A/N: To the reviewer who thought they read this before – you might have! I mentioned at the beginning that the first three chapters were repurposed from another story. The rest of the chapters have never been published before.

When the buses arrived at the hotel in Atlanta, Rayna was sitting up front, so that she could get off quickly. She wanted to be sure she got a chance to talk to Deacon before he went to his room. The driver opened the door and she rushed down the steps, standing on the sidewalk by the front entrance. There were fans there already and they started cheering and screaming as soon as they saw her. She turned towards them and waved with both hands, smiling her performance smile. She always got a thrill from seeing her fans and she hoped it never got old.

She kept an eye on the other bus and watched as her band members started to get off and the roadies started pulling out instrument cases and luggage. She got that quiver of excitement when she saw Deacon walking down the steps. He started to walk towards the cargo hold, but he looked up and saw her. She lifted a hand up and smiled and he walked towards her.

Her stomach was turning flip flops as he approached and she took a deep breath. "Hey," she said. "How was the ride?"

He nodded. "Smooth." He shoved his hands in his pockets and rolled his shoulders forward. "I don't need that special space though."

She shrugged. "Well, it came that way and so I decided, well, we decided, Bucky and me, that it would be for the bandleader." She looked at him and bit her lip. He looked so good. She'd almost forgotten how good he looked when he wasn't drinking. She fidgeted with her hands and then she cleared her throat. "So, I was hoping maybe, once we get settled, we could meet for a few minutes to talk about the set list."

He frowned. "You don't like it?"

She shook her head. "It's fine. But I might want to tweak it just a little and I wanted to talk to you about that. Do you have some time for me?"

He took a beat and then he said, "I always got time for you, Rayna."

She suddenly felt like they were standing too close together and she took a step back. "Great. Thirty minutes? In the lobby?"

He lifted his shoulders and nodded. "I'll see you then."

She looked at him a moment longer, then smiled nervously, and turned back to where Mia was waiting for her with Maddie.

~nashville~

It was a long ride to Atlanta. He'd sat in the back for a while and worked on some music of his own. While he'd been in rehab, he'd written dozens of songs, almost all of them about Rayna. Some were angry songs, some were yearning songs, some were just plain sad songs. He finally put his guitar aside and leaned back on the bed. He closed his eyes and thought about watching her standing beside her bus before they pulled out. She'd looked so good, in her jeans and a long-sleeved top that hugged her body and fanned out over her still tight ass. He knew it was still tight because, when they would rehearse, he couldn't keep his eyes off it.

He'd watched her with Teddy and wondered if she really did love him. It seemed like she did. She was letting him hold her close and kiss her. He'd looked away, because if he hadn't, he thought he'd either cry or hit something. He hated watching someone else touch her. Always had. Back in the days when they were together, men always seemed to think they could hit on her or try to grab her ass or even her boobs. He'd lost track of the fights he'd gotten into over that. And even though he was trying to protect her, it seemed like every time he did it, it just ended up in a fight with her.

"Deacon, you have to just let it go!" she shouted.

"Are you fucking kidding me, Ray? I should just let a guy grab your ass or pinch your boob like that? Put his slimy hands all over you?" He stood toe to toe with her and she didn't give an inch.

"I don't mind you saying something, or even a gentle push, but damn it, babe, you don't have to fight every guy who comes near me!" She stood with her hands on her hips, her eyes blazing.

He'd run his hands over his head. "Rayna, I'm not gonna let some guy paw you!" he shouted. "It just ain't gonna happen!"

She stood her ground. "If you don't stop beating up every guy in the bar, we're never gonna get asked back." She lifted up her hand and poked him in the chest. "I can't have you put us in the position of not being able to play anywhere. I can take care of myself."

He would fume and then she would let her face soften and she'd tell him she appreciated that he wanted to protect her and that she loved him for it, but he still couldn't beat everyone up. He'd apologize and she'd smile up at him and then she'd kiss him. The next thing he knew they were in bed, having hot sex, because, even if she didn't want him getting into fights, she loved that he took care of her.

