NORMALLY I WOULD NAME THE CHAPTER OF THE SONG THAT WAS IN IT SINCE THERE IS 2 I COULDNT DECIDE FROM WHAT IVE DONE-LINKIN PARK OR I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU-3 DAYS GRACE.

Dear Journal

This day couldn't get any worse. I went to the park and yeah I was crying again I really don't know what's up with me lately. I haven't cried in two years then I come here and I have been crying none stop. All the feeling I thought were gone suddenly came back to haunt me. When I was at the park my friends from home called me wishing me good luck and that they miss me. There the only ones who truly know what I went threw them three years yeah I told Caitlyn the simple ones I forgot to well not forgot I just couldn't tell her alot of things only the group I hung out with which was Alana, Tonnie, Amber,Ashley and girls were known as the popular girls. Then there were the fab five they hated that name but i always made fun of them there was Chad, Jackson, Jake, Zack, and Max. They were known for all there pranks. We were known as the schools bullies yeah little Michelle Marie Torres was a bully. But a popular one. I know hard to believe well this is how it all started is when I moved I met them and everything fell into place. There the reason why I'm still standing I was heartbroken when Shane hurt me when Paul and Troy died. Life felt like hell. But it made me grow up it made me see life for what it really stands for. There are times when your truly happy but then its like there are ten things that turns that happiness into tears fears and sorrow. I learned not to trust anyone. But its late I have to call it a night.

Good night love Mitchie T.

I was laying down thinking of that day and the only thing that kept popping threw my mind. Was then damn flashbacks being layed over and over again.

(FLASH BACK)

"Shane its for me to know and for you to never find out! You never cared before why now?" I screamed tears burning through my eyes once again. I ran off back to my room.

"Mitchie wait!"Shane yelled after me.

"NO SHANE I'M TIRED OF WAITING!" I yelled out not thinking of anything but that night how he made my heart break into thousands of little pieces.

"Mitchie I'm sorry okay I didn't mean it would you just give me a moment to tell you how sorry I am I didn't mean what I said that night. I love you I always have and always will. Mitch!" He yelled back at me chasing me

"No its all lies Shane I cant trust what you tell me you don't know what love is. How could you love me when you don't even know me any more." I ran up the stairs and into my room

(END OF FLASH BACK)

Tears were pouring out of my eyes as I sat on the floor holding my knees up to my chest.

I turned off all the lights and I just sat there on the cold wooden floor. Just thinking of all the memories Shane and I had three years ago.

(FLASH BACK)

"Shane your crazy...no don't you dare! AH SHANE I'M GOING TO GET YOU! Two words pay and back"

he was in his in black basketball shorts and a white t-shirt holding a water gun with a big kool-aid smile.

"Oh Mitch you know you love me, oh and that is three words " and he shot me again with the supersoke gun he had in my face with a big smirk on his face.

"Yeah I must be crazy in love with you Shane Grey your my dream come true now honey come here" I said while giving him puppy eyes while I had a water bottle in my hands. He came in to kiss me then I poured the water right on his head.

"Yet I must be crazy in love for you to pour water on my hair and not get mad Michelle Torres."

and with that he kissed me and I giggled.

(END OF FLASH BACK)

I miss the old days I miss Shane and the guys but most of all I miss what me and Shane use to be what we use to have. Then I thought about that night. How could someone be so mean and tell me all those horrible things. Did he even know how much he hurt me that night. Tears were dripping down my eyes. It was 2:58am and I couldn't sleep. All I could think was about that night

(FLASH BACK)

I went backstage I was so happy I could see him again. Oh how I missed him. I went threw the halls and stopped dead in my tracks thats when I saw her.

"Oh Shane you were so good up there" she said while trying to hug him he tried to push her off but I still cut in not caring what I said.

"So this is the reason why you can't call me Shane! It's because your to busy messing around with hoes like her!" I started yelling I was so mad how could he do this to me.

"Mitch its not what it looks like. She was just trying to hug me but I wouldn't let her" he said while running to me.

"No it is what it looks like Melissa, Shane don't want you he wants me now would you leave me and him alone and stop calling him its a little pathetic." the blonde said whhile laughing

"Its MITCHIE and Fuck you Shane! How could you do this to me... To us how stupid can you be! Every one was right about you! Your always going to be the same!" I yelled and started to cry while walking out I herd him yell

"Mitchie for reals it's nothing please believe me your the only one I want!"

