Chapter3:

° Disclaimer still in the prologue.

° The dialogue between Xander and Willow came from the episode 6 of Buffy.

The two weeks following the meeting were nothing if not eventful as well as eyes opening. I learned a great deal during those two weeks especially about the changes brought in me by Mayaeb.

The first change I observed was an increase of assurance; I have always been missing in this department. It's one of the reasons why I choose to play the zeppo; it has always been easy for me to play this character. The other reason was that it made me looked stupid and unthreatening enough for Willow's taste and for me to be able to keep an eye on her dealing. Sometimes I have been afraid that I would loose myself totally in this role; that I would forget about who was the real Xander. But those fears have been relieved by Mayaeb's appearance; she helped me realise who I was and this is where my new found self confidence came from.

Since Jesse's death I have kept the zeppo's mask on at all times even when I was alone. The only time I took it off was when helping and saving Buffy's victims. I didn't realise it, but I think it was a mean for me to flee his death. I didn't want to believe he was gone, that he wouldn't ever come back. Never would he be there to comfort Kyle and me after the abuse; never would he warm our heart with his smile. He was the one Kyle and I wanted to protect but I failed them both. I was so desperate not to deal with the ache, that I kept the mask that I hated so much on.

Mayaeb knew and understood it but she didn't want me to wallow in my pain as she felt it eating me alive. So as I went to sleep after the meeting, she cornered me into my mind and made me realise that I was coping the wrong way; that in fact I was not coping at all.

She told me that I had to let Jesse go, that he was dead and he wouldn't want me to continue to live like that. That I needed to mourn him and remember all the good time we had together because even though he wasn't with me physically; he would always be with me in my heart.

I couldn't accept it, I couldn't let him go; I loved him too much. So I did what I have needed to do since his death but never done; I fought.

I fought Mayaeb, willing her to hurt me more than what I was already feeling but she didn't. She avoided all my attacks knowing that in my blind anger I would assuredly stumble. Well that's what I finished by doing and taking advantage of it she ran into my legs to make me fall. Once on the ground she leaped on my back and kept me there while I fought to get back on my feet, though she was much stronger than me. It took me a long time but I finally lost my will to fight and stopped moving. At the first sob coming from me, Mayaeb nuzzled my neck and made me turned to face her; then she stretched against my body and let me wrap my arms around her. Tears were flowing down my cheeks as I looked at her and she tenderly licked them away; this gesture made me burst into tears so I hide my visage in her fur.

The warm and love that I felt coming from her surrounded me and I think it comforted me to sleep because the next morning I was woken up by the sun shining on my bed and late once again. I felt ashamed of loosing it yesterday, but I was so much better and lighter that I couldn't help the smile forming on my lips. So while I was getting ready I thanked her with all the love I felt for her and sensed her growling happily in response. I get the feeling that she was proud of me and for the first time I think I understand what a child felt when his parents looked at him with pride.

I decided that after the merging I would go on Jesse's grave with Kyle and we would speak to him like we promised the day before his death. It was time to heal and began to live again.

Now that I think of it, the day before his death Jesse was kind of strange, his eyes were looking sad but determined as he told us to always protect and count on each other. He wanted us to know that he would always be with us in mind, heart and spirit; even if he was to disappear. That not even death would take him away from us and to mourn him but never forget him.

After that he didn't gave us the time to question him on what brought up this strange mood of his. He just took us to eat an ice cream. It was a rare treat for us because Kyle and I were never given any allowance by our parents, and Jesse's being poor meant that he must have saved his for some time. We were so grateful and happy that we kept our questions for later but as we remembered them it was already time to go back home.

So taking Kyle into our embrace and telling him goodbye, Jesse and I went back together as we were living on the same street. Arriving at my place I told Jesse goodbye and as I was going to open the door, he took me in his arms and kissed me on the forehead "Goodbye big brother, I love you and know and remember this; it's not your fault. Don't worry you will understand in time." After that he squeezed me hard and ran away to his home, but not before I saw the tears beginning to flow from his eyes.

As I remember this, it felt like he knew what was going to happen, that he was going to die the following day and nothing could change it. He knew I would feel guilty and he tried to save me from it, but I didn't remember and if it wasn't for Mayaeb I would never have. She showed me that as I staked Jesse, my heart and soul didn't recognize him, only my eyes did; it meant that Kyle was already dead and that I didn't kill him. I only killed the demon that took his place and it was evil; I didn't sense any good in it, it didn't have a soul.