He made himself stop thinking about her like she was still his. It didn't help and he was going to need to focus on performing, as long as he was on her tour. Eventually he left the back of the bus and joined the rest of the band up front. It helped to shoot the breeze with them and talk about the tour, got his mind off other things.

When they arrived in Atlanta, he planned to head straight to his room. He made his way down the steps and out onto the sidewalk in front of the hotel. He started to head to the cargo hold to get his gear, when he saw Rayna, standing on the sidewalk, looking in his direction. Actually, he was sure she wasn't looking at him at all, but then she smiled and waved. For a second he felt like he couldn't breathe and then he forced himself to breathe out and headed her way.

When he was standing in front of her and she was looking up at him, he thought again how pretty she was and how relaxed and happy she looked. He didn't know if that was Teddy or Maddie or both, but it wrenched at his heart to know she wasn't doing this with him. "Hey," she said. "How was the ride?"

He nodded at her. "Smooth." He wanted to tell her it was anything but, that all he'd done was think of her, knowing she was just one bus behind. "I don't need that special space though." Although he liked having it, thought it would be good on an overnight ride. No matter how nice bunks were, they were still bunks and there still wasn't much room to get comfortable. But he didn't need to be treated special.

She looked at him. "Well, it came that way and so I decided, well, we decided, Bucky and me, that it would be for the bandleader." She looked a little nervous, fidgeting with her hands. He waited her out, knowing she had something to say. "So, I was hoping maybe, once we get settled, we could meet for a few minutes to talk about the set list," she said finally.

He frowned. "You don't like it?" He was confused, because they'd gone over it the day before at rehearsal. Although it was always her prerogative to change things. They were doing a lot of numbers which were new for him and he hadn't had as much experience with them, so maybe she had a different idea in her head.

She shook her head. "It's fine. But I might want to tweak it just a little and I wanted to talk to you about that. Do you have some time for me?"

He breathed in and said, "I always got time for you, Rayna." He couldn't help but wonder if this was really about the set list.

She took a step back, still fidgeting with her hands. "Great. Thirty minutes? In the lobby?"

He nodded. "I'll see you then." She smiled then, just a little, and then she turned and walked back towards her bus. He watched her until she got to where her babysitter was waiting with Maddie and then finally turned and got his duffel, which had been placed along the side of the walkway. Then he gathered up his guitar and headed in.

~nashville~

Rayna got Maddie settled into the second bedroom in the suite. One of the nice things about being a bigger star these days was that she got a suite and there was plenty of room for Mia and Maddie. She stood in the bathroom and brushed her hair. She still had the butterflies in her stomach, knowing she was meeting Deacon in a few minutes. She thought about the fact that the set list really didn't need any tinkering with. Deacon, as always, had done a great job mixing it up. He had not lost his touch. She did think she should hold 'This Love Ain't Big Enough' for the final encore song, though. It had been the bestselling single off the album. She knew he particularly liked 'Already Gone', as did she, but she didn't want to end with that.

More than anything though she wanted to tell him how proud she was of him. She didn't think she'd really told him that. This was all going better than she had thought it might and she thought it would be a good idea to let him know that.

She walked back into the other bedroom. Maddie was sitting in the crib and when she saw her mother, she raised her arms up and squealed. Rayna smiled and walked over to pick Maddie up. The little girl gave her a gummy, wet smile and Rayna grinned at her. She bounced Maddie on her hip. "How's my girl?" she cooed. Maddie waved her little arms around and laughed. Rayna kissed her daughter on the cheek. "Mama's gotta do some business, sweet girl," she said. "But Mia's here."

Mia got up from where she was sitting and walked over to take Maddie. "I'll feed her while you're gone and give her a bath, Miss Jaymes," the babysitter said. "Then she'll be ready for you when you come back."

