"If you don't get up in five seconds I'm going to remove your head again, and I will refuse to put it back on," said Kakuzu, sounding very annoyed.
"S-sorry," stuttered Hinata, prying open her eyes to see Kakuzu's very annoyed gaze, "I'm sorry, Kakuzu-kun," she finished in a small voice.
Kakuzu stared at her. For a second, he appeared on the verge of saying something, but instead he simply shook his head and stood.
"Let's go," he said gruffly. He swiftly left the cave, without waiting for Hinata to follow.
Hinata got unsteadily to her feet and trotted forward a few steps. She felt oddly graceful. This she considered to be very strange, seeing as Hidan did not appear to be a very elegant man. Actually, now that she thought about it, she had no idea what he looked like. She had never seen his face.
She pondered this as she continued to shuffle forward. All off a sudden, her foot hit something hard that skittered across the floor. She looked down to see two items: a forehead protector from Yugakure and a long chain with an odd symbol on it. She frowned and picked both up. The forehead protector she tied around her neck, without second thought.
"What's this mean?" she questioned aloud, holding up the long chain and studying the strange triangular symbol.
"Are you fucking serious right now? Did you lose your memory in that last bout of unconsciousness or something?" came the startled voice of Kakuzu from the entrance of the cave.
Hinata jerked her head up and looked guiltily at him.
"I-I…um...," stuttered Hinata vaguely, "Well, I…maybe a little?"
Kakuzu stared at her, "I can't believe I'm saying this, but…are you ok?"
Hinata blinked, "Um...yes, I think," she mumbled insecurely.
Kakuzu seemed to be in shock. She wasn't sure that he was going to live through this. Though, now that she thought back on it, she did seem to recall reading in a bingo book about how Kakuzu had several hearts. She was not sure of this was true, but it was intriguing nonetheless.
After a few moments of awkward silence, during which Kakuzu seemed to be determining whether or not he should take violent action, Hinata decided to break the silence.
"Um…could you…please…tell me what it is?" she asked quietly.
Kakuzu blinked and narrowed his eyes.
"It's your Jashin symbol," he replied after a long silence.
"Um…what's, uh, Jashin?"
At this point, Kakuzu decided that violent action was indeed necessary.
xXxXx
"I…," Hidan started, desperately trying to think of an argument.
"Don't even bother trying to refute that, because it's obvious," Shino snapped, "The only reason Kiba didn't notice is because he's half retarded. Now, you are who?"
Hidan couldn't help but feel a pout starting to come on.
"Naruto didn't notice," he muttered sulkily.
Shino rolled his eyes. Not that Hidan could see this, as they were covered with sunglasses.
"Sadly, Kiba surpasses Naruto when it comes to intelligence, so fooling him is no great feat. Now if you would please reveal your identity."
Hidan stared sulkily at him, before finally thrusting out his chin and turning his face away.
"Hidan," he muttered.
"Pardon?"
"My name is Hidan," he repeated, "Are you fucking stupid or something?"
Shino shook his head in amazement.
"Hidan…the immortal, psychotic, mass-murderer?" he questioned quietly.
"Well, how many other fucking Hidan's do you know? I'm fucking one of a kind, bitch."
"That's obvious," Shino muttered.
Hidan scoffed at this.
"What a fucking douche. Are you gonna help me or not?"
"Excuse me? Help you? Why on earth would I do that," inquired Shino, "That would be considered aiding and abetting a criminal and I'd rather not be jailed, thank you very much," he continued.
Hidan glared at him.
"Look, do you want to see your fucking pussy of a friend again or not? 'Cuz if you want her back you're gonna have to help me."
For some inexplicable reason, Shino buried his chin in his coat and turned his face away. Hidan could have sworn he had seen a blush color the cheeks of the shinobi in the second before his face was averted. He scowled again.
There was a long pause, during which Shino seemed to be deeply contemplating something. Hidan found himself becoming extremely irritated with the waiting and so was sighing loudly, crossing his arms, and tapping his foot repeatedly. Unfortunately, this seemed to have no effect whatsoever on the speed of Shino's decision making.
"Alright," Shino said finally, looking at Hidan again, "I'll help you. But only if you do something for me."
"What the fuck?!" Hidan cried, "This is not a fucking bargaining program. Here's what I'll do for you, shithead. I won't kill you or your little friend. That fucking good enough?"
Shino's frown deepened. Hidan took a moment to ponder whether the boy ever smiled.
"I want you to promise not to harm anyone in Konoha," he replied softly, ignoring Hidan's outburst.
Hidan scoffed once again.
