You must have notice it's Derek centric, there will be more interaction between Derek and Meredith later, maybe in the next chapter.
After having checked on the patient he was paged for, Derek still had thirty minutes left before his surgery on which he had specifically requested Cristina and he had to chuckle at the memory.
"Dr Bailey, I need an intern" ha had said, hoping he would finally get lucky and have what he wanted for once.
"Grey, go with Shepherd" she had ordered. All this time when he had wanted Meredith as his intern, she hadn't obliged but now that he wanted Yang, she had to do that, he sighed.
"I want Yang on this case" he could see the surprise on all their faces except of course for Cristina who just looked at him "Sorry" he smiled apologetically at Meredith who tried to hide the fact that she was feeling rejected. Dr Bailey kept looking at him sceptically, he turned to her "What ?" but she just glared at him. "You think I have a motive ? With Yang, seriously ? I'm not that stupid, you know" he shook his head in disbelief.
"I'm not so sure about that" she had replied with one of those looks only her had the secret but still she had obliged "Yang, you're with Shepherd"
Derek hoped he hadn't hurt Meredith but he intended on finding what was wrong with Burke's hand when they would be alone. He was headed to his office to have some time alone, he felt as though he needed a lot of that that day. Once he entered in, he sat on the couch and put his head backwards so he was staring at the ceiling.
He needed to get his wallet back but the woman had clearly flirted with him and he hadn't pushed her away. And now, he felt stupid. She was just a one night stand to forget about his pain, he had no intention of going out with her. He would tell her that tonight so that wouldn't a problem any more.
Next problem : Addison and Mark. He had realised he needed them, they were a major part of his life, they were his family. Everyone makes mistakes and he needed to learn how to forgive and to put his pride aside. That problem would be solved with time.
He smiled at the thought of his life finally getting fixed but then there was Meredith and his smile vanished. He really had no idea of what to do with her. He had asked her to be his friend but in his heart they were far from being so. He had told his wife he loved her and he hadn't even told her, should he ? He had no idea. What good could it bring ? Meredith was not someone who trusted people easily, she had started to trust him and to confide in him and then he had destroyed everything. He didn't think she would be able to trust him ever again and he wasn't sure he even deserved a second chance. Maybe being friends was for the best. She deserved to be with someone she could put her trust in and unfortunately for him, he had lost that right. Maybe if he explained himself, she would take him back but it wouldn't be like before : she wouldn't open herself to him and it could be a waste of time for both of them and it would bring more pain. It was time to do something right for her, something he hadn't been able to do yet, finally let her go. The only thought send a aching pain through his whole body but it was the right thing to do. He would really be her friends, their relationship wouldn't be just some sick way for him to stay close to her. So, he had to move on, so much easier to say than do.
He was suddenly cut from his thoughts by his phone.
"Hello" he answered.
"Derek Shepherd, you'd better have an excuse for not calling me since you left New York and not even bother telling me where you were going" said the woman at the other end, her tone sounding both angry and hurt.
"Mom" was all Derek could utter. If he knew one thing for sure, it was that he really shouldn't make her angrier but anything he would say now would so he stayed quiet waiting for her to continue and she didn't let him wait for long.
"After all this time, that's all you have to say ?" she inquired.
"I'm sorry, I had a lot in my mind and I needed some time and should I remind you that you weren't really supportive ?" He remembered how his mom and his sisters had taken Addison's side and he had taken it like another betrayal.
"Derek, I'm sorry, we're sorry but that isn't an excuse, you could have called, you should have"her voice cracked a little at the end.
"I know"
"Why don't you come and visit us, here in New York"
"I don't want to go there, besides I have a lot of work" protested Derek.
"If you don't come, we're coming"
"NO" said Derek alarmed, then thinking about it he thought maybe seeing his family was what he needed, "I'll come"
"I figured you wouldn't want us there, all living in your trailer. You're living in a trailer" his mom repeated, disdain evident in her voice but also pure incomprehension.
"You talked to Addison" stated Derek, not knowing how he felt about that.
