Names are stupid: virtually every author in existance has helped prove this. Special thanks to Christopher Paolini (I'm mocking you, Paolini, in case you can't tell).

Disclaimer: I own this! I own it all! Mwa ha ha! Ooops . . . I take that back. I own nothing.

"I was just thinking, Padfoot, about how thick our parents were."

"Why?"

"Well, they sort of destined us to be who we are with our names, didn't they? I mean, you know Sirius is the dogstar?"

"You flatter me."

"No, it's a real star - astronomy?"

"Oh, yeah. Well?"

"Well, you were hardly going to transform into a bunny with a name like that, were you? Hmm?"

"I wouldn't transform into a bunny anyway, Moony."

"Yeah, but you know what I mean. And me. Romulus and Remus were, acording to legend, the founders of Rome and were raised by a wolf."

"Well, that's not so bad. It's a mistake anyone could have made."

"Remus was the one who got killed."

"Ah."

"Mind you, I'd rather be raised by a wolf than by a clot who gave me a name like that then acted all surprised when In got bitten."

"Now, that's a bit harsh."

"Harsh! That's rich! Mr-My-Entire-Family-Are-Inbred-Evil-Morons?"

"Okay, okay. But they are evil morons!"

"Inbred?"

"My parents are practically brother and sister!"

"Calm down! All I said was 'inbred.' It's not all that offensive."

"I'll kill you, someday I really will kill you . . ."

"And it's not just my first name. They had to go and get themselves called Lupin!"

"So?"

"It's French for wolf."

"Ah. So basically, they've just gone and called you 'Wolf-boy Wolf,' right?"

"Yup. And you 'Dog Black.' Major hint. Is it any wonder we're messed up?"

"I always thought it ran in the family."

"Along with being an evil moron."

"Oh, stop it. You're killing me. Is it my fault I come from an ancient and nobly line of jerks?"

"With stupid names."

"Oh, come on, all Wizards have stupid names. Newt Scamander. Albus Dumbledore. That kid in the seventh year, Fudge, what kind of a name is that?"

"A stupid one," Remus admitted. "But Prongs has an okay name: James. James Potter. You're not destined to be anything with a nice, ordinary name like James."

"Or Tom."

"What?"

"Tom's nice and ordinary, too. No hidded mythological or astronomical origins there!"

"Yeah. Tom. A good, solid, down-to-earth name, Tom. You know where you are with a name like Tom."

"You don't have to be anything when you're called Tom. Except ordinary."

How wrong can you get?