Chapter Three

The Woes of the Cub

September, 1999

She felt she was out of place. She didn't know where she belonged. She didn't belong in The Grimmauld Place. She didn't belong in The Burrow. She didn't belong even in her old house in London. So, where should she go? She ought to start a new life. But what kind of life it would be? A life she herself couldn't tell.

People who knew her would probably find it bizarre if she told them she didn't know what to do with her life. She, Hermione Granger, the brain of so called The Golden Trio, didn't even know what her future plans are. The very idea was very preposterous! Weird, but true. For quite sometime she just let her life streamed along with the flow. After the war ended, she helped to rebuild Hogwarts' castle then as expected she finished her seventh year and took the NEWTs. But after passing all of that, what should she do with her life then? Working at the ministry? Being an apprentice? Or to continue her study at muggle university? Labelled as the brightest witch of her age, she ought to prepare her future long before. But she couldn't focus on that as her mind always wondering back into her past. Her mind always found its way back to her parents then to him.

Although it was imperative for her to erase her parents' memories to keep them safe. She always felt guilty and it still pained her. She missed them so much. That's why she couldn't bear to stay at their place for too long. Everything reminded her of them. Even the chipped mug sitting at the corner of their cupboard reminded her of their little bickering back in her childhood days. The dark spot on their couch reminded her when her father spilled his coffee as he enthusiastically watching football on telly. Scared of the wrath of her lovely wife, he then bribed Hermione with some chocolates as to keep his wrongdoing a secret between them. The soft spot on their carpet reminded Hermione of her mother as her mummy moved back and forth, trying to cool her anger down every time she and her dear husband had a quarrel.

"You and your future partner can't be a stubborn people at the same time, dear. Conceded a little doesn't mean you lose. If you can't compromise or he wouldn't do your bidding, don't you ever let the anger control you. It always ends bad. Cool your temper. Have another sweetened way. As the old people said, it's easier catch flies with honey than with vinegar. If you're meant to be, if he loves you enough, and you love him enough, you two will always find a way. Albeit it probably isn't an easy way. But remember, you will always have each other." She would always remember her mother's words. Always. Like she would always remember her mummy and daddy. But sometimes too much memories of them pained her. That was why she didn't feel she belonged in that house, not without their present there.

Then sometimes she also felt she didn't belong in wizarding world either. People might call it The New Wizarding Era. But she still felt the same as before. From her perspective, not so much changes happened after the war. As there were Voldemort's leftovers still sitting on the ministry and on the council. Then some of whom who bore the dark mark were still on the loose, probably waiting for the right time to retaliate. Tragic, but that was the reality, even after his demise, he still had the influence in the wizarding world. His antagonistic views regarding wizarding world and muggle born were too deep rooted in their society after planted and cheered for so long. She hated how too closed minded wizards and witches were. They weren't ready to embrace changes in their society. It needed a lot of time and effort to change that.

Aside from that, wizarding world also reminded her of him—the misunderstood hero she failed to save. Maybe it was the guilty. Yes, she probably felt those remorse feeling because she couldn't save him—if only she was quick enough, if only she brought enough potions.

She tried to blink away the gruesome scene in front of her. But the scene stayed the same every time she opened her eyes. Shiver run down her spine. The second most wanted man in British Wizarding World is dying on the cold and dirty floor in front of them. His black clothes became a shade darker and the red puddle flooded the wooden floor as blood kept coming out from his gaping wound. The room smelled like rusted iron now. The room became eerie silent. No one dared to move or emit any sound.

Then it was Harry who was out of the trance first. Quickly, he rushed toward the dying figure on the floor. The said man was so pale as he already lost too much blood. Suddenly, silvery-blue wisps are streaming from his mouth, ears, and eyes. "Take...it...Take...it,"he said with his breathy voice. With his trembling hand he gave Harry his memories then slowly he closed his eyes.

No, this didn't feel right. She couldn't just leave him there, dying. Deep down she always had this nagging feeling that he was on their side all along but she always buried it away. Collecting her courage, she came closer to the scene. She called his name repeatedly but he gave no response. His heartbeat was almost couldn't be detected anymore. So quickly she gave the essence of dittany to his wound. She didn't have the antivenin for Nagini's bite so she only gave him bezoar. Then she gave him blood replenish potions. Her potions wasn't enough as he lost too much blood. But she could only do so much for the time being.

The dying man gave no reaction. His life kept ebbing away. Unbeknownst to her, tears started to leak from her eyes as she felt him gave away his last heartbeat.

No one dared to make any sound, only the sound of their breaths could be heard. The silence was broke when Voldemort's amplified voice was heard; threatening everyone if Harry didn't surrender himself.

Hearing Voldemort's ultimatum, Ron spoke,"Come on now 'Mione. We must go. There is no time for that git."

"We must go Hermione. We will come back for him later," Harry promised as he rushed toward the tunnel, following Ron.