"You wouldn't talk to us, at least she did. How are things with her ? Last time she told me you were trying."
"We're over, we're getting a divorce"
"But what happened ? Is it about that intern ?" again the disdain was evident in her voice but this time she hadn't even tried to hide it.
"No and I don't want to talk about it, but Addison and I are good"
"Then you can ask her to come with you" his mother suggested hopeful. She had always loved Addison and thought she was perfect for his son. Yes, she had made a mistake but Derek wasn't all that innocent, he hadn't paid attention to her, they had both made mistakes but she was sure they could overcome all that.
"I don't know" answered Derek, knowing what his mom had in mind.
"I thought you were good, we miss both of you"
"All right, I'll talk to her" he sighed.
"Great, I'm waiting for you. Take care, I love you" it had been a long time since she had had the opportunity of saying it to him.
Derek didn't show his surprise at her words "I love you too" he answered before shutting his phone. The prospect of spending some time with his family wasn't that bad after all, he could even enjoy himself and relax.
He sighed and got up, it was nearly time for his surgery. He found Cristina already ready and wasn't surprised. He was five minutes early and he was sure she had been here way longer.
"Dr Yang, were you that impatient to spend some quality time with me ?" He grinned at her before putting his mask and he had to laugh at how well he could imagine her expression of disgust behind her own mask. Maybe she really did hate him after all but annoying her was just too funny to stop.
After the surgery, Derek and Cristina were washing their hands and finally alone as Derek had expected.
"That was amazing" stated Cristina still reliving the surgery.
There was the only moments she would talk to Derek without looking at him with pure disdain or indifference. He had noticed it and decided to take advantage of it. He didn't know how to begin, the woman was a mystery to him and he sometimes wonder how Meredith and her were friends.
"What's wrong with Burke's hand? " He decided to ask bluntly. He had to congratulate her for her face stayed stoic.
" What are you talking about ?" she asked well feigning confusion.
"Stop it, Cristina. I'm a liar, I know when someone lies, remember ? Well, you're lying to me" But she just blinked so he added, "I know he is your boyfriend but I'm his doctor and I know something is wrong. If you really want to help him, you have to tell me"
"There is nothing to tell" she stubbornly said before rushing out of the door so lost in her thought that she didn't even notice that Derek was following her.
"Dr Yang" he called her but she didn't turn around, she pushed the door of an on call room open and rushed into it knowing it was stupid but she couldn't take to look him in the eyes any more without telling him so she escaped. When had she becomes that woman who ran away because she was afraid of telling her boyfriend's secret ? Right now, she didn't care, she was too busy trying to escape. But before she had time to close the door, he blocked it and entered as well, closing it behind him.
"What are you so afraid of ? Yo won't tell me because then his career would be at stake but think about it, it could get worse, I could fix it before it's too late" Cristina seemed to be closely listening and to recognise the truth in his words. She was loyal to Burke, that was a good thing but if she wanted to help him, she knew what she had to do.
"He is developing a tremor in his right hand" she blurted out before she had the time to change her mind.
Derek seemed to be examining her words then he said "I will run some tests. The likelihood is that there's just some compression of the structures around the injury. Don't worry I can do this, I can fix it."
"I'm not worried" she looked at him as if it was the most stupid thing he had ever said.
"It's not a shame to be worried about your boyfriend"
"I'm not worried" repeated Cristina
"Whatever you say, Yang" he said not understanding why she wanted so badly to hide her feelings. He had his back against the door and she was in front of him, clearly wanting him to get out of her way so she could go out but he just couldn't resist teasing her. "Finally alone, it's your chance to take advantage of me" he grinned at her suggestively.
"You really are an ass, you know that, right?" she abhorred that look of disgust she seemed to reserve for him.
"I've been told but I'm your boss, you don't get to…" he started but she didn't seem impressed at all, so he stopped and his face became more serious when he asked "How is Meredith?"
"We are not going to be friends, McDreamy" he winced at the used of his nickname.