Rayna ran her hand over Maddie's back. "Thanks, Mia," she said warmly. "I've got a meeting and then I'm gonna head over for sound check. Then I'll be back for a bit to see Maddie before I head on for the show." She leaned in and kissed Maddie again. "Bye, sweetie. I'll be back."

She walked over to the door and looked back at her daughter. No matter what the circumstances were that had brought her into this world, Rayna knew she wouldn't trade her for anything. Even if Deacon never knew Maddie was theirs, she would know. Maddie was the most perfect part of the love they had shared.

~nashville~

Deacon was waiting in the lobby when Rayna came down. She smiled as she approached him and sat at a ninety degree angle to him on the lobby couch. It felt strange to him to be meeting and talking in a hotel lobby instead of wrapped up in the sheets in bed. He breathed in, trying to get rid of that visual. He waited for her to talk.

She sat right on the edge of the couch, her hands clasped together tightly on her knees. Her eyes flitted away and then back. "So, I like the set list, but I was thinking, on the drive down, why don't we start with 'Already Gone' and finish with 'This Love Ain't Big Enough'? I mean, 'This Love' is the big single off the album and it just feels like we should make 'em wait for it. What do you think?"

He thought about it for a minute. It made sense. 'Already Gone' was probably her biggest hit of the songs they were still doing, but 'This Love' had been huge. He'd wondered if she had written it about him. The words from the chorus – Pick the coffin, bury this love / Drive a nail in, baby, I'm done – justseemed like it was her words to him. But there was no denying it was a powerhouse song. As always, she had good instincts for what worked. He nodded. "I agree. Makes sense," he said. "I'll change it." He cleared his throat. "So you're still okay with the arrangement change on 'Already Gone'?"

"I am. I listened to it several more times on the way down here and I like it more every time I hear it. I mean, I loved it the way we did it originally, but I really like the punch." She smiled. "This is why I needed you back. You make me better." She ran her tongue over her lips and looked down at her hands, then back at him. "I've watched you, Deacon, these last couple weeks. And, um, I'm proud of you. Really proud of what you've done this time."

He didn't really know what to say, so he just nodded.

She started to fidget with her hands and her eyes couldn't seem to settle anywhere. "I, uh, I didn't know how this would go, but I think it's been good so far. Thank you for honoring the deal." She looked at him then and he thought he saw a hint of something, but he couldn't be sure.

He sat forward, his arms resting on his legs. "You put your trust in me, Ray, and I just wanna do right by you. I'm grateful for this chance. I promise not to let you down."

She nodded. The silence lingered and then finally she stood up. "Well, I'm gonna head on over for sound check. I'll see you there." And she turned and walked away.

He sat back and sighed. This wasn't going to be easy, he knew, but he was determined not to let her down. He finally got up and headed in the same direction she had gone.

~nashville~

Rayna always felt a rush of excitement the first night of a tour. This night was no different, but it even felt like the excitement had ratcheted up a notch because, not only was it her first tour since well before Maddie was born, but she was doing it again with Deacon. She never thought that would be the case. She had to admit to herself that it had been surprisingly easy to fall back into a comfortable performing rhythm with him. At times she almost forgot everything that had gone on between them, as she got caught up in a song. Then she would turn to look at him and her heart would beat faster and she'd find herself wondering what if. What if I'd told him back at the cabin when I went there after I found out I was pregnant? What if knowing he was going to be a father changed everything? But she hadn't told him then and now it felt like it was too late.

She had come over to the arena early for sound check, just like she always did. She picked up a bottle of water and then headed out to the mezzanine. She walked to the ramp that led to the nosebleed section and eventually found a spot four rows from the top, halfway in. She sat down and took a sip of water, then sighed. It was bittersweet, doing this alone. How many times had she and Deacon done this, looking down on the stage from the vantage point of people who paid the least amount for tickets and were farthest from the music? It had always been a humbling thing to do, reminding themselves to sing out to the people at the top of the venue.

