Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or any songs I mention!

Author: Alleycat

Story: Roulette

Clare reluctantly agrees to go to Roulette with Alli and her new boyfriend Drew. There she meets the owner's son Eli, who is as mysterious and confusing as he is attractive. EC

Dedication to: RebeccaKang because that was catchy and amazing. Seriously.

Also a note on the song I used, I thought it was perfect for this chapter. There's this one line that goes like "in you I crash cars" and I wanted to save that for EClare but the song was too appropriate to pick another.

A slight warning for the chapter, there's some heavy stuff towards the end.

Chapter 4

Drinking mercury
To the mystery of all that you should ever seek to find
Lovely girl, you're the murder in my world
Dressing coffins for the souls I've left behind
In time
We must never be apart

~ "Ava Adore" by Smashing Pumpkins

Clare had successfully avoided Alli since Saturday.

It was now Wednesday and she didn't meet Adam for lunch for the past week because she couldn't dare look at him and not ask questions. She sent him hesitant smiles and greetings before class but that was it. She knew her luck had run out when she heard Alli come home from class early and shout into the apartment.

"I know you're in there! I came home early to confront you," She opened the door and turned on the lights. "What the hell is going on with you?"

Clare fell back on her bed. "I don't even know."

Alli dropped her purse in the doorway and walked over to the bed. "What happened Saturday night?"

"He has a girlfriend," She whined and grabbed a pillow to suffocate herself.

Alli dropped to the bed in shock. "Are you serious? Did she show up there?"

"No."

Alli waited for her to continue and rolled her eyes when she didn't. "He didn't he tell you about her did he? How embarrassing!"

"No."

"Okay," Alli sighed and wrenched the pillow out of her grip. "I give up. Tell me what happened."

"Fine," Clare huffed and sat up. "I saw a picture of them together."

"And?" She prompted.

She shrugged noncommittally. "That's it."

Alli gaped at her. "So nobody said anything about this girl?"

"No," She said slowly.

"So you're just being neurotic?" When she didn't have anything to defend herself, Alli started asking her questions each enunciated with a hit from the pillow. "How do you know they're still dating? And unless they're going at it in the picture, it might not even be his girlfriend."

She looked hopeful, "You think so?"

"Yes," She said exaggeratedly and collapsed next to her on the bed. "You need to dial back the crazy."

"I can't help it." She groaned. "I'm acting like such a stupid girl."

Allie nodded in agreement and laughed when Clare mock glared. "Nothing that a night of chick flicks and ice cream and other horrible things can't cure."

Though she was never a fan of the quintessential girl night, she did feel better the next morning. She went to her Thursday classes with a clear head. Work went by fast and by the time she got off she had resolved herself to do something.

This courage lasted her until she reached the entrance.

"ID?" The gruff man asked.

"Um," She laughed nervously, patting her pockets. "I really don't have it with me."

She didn't want to show him her ID and then reject her and never allow her in again. No, it would be better if she let him think that she simply forgot it.

"Then you can't come in." He said and turned to dismiss her.

"Please," She begged. "I just need to talk to Eli Goldsworthy. Can you just" -she threw her hands ups in frustration- "call him down here?"

"He's coming," He said as he touched his ear like if he was listening to someone else.

She paled. "Did he hear that?"

"Yes," He said, still not showing any emotion.

Before she could respond, Eli appeared in all his glory. His face was neutral and he looked more handsome than ever in a black button down and black slacks. She cursed herself for jeopardizing what they had because of an assumption.

He walked down the steps and pulled her to the side, away from prying ears.

A sense of dread settled in her stomach. He didn't let her in; this was not good.

"What are you doing here?" He asked tiredly.

She faltered. "I came to apologize. I overreacted about that picture of you and that girl-"

His face hardened at the word picture. "Well you apologized and now you can leave."

She felt like she been slapped. "I am r-really sorry-"

He held up a hand. "Save it Edwards. I have more important things to do."

"I'm sorry, I'm confused." She was having trouble comprehending the situation. "What changed?"

He laughed darkly and she got goosebumps. "There was never anything between us."

She blinked away the tears, "I know it wasn't official-"

"There was nothing," Eli snapped and turned his back on her.

And because she still had some dignity, she walked away without another word. She cried silently on the way home, cursing herself for being so stupid. She was constantly wronged by guys so why did she continue to try? They weren't worth it.

He was probably laughing at her now.

She called Alli on the way home and like any good best friend she had the hot chocolate and marshmallows ready.

"Drew never liked him," She offered as if that would help.

Clare laughed, "Thanks for trying."