"Don't I know it? It's just that…I know you hate me but I didn't mean to hurt her and I just want to know how she is" he didn't even know what he wanted so how could he explain it to her? He wanted Meredith to feel better but if she did it'd be because she had forgotten him and he didn't want that and he knew it was selfish. He didn't want her to suffer, why was everything so complicated? He needed to be able to accept that she'd moved on because that was exactly what she should have done.
"She's recovering" Cristina answered showing a little bit of compassion. It was clear that he had feelings for her friend, he had messed up but he also seemed to have suffered which was a good thing, he deserved it but still he had suffered too and seemed genuinely sorry. Oh my god she thought, I'm turning into a woman, since when do I care about other's feelings? Especially McDreamy's. I don't. Period.
"That's good" he felt relieved.
Cristina felt a little taken aback, had she just had a relatively normal conversation with McDreamy? That was too strange to accept. "I have to go" she said hastily, wanting him to get out of the way.
Derek guessed what she had thought of and couldn't blame her. Why would she want to talk to him so he took some steps aside so she could go out.
"I don't hate you but it doesn't mean I like you" Cristina said before opening the door and he smiled at her, surprised. She started to walk away when she heard his voice.
"That's a good beginning". He smiled
"Beginning? There is nothing next" she replied without turning around
"Well, I could live with that. We still have to talk"
"I've to check on a patient, I will page you when I'm done" she said louder so he could hear as she still had no intention of turning around. He nodded even if he knew she couldn't see him and walked away.
He stood in front of the board and checked that Addison's surgery was finished before he paged her. Then he did the same for Mark after a slight hesitation and paged him too. They both arrived at the same time, coming form different direction, they rejoined him confused.
"My mother called, she wants me to visit" he turned to Addison "You're invited too if you want to come"
"I'd love to… if you don't mind" Addison replied unsure.
"I don't" he reassured her then he turned to Mark "Maybe you'd like to come too"
Mark eyes grew wide and he just stared at Derek, shocked, he hadn't expected that at all. Derek was offering him a chance, he wanted to start clean and forget the past.
"Yes" was all Mark Sloan found himself saying, he wanted to thank him but the words wouldn't come out. He had missed his family so much and now he had a chance to be with them again.
"Good, we will arrange that with the Chief, I'll talk to him and let you know" said Derek before looking at them as if it was the first time he saw them, a slight smile appeared on his face before he walked away.
Once he was out of view, Mark said "Addison"
"I know" the redhead replied sighing before walking away.
"If you don't tell him soon, I will" Mark threatened her
Derek went back to his office to take care of his paperwork and wait for Cristina's page when he spotted Meredith who was standing by herself and obviously something was bothering her. He walked towards her and stood next to her, looking outside too, they stayed quiet for several minutes.
"Are you all right?" he finally asked, turning slightly his head so he was looking at her.
"Yes" she answered. She didn't want to talk to him and she hoped he would understand and go away.
"I'm sorry about earlier, I needed to talk to Cristina. It's not that I didn't want to work with you, because I do. I will request you tomorrow" he said instantly regretting the last part as he saw her features harden.
"I don't want your pity" Meredith snapped. He had flirted with her in the morning. He had avoided her all day. Then he had flirted with some woman. Plus he had taken Cristina for his surgery. She had reasons to be mad and he seemed oblivious and it made her even angrier, why couldn't he see the damage he was doing to her?
"It's not about pity, we were supposed to work together today" Derek tried to explain himself.
"Why are you doing that, Derek?" She finally turned to face him.
"Doing what?"
Meredith felt angrier by the second, she opened her mouth but closed it right away because she didn't trust herself to talk. She could insult him or make a fool of herself by breaking down. And there he was, standing in front of her, clueless, not seeing the harm he was inflicting her. She had had of course that crazy thought that since he was getting a divorce and that he had flirted with her, he still was interested. Of course, she would have pushed him away if he had tried something but she would have been glad because it would have showed that he cared. She felt stupid, she still loved him and he didn't care.
"Meredith, did I do something wrong?" he asked tilting his head.
"What was that in the elevator?" she found herself repeating Cristina's question before she had time to stop herself but she wanted to know why he was playing with her feelings.