She smiled a little sadly as she thought of all the times they'd sit up here and make out. Or more. She was startled when she suddenly heard the sound of footsteps. She felt her stomach drop as she waited, swallowing hard when she saw Deacon come up through the entrance to the section she was in. When he saw her, he nodded almost imperceptibly and she felt a sudden chill on her bare arms. He stood looking at her for a moment, then walked into a row on the opposite side of the aisle and several rows down from where she was.

She wanted to say something, but she couldn't find the words. She sat for a few more seconds, then got up and walked out to the aisle. She walked down the steps to the row he was seated in. He looked up and over at her and she returned his gaze. Then she gently tapped the back of the aisle seat and continued down the steps, not looking back.

~nashville~

He should have known she'd still do this. He'd been the one to start it, back when they were opening on George Strait's tour, but then it became a ritual for them, one that meant as much to her as it had to him. So then what were the odds he'd choose the same section. As he sat, he felt like he couldn't breathe, knowing she was so close. He wanted to go sit with her, but he knew he couldn't.

Then too soon he heard her get up and head for the aisle. She stopped when she got to his row and they just looked at each other. In his mind, he thought she wanted to say something, make a move, but couldn't. He knew she had a sense of honor about her. He knew that she would be loyal to her husband, her marriage. That's how she was made. He admired her for that, but it killed him all the same.

As he watched her walk away, he thought about the fact that this was their ritual. It was in their blood, just like everything else about them. He hoped one day they'd be able to share that ritual with each other again.

And maybe more.

~nashville~

Rayna stood still in front of the mirror while her stylist made minor adjustments to her stage outfit. "You sure you don't want to wear the vest?" she asked, as she pulled the belt through the belt loops on Rayna's skirt. The blouse had billowy sleeves, but was cut to fit and flatter her torso. It was dusted with rhinestone dust so that, in the light, it sparkled and gleamed. The bolero vest was more full-on rhinestones and Rayna had decided it was a little too hokey.

Rayna shook her head. "I don't think so." She wrinkled her nose. "Somehow that just seems too 'Hee Haw', you know?" She smiled. "Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I want to look a little more sophisticated, you know?" She smoothed her hands down over the front of the denim skirt and then down the back, making sure it fit well. She turned slightly so she could see her backside in the mirror. "Can we pull the blouse out just a touch more in back?" she asked.

"Absolutely." The stylist walked around behind her and pulled it up just slightly. She smiled over Rayna's shoulder in the mirror. "I love this belt," she said. "Where did you get it?"

Rayna flushed just slightly. She made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "I've had it forever. Just found it in a thrift store back when I was first starting out." She laughed nervously. "I'm almost surprised it hasn't just fallen apart, but miraculously it's held up." She put her hands on her hips. "Thanks, Leah." The stylist nodded and backed away, leaving Rayna alone in her dressing room.

All she needed to do now was put on the strappy stilettos she was going to wear and she'd be ready. The opening act had finished performing and her roadies were breaking down their set and getting hers ready. She felt the butterflies she always did before a show, but this time it was different. This time she was doing this with Deacon as someone other than her romantic partner. She almost felt like she had a boulder on her chest as she considered that. It would be the same but then not and, now, belatedly, she wasn't sure if she could handle it all.

She looked at herself again in the mirror. She touched the belt buckle and closed her eyes, breathing in deeply. She had never really understood why the person who had left it at the thrift store would have given it away. Surely it had some special meaning, just like it now did for her. It was a sturdy belt, built to last, and the part of the belt that laid against her back had been engraved, with stars on each side of the words 'I LOVE YOU'.

Back in those days, she and Deacon didn't have much money and bought clothes at thrift stores. They'd actually been there looking for jeans for him. He was in the dressing room, trying on jeans, so she had wandered around the store until she'd spied it in the ladies' section. She slipped it around her waist and found that it fit perfectly. When Deacon came out of the dressing room, she held it up. "I have to have this, babe," she said.

He looked at it and smiled. "Yeah, you do," he said, leaning in for a kiss.

