Wolf Song

When Seijuro heads out the door to the hospital every day, he grabs his keys, wallet, and phone. His keys he keeps in hand, his phone clips onto his belt. It's a routine he's kept ever since graduating medical school. He's a surgeon now, and he supposes he's satisfied with his job. It's high stress, of course, and the workload is massive, but he's good at his job, and he helps people every day.

(He doesn't think about not having gone pro, doesn't dwell on his ACL tear his junior year that ended his career before it could even begin.)

Instead he tries to focus on the positives, like the players who did get drafted and went on to bigger and better things and had successful professional careers. He thinks about Sena Kobayakawa a lot. (He thinks about Sena Kobayakawa like that, too – First-name Last-name.)

In Seijuro's pants' pocket is his black leather wallet. And behind his ID, tucked snugly in the inner most section, is a photograph of Sena Kobayakawa and himself, celebrating after a game during Seijuro's junior year. It's creased from being unfolded and folded back up so many times; the edges have fluffed up; and some parts of the image have been smudged away by fingers brushing gently against the surface.

It goes without saying that Seijuro looks at it a lot, looks at it every time he thinks about Sena Kobayakawa, and he thinks about Sena Kobayakawa a lot.

(He wonders if he is 'Seijuro Shin' to Sena Kobayakawa, or if he is even thought about at all.)

They were close during Seijuro's junior year, before his injury. Their chemistry was intense – in fact, it felt like their high school careers had been building to that – to finally playing together. They were formidable as a team, and their coach always urged them to spend more time together to keep building their comradery. It was easy as breathing to build chemistry with Sena. Completely painless. Seijuro even looked forward to it.

Then, of course, he tore his ACL at the end of summer.

(It was a drill they had done hundreds of times. Sena had the ball and ran a route and Seijuro ran to stop him. It was just a misstep, just his torso turning before his knee could keep up, just a slip in focus.)

Sena took him to get his surgery and to the physical therapy sessions after that, but it was tense. Even Seijuro could tell. Seijuro had voiced that Sena shouldn't feel sorry for him, that he would gain his mobility back, and that he would be back on the field before Seijuro's senior year, but it was no use. Sena couldn't overcome his sadness, his pity, his disappointment. It was like Seijuro's injury had cracked something between them that was unrepairable.

Seijuro remained on the team (a bench warmer), continued physical therapy, focused on his studies, continued physical therapy, applied to medical schools, graduated, continued physical therapy, got admitted to his second choice, got invited to Sena's graduation/draft party…

It was as the party was winding down when he had time to talk with Sena. Seijuro had simply said 'Congratulations, Kobayakawa'. He wished he hadn't said that. Sena's face had crumpled, his whole body had curled into itself with that little comment. Sena had been drinking and his emotions played across his eyes vividly. Seijuro'd taken a glance back as he walked out and seen Sena dabbing at his eyes, the tip of his nose red.

Seijuro thinks about Sena Kobayakawa a lot, but he thinks about Sena always. Their training, warm summer nights spent running, Sena's quiet laughter in the dark.

(There had been one night before his injury where Sena slept over at Seijuro's dorm. Sena had slept over plenty of times; nothing had happened but something almost did that night. Sena'd had set his sleeping bag next to Seijuro's futon. Their bodies were weary from shuttles and suicides and the oppressive heat from their showers. They'd collapsed to sleep for the night, but one of them had said something. Seijuro can't remember who it was that had spoken or what was said, but it got them to both sit up. Their faces had been centimeters apart suddenly. They were sharing breath. The moon colored Sena's face in silver except for his dark eyes that seemed like bruises against his pale skin. They remained close for a beat, two beats. Seijuro looked down at Sena's mouth, considered it, but Sena had laughed nervously and rolled on his side before – before anything.)

(They never spoke about it because nothing had happened. But Seijuro still remembers: the heat, the moon, Sena's eyes, his laughter.)

Seijuro still keeps up with football. Specifically, he keeps up with Sena Kobayakawa who is now retired and married. Sena Kobayakawa first retired to the European leagues when rumors had started spreading, and then he officially retired when he married. Sena Kobayakawa wed a rugby player – a man with dark features and a serious face; 'stoic' was commonly used to describe him.