Alli hugged her friend so hard that she squeaked. "Well he's a horrible person who doesn't know what he could have had."

"He's not a horrible person," Clare defended. "Moody yes, but maybe I assumed way too much."

Alli shrugged helplessly, unsure what to say.

"First things first, I need to apologize to Adam," Clare declared and straightened up, wiping her eyes. "I've been terribly rude."

"You know what makes everything better," Alli asked with a smile.

Clare shook her head.

"Food."

While she wasn't sure that it would act as a miracle cure, she decided to go with that idea anyway. She invited Adam over to the apartment during lunch with the promise of food. She asked if he had any food preferences or allergies but he declined; he just said to make a lot of whatever she picked. So she chose her world-famous (slight exaggeration) alfredo with chicken and garlic bread. For dessert she made a lot of brownies so that he could take some home.

And maybe brag to Eli how amazing she was.

She wasn't holding her breath but it was nice to dream.

"This looks great," Adam said, rubbing his hands together.

She waited anxiously for him to take a bite but relaxed when he gave her two very enthusiastic thumbs up. He didn't even stop shoveling it into his mouth to compliment it which seemed a compliment in itself. She tried to appear like she was eating but she kept worrying that Eli might have said something about her.

She took a few small bites of chicken when he looked up.

"That was-" He burped and patted his stomach. At her scandalized look, he laughed. "Sorry about that. As I was saying, that was the best apology I've ever had. We should argue more often."

Clare smiled and grabbed both their plates and returned with brownies. "Do you want milk?'

"Is Batman's butler named Alfred?" He joked. At Clare's blank look, he laughed. "Of course I want milk. But you should know that by the way."

She shrugged and gave him a glass. "I'm not into comics."

"Not even the movies with Bale? Heath Ledger?" He questioned, his eyes widening. He sighed dramatically. "This problem needs to be rectified immediately."

Clare mimicked his affected look. "What do you recommend doctor?"

"A movie marathon as soon as possible," He replied through bites of his brownie. "When are you free?"

"I get off at 9 on Saturday if you want to have it here," She offered.

Adam nodded. "My place will be loud. Drew's supposed to be having some sports party or something."

Clare asked if he had the movies or they should rent them and he gave her a condescending look.

"Of course I have them," He told her in a stuffy voice. They laughed but she quieted down when he looked at her seriously. "Now are we ever going to talk about the elephant in the room?"

She avoided his eyes. "There's really nothing to say."

He sighed loudly. "I beg to differ. What happened between you and Eli?"

Clare scoffed and met his eyes. "There's no me and Eli, he made that very clear last time I saw him."

She was purposefully vague because she wasn't sure if she wanted Adam to know how she went up there on her own and got rejected. She didn't want him to feel sorry for her.

Adam flinched. "Eli has a lot going on and he's-"

"Adam," Clare interrupted. "I appreciate what you are trying to do but it's over."

"But I've never seen him act like he does with you," Adam argued. He might have gotten annoyed at how cutesy the two were but he would never want them to break up. They were perfect for each other. "You just have to give him a chance to explain."

She shook her head. "It's too late."

Adam exhaled through his nose, annoyed. "So let me get this straight you chase him for weeks befriending his best friend to get to him-" She tried to deny it but he shook his head. "I know that's why you approached us at the cafeteria. Don't worry; I'm not mad I'm just saying. You go through all of this and after the first hiccup decide he's not worth it."

"Sometimes you have to know when to acquiesce," She said with a sad smile. "You can't change how people feel."

"But he likes you," Adam burst out then immediately put his hands over his mouth as if to stop himself from continuing.

Clare froze. "He what?"

"Nothing," He said quickly. "So how's school going?"

"No," Clare shook her head, refusing the subject change. "Did he tell you he liked me?"

"He's never going to tell me anything again," Adam muttered to himself and laughed when Clare shook him impatiently. "You just need to talk to him."

Even though Clare believed what Adam was saying was the truth, she didn't know if she could approach him again. It would be too humiliating to show up at the club. There was no other place she would see him unless-

"You set us up," She asked hopefully.

"No way," He denied, shaking his head. "Eli would kill me."

"Well then," She said simply, knowing Adam was too nice to actually refuse. "It's done."

He groaned and ran two hands over his face. "You're lucky I like you so much."

XXXXXX

"This is a good one," She commented and scanned the Woolf novel. "Have you ever read any of her other works?"

"It's for a class," The patron responded disinterestedly.

Clare deflated and handed the man his book. One of the reason she took the library job was because she wanted to discuss literature even the other employees weren't very forthcoming with discussion. All they cared about was not actually doing anything while appearing like they were accomplishing something.