Derek was confused. What was she expecting? Was she hurt because she wanted more or angry because she didn't want him to joke like that? Any way, he had already made a decision about them. "I was just kidding, Mer. I'm sorry." He smiled at her apologetically.
Meredith felt really hurt as soon as he had uttered those words. He had just been kidding, he didn't want her back. She also felt really stupid because she had hoped they meant something. There was no way, she would let him know how she felt. "That's good" she replied "You don't have to be sorry, we're friends, you're allowed to kid, it's okay" she tried to sound genuine. How many times have they repeated that they were friends?
"So, what are you doing here?" he asked her, still not knowing f she was angry or hurt or both but he wanted to change subject because he didn't trust himself to talk about his feelings for her, he would end up telling her he loved her and it was not what they needed.
"I've just lost a patient, she was so young" Derek didn't say anything, she didn't need him too but she knew he understood her and it was enough "You're the one with problems. You can talk to me, you know" she looked at him.
"I don't have any problems" he smiled at her, she quickly turned her head.
"Really?" she laughed quietly "yet this morning, you looked like hell"
"Well, thanks, that's really nice" he laughed but then she looked at him concerned so he added "I'm fine, Meredith or I'll be" She nodded showing him that she accepted his answer.
"What did you want to talk to Cristina about?" She frowned.
"Ask her. By the way, have you seen her?" Meredith shook her head looking at him strangely.
"Should I be worried?" Derek looked at her perplexed "That you want to spend time with Cristina?" she smiled indicating that she was joking with him.
"Oh maybe you should" he replied playful. He had always liked talking to her but right now as he looked at her, he knew he still hadn't let her go.
"Really?" she used the same playful tone.
"I might just trade you for her"
"That'd be your loss, Dr Shepherd"
"I'm a great friend, you'd miss me, Dr Grey" he said confidently, Meredith was about to reply when his pager went off, they looked at it, "You see? My new friend misses me, I'll see you later"
Meredith nodded but was still perplexed. Why would Cristina page Derek? It made no sense at all. She told herself that she wasn't jealous, she couldn't be, right? They were Cristina and Derek, that was just impossible, there was nothing between them, not even friendship. Any way she didn't care, Derek could do whatever he wanted or whoever he wanted, she was done with him. They were just friends. She had already stayed at the hospital more than 80 hours so she had some time off and had no idea what to do with it. She would start by going home and then take a walk.
Derek was now in front of the nurses' station, looking for Cristina who was nowhere to be found. He waited five minutes then he sighed and was about to go back when he heard her voice "Dr Shepherd, sorry I'm late" Derek looked at her bemused so she asked "What?"
"You like me" he replied, Cristina's eyes grew wide and two nurses turned to look at them not even bothering to hide their interest.
Cristina had never been in this situation, she had never found herself unable to send back a comment but with him she sometimes was lost. Another person would have stopped bothering her but he just kept on, what was wrong with him? "I don't like you. You think you can charm every woman with that face and those hair?" she threw her hands in the air.
"I'm hot" he replied smiling, thinking of the time Bailey had told him something like that. They weren't really different after all. But he sometimes thought Bailey was more human than Cristina which was kind of scary. He pushed that thought aside and before Cristina had time to reply he added becoming serious "Let's go talk somewhere more private"
Cristina would have send back a nasty comment but the seriousness of his voice and his face, stopped her, he was not being McDreamy, he had turned back into Dr Shepherd so she followed him without comment. But at the nurses station she could hear whispers, great just what she needed, nurses gossiping about her and the jerk.
Derek stopped in the corridor in which Burke's room was.
"That is so private," Cristina snorted.
"We could go into that supply closet if you prefer" He smiled while pointing the closet. She looked at him ready to make a nasty comment but be became more serious when he continued, not letting her time to reply "I'm going to talk to Burke and I thought you'd like to come to"
"Why? Am I going to be the intern on the case?"
"Maybe but that wasn't the reason. I thought you'd like to show him some support"
"I don't need to be there, you saw what happened last time" Cristina said remembering how she had abandoned him.
