bellamy. And Clarke, I added as an afterthought. She would worry just as much as Bell, and would probably insist on coming to find me, right by his side. I sigh, and Lincoln, looks up at me, concerned, before understanding flickered in his eyes.
"You have to leave," he didn't pose it as a question, just an admission of truth. He knew I what it would do to me if he tried to force me to choose between him and my people, so he let her go, knowing she would return. I give him a quick kiss on the cheek before rushing out of the cave. Fuck, I thought when I made it outside. It was well into the night. I had been at Lincoln's longer than I planned; with Lincoln being an idiot, taking up most of our time for the night. I rush back, knowing Bellamy would come looking for me soon, if he wasn't already. I ease up as I get closer to camp, knowing I'll get caught if I'm not careful. I slip through and seek out Clarke, hoping she would be able to act as a buffer between me and my brother, for when we inevitably clashed.
I searched around camp for at least 10 minutes before I accepted the fact that Clarke wasn't back. Oh no, this is really bad. This is really, really, bad. If Clarke wasn't back, that must mean something terrible had happened; she wouldn't stay away for no reason other than to escape, that just wasn't her. She was one of our leaders, our doctor, she wouldn't abandon us. I was beyond worried; now, I was in full freak out mode. I was frantic; searching for Bellamy was the only option I had left. I finally spotted him coming out of the dropship and he looked extremely pissed off. I would deal with his overprotective hounding later, for now, all that mattered was finding Clarke and making sure she was alright. Maybe this is how Bellamy feels whenever I disappear, or how Lincoln felt earlier. That's a thought for later, I decide, and hurry towards Bellamy.
"Bellamy!" I cry out. He scans the people before him, his eyes quickly settling on me rushing towards him. He was definitely mad, and just as he was about to yell at me for something, I hold my hand up to silence him, "Bellamy, you can yell at me all you want later, but for now, I need you to listen to me." The frown doesn't leave his face, but he nods for me to continue.
"Clarke is missing." His eyebrows shot upwards, his mouth falling open.
"What-? How-? When-?" He wasn't making any sense, thoughts jumping all over the place. He was barely in control; I could see all the different thoughts jumping all over the place in his mind. Finally, something in his head must have stuck because he suddenly straightened his back, no hesitation in his eyes, only a fierce determination. He faces me once more, deceptively calm.
"Octavia, I'm leaving you in charge. If I'm not back by dawn, send a small search party, probably consisting of Monroe, and about two others. Don't send anyone out after dark. I trust you can do this for me?" His eyes bore into mine.
"What the hell, Bellamy? You're going after her alone? In the middle of the night? What if something happens to you, huh? We won't have a leader, or a doctor, we'll be dead inside a week!"
"We need her, O, you said so yourself. I'll be okay, it'll take more than a couple of Grounders to stop me finding our Princess and coming home to you. And weren't you the one freaking out about her being missing not thirty seconds ago?" He smirks at me. Typical, Bellamy, always deflecting from himself.
I roll my eyes, "Of course I want her back." I watch my brother as his whole face pleads to me, without words, to let him go. To go find his Princess. Of course, I knew their relationship was changing, but to see such affection in his eyes over Clarke was a shock. The shock wears off quickly when I realise that maybe my big brother can finally find someone who makes him happy; hopefully she returns his feelings. Hopefully she's still alive. That thought brings me back to the moment.
"Bellamy, go. Find her." He gives her a nervous smile before sweeping her up in a tight hug. He quickly rushes off to pack some supplies, and grabs a gun and heads towards the gate. The guards look confused at Bellamy rushing off in the middle of the night. He turns to the crowd forming and breaks the bad news; and not gently either.
"Clarke is missing, I'm going to go find her, and Octavia is in charge until I get back. If I hear that any of you don't listen to her or fuck around just because I'm away, will have to deal with me when I get back. I guarantee you it won't be pretty if it comes to that." He silences any questions with one of his trademark glares, and without another word, walks out of camp. I only hope he finds Clarke before something truly bad happens.
After Bellamy had stormed out of camp on his mission to save his Princess, everyone had just stood where they were for a minute before turning to the people around them, all discussing the consequences of today's turn of events. Discussing it quite loudly too. I had put that to a stop soon enough, sending everyone who wasn't on guard duty back to their tents. Some looked like they wanted to object, but Bellamy's threat had proved frightening enough to get them to listen. It had been hours since Bellamy left, the longer it was, the more worried I become. I get up from where I was sitting by the fire to go and search for Monroe. I agree with Bellamy, she was one of the people we could trust with a rescue mission. Sterling and Miles, too, I decide. Of course Miller would be the ideal choice, but since he was in the med bay and out of action for a few weeks at least, that was out of the question. Yes, Monroe, Sterling and Miles. They are more than capable of finding Bellamy and Clarke, and more importantly, I could trust them to bring them all home safely. I spot Monroe along the wall, and begin to approach, when she calls out.
"I see them! They're back!" Suddenly her face falls, "Oh, fuck, open the gates! Now!" The startled guards open the gates as fast as humanly possible and that's when I see them. My best friend, covered in blood, pieces of wood sticking out of her chest, being carried by a frantic Bellamy.
"Fuck, okay, get her into the dropship." I yell at Bellamy, who didn't even acknowledge my words, half ran into the dropship, me trailing in his wake.
He lays Clarke down on a similar table as the one Miller was on earlier this morning. Seeing her lying there like that, unconscious, blood congealed on her chest, sticks brutally sticking out of her delicate frame, I start to cry. Bellamy hasn't let go of Clarke's hand the entire time he was in the med bay. Still crying, I prep for surgery. Oh god, I'm not capable of this kind of procedure. Just when my shaking hands are about to get out of control, I feel a hand rest on my shoulder. I turn to see Jasper, looking at me, his eyes serious and trusting.