She didn't wear it all the time, just those times when she felt like he needed to know. She had lots of other belts, plain and fancy, but this one came out for special occasions, like after a fight or when things had been especially, over-the-top good. She would wear it when she picked him up from rehab and when she would attend one of his special meetings, when he'd get a six-month chip. Which was as far as he'd ever gotten, when they were together. She hadn't worn it in a long time.

She thought about seeing him up in the nosebleeds, their ritual. This was the part of all this that troubled her the most. Everything about this was familiar, it was their routine, and yet they weren't doing it together. It felt bittersweet and it made her wonder, once again, if she was doing the right thing. About all of it.

Suddenly she felt a cold chill run through her and thought maybe she should take the belt off. She didn't want to send the wrong message. She stood there with her fingers on the buckle, debating in her head. Then there was a knock on the door before Bucky opened it and stuck his head in. "We need to get upstairs, Rayna," he said.

She forgot about the belt as she hurried to get into her shoes and followed him out to the sold out arena.

~nashville~

She was wearing the belt. He couldn't help but notice, since he was standing behind her. He had to make himself stop staring at it so he could concentrate on what he was doing. He was surprised she even still had it, much less that she would wear it. It had had personal significance for them and it made him wonder if it still did for her, or if it was just a belt.

He tried, a time or two, to kind of catch her eye when she would look at him, trying to judge what she was thinking, but, as usual, the eye contact was brief and she seemed to be forcing it to be neutral. Whenever they would talk or when they were rehearsing on stage, he'd try to read her eyes. She had said to him once that windows were the eyes to the soul. She always told him that he was such an open book, that everything he was thinking or feeling was in his eyes. She was confident she had mastered the neutral eye and the performance face and, to most, that would be true. But not to him. He could still see into her soul through her eyes. She wasn't able to hide that from him.

She knew it too, so she didn't focus her eyes on him for long these days. She would look at him, then look away. But he could always tell. So when he caught her eyes on stage that night, he could see how conflicted she was. It bolstered him, but it also deflated him, because clearly she was trying to convince him – and herself – that she was where she wanted to be.

He knew that the first show of the tour had an extra sense of excitement for her. Everything was crisp and new, untested, and her adrenaline was always sky high. That was true this time as well. She was on top of her game, he could see, the time away from the stage not having hurt her at all. The crowd was on its feet from the moment she started the show with 'Already Gone', which had been the perfect change. He had mixed up the arrangement to give it a more powerful sound, instead of the ballad-y version she had originally recorded, and it turned out to be a perfect reintroduction for Rayna Jaymes.

He was pumped himself, as she finished off her encore.

Pick the coffin, bury this love / Drive a nail in, baby, I'm done / Pick the coffin, bury this love / Drive a nail in, baby, I'm done

This love ain't big enough for the two of us / Locked 'n' loaded, it's high noon / Make my day, you son of a gun / This love ain't big enough / For the two of us

The crowd roared its approval and she stood at the front of the stage, with her hands held high. When she turned around, he could see the joy all over her face. The joy of performing, the joy of being back, the joy of everything clicking the way it was supposed to. She smiled happily at him and mouthed the words 'thank you'. She turned one more time to face the adoring crowd and then she walked off the stage.

As he trailed after her, he felt good about the show. Even with less than three weeks prep time, he'd felt good about his contributions. The set list had been tight and well-organized, keeping the crowd on their feet most of the show. The songs were all more high energy, by design, and if the audience missed her slow ballads, it was hard to tell. There was certainly a large chunk of the Rayna Jaymes catalog that would probably never be performed again, except in the privacy of one's home, but hopefully the new music made up for it.

He caught up to her and put a hand on her shoulder. "You killed 'em tonight, Ray," he said, leaning in towards her ear.

She turned slightly and smiled at him. "I couldn't have done it without you, Deacon," she said. "Truly, thank you." She moved away from him then and headed down the steps and out onto the ramp to the dressing rooms, without a glance back.