"No Shane I can't believe you anymore maybe if you called me like you use to then I would of believed you but you didn't have the time to call me so no its done. You fucked up again I'm done waiting and listing to lame ass excuses no more Shane." I said while holding my head like it was about to explode

"Whatever Mitchie its true you were only for publicity. You swear I cared for you if I did I would have called but it was just a little game and sorry honey I won and your out of the game! Now leave me alone" he yelled at me while grabbing that blond girls hand and walked off.

(END OF FLASH BACK)

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Every time we lie awake
After every hit we take
Every feeling that I get
But I haven't missed you yet
Every roommate kept awake
By every silent scream we make
All the feelings that I get
But I still don't missed you yet
Only when I stop to think about it
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you
I hate everything about you
Why do I love you"

I heard my phone ringing who in the earth is texting me at this time I turned over I didn't know I was sleeping on the floor I must have cried my self to sleep. Its 1:15P.M. I was asleep longer then I thought. I grabbed my phone and touched the screen of my LG Voyager.

Mitch I know its early

but you need to come home asap

-Tonnie

Oh Tess is everything okay?

-M

No something happened...

to Chad. We just need you home

Mitchie

-Tonnie

No not again Chad was my best friend yeah I had this huge crush on him but I never told him because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I got up and read it again I dropped my phone on the floor and got dressed I wore little black shorts with a white and black stripped tank top. I wore my black and white Vanz I brushed my hair and put my make up on. I looked at my phone and I had two text messages.

Mitch I need you right now

idk what to do we need you

-Amber

Mi something happened to Chad

we need you home now

-Love Alana

I felt numb everything started to spin around me. Then I herd Chad's ring tone was he calling me?

"What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands
Of uncertainty"

"hello?"

"Mitch it's me Ashley something happened to Chad thats why I have his phone" Ashley said crying

"Ash what happened to him?" I started to cry

"Just try to come home as soon as you can... he is in the hospital Mitch I know your at school and all but I'm not sure what is happening they wont let us see him but come on Mitch he is your best friend he needs you." Ash said on the other line

"look Ash I have three months here I can't leave but I can go over the weekend ill go tonight and come back on next week ill talk to the dean. Do you think that would work?" I said crying I couldn't loose him either. It would really drive me over the edge.

"yeah try your best I have to go kiss kiss love ya chow hunn" I hung up the phone and fell to my knees why is this happening? Oh my God what is wrong with my life. I have to get out of here I need to leave. I got up and ran ran as fast as I can. I ran down the stairs and threw the doors and I ran right into the person I really didn't want to see right now.

"Mitchie whats wrong with you? Didn't you see where you were going?" he got up and put his hand out to help me up.

"Mitch are you okay sorry I snapped why are you crying?" he asked and I got up and dust my shorts off

"Mitch talk to me please I still care for you I love you! Seeing you like this hurts me." he grabbed me and hugged me and to my surprise I hugged him back and cried into his shirt.

"Shane I need to go home my...my best friend Chad he is in the hospital. I can't handle my life right now. I just need to see my friends and my mom." I sniffed and he whipped the tears away from my eyes.

"If you want I can take you home for the weekend? I now were not the Smitchie we use to be and all but I want to make it up to you. I want to prove that I care about you." he said while kissing my forhead

"Shane would you please I need to get on a plain by tonight I just need to make sure he is okay I ca- I cant loose another friend I don't think I can handle it not again" I looked into his eyes and saw that old sparkle in his eyes I loved. I went on my tip toes to kiss him and I felt his lips brush upon mine.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

ugh go back to sleep Mitchie. I turned to look at the clock and it was 9:00am time to wake up for another Saturday. Wow what a dream and OH MY GOD! was I dreaming of kissing Shane?

THANX FOR EVERYONE WHO REVIEWD I WAS BORED SO I DECIDED WHAT THE HELL ILL UPDATE EVEN IF I DIDNT GET MY 10 BUT I GOT TO 7 THATS A START HOPEFULLY I GET MORE REVIEWS AS I GET MORE INTO THE STORY.

LOVE BRI