"You're fucking shitting me right now. You seriously think I'm gonna let you bunch of pussies continue to infect the world with your bullshit 'Will of Fire' and just leave you be? Yeah, right. Hate to break it to you, kid, but Konoha is slated for destruction. Once our fucking douchebag of a leader gives the order, you guys are done for. And I am sure as hell not sitting out that day."
"That's fine," Shino said calmly, "In that case, you can remain in the body of my pussy friend for the rest of your life, see if I care."
Hidan was struck silent by this. He imagined spending the rest of his life as this girl. Dealing with her jackass of a cousin, her mentally challenged friends, and her complete incompetence when it came to, well, everything. Right then was the closest Hidan had ever come to completely breaking down and crying in his adult life. It was something he hadn't done since he had turned five.
"Fine," he said gruffly," I'll leave your fucking city alone. For a while, anyway."
"That's good enough for now," replied Shino with what seemed to be the smallest conspiratorial smile.
Hidan immediately noted that the boy did, in fact, smile. Which was good to know, because even serial killers like to see a smile thrown in their direction every once in a while. And God knows no one in the Akatsuki had been, or ever would be, throwing him any.
"Then get me the fuck out of this body," he growled, ignoring the strange urge to smile back and tap his nose. Maybe even throw in a wink.
"Easy now," Shino stated, lifting one hand in supplication and folding the other over his chest, "I'll help you, but first you have to tell me exactly what you did to make this happen in the first place."
Hidan blushed.
"Well, it started with my partner being a complete dick, as usual…"
xXxXx
Hinata suddenly found herself pinned to the wall of the cave, a foot off the ground. Kakuzu stood before her, one hand holding her in the air by her neck, the other clutching a kunai.
"Who the fuck are you?" he growled, lifting the kunai and placing the tip against her stomach.
Hinata could not think of a time in her life when she had ever been more scared.
"Hinata Hyuuga," she gasped, trying to cope with the lack of air.
Kakuzu glared menacingly at her, "Hyuuga? That makes you pretty valuable then," he mused to himself, "I could get quite a ransom for you…"
For a moment or two, he lost himself in thought. Meanwhile, Hinata struggled for breath and tried to hold back the hysterical sobs that were working their way up her throat. It would do no good to start bawling in front of this man.
Without warning, Kakuzu released her and returned the kunai to his bag.
"Let's go," he said abruptly, turning and walking from the cave, leaving Hinata lying supine on the floor, gasping for air and clutching her neck with one hand, the other still grasping the strange necklace.
Slowly, she got onto her knees and stood. After a moment's hesitation, she placed the chain around her neck and continued out of the cave to find Kakuzu staring at the sky.
When he heard her, he shot a glance in her direction and walked into the woods without comment. Hinata jogged to catch up, and then strolled along aimlessly behind him, one hand still massaging her bruised neck.
"How did this happen?" Kakuzu asked suddenly.
Hinata was taken aback.
"S-sorry?" she questioned nervously, afraid of provoking his wrath again.
"How did you become, you know?" Kakuzu inquired, waving his hand in her general direction
"Oh, I don't k-know," Hinata stuttered nervously, "I t-think it's because I, um, wished upon a star to become more, uh, confident and, um, s-self-assured. Be-because I'm not very, um, secure with myself and I'm, um, k-kind of weak and maybe this will, uh, help me become s-stronger—"
"Shut the fuck up," Kakuzu snarled.
Hinata immediately fell into an unsteady silence.
"You want to become more confident? First off, stop stuttering so much, and stop saying 'um' every other word. It's fucking annoying."
Hinata blushed and looked in the ground. Which was just as well, because there was a tree root that she had not noticed right before her feet and she would most certainly have tripped over it, if not for that glance. And tripping over a tree root would, she was sure, have not pleased Kakuzu. She hurriedly stepped over the root and returned her gaze to Kakuzu's back.
My God, is he tall, she thought to herself.
"I-I'm sorry," she said quietly.
Kakuzu groaned.
"I-I mean, I'm sorry, sir," she repeated, with a minuscule addition of force to her tone.
"That's somewhat better," Kakuzu muttered, "But you're really gonna have to work on that, before I kill you."
"I-I thought he—I mean, I— I mean he...is immortal," she half-questioned.
"He is," Kakuzu replied shortly.
"Well then, how are you going to, um, kill me? Unless you have s-some trick that makes him, um, mort—"
"Shut the fuck up," he groaned, "God, I never thought I would miss that fucking idiot's bickering."
"S-sorry," Hinata apologized shamefacedly.
Kakuzu grunted. Hinata stared sadly at the ground; she had a feeling that this was going to be a very long journey.