Edward's Secret

Edward sat up most of the night watching Bella and Christina sleep. He gently put his arm around Bella and closed his eyes. He was thinking about something, he hadn't thought about since he'd told Bella that they had to leave Forks.

Edward was thinking about his family. He thought about Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, and Emmet. Edward missed his family very much; he heard Bella stir and removed his arm. He didn't want her to know how he truly felt about the move.

He remembered the night that he told his parents about what he and Bella had to do. Alice had over heard everything and cried herself to sleep that night. The rest of the family had been fairly supportive. Edward had known that deep down they were just as angry at him as Alice was for running away.

Edward was just about to lie down when he heard Christina crying. He got up and went over to the other quilt. Christina sobbed "Get away from me you monster!"

Edward knelt down beside the blanket and said "Chrissie it's just me. You don't need to be afraid."

Christina sobbed harder and threw herself into Edward's arms. Edward sighed and gently wrapped his arms around Christina. Bella heard Christina crying and said "Edward could you go to the stream and get her a drink please. I'll calm her down."

Edward nodded and got up. Christina sobbed quietly into Bella's chest. After awhile Christina sniffled and said "Mommy; why did daddy hurt me?"

Bella sighed and gently said "Sweetheart your daddy would never hurt you. He loves you very much; that was just a nightmare. Are you really afraid of your daddy; or are you afraid of what you are?"

Edward came back and said "How are my two favorite girls? Here Chrissie I got you some water, are you ok sweetie?"

Christina took a sip of her water and said "Daddy, I'm sorry for waking you."

Edward spoke softly and said "It's alright; you just had a bad dream."

Bella sighed and said "Do you think you can go back to sleep now? We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Are you ok Edward?"

Edward sighed and said "I'm fine Bella. You need to get some sleep."

Bella looked at Edward and said "You aren't ok; Edward your eyes are black. That only happens for two reasons; one you're thirsty or two you're angry. What's bothering you?"

Edward sighed and said "Running away from things isn't easy for me. I'm going to miss my family; Bella you don't understand what it's like for me to have to run from everything."

Bella gently hugged Edward and said "I had to leave behind someone I thought of as a brother. I know exactly what you're going through. Was Jacob hurt when you found him?"

Edward said "Bella sit down. Jacob was dying when I got back to the house. Those monsters killed him because he wouldn't tell them where you were. I had a choice either bite him and make a vampire or let him die. I asked him what he wanted and he said he would rather die than become a vampire. I'm so sorry Bella; Jacob died protecting us."

Bella burst into tears and Edward hugged her tight. After Bella had cried herself out she said "Would you have saved him? I know that you both hated each other, don't lie to me Edward."

Edward took a deep breath and said "Bella, no amount of hatred prevents me from doing what is right. I tried to save him but he wanted to die. You don't really think that I wanted him to die do you?"

Bella started to cry again, Edward held her very close and kissed her cheeks. Christina heard Bella crying and went over to her mother. Christina asked "Are you alright mommy?"

Edward scooped Christina up and said "Chrissie your mommy is fine, you should be asleep my angel. Come on lie back down and I'll tuck you in. Goodnight Chrissie."

After Chrissie was asleep Edward walked back over to Bella. He felt awful about upsetting her. Bella sniffled and said "Edward; why did you tell her to go back to bed? I need to tell her – tell her about Jacob."

Edward sighed and kissed Bella's hair. Then he said "Jacob wouldn't want you to be sad Bella. He died while saving yours and Christina's life. I didn't leave him alone either; I stayed by his side until he died. Bella he wanted you to have this back. Lift your head so I put it around your neck."

Bella gasped when Edward put the braid of Jacob's hair around her neck. Then said "You said you didn't want me to wear this, why are you giving it to me now?"

Edward sighed and said "Bella that was before I realized how close you two were, that was before he saved your life. I don't want you to forget him Bella. I can't help thinking that if I hadn't left- he wouldn't be-oh Bella I'm so sorry."

Bella said "Don't talk like that, there's no point in blaming yourself. Jacob wouldn't want you to-Edward you don't really feel that way do you?"

Edward sighed and put his arm around Bella. Then he said "I never should have run away from you. Bella; I promised you along time ago I wouldn't ever leave again. This is my fault Bella; it's my fault that your best friend is dead. I'm so sorry Bella."

Bella wiped a tear from her cheek and said "Edward stop this, I don't blame you for anything. I love you. Now can I just go to sleep I'm really drained right now."

Edward sighed and said "I'm not helping you am I. Bella I don't think you should be left alone right now. Why are you so upset? Is there something I'm not getting here?"

Bella sobbed "Edward you tried to kill yourself when you thought I was dead; what right do you have to tell me how I should feel? News flash I don't think Jacob is dead I know he is."

Edward sighed and said "You're right Bella. I'm not trying to tell how you should feel. I'm trying to tell you how he would want you to be. Jacob would want you to be happy; I know this is hard Bella but please try to relax. I'll go get you a drink alright."

Edward got up to get Bella a drink. When he came back Bella sniffed softly and said "Thank you Edward. I'm sorry I can't be like this. I have to be strong for Christina."

Edward sighed and said "Bella it's ok to cry; Jacob wouldn't want you to lie to yourself. It's ok to be weak sometimes."

Bella stood up and said "Edward stop, you don't – you don't understand. I'm going to bed before I say something I'll regret later."