"It's your chance to make up for it"
"Burke already forgave me for that"
"Maybe but wouldn't you like him to trust you? To know that he can count on you no matter what ?"
Cristina seemed to absorb his words "What if I can't do it?" she asked and Derek saw for the first time the unsure woman in her as far as Burke was concerned. She was excellent at hiding her feelings but she needed to face them.
"Do you love him?" she looked at him perplexed "Do you?" he insisted.
"Yes" she replied, he nodded and headed towards Burke's room. Cristina stayed still for a moment but her decision was made. McDreamy was right, she wanted Burke to be able to trust her, she wanted to be there for him, they were a team, they would go through that together. She followed McDreamy and they entered into Burke's room together who turned around to face them.
"Burke" Cristina started and added bluntly "Shepherd knows" Burke nodded, a little surprised but at a loss for words. Cristina went closer to him, she took his hand and told him "It's going to be okay, he will fix it" then she turned to Shepherd "Right?"
Derek smiled and was surprised at Cristina's attitude but let it slip "I'll run some tests but don't worry I can do it"
"Is there something you can't do?" Cristina snorted, had she found someone who was as arrogant as her?
"No" he replied serious "Preston, control your girlfriend, she has the hots for me"
Burke frowned not understanding what was going on. He looked at Cristina who addressed Derek "In your dreams, McDreamy" she said as if the only thought of being attracted to him was disgusting.
"Okay, what's up with you two?" Burke asked confused
"We're friends" replied Derek
"No, we're not" Cristina said shaking her head and disgust evident in her voice.
"Whatever. Yang you're on the case" ha said and she nodded "So what do we begin with?" he asked her and she replied, he nodded and they started to run the tests.
Once they were finished, they had detected the problem and they could solve it by performing another surgery. He scheduled it for tomorrow as he wanted to do it quickly to minimize the risks. He had decided to go to New York in a week, now he had to tell the Chief that three of his attendings were going on a vacation for a few days while a fourth was going through surgery tomorrow.
Derek was in the Chief's office, wearing his street clothes. He had already talked about Burke's hand problem and was preparing himself to tell him about the vacation.
"Chief, I'd like some days off"
The Chief looked at him pointedly "How many?"
"Three or Four, I don't know." Then he thought and decided "Three" That would be enough.
"Derek, I don't know, you're needed here"
"I need to go and see my family. You saw what happened this morning. I need time off, to relax"
"Yeah I saw, you're lucky I'm not going to comment on that" then he made a pause "All right, you have three days"
"Addison and Mark are going with me"
"What? No way" exclaimed Richard.
"We need to come to terms with everything. Think about it, wouldn't it be better for work?"
Richard knew of course that Derek was right but letting go of three of his attendings at the same time was hard for the hospital. "The three of you better come back happy and ready to work"
"We will, we're going in four days. Thanks Richard" Derek got up and made his way to the door.
"Take care" Richard said quietly.
Derek smiled and went out of his office. Today sure had been a crazy day but at the end he felt rather good. He had told Addison and Mark that they were going in a week and was now headed to Kelly's apartment to take back his wallet and tell her that nothing could happened between them.
Earlier that day
Meredith had changed in her street clothes and went out of the hospital. She headed home and soon was bored out of her mind. Plus she seemed to only be able to form a coherent thought and it was about Derek. She couldn't think of him any more, this had to stop. She had to stop torturing herself. Izzie was also home and didn't seem to be cheerful which was an odd thing.
"Izzie, are you all right?"
"I think I'm still in love with Alex and I hate it" replied Izzie, putting her head on the kitchen table.
"I know the feeling" replied Meredith and Izzie looked at her understanding. She added "You know what? We have to stop that. I have an idea, come with me" she extended her arm for Izzie who took it.
I kept the scene where Meredith and Izzie chose Doc.
"I'll take him to the vet tomorrow morning for a consult" Meredith said, caressing the dog.
The two of them went back home happy to have a new friend who had brought back laughter in the house.
That's it for now. Please Read and Review.