"You can do this, Octavia. I'll help in any way that I can." He too looks down at Clarke's unmoving figure and cringes. I take a deep breath, and clench my fists to stop them shaking.
"Okay, Jasper, hold her down. Bell, I'm gonna need you to move so-"
He cuts me off, "No, I'm not leaving. I'll help to hold her down if need be. I'm not leaving her side."
I know there's no point in arguing with him when he's like this so I continue as if he isn't there. This is the second major surgery I've been involved with today, but now, it was my turn to do all the hard work. I don't know what else to do, so I grab one of the branches, getting ready to pull it out. A quick scan of her and I see five different branches sticking vertically from her chest, but they don't appear overly deep; either something dislodged them, or there wasn't as much force behind the branches as was intended.
I grip the first branch tightly and with a swift motion, it was out. I was crying more by the second
Clarke groaned and started to move, but quickly backs out again. I breathe a sigh of relief; I don't want her to feel any more pain. I couldn't bandage anything, not while the other sticks where still there; they would only get in the way. I take another deep breath as I clench the second branch forcefully and pull that one out too. Groans of pain escape from Clarke's lips.
"She's waking up, again!" Jasper was panicking, like we didn't know that she was waking up. I start to lose it when Clarke doesn't black out again; she must be in so much pain. She keeps moving around as I try and grab the third branch.
"Damn it, Clarke! I'm probably already gonna screw this up; don't make it harder by moving! Please, god damn it!" I cry louder, my hands shaking horribly again. Bellamy looks up at me, and sees how flustered I am, and decides to intervene.
"Clarke? Princess? Can you hear me? Don't move, okay? You're hurt really badly. Just stay still." He squeezes her hand and she seems to calm down, until eventually she passes out again. "O, please, hurry. I don't know how much more she can take; she's already lost so much blood."
"Jesus, Bell, I'm trying." I pull out the third branch, and this time, Clarke doesn't stir. Jasper is starting to freak out again, and feels for a pulse. Clarke must have taught him that, the thought making my heart clench. When Jasper lets out a haggard breath, I know she's still alive. For now.
The last two branches come out quickly, without Clarke waking up. Each time I pulled out a branch, and she didn't respond, Jasper checked for a pulse and when he made his sigh of relief, we all relaxed slightly. Once the last branch is out, I get Jasper to grab the sutures so I can stitch up the ragged holes in Clarke's chest. He left soon after, probably to get drunk on his and Monty's moonshine. I don't blame him; I would do the same if I could. The stitches aren't as neat as Clarke would make them, but they would do for now. I bandage her wounds the best I can with the limited supplies and hope nothing gets infected because if that were the case, she would probably be watching her best friend die right before her eyes.
I let out a breath hadn't known I had been holding, and looked down at my brother who hadn't let go of Clarke's hand once the entire surgery, and I start crying all over again
"This is all my fault, Bell, I am so sorry." The tears come thick and fast; Bellamy looks up at me in confusion.
"O, you did a great job. If you weren't here, our Princess would be dead." He didn't understand which only made me cry more; he reaches his other hand towards me and pulls me to his chest and holds me tightly.
"No, big brother, she's like this because of me. I helped her get out of camp." Bellamy doesn't say anything for a while, he just let me cry in his arms like he used to. Once I had cried myself out for the second time in one day, I really needed to stop doing that, and then Bellamy spoke.
"O, if Clarke wanted to go out, she would have found a way, with or without your help. That's just who our Princess is, she doesn't take no for an answer. You saved her life today, that's what I want you to remember. Don't dwell on the other part, you were trying to be a good friend, and I'm sure she appreciates it." He keeps hugging me, until I'm ready to pull away.
"Thank you, Bellamy," I can feel the tears drying on my cheeks, "I should leave you two alone now." I laugh at the look on his face; his eyes wide, shock and embarrassment in every feature. "Don't even try to deny it, big brother, you care about her, and that's okay. You're allowed to care about someone else. I saw how worried about her you got when I told you she was gone, not to mention how you went out into Grounder territory, alone, at night, just to find her, and you haven't left her side since." I smile at his bashfulness, his cheeks reddening with each word that I spoke.
"When did you get so perceptive, O?"
"I'm not, you're just obvious. I can read you like a book." I give him a sweet smile before walking towards the exit of the dropship. "Goodnight, big brother."
"Goodnight, little sister." I walk out.
I head towards the wall instead of my tent. I don't know what possess me to do it, but I do. When I get to the wall, I see Monroe, still on duty, and go and stand with her. The girl gives me a quick smile.
"How's Clarke?"
"Okay, for now. I think." I let out a nervous laugh, and Monroe joins in.
"I'm sure you did great. Clarke's a fighter; she'll be okay soon enough." I turn from Monroe and look outside the walls of our little community. I'm about to go back to my tent when something white catches my eye at the bottom of a tree, mostly hidden amongst the scrub. A single, white, lily. The flower of choice left behind by Lincoln when he wanted to meet. A small smile plays along my lips. I know the message is different this time, it's not asking me to come to him; he's simply telling me he loves me.
A/N: And that's a wrap for Octavia's perspective, what did you all think? Good, bad, could be worse? I rushed the ending a bit, but hopefully you guys still like it. Let me know in a review! I hope you don't mind the change in length, I prefer long chapters, but my brain doesn't usually cooperate with my desires. Okay, you're all probably sick of my ramblings, so I'd like to thank you all for reading, the next chapter should be up in the next few days. Until then, stay awesome, readers x