As I took it all in consideration my soul was being soothed from the culpability I felt during all this time.

Using this new peace of mind and confidence I let myself free of the zeppo during those wonderful two weeks. This façade was imprisoning me in a life that wasn't mine but was needed for me to stay alive. It was suffocating me but at the same time, it was helping me gaining the little trust I had from Willow. It was really important because I knew she was up to no good. As well as I knew her, I'm sure that whatever she was trying to do was linked to her thirst of power. And what was more powerful here than the Hellmouth?

So taking advantage of this new found freedom Kyle and I closed the space opened between us by Willow, and stayed together. It was the first part of our plan after all; for me to be a part of Kyle's gang. The others members didn't try to say anything when I joined the gang, Kyle was their leader and that was enough for them. I took a feel of them and whereas their lack of reaction made it easier for me; it showed that they were too weak to have a place in our pack. Well it was a relief for me but I was worried of how Kyle would take it.

Though I shouldn't have, he told me later that if he chose them for his gang, it was because they were good followers and nothing else. He didn't like them and wouldn't want them in their new family.

I was surprised and asked him why he would stay with them if he didn't like them. He told me that he couldn't replace Jesse and I by anyone so he let the first persons that he could support their presence joined him. He didn't want to find friends when he knew that we had to bear Willow's, if he had to make friends it would only be with Xander and Jesse.

Now the situation had changed Jesse wasn't with them anymore and they wanted to form their own pack. Kyle trusted Xander to make the right choice, he was a good judge of character and he knew that he would never make someone part of their pack without concerting the others. Xander would make a strong pack leader because he knew the importance of others and a strong pack was a pack where all the members should be as united as a close-knit family. Xander was warmed by the trust that Kyle was showing in him and he promised himself that he wouldn't failed it.

That first day after he met Mayaeb was a day he never wanted to forget. He was late once again but as always he was not the only one. Taking in his surroundings he found what he was searching; he straightened himself holding his head high and locked eyes with his prey. He smirked as he went to her behaving like the predator he felt prowling in his mind, for a second her eyes looked like a deer caught in headlight and it made him rethink his plan.

At first his plan was to shock Cordelia Chase enough, to make rumours fly all over the school; after all she was famous and known for spreading them wildly around her. He needed those rumours to reach Willow's and Buffy's ears and who would be better at this than the cheerleader's Queen; Cordelia. But the instant he saw her mask cracked he knew that she was a lot more than she seemed. From the vindictive bitch she was known to be, she became the lost little girl that she really was. She needed this superficial appearance to stay miss popular and to survive all those sharks playing in her court.

Taking the time for once to feel her he sensed the loneliness and pain she was suffering, she felt like Kyle and Jesse, she felt like pack; so he decided to make an ally of her and he was sure that with time she would made the best of friend. He needed to tell Kyle about her, but he knew that he had always respected her. Kyle never gave his respect lightly; you had to earn it, so she must have impressed him at one time.

Deciding of his next action, he went to her leaning his body against hers with her head between his arms; loosing his mask for a split second he looked at her trying to make her understand his need of help. Loosing her mask as well she smirked in response but her eyes were smiling and with that alone he knew she would help him.

Knowing that the picture they made was more than hot and that every person looking at them were drooling; he spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear him and said "Yep you are as beautiful from afar as you are from this close" and with a kiss to her cheek, he went to class.

No one saw him asked Cordelia to join him after class while he gave her a kiss. Touching her cheek Cordelia smiled a last time before letting her mask fall back into place.

It was the beginning of our friendship and I must say that she was a great help in our plan. In fact she was more than happy to help; she hated Willow and Buffy with a vengeance.

During those weeks she explained to him why she felt that way about those two.

Willow had always made her feel ill at ease, it was the look in her eyes when she thought no one was looking; it was evil and threatening. She had seen people looking at Willow the wrong way when the following day they wouldn't even look her way. She knew she did something to them, but had never been able to prove it. She had also been force to watch Oz a friend of her; starting a relationship with Willow even though he was gay and never interested in her in the first place. He never liked her; he once told Cordelia that her smell and aura repelled him, that it was too evil.