She leaned forward and tapped her fingers, bored.

"Clare," Adam half shouted as he approached the desk.

She shushed him and looked around to see who noticed. Beyond some disapproving looks, no one seemed bothered. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to tell you that I will be late taking you home late," Adam said smiling. "I have some errands I have to do."

"But you weren't –" She stopped when she saw the look on his face. "Oh-kay. How late will you be?"

"Only like ten minutes but you weren't answering your phone."

She nodded, still confused. "I can't check it very often when I'm working."

Adam leaned on the wooden circulation desk. "That makes a lot of sens-"

"I should have known," Eli glowered as he walked down the aisle toward the desk. He had waited patiently for a few minutes in Adam's car while he ran in the library but five minutes later he was getting antsy.

He was more surprised than he should have been to see Adam leaning toward Clare.

"Why aren't you in the car?" Adam complained after he noticed him. He had purposefully walked around the library for ten minutes to make him anxious plus he didn't want to bother Clare that long at her work. "I'll be out in a second."

"Yeah," Eli scoffed. "I'll sit in the car while you chat up some librarian."

"It's Clare Edwards," She supplied, amused by his cold behavior. Now that she knew he did like her, she wasn't so insecure. "Or have you switched a flip and erased me from your memory?"

He glared at her.

"Oh wait," Adam cried stiffly and held out his Iphone. "My phone's ringing." He darted away, leaving the two alone.

"Dammit Adam," Eli growled while Clare tried not to laugh. Adam was so obvious that it was comical.

Clare waited for Eli to walk away but he just stared at her. She started to smile hesitantly.

"How can you even look at me and smile?" He asked, frustrated. "I've been so mean it you."

"A journalist should have thick skin," She explained, purposefully not mentioning how much of a mess she was right after the incident.

He nodded, impressed. "So you've decided?"

"No," She said with a laugh. "Still undecided but I believe I should be prepared."

He smirked. "I can't imagine you ever not prepared."

"It happens," She assured him. She did not feel prepared for this conversation but she was going to do it anyway. "I think we should just talk and let the chips fall where they may."

"I can't be your boyfriend," He spoke suddenly and stepped closer.

She was going to ask him why when a student came up with a stack of books. She looked at him apologetically before addressing the student. She turned immediately once she finished.

"So why can't you be my boyfriend?" She repeated.

He sighed heavily. "My girlfriend is dead."

She gaped at him. "What?"

"I killed my girlfriend," He said slowly, wanting her to understand.

"W-what happened?" Clare wondered, almost wishing she didn't have to hear especially at her job. She didn't want her perception of him to change but she wasn't sure she could date a murderer.

"We were friends, you know. Good friends and because we were young and horny" Clare blushed and Eli smirked at her before sobering up. "And we thought that being in a relationship was best but it ruined us." He snarled suddenly and she felt frightened by him.

She hated herself for noticing how sexy he was when he looked like that.

"We were too alike and argued all the time. It turned us hateful." He ran a hand through his hair. "I really wanted to return to what we were but it was too late. I made the mistake of telling her this."

Clare flinched, sympathizing with the dark-haired girl. She couldn't imagine the man she loved telling her that their relationship was a mistake. It would be devastating. She put a comforting hand over his.

He stared at her small hand and remembered Julia's pale hand with black nail polish. Her hand was always cold, Clare's was warm.

"She hung herself with my sheets." He continued in a detached voice, his gaze never leaving their hands. "I went to school sure that we could talk through it while she was in agony. I didn't think of anything when she wasn't there that day. Hell, we skipped all the time and I came home to call her to find her hanging in my bedroom." He shuddered at the flood of memories.

He was walking down the hallway, a sense of foreboding settled in his stomach. He went slowly, trying to determine what the knocking sound was. It was a steady beat and he opened the door curiously. There was his girlfriend, pale as ever, hanging from the ceiling. She looked peaceful as her body knocked against his Dead Hand poster.

His knees buckled and he gripped the doorway.

"Eli," Clare said softly. He looked at her with haunted eyes. Clare wanted to cry but felt she had no right. She used her other hand to touch his face. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry," He told her before wrenching away from her and darting out.

Clare collapsed against the desk as she heard Adam calling after Eli. She wondered why she was so dead set on solving the mystery that was Eli.

Well, she got what she wanted.

It just wasn't what she expected.

So there you have it. I felt like they could make no progress as a couple until he told her about his past and I didn't even make you wait that long! Four chapters ain't nothin'!

Please continue reviewing as I am so busy and they are the only thing that makes me forgo my homework to write lol.