POST-SCRASH SESSION 3: SPECTATORS OF THE HOST

Chapter 4: Portal High School, Class of 1980 AG

Just in case you are lost, I am Janet Roberts and our mission with Dick Stiller is to return to The Capitol. We began our mission with Dick deciding that a befitting tune would be Savoir de la Dreaming Dead and with it going on we walked towards Principal Business Man's office when someone encountered us it was… AVRIL LAVIGNE AS A TEENAGER!

"Roxa Lavigne?" I spoke "Who the hell is Roxa Lavigne I am very clearly AVRIL Lavigne though Roxa Lavigne sounds like a good name for a daughter of mine." Avril said and began playing her own tune so with Savoir de la Dreaming Dead still following us we entered Principal Business Man and he did a "stop" gesture.

"Calm down!" Principal Business Man began "No one's going to turn you into aliens who are not aware of you. As long as you're in my office you're perfectly fine." We both did a question mark smiley because it turns out even my Dick is clueless about these stupid assholes but then Principal Business Man changed the subject. "Skepness Man told me about something and you've simply GOT to check it out." He pulled out a whiteboard

"Whiteboard? What the hell is a whiteboard?" I asked my Dick and he said "Oh it's like a blackboard except white." That answer satisfied me so we watched as Principal Business Man drew a line and marked a few points of it he named 0, 1980, 2211 and 2624 and gleefully said. "This is our entire history. From Gloria Deschanel to the Red Miles."

"The Red Miles? Where are they?" My Dick and Principal Business Man were both weirded out and said in onion son. "Well obviously they're at 2624." "But I thought we lived in 413 post-Condensation." "I'll explain everything. 2211 is the point in our line where Candacension Pixies took over Critics United. But then it becomes a new 0" and he wrote another numbers beside 2211 and 2624 in red which were 0 and 413. "And as such you think you live in 413. And right now you are" Dick said "1980, right?" "Yes. Nineteen eighty Anno Glorii."

"Where is Marrissa?" I asked as I am a huge Marrissa fangirl and actually wanted to see Marrissa on my lifetime time travel trip. "At precisely what point in her life?" Principal Business Man asked back "The 74th Hunger Games" "Oh" He noted a new point between 1980 and 2211 that he named 2174. "Right here."

"Truly a wonderful invention." Principal Business Man said after a pause and me, Dick and him were sitting for really long and staring at the whiteboard. I was having a thought about "how am I going to get back to this precise time" when someone came in it was… SKEP KATTY AND SKEPNESS MAN! "I have a confession for you…" Skep Katty said. "I am a boy!"

I stared long enough at the sister- I mean brother of Roxa Lavigne as he said "It turns out that you can identify as the wrong gender for a few years and even with a kid I could realize that I simply can't be a girl so I had a surgery done. And I am a boy." Skepness Man stared in fabricated shock as he had already heard this from his father No. 2 but then noticed the whiteboard.

"You explaining Anno Glorii?" "Is that what the system is called?" I asked "Yes. As the creator of the system, I can reveal its origins. When visiting other universes I noticed that almost always and fundamentally they had a calendar system. They consistently number years from a sufficiently early point. One particularly dominating system, from a universe from which, as it turns out, I stole the terms "ITS MY LIFE!", "TEEN FORTRESS 2" and "THE MARRISSA GAMES", was named "Anno Domini" based on their counterpart of Jesus Christ. I thought deeply about it and then returned to this universe and went to the earliest point I could think of. Its locals were all telling me about how Gloria Deschanel gave them a second life so I concluded that Gloria was our own personal Jesus Christ, and hence I adopted the name "Anno Glorii". As well as figures of speech such as "for the love of Gloria Deschanel", but that is for a third story. The second story was the origins of Anno Glorii and the first story… wait, what was the first story again?"

"Hello? Did you already forget my shocking revelation?" Skep Katty asked him "Yes miss" "It's mister you dipshit. You can dill dally and think of clever things but you can't even get it right that I AM A GUY" she shouted.

"You too Janet. Say "he shouted" immediately" he said and I immediately adjusted my mindset about the brother of Roxa Lavigne. "And that was the first story too you DIPSHIT" HE shouted and Skepness Man suddenly realized it to as he was asleep with one half (geddit) of his brain and said "But then who am I going to visit on Mother's Day?" when someone pestered him.

- harmlessExcellence [HE] began bothering mysteryscience Skepticalmagnet [MS] -

HE: I can be your mother.
MS: but you are a guy too.
HE: Am not.
MS: you are; it's clearly there and I can see it.

- harmlessExcellence [HE] awkward silence -
- harmlessExcellence [HE] except the awkward silence is filled with chewing gum sounds -

HE: Oh now I see.
HE: My messages are prefaced with he so you think I am a he.
HE: Well good news is when I am your mother you wont have such thoughts.

Seriously Written Note: Should I mention who harmlessExcellence is or can you figure it out on your own?

By the way, every single use of French in this fanfic was wrong. "La robe bleue" is supposed to be "une robe bleue", "je suis pardon" is supposed to be "je suis désolé" and "Savoir de la Dreaming Dead" literally translates to "To Know of the (Dreaming Dead)".