Edward gently took Bella's hand and said "I do understand; Bella I want to help you. God Jasper is so much better at this then I am. I'm you husband I should be able to help you but I can't. Here lie down and put your head on my chest like you used to."

Bella laid her head on Edward's chest and she stopped crying. Edward sighed and kissed Bella's cheeks and held her until she fell asleep. Edward heard Esme's thoughts "I can't believe Alice would kill herself. Edward is going to be heart broken when he finds out. I'll call him in the morning he's got enough to worry about right now."

Edward stood up carefully so he didn't wake up Bella and then he took off running through the trees toward home. His eyes burned with tears that he couldn't shed. His body shook with sobs and he struggled for control.

When Edward got home Esme was waiting for him. She pulled him into a hug and sadly said "You heard my thoughts didn't you. I'm so sorry. Edward honey you should be with Bella. It's not safe for her to be alone."

Edward sighed and said "Esme, Bella and Christina are safe. I wouldn't have left otherwise. Both of them were asleep when I left. I just can't believe that Alice took her own life. How is Jasper taking it?"

Esme's body shook with sobs and she said "He hasn't left his room since Carlisle told him. Are you alright Edward? I know how close you two were."

Edward sighed and said "Where's Carlisle? I'm fine Esme."

Esme said "He's with Jasper; I think he's taking this harder then Jasper is. He feels like he should have been able to save her. This is just like that – that awful night where we almost lost you. Edward her funeral is tomorrow night just after sunset. I was thinking about burying her in the meadow I know that was her favorite place."

Edward said "I'm going to go help Jasper out. He's always helped me when ever I've been hurt. It's my turn now to help him."

Esme nodded and sadly said "Does Bella know what happened to Alice? I'm sure that Alice – Alice would want her there."

Edward sighed and said "Bella doesn't know anything. I wasn't planning on telling her either. The last thing she needs is to know that Alice killed herself."

Esme gently pulled Edward into a tighter hug and said "Edward you have to tell Bella. This isn't the type of thing you keep a secret. I'm sure that what ever is bothering Bella can't be as bad as what this family is going through. For the second time in my life I've lost a child. Alice might not have been my flesh and blood but I loved her just the same."

Edward didn't say anything he just stood up and went to talk to Jasper. He paused by the door and knocked on it softly then he said "Jasper its Edward we need to talk."

Jasper opened the door and hugged Edward and said "Talking isn't going to bring her back. I'm going to miss her so much."

Edward murmured softly "I know Jasper. You've always help the rest of us when we've been upset; now it's our turn to help you."

Jasper sighed and said "Why would Alice do something like this? I just don't understand why she didn't talk to me."

Carlisle spoke gently and said "Edward, Jasper there's something about Alice that you both need to understand. As you both know Alice's transformation wasn't pleasant. She doesn't remember her human life. The only thing that kept her from wanting to hurt her-self sooner was you Edward."

Edward put his head in his hands and said "She was dating Jasper; I don't understand. How did I make her feel stronger than he did?"

Carlisle sadly said "Edward family is the strongest love on this earth. Alice loved you like a brother; she didn't want to hurt you Edward."

Jasper snapped "So if Edward would have stayed and here; Alice would still be alive?"

Carlisle sighed and said "Jasper Edward didn't have a choice. He had to leave to keep Bella safe."

Jasper started to shake and yelled "Everything is always about Bella with him anymore! He probably doesn't even care that Alice is gone."

Edward sighed and said "Jasper, I do care it's just that I have a family of my own now. I had to make a choice, I feel guilty that I didn't talk to her before I left but Bella didn't know about the move yet so I had to get home."

Jasper sniffed and said "Gross Edward you smell like a dog. Do you let your daughter play with those werewolves?"

Edward said "Yes I let Christina play with Jacob. That's not the issue here Jasper. If you want to know the reason why I smell like a wolf it's because I was with Jacob when he died. That's why Bella doesn't know about Alice yet. She's going through enough without having to worry about me. I'll tell her my terrible secret on my own time and in my own way."

Carlisle said "Edward Alice's funeral is tomorrow. It's just after sunset. Can you tell Bella by then so she can say goodbye? Alice would want Bella to say goodbye. I love you son. Send our love to Bella alright."

Edward said "Carlisle Bella is having trouble right now. She just lost her friend. He died saving her life and Christina's because I was stupid and ran away. I've already put her in enough pain I'm not doing that again. I'll tell her when I think she can handle it."

Rosalie knocked softly on the door and said "Edward please don't go. I want our family to be together tonight."

Edward hugged Rosalie's shaking form and said "Shh. I'll stay ok, take a deep breath and calm down."

Rosalie sighed and just held on to Edward very tight. Then she said "I can't believe that a few years ago that I almost caused you to do this. I'm sorry Edward."

Carlisle sighed and said "Edward, does Bella have any clue where you are?"

Edward put his head in his hands and said "She was asleep when I left. I didn't think about waking her up to tell her. If those things find her and Christina I've left them defenseless and alone."

Rosalie sighed and said "If Bella doesn't know you're here you shouldn't stay. Promise me that you'll come to Alice's funeral before you and Bella go to Alaska. I know this probably isn't the time for this but you reek. What did you do sleep with a werewolf? That better not be the other secret."

Edward sighed and said "I'll explain everything later. I feel guilty about some pain that I've caused Bella. I don't feel comfortable talking about that yet."

Carlisle sighed and said "Edward it's alright, you can have your secrets. Now get back to Christina and Bella before you scare them into thinking you've ran off."