She touched his pale skin then she felt emboldened, for one last time, for no one needs to know, she kissed him, she kissed his chapped and dry lips. She didn't know why the hell she did that. Maybe as a last token of gratitude. Or probably him being pitiable and her being sappy.

Then having no other choice, she said in her raspy voice, "I promise I will be back." Then she left him.

The war was over. It was finally over.

The war was devastating. It was painful to watch so many casualties on their side. So many blood and tears was shed that night on that battle. Sorrowful wailing was heard all over the castle ground. Her body was ached all over, her tears was dried after shed for so many. Her body demanded a little rest but she couldn't afford it. She had a promise that she ought to keep. Didn't want to disturb the mournful party, she walked quietly leaving the Great Hall. She was just about to leave the castle when suddenly Harry followed her in hurriedly paces.

They walked in silence. They didn't to say the words, they knew where they were headed. After watching the pensieve, everything became clearer. They were all just pawns without them even realizing, pawns to the greater good orchestrating by Dumbledore himself. They were all suffered their own share. She always thought that Harry's burden was the heaviest. But turned out, it was him who had the heftiest loads. Harry still had his friends and Order's on his back. But him? He had no one to shared his burden. He was on his own, suffering. Tortured.

With hasty pace, they rushed back to Shrieking Shack but his body was nowhere to be found. Only traces of his blackened blood marring the floor was left. His body was gone. Her tears was back, flowing heavily than before. Her legs were giving up as she sobbing uncontrollably close to the darkened floor.

People assumed that it was probably one of the Voldemort's followers who took his body. Probably took his lifeless body to torture after they knew his truly allegiance. He was died to the world. They didn't even have the chance to give him a proper burial. But most wizards and witches didn't really care even though he sacrificed so much for them. They took him for granted. Just like she used to before.

She was wrecked.

She wished she could change the past. Sighing, she heard his name everywhere, from hushed and whispered admiration to loud and callous voices calling him names. More often the latter.

Her chest tightened every time she remembered him. Hurt.

Merlin's hairy armpits, she was thinking too much. Maybe she needed a bit of fresh air to clear her mind. Yes, she had to escape for a while. Hurriedly, she took a bath then packed her clothes and some supplies to her beaded bag. Sighing, she needed to tell Harry first before she could travel. It was her time to cook after all, so time to break the fast and a bit chit chat was in order.

In the midst of serving pancakes into plates, Harry came with his auror uniform, "Good morning, sis," he said to her as he sat in the stool in front of her.

"Good morning to you, too, Harry," she replied while pouring orange juices to their glasses. "Wow, you look rather dishevel, young man. Rough case last night?" She already fell asleep so she didn't know what time he came back.

"Yes, got a tip on some weird activities in this muggle village near Berkshire. Couldn't find the leader, but this youngins were rather harsh with curses so a fight couldn't be avoided. They tried to escape at odd places. It took all night to catch them as it was a muggle place so we couldn't over do with magic."

"For goodness's sake, are you okay? You should've woken me up if you got hurt Harry," she said concerned.

"Don't worry Hermione. It's just scratches, nothing serious. Nothing but a bit healing salve couldn't heal," he said with a little smile. Wanting to change the topic he took a sip of his juice than added, "It's been several days since Luna' last visit. I am wondering if she's okay. Maybe we should visit her sometime."

"Yes, that will be great. I am worry about her as well."

Their train of conversation was halted when a big tousled bird came through the window then dropped a letter on the table. They recognized the tawny owl, it was the Weasley's. Harry gave some tidbit to the owl then opened the letter.

"So, what it is about?" she asked.

"Hmm, Mrs. Weasley wants us to come over for a dinner this weekend," he conveyed the message.

"I couldn't make it this weekend, Harry." Oops, maybe she answered to abruptly.

"Is it because of Ron?" or whomever he dated at the time, he added to himself.

She wanted to laugh at his question, "Of course no, Harry". She took Harry's hand then squeezed in hers to convinced him,"We are incompatible in many aspects Harry. He's been moved on since long ago. And I ought to."

"Move on? You mean cheated on you? He's a git. And I understand if you won't come to The Borrow just yet. I'll say hello to Mrs. Weasley."

Sighing, why Harry had to bring that topic up. Yes, Ronald was a git. Unlike her and Harry who hated the spotlight as they coming up labelled as war heroes, Ronald embraced every aspect or their popularity in the whole new level. He loved every attention he got. People were swarming them like moths toward flame—who didn't want a piece of a fame people could get by just because they got close to them? Ronald took that opportunities very well. He submitted to the temptation and literally embrace those attention. She didn't want to believe that at first. But when she went to Hogsmeade not long after she was back to school, she caught him snogging a bright haired witch at the corner of Madam Rosmerta's pub, she finally believed it. He betrayed her. When she confronted him, he said it was her fault. Her fault for being a frigid prude that he had to see other witches to release his pent up needs. That's it, she had enough. It was over.

