Chapter 4: Broken Bonding
I'm on the way home, but I get stuck in traffic. It's basically at a stand still so I check my phone. 18 texts and 12 voice mails, all from...
Mason...
I toss my phone on the seat.
"We broke up, why is he calling me?"
What am I your relationship therapist?
"No, but you are the reason I've had so many break ups?"
How the hell is this my fault dearie?
"Stop calling me that, it's because of you that I go through this crap, it's because of YOU I can't connect with people, it's because of YOU that I killed my own..." I stop short.
There you go, embracing the dark side again.
"I don't have a dark side! I work with kids, I volunteer at the hospital, I even go to church! I'm not evil!"
Oh but you are... You can try all you want to escape the past, but it keeps... coming...back
"SHUT UP!" I scream.
At that moment, the mailbox beside my car explodes. My windows shatter and flaming paper is scattered everywhere. There are screams heard and horns blaring in what feels like stereo sounds. I pull myself from my car and kneel to the ground to catch my breath. There are sirens in the distance now and I see a few people whipping their phones out to get photos.
This has happened before. I stop the flow of magic inside me in order to be normal for the day. I guess it builds up and even if I use it for little things to keep it under control and evened out, but it always comes back to bite me! Why does this happen? Why do I always seem to hurt others when I try to be good? This is how my mom died, in times of unimaginable pain and stress, I explode like a bomb. Fortunately, the only people that have been hurt is my mom, me and anything unlucky enough to be near me at the time. The pictures from last night and now this!
People are flocking the area now, several have tried to help me, but I've gently pushed them aside. The police and fire engines have shown up and they extinguish what's left of the mailbox. Some paramedics want to take me to the hospital as a precaution, so I let them. I basically tune out anything they have to say, I'm fine. These kinds of things don't hurt me, physically anyways. The doctor tests my hearing and eyes to make sure the glass didn't hurt me in any way. Once he gives me the okay I call Alisa, a recommendation by the doctor. He's worried that I might develop post-traumatic stress or something like that. Insurance will cover the damage to my car and the cops want to talk to me in the morning about what I've might've seen. I'm just wondering how that conversation is going to go.
I'm standing in front of the hospital waiting for Alisa.
Quite the light show you gave there
"Shut up" I hiss angrily.
Angry with me are you?
"I'm always angry with you, I've been angry with you since I was born!"
Really? You seemed so happy for awhile there?
"Why the hell would you care?! All you've ever done is get me in trouble and taunt me after?"
Oh, but I do. You've never had a father, so I'm the father...
"I never had a father. He abandoned my mom, betrayed her and left her."
Still believe that do you?
"What are you...?"
Alisa pulls up. I hop in the passenger side and give her a hug.
"Are you okay?" she asks with general concern.
"Fine... just a bit shaken."
"Well if it makes you feel any better I'm never using a mailbox ever again."
I laugh at her joke and we pull out of the parking lot. I check my phone again.
26 missed calls and 43 texts, all from...
"What is his problem?" I say deleting all my messages.
"What?"
"Mason, he's stalking me electronically."
"Didn't you two dump each other?" she asks.
"Yeah, but when I said I never wanted to see him again, I kinda meant it."
"Maybe he's concerned about you, your name kind of came up on the news."
"But I'm fine, it was just a...whatever it was that exploded"
"Pipe bomb?"
"Maybe." I said.
I'm silent for awhile, trying to pull myself together. My hand begins to shake slightly, but I try to control it. I decide to change the subject.
"We have new kid at the daycare."
"Really?"
"Yeah, He's a cute kid but painfully shy. His file says he might have an anxiety disorder, he's adopted and probably has connection issues."
"Hmmm..."
"I tried to connect with him, but he flipped out when I tried to touch his stuffed frog."
"Kids can be pretty territorial about what's theirs. I had a ducky named Molly that I loved until is was rags, I couldn't part with it when my mom wanted to toss her. Raymond had a stuffed sheep that he called Woolly..."