It makes Seijuro think a lot about Sena.

(Seijuro wonders about that one night. He wonders about what Sena's laugh meant, if he had been expecting anything, if he had wanted anything, if Seijuro had wanted the same.)

Seijuro is a surgeon now, and he's been out of the football world for well over fifteen years. He follows a routine: keys, wallet, phone, and thinking, always, about number twenty-one.

Floating

The training camp for the World Cup was hosted by the Taiyo Sphinx mostly because of their awesome proximity to a closed-off section of the beach meant to be used by the school only. Sena was tired from his earlier training with Shin, and was ready to pass out that night when the fated words were said:

"Yo, let's go skinny dipping!" Mizumachi was an unstoppable force when he set his mind to something, which is how the football players, managers, and cheerleaders found themselves on the pale beach in the middle of the night.

Several players seemed to have no qualms about embracing their birthday suits and taking a quick dip under the full moon. Some of the girls had also joined in, which caused Monta to faint. Sena shirked into himself, self-conscious (as usual).

"Uh, I'm going to take Monta away," Sena said, looking at the ground to avoid seeing anything from anyone. It was dark enough that no one noticed his furious blush (probably).

"I'll also head back," Shin said, face impassive as always. Shin picked Monta up in a fireman's carry, and Sena followed after, dazed.

The silence between them was awkward to say the least as they walked back.

Monta, in his half lucid state, said "I didn't even get a chance," before losing consciousness again.

"I don't think I could ever build up the nerve to do it," Sena said, feeling brave in the night.

"It seems… interesting," Shin offered up. "I admit I was curious."

Sena tried to keep his face composed, though this was probably the strangest thing Shin had ever said. Though now that Sena thought about it, Shin did seem comfortable with his body; in fact, Sena had seen Shin shirtless several times where a shirt should have been worn (like at the barbecue buffet).

"If there weren't so many people…" Sena mumbled. It did seem interesting, but there was no way he would expose himself in front of so many ridiculously built athletes.

"It's only us now," Shin said as he eyed the dark waves. They had walked to a more secluded section of the beach. They couldn't even hear the others at that point. Shin placed Monta on the ground and stripped off his shirt.

"W-W-What are you doing!" Sena shrieked even though he knew exactly what Shin was doing.

Shin paid him no mind as he kicked off his shoes and tugged his pants down. Sena smacked his hands over his eyes and whirled around. He heard a few foot steps behind him, and then more splashing. Cautiously, he peaked through his fingers as Shin's figure entered the water. When Shin was waist deep, he turned to face Sena.

Shin remained silent, which Sena interpreted as 'What are you waiting for, Eyeshield?'

"Okay, okay, fine," Sena said. He folded his clothes neatly next to Monta's sleeping face and then headed for the water.

Stay With You

Seijuro had lived a very sheltered and conservative life back when he'd been in high school. Entering university had turned some switch on inside of him. Seijuro was never one to take anything slow. One day he'd seen Sena as a teammate and friend, and then one day he saw more.

Seijuro trailed his fingers over Sena's bare back, and the other hummed. They were in Sena's dorm, but had to leave in the next thirty minutes for practice. Seijuro hooked his fingers on the waistband of Sena's joggers and crowded close to him.

"Fifteen more minutes," Seijuro whispered against Sena's neck. "I want to stay with you."

"Mm," Sena let himself be pulled back under the covers, a smile on his face. "Okay, a little longer."

A Moment Apart

Sena stepped off the train and onto a familiar platform. His bag and luggage were heavy, filled with souvenirs from America. It was sakura season now, and the petals danced in the breeze as he looked around, taking in how his surroundings had changed while he'd spent his second year in the States. Then the wind was knocked out of his lungs.

Farther along the platform, waiting for him, was Seijuro Shin. Sena spotted him first, saw Seijuro's familiar profile. Seijuro turned to face him, and the sakura blossoms floated, seemed to pause in the air as their eyes locked. Sena saw everything play out in Seijuro's eyes: neutral curiosity to surprised acknowledgement to delight.

