Warning: Contains slash-if-you-squint (later chapters will contain actual slash)
Pairing: Ford/Arthur
Words: 461
Disclaimer: I am still not Douglas Adams.
Seriously. Watch the fifth episode of the TV series. Pay very close attention as the MC announces the devout believers in the great prophet Zarquon, about ten or fifteen minutes in. Left side of the screen in the shot of the table. Shiny tin-foil dresses. And go.
Zen & the Art
Of Finding a Vacancy, or Not
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy makes this comment on navigating unfamiliar lavatorial facilities without the help of an attendant, especially in establishments that cater to a wide variety of species:
It would be safer to wait for the next stop on your journey.
This is because, as noted in the introduction, the universe is very big, and all sorts of people, figments of an overactive imagination or otherwise, are generally accepted as quite common and diverse within it. Therefore it is in the best interests of popular establishments and seedy bars (which would not be frequented at all if they weren't dirt cheap and at least somewhat convenient) to provide as many accommodations for as many of their potential customers as is financially sound. The more successful a business is the more extensive and complex its facilities will be, so when considering any investment one should ask to go to the bathroom before signing anything. (See also: Why small bathrooms have tiny and frequently barred windows.)
When trying to locate someone who is lost or otherwise occupied in a complex bathroom, it is best to have a very keen sense of smell. In most cases, this will result in swift unconsciousness and you will no longer have to worry about finding the person in question.
When in dire need of a toilet yourself, it is commonly accepted practice to go about knocking on cubicle doors at random hoping first that they are unoccupied and second that they are compatible with your needs. Should neither of these be true, keep trying until you are successful or, as is slightly more likely, explode.
The pan-dimensional being who was currently lost in the Milliways bathroom had never read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, nor even seen a copy. His hyper-intelligent kind was above books, even electronic ones. They preferred building fantastically intricate computers that could then do most of the thinking for them, and tell them things like which way to turn at Alpha Centauri or which lavatory cubicles were unoccupied.
So, since the Lavatory Assistant had apparently found better things to do than its job, he was lost. This was terribly annoying, because he had a very important appointment the next day. It really was an honor to be chosen. How would it look if he never showed up? An absolute disgrace.
But since he was already lost, he decided while he was there he might as well find a usable toilet.
He chose a cubicle at random and tentatively raised an arm in preparation for knocking to make sure it was vacant. By a staggering coincidence he happened to choose the only occupied stall in the entire place, and did in fact stagger backwards as the door swung open into his face.
"Belgium!"