"It's funny you know?" I ask. "It's the simplest things that we grow attached to and never want to let them go."
"Like the locket you wear?" Lisa offers as she stops on a red light.
My hand finds the gold chain and I squeeze the heart shaped pendant.
"It was my mom's..." I say softly.
"Sorry..." Lisa knows that my mom died two years ago, she doesn't know how. That is my secret.
Coming dearie!
Stay in there or I swear to God I will make you sorry! I think to him.
So scary!
Drop dead!
"You okay?" Alisa asks, bringing me back to reality.
"Yeah, just shaken up." I mutter.
"Well, we're almost home, you sure you don't want to me to stay over."
"I'm okay, I'll be alright."
"Should you go to work tomorrow?"
"I'll be okay" I insist.
"Alright, home sweet home" she pulls into the apartment parking lot.
"Thanks I'll call you later." I give her a hug and hop out with my bag.
I take the stairs.
Biding my time.
"Shut up! You've caused enough problems without you being around."
I open the door to my apartment. The lights are on and the door's open. I see him sitting in a chair sleeping, with one of my magazines draped over his chest. I can feel the anger inside me.
Keep it in check...
No dearie...
"What the hell are you doing here?!" I yell.
He practically goes flying off chair in shock.
"I'm sorry did I wake you? Or was I spoiling the fact you're trespassing in my apartment?!"
"Sweetheart," he says.
"Don't call me that!" I say. "What part of never again do you not understand?"
"Crystal, I just wanted to see if you're okay."
"I'm fine now get out!" The lights above us start flickering. I have to keep it in check. My hand is glowing slightly.
"Crystal I think we made a mistake."
"The only mistake I made was deciding to let you call me sweetheart." Another flicker.
"Crystal please listen... I never cheated on you!"
"Tell that to your girlfriend!"
"There is no girlfriend."
"Why should I believe you?"
"Because I know who you are."
"You know nothing about me!" I scream, tears streaming down my cheeks. "I can't believe I ever asked you to move in with me."
"Crystal, I know who you are, where you're from, why your mom died!"
"YOU KNOW NOTHING!"
The lights continue to flicker. I need to keep it under control. Mason seems to ignore the power shortage that I'm causing.
"Leave!" I say in a softer voice.
Do it
NO! I snarl in my head. I used to love him.
You've never been loved
"Crystal please... I know you have powers, I know more about your past than maybe you do"
"You're talking crazy, I don't have powers!"
"That would be a lot more convincing if your hand wasn't glowing purple."
I stare down and shove the purple shining hand into my pocket.
"Y-You're crazy!" I yell.
"Crystal, please I love you."
The lights flicker less and the tears stop for that moment. My heart drops for a moment and my shields come down.
Did he just say the l-word?!
It would seem so...
What should I...?
Get him...
"NO!" I collapse on my knees, hands on my head in pain.
Now I really want to rip my head off to extract the voices from my head. I've never had a boy say "I love you" to my face, let alone come back to me for any reason. I am a freak, I killed...
Mason tries to get closer and the power is blinking like a strobe light. My emotions have thrown my powers way out of control. I want them gone! I want to be normal, I want Mason or someone like him to say I love you. I curl up into the fetal position and just cry.
"Mommy I miss you..." I wail.
I feel strong arms pull me up and into a hug. The smell of his neck puts me off for a second, but some way, some how Mason braved my powers and knew what I needed. Usually this is what sends a man running for the door. It's partly the reason I'm unlucky with love, when I have overpowering emotions, these voices come back, I lose control of my powers and I blow it. Literally.
I think of my mother. The hole that can never be filled, a void that I...I made.
"I killed my mother..." I sob
"I know..." Mason says. "You don't belong here...you and your mom belonged somewhere special, some..."
"Don't talk." I whisper. "Just hug."
And he does.