Sena had only ever seen Seijuro smile a few times before, but this time a wide, true smile split across his face.

Dropping his things, Sena darted forward, and jumped into Seijuro's outstretched arms after their moment apart.

True Colors

"I like you," Sena finally finished, voice tight after confessing. Shin stood in front of him, his back to the setting sun. They had just finished their evening jog, and the whole time Sena had argued with himself whether he should even say anything. His cheeks felt hot, and he couldn't meet Shin's eye as he added, for Shin's benefit, "Romantically."

He had gone over how he would word his confession over and over. He had to get everything off his chest, and he had to do it right. He knew it was highly unlikely that Shin would feel the same – Sena had been looking for signs as soon as he realized his own feelings, and he'd found none. That had been difficult to reconcile with how he felt, but he knew that he had to confess or he would go crazy.

(Sena had been confessed to before and had seen his friends be confessed to, and he knew how awkward it could be for both sides. He also knew that humiliating events like this could really bring out the worst in people. Some reacted angrily, others cried.)

(Sena was pretty sure Shin wasn't one to cry when embarrassed, but he really hoped that Shin also wasn't one to get angry.)

Finally, Shin spoke, "I see." He looked to the side for a moment, and Sena already knew what the answer was. "I'm flattered, but unfortunately I cannot return your feelings."

"Right – n-no, yeah," Sena said, blinking rapidly and staring at Shin's beat up running shoes.

"But I hope we can remain friends," Shin said. His usually stoic voice had a slight gentleness to it.

"Y-Yeah, of course," Sena said. "I'd like that, too."

They said their goodbyes and parted ways, each heading back to their house. Sena walked back slowly, feeling lighter despite all the emotional turmoil he had subjected himself to.

He had confessed. He had been rejected. But he still had his friend.

I Like U

Sena's desk was right next to a window, and he'd find himself start to daydream as he looked out at the school grounds.

Shin frequented his daydreams a lot. It made Sena feel oddly ashamed if he thought about it too long, so instead of questioning it, he just accepted it. It wasn't like Sena thought about Shin in weird ways or anything! Nothing scandalous happened. He would just think of him and Shin, like, hanging out after track workouts.

It was stupid but – listen, Shin was literally one of Sena's football idols, okay? Was it so crazy to want to get to know him more? Or thinking about getting ice cream after sprints on a hot summer day?

That was a popular day dream because it seemed so attainable. Sena imagined himself suggesting the idea and Shin agreeing to it as long as there was a low sugar option. They'd find a close-by stall where Sena would get peach ice cream, and Shin would settle for a natural-fruit popsicle, and then they'd eat together as the afternoon melted into evening.

Then Shin would walk Sena home, maybe step in for a bit to greet his parents. His mom would insist on having Shin stay for dinner ("Despite that late notice, Sena, honestly!"), and Shin would agree with a polite dose reluctance. Shin would sit next to Sena while they ate, but then afterwards, Shin really had to head home and couldn't possibly continue to intrude in their residence. Maybe Sena's mom would say that next time he should "Just spend the night since it is a weekend after all", and Sena's dad would lightly admonish his mom for saying such a thing, but confirm that "Any friend of Sena's is always welcome". Sena would give Shin an exasperated look, but Shin would just shake his head as if to say he doesn't mind, really, and maybe he would bring an overnight bag next time. Then Sena would see Shin back out and walk with him to the gate, and Shin would say something like,

"Kobayakawa, what is your answer to number seventeen?"

Sena stood up so rapidly his chair went flying behind him. "Ehh… seventeen?" He looked down at the jumble of numbers and letters. "Eh… that would be… um, I didn't get to it."

"A little less day dreaming, and a little more math, then."

"Yes, sir." Sena sunk back into his seat, feeling flushed. He wasn't entirely certain it was due to public embarrassment, either. He tried focusing on the text in front of him and ignoring what it would be like to have Shin sleep over. A little less day dreaming indeed.