Maybe it was for the best for them to end whatever relationship they had. Like she said to Harry, they had nothing in common, except having Harry as their best friend. After a long thought, she finally realized that she did love him, but she wasn't in love with him. She relented and tried to accept that fact. But still, sometimes it pained her to watch him.

But no, this wasn't the case this time. She wasn't going to The Borrow to avoid that red haired git, but she needed a time to herself and she didn't want Harry to think the otherwise. "No, Harry. I am not going to The Burrow to avoid the plaque," she gave him a smile at this reference. "I am going home for several days, Harry. Starting today. I want some days off—magic free and quietness that I could afford there."

"Are you going there alone? Do you need me to accompany you over there?" he asked worriedly.

"Don't worry brother, I will be perfectly safe and sound over there. I will be accompanied by the best things a young woman could ask for—pizza, ice cream, and telly! And probably watch one or two chick flicks at the movie. Beside, you have a work to do. While I have nothing to do for the time being. Also, the house needs a bit tidying and some magic to make sure it stay clean, count it as killing time." She squeezed his hand again for assurance.

"Okay, I believe that. But if something happen or you need anything, you have to let me know. Agreed?"

"Agreed," she answered the got up to kiss him in the cheek while gathering the dishes.

"It's my time to do the dishes. You cook, I clean, right?"

"No, I feel rather benevolent today. Just today, mister. Don't get your hopes up. So, up you go! You have tons of works to do and loads of rascal youngins to catch."

"Alright, damn it. You're right." Sighing, he got up and gathered his things before he said goodbye to her.

After the front door was closed, silence surrounded her. Quickly, she finished washing the dishes then she went to her room. Checking up her things for a second time then she was ready to go. But, she had one last baggage to pack before she was going.

"Crookshanks, Crooks, come here," she called her feline then seconds later the said familiar came and brushed its bob tail against her legs. "Sorry, Crooks, but you have to bear the travel for a while. I couldn't leave you here alone and bother Harry." She said to the orange fluffy then put him to the pet carrier.

She felt bad for lying to Harry. But she didn't have any other choice. If she said she wanted to go to some random cabin in the middle of nowhere, he would definitely go batty and worry about her well-being. That was why she couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't tell him that she wasn't going to her parents' house and instead she was going the bury her sadness in some random place. Okay, not truly random. She'd ever been to that cabin, once, when she was about five or six year old. It was her father friend's cabin, Mr Anderson's—the one with the warm smile and funny sideburns, not the one who loved to wear bright flowery coloured shirt and tight leather pants.

Couple years before the final battle, before she had to send her parents away, her parents wanted to go for a summer vacation to that cabin. She promised them that she would join them there as she rarely spent time with them anymore. Her father said that the weather would be great, the sunrise would be beautiful. It would be perfect for swimming, fishing, even just for lying around. In other words, yes, it would be perfect for a family time. But sadly, that time would never come.

Now, she was going to fulfill that promise, albeit only a small part of that promise—yes, she was going to that promised cabin, alone. What she was going to do probably considered as a crime as she was going to trespass someone else property without the owner's permission. But her father said that it was rarely used anymore so having her staying there wouldn't be a real problem, right? She would leave the place as it was, no trail would be left behind, or she would probably helping to tidy up the place a bit as a payment. Yes, it would work that way.

Built up her courage, she stepped out from Grimmauld Place. After she was out of the house's ward, she went into the apparition point. Apparition was the best viable method for her to go there as she had no driving license and hiking on the trail would take forever. Taking a deep breath, she casted a calming charm to Crookshanks. Before dissaparate, before she left the dust behind her trail with a loud pop, she hoped that her memory did her no harm.

The loud sound of her apparate was muddled by a deafening sound that piercing her ears. For quite sometime she was unaware that the ear-splitting sound she heard before was her own voice—her own screaming voice. When she was aware of her surrounding, she realized how wrong she was, totally wrong, her memory did her harm. She arrived at the wrong place. She was deserted on a steep slope in the middle of a dense woodland and she was drenched as heavy rainfall was soaking the land. Then to take the matter worse, when her adrenalin was down, she then realized that she was splitting herself. Twinge of sharp pain came from her left leg. Her body kept twitching as she mumbling incoherence sounds every time the sharp throbs hitting her nerves.

Focusing her mind, she tried to heal her injury. It was a bit better but she only healed the outer wound. She had to see a healer. Walking limply with a pet carrier in her hand, she tried to reach a clearance space to apparate from the wood as the slope wasn't an ideal place to do one. It wasn't an easy task as the heavy raindrops blocked her sight and the muddy soil made it harder for her to walk. When she was almost out off the steep and reached the clearance, a sudden and thunderous bolt was blazing and struck a tall hardwood not far from her. Startled, she lost her balance on the earth's slippery surface and fell hard down the slope. She held her carrier against her body, shielding it against the impact of their fast and hard descend. It was only stopped when her head hit the rock. Crookshanks meowing loudly, calling out her mistress. But she was out of cold, drenched and bled n the floor of the Knott End forest.