Willow scared her more than Buffy because she was intelligent and underhanded; in addition she had the power to force her will on others. Whereas Buffy was all for violence, she had seen the bruises on Giles and knew that he was training her; but it didn't give her the right to hurt those who looked out for her. Xander thought she was becoming out of hand and there was nothing they could do to help her. It was already too late.

Xander told her everything about his life, the night life of Sunnydale, the possession, the desire to form a pack, the plan, the need for her help… all except for him being a luenor. He knew it wasn't the time, it was too early, but he trusted her and knew she would accept him for who he really was. After all she accepted everything else about him and even Mayaeb agreed on the place she would take in their pack. She was to become the mother of the pack, she had all the qualities needed; it showed in the care she had for all those she loved and in the instinct she had to know when something wasn't right. She would nurture the pack, she had the strength for it; of that he was sure.

Though for now they had a plan to follow. So Cordelia, Kyle and Xander did everything they could to make Willow's life a living hell. Cordelia in spreading rumours about Xander and his new behaviour, she saw that while Willow was drooling at the sight of Xander, Xander was scared to death of her and totally disgusted. That day he went to Willow to clear the air but as he was going to speak, she asked him "Xander… What's wrong with you?"

Knowing that this occasion wouldn't represent itself before a long time he answered "I guess you have noticed that I have been different around you lately." A glimmer entering her eyes she nodded saying "Yes."

Xander trying to hold his smirk back explained "I think, um... I think it's because my feelings for you have been changing. And, well, we've been friends for such a long time that I feel like I need to tell you something. I've, um... I've decided to drop geometry. So I won't be needing your math help anymore. Which means I won't have to look at your pasty face again."

Everyone in hearing distance laughed their head off and Willow left as her anger was beginning to crack her carefully crafted mask. Buffy thinking that Willow's feelings were crushed went to step in, but her blindness only made him laugh louder. Finally he went back to Kyle and the gang and they left shaking their head at their stupidity.

Kyle decided to let Willow to Xander and Cordelia for now and went after Lance; he had a matter to take care of with him. He had a reason to bully him that day when the possession took place. Lance had the bad habit of blackmailing persons who seemed to be badass, he didn't know if it was to make him feel better; but that didn't change the fact that he was a jerk. He must have known that one day he would fall on someone more cunning than himself. That day had come the day he threatened Kyle with the person he loved the most and boy was he going to regret it.

Lance had come to Kyle the day before the visit to the zoo; he wanted to exchange cash against his silence. He had seen Kyle comfort Xander as they were paying their respect to Jesse that night after the burial. They had just broken their relation and were trying to deal with his death. This little shit had dared to take photos of them as they were embracing each other; and he threatened him to reveal them to everyone at school.

If it hadn't been for the fact that it would reach Willow and that her resulting jealousy would be a real danger for Xander and him, he wouldn't have care; but Xander safety was at risk and he was going to dissuade Lance willing or not.

That was when their gym class was postponed because of the rain and replaced with a game of dodgeball. It gave them the perfect occasion; first Xander nailed Willow in the face knowing she wouldn't be able to avoid it. The pleasure Xander took in this action was shown by the smirk on his face and the smile in his eyes; pure contentment radiated from him.

After that they turned their attention on Lance; it was Kyle's turn to smirk and with just a glance they all teamed up on him. Kyle took great pleasure too in warning him off and even with Lance on the floor; they continued to nail him with the ball. Seeing the fear in his eyes Kyle knew that he wouldn't have to do much more to end this blackmail.

With that in mind they waited the end of the day to catch Lance. Once done they pushed him in a dark alley behind the school and using the fear they felt coming from him, they only needed to bang him a little more for him to crack. At the sight of Lance's tears and trembling Kyle pushed him forcefully one last time against the wall and he gave them all the photos and negatives he had on himself.

"I hope you will destroy every photo I know you kept at home, Lance. Or you won't like what I will do to you…" threatened Kyle as he turned toward the street. "Oh! I almost forgot!" Kyle said turning his face back toward Kyle; his eyes glowing a brightly green "If I ever saw one of those photo again anywhere; I will kill you!"

With that Kyle, Xander and the others went to exit the alley leaving Lance to himself when the odour of urine reached their nose. Kyle and Xander looked at each other relieved that the message was passed and understood and smirked. Reaching the end of the alley they roared with laughter.

If only Buffy and Willow were as easy as Lance to deal with…

Author Note: PLEASE REVIEW!!! That would be really, really nice…