Chapter 4

I couldn't damn listen to them anymore. This uniform was itchy, and I had a headache. And they wouldn't. Stop. Yelling!

I think I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me start over from the beginning.

BVVT

That's my cell phone vibrating.

BVVT

Yep. It sure is.

BVVT

I guess I should answer it.

BVVT

PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP *boop*

I'll just read the voicemail later.

BVVT

They're calling back. I roll my eyes and pick up the cell phone from my nightstand. I flip open the cover and put it to my ear.

"Hello?" And then I regretted it, because a grating annoying singsong voiced murdered any last notions of getting five more minutes of sleep were dashed in an instant.

"Rachel-kuuuun~ We're outside your door waiting. It's time for the punishment game to begin!~" I growled into the microphone. "Isn't waking me up at six in the damn morning punishment enough?!" I bark back. I hear Shinks mumble to his girlfriend "But doesn't he wake up this early anyway on school days?" I bark back "Yes but that's not by choice!"

I slam my front door open, hastily dressed in street clothing. My glasses nearly fall off as I fling the door open to welcome in my… Ugh… Guests.

"I didn't know you wear glasses Rachel-kun!" Sana expressed in surprise. Shinki made note as well. "I don't think I've seen you wear them at all." I sigh and adjust them. "I usually wear contacts. But a certain princess tackling me to the ground made me lose one yesterday. I need to wait for a new prescription, thanks. So…" I lean back in my couch, trying to ignore the fact they were ogling the mess of a room I call home. "What's my 'punishment'?" I spit out those words.

Sana beamed right up! "Come, come!" She grabbed me by the arm, and dragged me out. I barely had time to close my door and lock it before she dragged me out to her car. Or limo. Or whatever the hell you wanna call it.

It was a full six minutes before we pulled up at the magnificent driveway to her magnificent home. During those six minutes I think we may have nearly caused the death of eight people. Pretty sure that Academy City needs a little bit more traffic regulation because had I pulled that bullcrap back home, the cops would've been tailing me from Massachusetts to Arkansas.

But those thoughts ceased the moment I laid eyes upon the utter BULLCRAP that lay out on Sana's bed before me.

"What. The. ****. Is. This." I get out through grinding teeth.

Before me was the most damn fluffy frilly maid costume you have NEVER seen. Complete with wig and a makeup set.

"This. Is your punishment."

That was officially the day I wished I still lived in 'Muricah where it was as easy to go to the store and buy a 9mm to kill the both of them.

Actually no, I would've saved the bullet for myself.

Actually, while they were dressing me I felt like it wouldn't be too bad if some of the puns penetrated my heart.

Or if I choked and died on the makeup they were applying to my face just then.

Or if the thought of how cute they said I looked were enough to make me die of embarrassment. OH WAIT A SECOND THERE.

"Either way, hate it or not, this is what the lovely lady thought up for you, Zachary-san." Shinki shrugged almost in sympathy. Nah, that was more like pity. Sana piped in. "Make sure you speak in a cute voice too, because you're my personal assistant for the day. You will be accompanying me and my future husband all day. I coughed and spluttered. "Wh-What?! You want me to follow you around ALL damn day wearing this?!" Sana-hime nodded. "If it helps, I can adjust the sound waves around you to fix up that disgusting boyish voice of yours. 3" That was less sickeningly sweet and more sadistically sweet. The kind of sadistically sweet voice that you want to jam a skewer through her throat. Kind of like I did.

So there we were in the middle of a cute little clothing store. I stood there holding two or three bags while Shinki leaned on the wall next to the changing closet where the Princess was trying on some new royal threads. The worst part? I nearly threw up twice from guys looking at me and blushing. I had to say, they did a pretty decent job. I was hardly recognizable. I looked like a cute shy glasses girl maid rather than the annoyed cynical teenage boy I am.

Then I realized I was thinking that and really, REALLY wanted that gun.

"Doooone!" Sana-hime emerged with a flourish from the dressing closet. Then submerged herself. Then emerged again wearing something different each time. At this point I was getting weighed down with what must have been thirty or forty pounds of baggage. Shinks helped out a bit, carrying a couple of the lighter things. Thanks my shota hero for being such a great help.

The day plodded onwards. The sun was finally setting and we were all beat. Sana insisted on one more shop. "Wait out here, Rachel-kun. I'll only be a minute."

Wait out here, she said.

I'll only be a minute, she said.

There's no way a bunch of thugs would try to pick you up to molest you only to find out you're some crossdressing perverted freak and beat you up, she said.

That said, I was waiting out by the door when suddenly a group of thugs (big surprise there) surrounded me. Naturally, as it was getting late, the streets were emptying out and nobody was there to help me out.

"Would 'ya take a look at this cutie here? What are you doing all by yourself? How about I help with those bags, onee-chan?" He said in a sickeningly sweet voice. Now that is the kind of sickening sweetness that makes you want to skewer… I think I made that joke already.

But what happened next was the weirdest part. The moment he reached out for me, the calculations suddenly started running and in the next instant, I had slapped his hand aside. What the hell was that? Did I just somehow react to the movements of his-

A slap connected with my face. I staggered back a few steps. "Ah, ah, don't touch onee-chan. You know that's not nice." He teased. I was still amazed though. I didn't think that my calculations could be used as tertiary reflexes.

The automatic doors opened behind me. Shinks and Sana walked out and dropped the bags that they were no doubt expecting to load on me. "Uh, Rachel-kun, who are your friends?" That jolted me back to reality. "Not exactly friends." Sana-hime jolted off to the side, behind one of the thugs. "Good enough for me." Then everything went totally silent. Really. Even the electrical buzzing that all the appliances usually gave off in the city was absent. The thugs looked as if they were screaming and panicking trying to communicate, but then, suddenly, one of them went down. But Sana was a distance away, so who-

Then I noticed Shinki was gone.

But then there he was over there, slamming one of Sana-hime's new shoes over the back of one of the thugs' heads.

Oh. Oooooh. So that's what he can do.

The combination of total silence and the teleporter's rapid movements meant both visual and aural cues as to the assailants' positions was impossible, and within a few fluid seconds of well-coordinated tactics, the group was down. I was utterly amazed. The sound flicked back on as we stepped over the unconscious bodies towards Sana's home.

"Shinki! You should have stayed with him otherwise this wouldn't have happened!"

I sat covering my ears as I sat on the chair waiting for them to take apart this damn dress. Really, it was itchy as HELL in this thing!

"B-But, I didn't… You wanted to ask me how you looked though!"

"Don't argue with me!"

I could tell the both of them were just incredibly horny at that moment. It made me gag to think it but it was obvious as day.

"Screw it. I'll go home like this." I said out loud. They both snapped out of their flirting and panicked and begged me not to go alone. I sighed in resignation. "Just drop me off at the dorms. I'll take care of this thing myself." I tugged at the collar of my dress.

I gave them a courteous wave as I walked down the walkway to my dorm building. As I turned the corner from the stairs and strolled down the hall to my room, I glanced to my right. Ryo's door was wide open. Two shocked (then amused) faces stared at me. I contemplated explaining myself, but I think my frustrated look of resolution told the whole story. I adjusted my glasses and unlocked the door to my room to go vomit and tear this hell costume to shreds.